vomitdude-blog

[vomitdude-blog]

I Quit Youtube.

     As I write this, I have not yet begun to record my goodbye video. In fact, it’s a lot easier for me to write this then to even say it out loud to myself. I quit. Sounds too easy.

     Not exactly.

     See, I may not be officially quitting Youtube all together. I might have some use for it down the line and who knows what’ll happen later on in my life. But, as of right now, I just have to let go of it. It needs to stay away from my life. That might sound extremely dramatic and one might think that it has done me harm. It hasn’t.

     The past 5-6 years on the site has been an enjoyable ride, full of both positives and negatives. I don’t regret the time I’ve spent on making videos and making friends as I’ve learned quite a lot from myself. Probably much faster than I would have done it normally. Loved ones will always look from the outside and say i’m making a big mistake. Maybe drowning myself in it. They never understood. None of them. And they never will. Something most Youtubers have to deal with. For some reason it’s hard to comprehend that building a business with creativity and technology is something that can be done even though they watch television, listen to music, etc. Again, they’ll say I’ve wasted my time. They’ll say WE’VE wasted our time. But, I say fuck ‘em. They don’t know the community like we do. And perhaps, most of those people are still backed up in the times while the ones who spend most of theirs in this imaginary black void called “the internet” are trying to get ahead of the curve. I won’t say one group is smarter than the other but, as they say, knowledge is power.

     My generation, the one’s who rule over the internet, has come to realize the possibility of making a living through social media. Using their talents and working harder than you’re average full time Joe to be their own boss and control their own lives. In that sense, we’re actually trying HARDER than the people just looking for a job and settling down with it. A lot of that has to do with growing up a creative mess, but “The creative adult is the child who survived” - Some dude. 

     Yes, i’m the artsy creative type. And, people like me don’t have it in them to just settle down for an average job. Youtube began as a hobby. A way for me to fill a void in my life. All I ever wanted to do was create things and entertain people even if I only got a smile out of them. But, then it got serious. I wanted to make Youtube a full-time thing so I can continue to create. I would have used it as a stepping stone to build a business, create music, merchandise, the sky was the limit. But, it also left me unfocused in a time where I needed to be focused the most. I’m not blaming Youtube for the spot that I’m currently in. I just had to back away to see beyond my peripherals. There was even a time where my mental health was getting worse. Not that Youtube caused it, but it definitely worsened it. Since the darkest night of my life, I have recovered. No. I’m still recovering. Depression is not fun, man. Especially when everyone thinks it’s a cry for attention instead of a cry for help. 

     Backing away from Youtube and the internet as a whole will let me focus more on my life. Yes, I still want to make my own business in something creative and entertaining, but I would like some breathing room please. Youtube doesn’t allow for such a thing as it’s constantly in your mind, pushing and pulling. Youtube has changed so much to where at any moment, even a big channel could fall. You eat, sleep, breathe Youtube to keep your dream alive. I know i’m not the only one. Even the well known channels have said this. No matter where you are on the pedestal, it’s a constant problem.

     Youtube is not the same place it once was for me. I liked it better back when it was calm and collect with crappy mics. It had a realness to it that isn’t seen anymore on the site. Now-a-days it’s filled with people being loud over their top-of-the-line microphones and click bait. It’s become television, something it has always wanted to be. Good job. But I don’t like it. These days, I barely watch it. Even if I do, I end up listening to podcasts or watching the one streamer I like on twitch. 

     So, now that i’m done rambling, I can finally say that this isn’t a complete goodbye as it is more of a goodbye for now. The new shows I had in stock for you guys may never get released. The work i’ve done over the past several months may or may not go to waste. I don’t care anymore. The memories I had making videos, playing through some of our favorite games, the challenges we faced together... it was worth it. The good and bad. I don’t regret any of it. It has made me the stronger and better person I am today. Yeah, it took a while for the result to finally kick in, but motivation is back and I finally don’t feel like a quitter. Ironically. 

     I’ll miss the days we pulled through on Kingdom Hearts. The days where we kicked ass in Twilight Princess. The days where I stood in line at almost every midnight release to be the first to upload a playthrough. The laughs we had. The anger. The frustration. The tech issues. This all sounds silly, but I miss it all already.

     I love you guys. For the few hundred of you (out of 12,000+ subs) who stuck through all the way, thank you. You made these 6 years some of the best years of my life. I only hope that I did the same for you. 

     With that being said, I’ll use this blog to write reviews and thoughts on games and keep you updated on any future endeavors I may have. I’m always rambling on twitter as well, you can follow me there: @VomitDude

     Thank you guys for reading, and I’ll see you in the next blog. BYE!!