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Big moves.

www.whoarethewe.com

there will be nothing new here, so get at us up there. 

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Coachella

The indie-fest being less than two months away, Coachella is on our (and everyone else’s) minds. It’s about that point when we start Facebook stalking ourselves back to last year (and the year before, and the year before) in order to get even more excited for what this year is a two-weekend extravaganza of literally some of the best times we have ever had. Sorry, cliché of us, we know. If you don’t have a ticket yet, we would keep our fingers toes and arms crossed that by some miracle they let UCLA greeks volunteer selling water and shit like they did last year (although rumor has it this is like a 0% chance, not that we blame them…), or that your dad is down to shell out $800 for a ticket.

What to wear: If you haven’t thought about this yet, you are seriously behind. Finding the perfect Coachella outfit is potentially the most important part of the whole weekend, as you will not only be photographed enough to have an entire Facebook account for your Coachella alter-ego but you will also be around some of the best dressed, trendiest, prettiest, skinniest people you will ever meet. For the more mainstream, we recommend anything from Nastygal or Brandy Melville, but not Urban. For the more eclectic we recommend anything from a thrift store, but only if you can pull it off, or else you’re going to look ridiculous. It’s important to consider that it is literally around 1000 degrees during the day, which means crop tops, denim shorts, bathing suit tops, and hair in ponytails (or sock buns, although we’re not sure when it became okay to wear a sock in your hair…whatever). We know a certain sorority is partial to heart shaped sunglasses and furry animal hats (including outside of Coachella, awkward), but keep it to a minimum because this is not EDC, or Ultra, or Beyond Wonderland. It’s Coachella, sorry if you somehow got lost. As our NYU counterpart said it’s the art of “dressing to impress while simultaneously looking like you could give a fuck about impressing anyone.” Couldn’t have said it better without the….myself.

Who to see: 

If you can’t name at least 5 bands playing at Coachella and at least three songs from each group off the top of your head, sell your ticket right now. There’s pretty much only two types of music we care about, so here:

Electronic: although this years lineup is a little too rave for our taste, we’re not going to lie and say we won’t be spending a significant amount of time in Sahara. Our picks for this year are obviously Swedish House Mafia, Afrojack (although we’re almost sick of him we’ve seen him so many times), Kaskade (his new album won us back, Eyes is our jam), Guetta (ehhhh), Martin Solveig (wild card, amazing live), and Dada Life.

Alternative (genre title courtesy of iTunes): The Black Keys (we like that one video for that one song with those kids), Bon Iver (Holocene, enough said), and Florence and the Machine.

Be there or…don’t go.

What to do: arts and crafts tent, smoke, snow cones and lemonade (not together), nap on the field, smoke, camp (we know you’re questioning this one, just do it), dance on a guy’s shoulders, smoke, cry (of happiness).

Tips: roll joints and stick them in your shoes or bra, pee in the bathrooms behind the porta potties (running water, a must), don’t drink a lot (a Coachella hangover is the worst type of hangover).

Get ready for the best weekend like, of your life. You can find us getting our minds blown at Bon Iver and our ears blown at Kaskade.

  “Coachella, ella ella, ey, ey, ey,”

WE love UCLA

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Frat Weekenders

As Spring quarter approaches (thank god, we hate you winter), each frat and every frat rat are getting ready for the best thing frats ever created: the weekender. One or two nights of absolute obliteration usually somewhere along the lines of Palm Springs in a shitty hotel (unless it’s with SAE, pretentious assholes), it’s literally an accomplishment if you make it out breathing and not pregnant.

First of all, if you’re going to a weekender please be aware that you are expected to hook up with your date. Besides sharing a bed with him, you’re going to be in a Jacuzzi/ pool together, taking a million pictures together, and potentially even eating some of the food served at the formal dinner together (that is if you’re not passed out poolside or barfing in the bathroom). We are all for taking any and all date party opportunities that are presented without feeling obligated to get with your date, but this is taking it way too far. You will end up looking like a total bitch, and not in a good way.

Your typical weekender will consist of drinking from around 10 am until around 11 pm at night (if you even make it that long). There’s usually some sort of pool or Jacuzzi orgy, a dinner that nobody remembers, approximately 3 naps/person, way too much PDA, at least one physical fight, and at least one breakup. There are the couples that don’t leave the room the entire time and the couples that fight the entire time, but we personally don’t recommend hanging out (or rooming with) either. We’ve seen some serious shit go down at formals (hence why Sig Chi was on probation for like, ever), but we’ve also had some of the best weekends of our lives at these weekenders (although this sounds slightly more pathetic than we wanted it to).

In short, find a guy in Sig Ep, Sig Chi or SAE and find them fast. You want to be at one of these formals.

“Does it still count as going if you don’t remember anything?”

WE love UCLA

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What [not] to wear

This might sound like the title of that horrible show on TLC (seriously, that lady is so fucking annoying) but this is actually very important information unless you want to end up looking like you belong at SMU…or UCSD.

To class: Considering the walk to class itself could qualify as a workout (especially for you Hedrick trekkers), you are definitely allowed to wear workout clothes to class. And by workout clothes we mean any type of sorority tanktop or v-neck and Lululemon shorts or pants. If you’re not going for the “gym chic” look you can obviously wear normal clothes, but keep it casual. As we said above this is not Texas and if you are spotted wearing wedges/heels, excessive amounts of makeup, or anything that could double as going out clothes, you are going to look ridiculous. 

To raids: Although themed raids are essentially an excuse to wear the minimum amount of clothing possible (think 5th grade dance recital spandex), there is a line between attractive slutty and full-on prostitute. Believe it or not, there is a way to pull off a “pj party” theme without looking like you’re headlining at a strip club in East LA. It’s fine to show off your boobs (unless you’re an A cup, then it’s just awkward) or your stomach or your legs/ass, and even a combination of two, but not all three. Not only will you look like a complete whore and therefore attract the creepiest guys, but you also will look like you are trying way too hard. The easier you are, the most unattractive you become to the hottest guys, so try to find a happy medium in between stripper and saint. Or you can always go with the animal-hooded-onesies everyone seems to be sporting this season, they tend to turn out great in pictures (flying squirrel, transforming Pikachu, cow on all fours, crouching tiger hidden dragon…), feel like you’re wearing a giant, loose-fitting blanket, and surprisingly don’t completely repel attractive males.

To date parties: Formal date party attire usually consists of any combination of heels (unless your date is short, sucks but find some nice sandals) and some type of short dress. There’s usually a lot of silk involved and often a lot of Alice+Olivia, 12th Street by Cynthia Vincent, or Lulus/ NastyGal for those of us that aren’t from Emerald Bay. Never wear dresses that go past your knees, and likewise don’t wear anything where we can see up your dress…this is one of our only chances to actually look classy and take cute pictures with our hot dates.

To frats: Following the theme of casual Californian dress code, it’s better to err on the side of casual while going out. Most girls opt for a pencil skirt + blouse/dressy tank top + boots/nice sandals combo, or the same footwear with a semi-casual dress. Wear heels or wedges occasionally unless you are a legal midget or want to be labeled as the girl that is always in heels. Honestly, we’re not sure why you would want to subject yourself to walking up Landfair in heels unless it’s absolutely necessary, but as a freshman you will probably be more concerned about the illusion of lengthening your legs than with comfort and will therefore probably wear heels the most this year. On either end of the spectrum, try not to be the girl that looks like she is going to Vegas on New Years Eve or the girl that just rolled out of bed and into a frat.

“Kitten heels are for 5th grade graduations,”

WE love UCLA

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Brucaf

We know we have a food section and technically BruCaf should be there, but it’s important enough to deserve it’s own section. If you aren’t already at UCLA, Bruin Café is going to be your favorite place here. Particularly during the hours of 12-2 am. Don’t get us wrong, BruCaf is great during the day for a pastry and tea or coffee on your way to class, or a place to study and eat simultaneously (although this can be dangerous… be careful or else you’ll be 4 muffins deep in like an hour). But the best part about this hill favorite is when it turns into “Club B-Caf” (reference Spring Sing 2011 video) at night. We don’t know if the workers are pissed they are missing a night out or if they just like to cater to the drunk munchies crowd that stumbles in late night, but BruCaf gets a little bit confused at night and thinks it’s fucking Supperclub. Although you cant get service without shoes (tried more times than you might think), you can get service in just about anything else, including stripper heels, athlete sweatshirts over dresses, and Ke$ha raid costumes. 

Things to watch out for: first of all, keep your receipt number, or else some other drunk ass will try and steal your food. Our first week at school we saw an older friend do this (if you’re interested, wait until they call the number at least twice, and then swoop and tell them apologetically that you lost your ticket). Second of all, watch how much you are eating, or you won’t be able to fit into your jeans in the morning. One of us had a bad habit of asking for a side of 10 pickles, and eating them all. Pickles do not settle well with alcohol, nor does pickle breath make that athlete you had walk you home want to make out with you.

In short, BruCaf is the best place to go when you’re tired, drunk, and (duh) hungry. You will find yourself running in your heels to get there before they close at 2 am. More than once. we promise.

“We dare you to dance on one of the tables,”

WE love UCLA

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Sweethearts

In honor of the wonderful (and by that we mean god awful) holiday of Valentine’s Day, we’re gonna talk about a college concept that has turned the term “sweethearts” into something way cooler than those candies that taste like chalk: frat sweethearts. Frat sweethearts can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different frats and girls, but it’s usually some version of a girl who is “one of the guys,” a girl who has a serious boyfriend in the house (and people can actually stand to be around them), or the resident slut. We’re pretty sure each house has some kind of sweetheart (even Beta has that weird Beta rose queen song bullshit), but there’s pretty much only two that matter:

Sig Chi: As we’re currently in the middle of the Sig Chi sweetheart extravaganza, Sig Chi has been (for once) on everyone’s lips. Except not literally, obviously. Sig Chi starts with a “60 girl” party, which is usually more like 200 girls but this year it ended up being like…empty. We almost felt bad for them. 30 girl was more along the lines of what we expected, aka way too many girls and way not enough guys. The last round is 10 girl, reserved for girls that own multiple “if I were a guy I’d be a Sig Chi” shirts, actually enjoy the walk all the way up Gayley, and clearly don’t ever want to get laid. Or at least don’t want to enjoy it. Sig Chi sweetheart is usually the girl who’s the biggest shitshow/has hooked up with the most guys/tends to hang around the house the most.

SAE: Although SAE doesn’t have the entire “selection process” that Sig Chi does, they take this shit wayyy more seriously. Instead of doing a “crush party” type thing like Sig Chi, they host the “Sisters of Minerva” dinner. We’re not exactly sure who Minerva is, but we’re guessing she liked to fuck douchebags if she was hanging out with SAEs. The dinner basically consists of around 30 girls (actually, not like Sig Chi who clearly doesn’t know how to count) who dress up, drink champagne, and actually get to eat a catered dinner. After dinner they announce the sweetheart winner, who tends to be someone overall well liked and sometimes even classy. Or classy-ish. The guys pride themselves on doing “mature” and “fancy” events such as this, we’re guessing because they’re total immature assholes the other 90% of the time and this is like, redemption.

So freshmen, get on it because this may or may not be the best thing that could happen to you at UCLA.

“Sig Chi needs some math lessons,”

WE love UCLA

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ASVT

So last week we heard the worst news like, ever- ASVT has been cancelled for this spring. As we mourn the lost of our favorite shitshow weekend, we want to remember and honor all of ASVT’s vodka-filled greatness.

The Basics: ASVT (All Sorority Volleyball Tournament) was UCSB’s top frat’s (ATO, which we don’t even have…) philanthropy. The sororities from UCSB, UCLA, Davis, etc were invited to pay money, go to Santa Barbara, put on bathing suits, get hammered, and play volleyball “for a cause” (whatever cause that may be, we literally have no idea what this was supposed to benefit). We’re not sure if ATO only invited the top houses from each school (taking into consideration who would they want to see in bathing suits), but it always seemed to work out that these were the houses that end up there.

Outfits: The outfits of ASVT were in some ways the most important part for the girls. Although some houses (cough cough UCSB Kappa and UCLA Theta) actually took the game really seriously (although why we aren’t sure…), most houses just took the outfits seriously. The UCSB houses not only always got the exact matching bathing suit AND got them custom fitted to each girl, but they also ordered matching cover ups/ earrings/ necklaces. Although we will admit it looked pretty sick, it didn’t exactly seem worth the money when 50% of the girls ended up throwing up all over themselves anyways. On our end, every house either had the girls order matching bathing suits or picked a color for everyone to wear, and then made a volleyball-themed tanktop or tee for the girls to order. Shoutout to Kappa for not only being the first to create crop tops (and even we will admit, they were really cute), but also for making an alternative tank for the girls in your house that shouldn’t be wearing crop tops.

Game day: The day of ASVT included possibly the earliest drinking any of us have ever experienced. Each visiting chapter got paired with their UCSB chapter to pregame, and these pregames usually started around 8:30 or 9. Vodka literally tastes different at this hour. So. Rough.

After the pregame, the masses of hammered girls proceeded to the bus loading area, where they would take millions of group photos, run in the street, and pee on the sidewalk. Then you loaded the ATO busses, which took you to the beach where the event was held. The event in this case (unlike most philanthropies…) actually looked like a real event- security, a beer garden, a fenced-in area, etc. Unfortunately this means that every year people got MIPs, arrested, or most commonly, banned after leaving to go swimming in the ocean (rumor has it this is why it was cancelled…). People tell us that the houses actually played volleyball, but we have literally no memory of anything besides lying in the sand (often facedown), drinking in the beer garden, and napping.

We are honestly devastated that these shenanigans won’t be happening this year, or any other year for that matter. Sucks like, a lot for the freshmen. We do find some comfort in the fact that UCLA claimed the ASVT champion title it’s last year, even if it was Theta that won….

“RIP ASVT,”

WE love UCLA

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Shit UCLA Girls Say

So, in honor of this increasingly annoying trend overwhelming our news feeds and our very own UCLA SAE jumping in with “Shit Sorority Girls Say…To Frat Guys,” we figured we should jump on this bandwagon. Kinda. We’re not really into becoming youtube stars (or trying to be) so here is our list of “Shit UCLA Girls Say.” Funny cause it’s true.

“Yogurtland or Malibu?”

“Did you see what sport his backpack said?”

“I hate bruinwalk.”

“Hilgard is sooo far from Gayley”

 “I want to be a Comm major”

“Let’s order Ital!”

“Ew, Fat Sals?”

“Where’s the prestige?! Let’s do shots!”

“Will you walk me back to Hedrick?”

“Klassy kappas!”

“We have 20 minutes until BruCaf closes….”

“Wait, why are you going to class?”

“Why is Sig Ep like, a bunch of apartments?”

“Does anyone have an ID that looks like me?”

“Will you take a picture of us doing the Theta mouth?”

“Pint night tonight?”

“I hate quarterlies. So many randos”

“Who ARE these girls?”

“OMG can I be your little bro’s big sis??”

“What’s with the awkward steps?”

“I hate bruinwalk.”

"What time does Wooden close?"

"Let's go to Urth this weekend!"

Chances are you’ve said at least 10 of these. If you haven’t, you probably don’t know us…

“Superstar Mike Lau,”

WE love UCLA

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Where to Live

As it seems like this week was the start of the overwhelming stress of figuring out next year’s living situation (a bit early, isn’t it?...), we’re gonna do our best to help you out. Keep in mind, living in a great building won’t make up for living with people that don’t understand how to take out the garbage, lay in bed all day with their boyfriend ordering Ital, or barf in their bed. Choose your roommates wisely. 

Sorority houses: We’ll get this option out of the way first, but we’ll be honest that we have seriously mixed feelings on this topic. If you are in a house, you will most likely end up living in for at least one year, whether it is because the house makes you, it’s easy, or just because everyone else does it. It’s kinda one of those college experiences you will most likely regret if you don’t do it, and there are definitely some major perks: not cleaning ever, having a chef, and living in a mansion in Bel Air. For the most part the houses are gorgeous, and by for the most part we mean gamma phi, chi o, alpha phi, and the newly redone Theta. Downsides include living with 60 girls (unless you like that shit, ew), having rules and a house mom (we actually think the brothel rule is hilarious), and being on the opposite side of the earth from the frats. Rough times.

Palazzo: First of all, Palazzo is beautiful. It has a pool, gym, parking, and the units are pretty nice too. It’s like, next door to Ralphs, Whole Food, and most importantly the Glendon and Brewco. However, we’ve heard the management sucks and we’re not so stoked on the idea of being isolated from everyone else, since Palazzo is pretty far from Gayley, Landfair, and Roebling. But we do like the idea of the pool. A lot.

Strathmore Apartments: This building is BRAND. NEW. They are hands down the most beautiful apartments we have seen anywhere in the vicinity of Westwood, partly because this was literally the first year they were lived in and partly because they are so big. And pretty. The only downside is that all of the apartments are 3-4 rooms, which means you have to actually find like, 7 other people you could live with…

679: We’re not exactly a fan, unless you are a sophomore or junior. Good for parties and perfect location,  but for senior year we recommend something a little…cleaner. 

Midvale/Atrium Court/other large building like this: These types of buildings are great in the sense that they also have pools/ gyms and “feel” safe. Except for the fact that they can’t actually be that safe, cause someone got like robbed or stabbed or something at one of the Midvale ones last year. Sketch. Also, they’re not that great for parties, so if you’re trying to hold a lot of pregames/ birthday parties/ after parties, this might not be your best bet. And the nicer of the few, the Midvale ones, are on Midvale- which is like, far. 

Club Cali: Club Cali has the pool and gym that we, clearly, are really into, but is on Roebling, our ideaaaal location. It seems that more and more senior apartments are on Roebling (especially this year), but most of them aren’t nearly as nice as the Club Cali apartments. Walking through the halls is literally like walking through a maze (why are there SO MANY hallways, was there really no better way to organize this building?) but the apartments are big, clean, and new-ish. And maybe best of all, the apartments come with two parking spaces included in the underground lot, which makes our lives even easier and cheaper (and us even lazier).

“WE hate apartment hunting,”

WE love UCLA

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Italian Express

First of all, thank GOD for Italian Express. We’re actually pretty sure we would have died of late-night starvation without this delivery service bringing us greasy goodness at all hours. Whether it’s to dorms, frats, sororities, or a random corner in Westwood, “Ital” is there to save us from alcohol or weed induced hunger. And create a lot of morning-time regret. Particularly a favorite with sorority girls, it’s not unusual for whoever answers the Ital phone to recognize the name and number, or know where we are calling from/ want our food delivered.

So, what is so great about this place besides that it delivers (although honestly that would be enough…)? Besides the standard pizza, our favorite item is hands down the garlic cheesy balls. You can literally feel them clogging your arteries, but nothing soaks up alcohol like bread and cheese. After a long night of prestige there is nothing we crave more than a recap of every hookup/injury/awkward run-in shared with friends over an order of pizza and cheesy balls. YUM.

If you somehow don’t have Ital already programmed into your phone, do it now. You might regret it in the morning (especially with this weather, bathing suit struggles), but it is so worth it at the time.

“Italian Express is actually a physical restaurant, who knew?”

WE love UCLA

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Sunset Rec

For those of you who are stuck living in Bel Air (aka Hedrick Summit, Hedrick Hall if it ever reopens, or Hitch Suites) this is UCLA’s way of making it up to you for having the worst walk to class, Westwood, and frats. Sunset Rec is basically a giant lawn next to a pool, which means it’s the perfect place to spend every moment you’re not in class (as if you go to class anyways) during spring quarter (or this week…tanning in January is why we chose to go to school in California). Whether its sipping on bloody marys in a bathing suit pow wow, watching boys show off on the beach volleyball court, gossiping about last nights hookup with your feet dipped in the pool, or sweating out last night’s alcohol while sunbathing, this will be your go-to place every day the weather’s above 80. Or 70 if your from somewhere where it actually gets cold…

Not only is Sunset Rec the best place to get tan and show all your friends back home how much better UCLA is than their school, it’s also the best place to show off how much weight you haven’t gained since school started and scope both frat boys and athletes’ abs (or beer bellies…awk).

Although a few years ago it was perfectly acceptable to get high, drunk, or both while soaking in the rays, a certain sorority’s philanthropy and their not-so-sober attendees ruined this for all of us. Per usual Troy went on a major power trip and since then Sunset’s “security” has been on full force, watching out for red cups or miniature pieces. We’re hoping this spring quarter things will be somewhat back to normal, meaning warm spring quarter Fridays turning into literal parties on the grass. Either way, you will be spending pretty much every free second spring quarter here, wearing your bathing suit under your clothes to class and only taking breaks to swipe for a smoothie at BruCaf. For us North campus majors, this will be your study lounge for midterms and finals (studying note cards through sunglasses while listening to Ellie Goulding on your ipod…check). But for South campus majors, this is the point of school where you will regret choosing whatever physics/chemistry/bullshit major you decided to be back in high school when you didn’t know how much fun college is and how little you would want to go to class and study. Calculus problems and whatever weird model building kits they have don’t seem to be sunbathing compatible. We’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t such elitist assholes about how smart they all are.

So throw on your bathing suits and maybe we will see you there this weekend….

“Socko’s delivers to Sunset Rec,”

WE love UCLA

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Weekend Excursions

Although LA is pretty much the best place to be and we’re not really sure how you could run out of things to do here, we understand that some of you might not have an appreciation for the smog, traffic, and assholes. Thankfully, the vast majority of people at UCLA are from California and therefore there will be many potential weekend getaways that will not only include a free place to stay but often some free home-cooked meals courtesy of someone’s cute mom. 

Santa Barbara: Not only is Santa Barbara beautiful and the perfect distance for a weekend trip, our sluttier counterparts at UCSB make IV one of the best places to venture when you get bored of doing the same things with the same people at the same frats the same nights out. Although freshman year (and even some after that) people will make a huge deal over going to SB for Halloween, it’s not only overly crowded and as dirty and STD ridden as most of the girls but it’s also significantly less fun unless you are with people who go to school there and have specific parties they can bring you to. And considering after freshman year most people who go to UCSB actually leave for Halloween, this is harder than it sounds. The only SB event you should make the drive for is for ASVT (more details to come)…we would say Floatopia but we hope you all know that this infamous event has been banned by IV’s finest. 

Orange County: It is almost guaranteed that at least one of your best friends at UCLA will be from Orange County, most likely some version of Newport or Laguna (especially in the Greek system, especially in the top houses). Make sure you get yourself invited home with one of these girls for a weekend, particularly one where you’re looking to relax, eat good food, and go to the beach (best for fall or spring quarter). You’ll most likely spend your time shopping at South Coast Plaza, going on bike rides to trendy restaurants that sell overpriced sushi, and laying out at the beach complaining about how that kid dripped salt water on your Louis Vuitton. 

Norcal: If you’re looking for LA’s version of culture shock, take a weekend to experience the “hella’s” and thizz faces of the Bay Uhreah. Your best bet is to venture for a weekender football game against either Stanford or Cal, when pretty much the entire UCLA Greek life migrates north for a weekend adventure (read: shitshow) disguised as school spirit. Besides game day, spend your time exploring San Francisco by taking pictures in scarves outside the ferry building, shopping at the gigantic Forever 21, and going to hipster clubs at night with your fake ID. Game day, make sure to take beer bongs on the ledge of Fiji (Phi G, whatever, we don't have a chapter so it's not our fault) if you’re at Cal and to make fun of the tree mascot if you’re at Stanford. 

If you happen to be lucky enough to be from California, make sure to reach out to your out-of-state friends (or those from Bakersfield, it’s pretty much the same thing) and invite them home for a weekend. They’re probably craving some meals that aren’t from a buffet and will most likely spend the whole weekend commenting on how beautiful your hometown is. We won’t argue with flattery.

“Drunken power naps on the BART ftw,” WE love UCLA

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Summer Camps

Although the phrase “summer camp” usually makes you think of that dumb sleep-away camp you begged your parents to let you go to (as if sleeping in cabins and sharing a bathroom with 30 girls was irresistible), UCLA seems to have brought this obsession back. In honor of the two fundraisers this week…

Bruinwoods: Out of the three, Bruinwoods is the only one that let’s you not only make money but also hook up with people and drink, a lot, therefore making it the most popular. Bruinwoods is UCLA’s “family camp,” which consists of cabins in Lake Arrowhead where rich alumni go to hang out with other rich alumni and raise future USC-hating children. There’s a million different jobs available at Bruinwoods, from friendship bracelet making to lifeguarding, but whether you get in or not is based on answers to stupid questions like “what’s your favorite Nickelodeon cartoon character?” during the interview. Lots of people don’t get it, which makes it seem much more exclusive and cool than it actually is. If you do get hired, you will spend your summer working during the day and re-enacting middle school fantasies at night by sneaking out to drink and into each other’s cabin bunk beds. Only real downside is it’s literally your entire summer, so if you have other plans or like, a life, than you might want to opt for something else.

Camp Kesem: Unlike Bruinwoods, Kesem and Kindle are both only a week long. Although you don’t get paid, it’s kind of worth it if you like helping people or feeling good about yourself. Kesem is a free camp offered to kids whose parents died/ are dying of cancer, which makes it pretty fucking sad but cute. Definitely less luxurious than Bruinwoods but you don’t have to spend your entire summer there, you get a “cool” camp nickname like beaver or something weird, and you get to feel as if you made a difference in an itty bitty life.

Camp Kindle: Another option if you are interested in helping out some kiddos, except this time it’s HIV/AIDS instead of cancer. Camp Kindle is one of the partners of Dance Marathon (see Monday’s post, summary: moral) and is for kids that either have HIV/AIDS or have been affected by it, as in that someone in their family has it/has died from it. Also only a week, you spend your time counseling little ones on dealing with big problems. You kinda have to like, kinda have your shit together for this and Kesem.

Although Bruinwoods is rich as fuck (thanks legit alumni), Camp Kesem and Kindle are both free to the kids that attend them and therefore host a bunch of “club nights” throughout the year to make money. These awkwardly named events are kind of like raids that you pay for, where you dress up, drink a lot, and go on busses to a venue somewhere in LA where you can dance badly to a DJ spinning top 40 hits. Unlike a raid anyone can go to these, which is both a good and bad thing. Good as in you can hang out with your friends in other houses and guys in every house at once (and most importantly, athletes), and bad as in some total randoms show up, clearly trying to get a glimpse of the social life they don’t have for a reason. Anyways, it sucks to pay for something you get for free most of the time but you will end up going because you will have friends that are part of these organizations (if you are not) and because everyone else goes.

“Glad they came up with something better than ‘Club Night’ this year,”

WE love UCLA

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Pinnings

With pinning season coming up in spring quarter (or has already started for some houses…we’re confused), we are stocking up on black dresses and getting ready for just one of our favorite parts of our favorite quarter (although if this week is a sign of winter quarter to come, we actually might not make it to spring). So what’s up with the funeral attire and songs about love and shit? 

The Basics: Pinnings are between a couple where the guy is in a fraternity and the girl is in a sorority, when both of them (or at least the guy) is a graduating senior. Back in the day when people got married at like 23, pinnings were the equivalent of or precursor to engagements (barf). Technically some couples that get pinned are this serious of a couple, but the romantic act of “putting the girl above the fraternity” has pretty much gone out the window (shotgun pinnings anyone?). Now it’s just another excuse for a shitshow, this time acceptable because we’re “celebrating the couple.” And by that we mean getting them hammered and telling everyone the story about how them met through a one-night-stand. 

Attire: All the sorority girls wear black dresses, except the girl getting pinned who wears a color. It’s like totally her moment to shine, ya know?! Boys dress semi-formal, which we actually tend to enjoy. 

100 Second Kiss: Each house has a slightly different ceremony, most including letters sometimes heartfelt but usually hilarious screamed from the balcony over the crowd of frat guys and sorority girls below, but all include the 100-second kiss. Sloppy and often ending on the ground, it’s pretty self-explanatory but much more entertaining in person. 

Post-ceremony: After the “ceremony” of drunken screaming, making out, and eating shit in our heels down the house’s stairs, the pinning basically turns into a raid. Often at Fu’s (reference earlier post…), pinnings are somehow especially messy and seem to include even more table dancing, throwing up, and skin-tight-hiked-up dresses than usual. It’s like, if the guests of honor are wasted then we guess everyone else should be too? 

So buy some black dresses and have your fingers crossed that the seniors in your house were down to get wifed up.

“69! 69! 69! 69! 69!”

WE love UCLA

[wearetheweucla-blog]

Alexandra Wallace

We don’t even want to acknowledge that there is a possibility you don’t recognize this name, but if for some reason you’re from a different country or like, Nebraska, do a quick Youtube search. 

So now you’re caught up. Although the Alexandra Wallace “scandal” has died over, she’s still worth mentioning because it’s one of one of those social talking points, like The Great Gatsby or the OJ Simpson trial. Honestly, we’re not sure how the fuck this girl got into UCLA. Not only did she have horrible taste in clothing and makeup (Texas maybe?) but she also was stupid enough to post her racist thoughts on Youtube. DURING FINALS WEEK. As if we aren’t already making runs to BruCaf every hour and youtubing videos of giggling babies as any excuse not to study, a video like this coming out during finals week was like hitting the jackpot. What better to annoyingly yell through Covel study lounges or scream during midnight yell than “ching chong ling long ting tong?” Racist, but catchy.

We know there are plenty of people at UCLA who share Alexandra’s anti-Asian and extremely politically incorrect views, but her lack of discretion is of just as much concern as her ignorant opinions. We’re sorry Alexandra, but the size of your fake-tanned boobs does not make us ignore how fucking stupid you are. News flash: you go to UCLA, where the percentage of Asians is 40%. We hope your new school has an Aryan sisterhood club for you to join, or at least a class in how not to turn an entire school against you. 

“Sucks to suck,”

WE love UCLA

[wearetheweucla-blog]

Dance Marathon

As far as important causes and getting involved in them goes, Dance Marathon wins at UCLA. It benefits Pediatric AIDS, and there are a bunch of different ways to be a part of it, which we suggest you do unless you want to look like a heartless bitch. It's getting about that time where you will be receiving a million facebook messages, group requests, and emails about DM, we want you to know what you're getting yourself into.

Dancer: As a freshman, you will inevitably end up signing up for this self-induced 26-hour-long-torture-disguised-as-fun, especially since you will be in a (top) house. Sororities love Dance Marathon, an excuse to make jewelry out of condoms and openly talk about how much we all love to have (safe) sex. Pretty much everyone has a love-hate relationship with Dance Marathon, as in you look back on it fondly but fucking hated it at the time. 26. Hours. Without. Sitting. Let that sink in for a second. As in, signs in the bathroom telling you to squat and people waking you up when you try and crawl under the table and nap in the break room. For the first 7-8 hours it’s actually fun, as in “woo! Dancing for pediatric aids! We’re so awesome and philanthropic!” After that, you might start to struggle but then get a second wind in anticipation of the drunken late-night moralers. However, this excitement is usually short-lived when you realize the moralers are drunk, want to grind with each other, and actually get to leave when they’re over it. Around 4 am you will hit a period of straight delusion, where you will probably spend around an hour dancing in a corner by yourself or something fucking weird like that. This is the hardest point. Once the sun comes up, you actually get excited again as you feel “power hour” approaching, the last hour which is widely overrated and actually consists of awkward sing-alongs by bands like Queen.

Moraler: Unless for some reason you really enjoy feeling as if you failed at committing suicide (and for that option see Committee below), you will only actually do DM once. After that you will be a moraler, which basically means you get to have the same amount of fun but can leave when you are sick of being around a bunch of sober people trying to awkwardly dance without touching each other. If you do choose to moral, don’t be an asshole about it. Obviously you’re going to drink before, but that doesn’t mean get wasted and breathe hot alcohol breath in the faces of all of the dancers. They (rightfully) will feel like complete shit and not want to be touched or dance with you. Understand that.

Committee: This is for people who have a particular obsession with being a good person or voluntarily depriving themselves of one of the most important elements of life. If you think 26 hours is a long time to stay awake and on your feet, imagine setting up before, cleaning up after, and staying creepily energized the entire fucking time. If after freshman year you decide DM is the best thing to ever happen you can apply to be on committee, the people to direct your love and hate of this event towards. Basically, Dance Marathon is the most socially acceptable (and compulsory) method of getting involved and helping people in a way that still allows you to dance, hang out with your friends, and blow condoms into balloon animals.

“Post-DM is like a self-induced weeklong coma,”

WE love UCLA

[wearetheweucla-blog]

Transportation

Although Westwood seems like its own little UCLA bubble, believe it or not it’s actually in LA. Even though you will spend most of freshman year in our favorite little college town, there will (hopefully) come a time where you want to look beyond CPK for a dinner out, buy a piece in Venice, or shop at the Marc by Marc Jacobs store in Beverly Hills.

Car: Unless you actually have a job off-campus or an empty house in Malibu for weekends, there is no reason to have a car as a freshman. You will end up shuttling everyone around (stuffing your entire pc in the backseat for Monday night dinner), going home way too often if you live close, and getting $500 worth of parking tickets. Most people either get a car when they move into an apartment, due to a feeling of adultness and freedom, or when they get a job, due to necessity. Parking in Westwood is a huge bitch, so if your apartment building doesn’t have parking (sucks), we suggest you buy a spot in one of the lots. Getting a parking pass on campus is not only hard but expensive, and street parking is nearly impossible and counter-productive money wise due to all the tickets you will get. As a freshman, we suggest you find some older guy friends and a big with cars.

Taxis: On rare occasions where there is a show at the Key Club or you try to be adventurous and go to Santa Monica bars, it’s acceptable to pay for a cab. Although they are expensive and tend to eat cell phones, they’re pretty useful when you don’t have a DD or when there won’t be parking. You also may find yourself paying for cabs back to Hilgard when you live in the house, usually at 4 am when you realize you’re the only one still out and you’re hammered or at 8 am when you would rather pay the $7 than walk-of-shame in the German Dirndl you wore to last night’s raid. However, this is only acceptable very occasionally unless you’re rich and obnoxious, or else you’ll look like a lazy brat. 

Public transportation: What is that? Seriously, this is not Europe or NYC…public transportation is not only inconvenient, difficult to understand, but is also fucking gross. Although it’s cheap and technically can get you where you want to go, we recommend waiting until you have a car or mooching off your friends to “explore LA,” unless you’re down to share a small space and stale air with the local bum and some dude selling crack. Honestly, the Fly Away is the only bus you should really use, and only if you can’t find anyone with a car willing to drive you to the airport. It’s a shuttle that picks you up in Westwood and takes you right to LAX for like $5. Even then it still sucks if you have a big bag and live in dorms or Hilgard, but will save you a shit ton of money compared to a cab.

You don’t have to be a biochem major to figure out how to navigate LA, but it’s a little harder than you might think. Once you do have a car, use it. We’re spoiled but we can’t forget that we’re actually lucky to go to school in LA and not somewhere lame like the Midwest, so do everything from the Hollywood sign hike to eating at The Griddle in West Hollywood.

“Not recommended to try and ditch paying for your cab…doesn’t usually work,”

WE love UCLA