williammoore-1892

[williammoore-1892]

William, how come you have Internet connection on the laptop? Don't you live in a literal forest 😭

hello . sorry , but i am not sure i will give you the best answer , i am not as well versed in modern technology . bertha tried to explain it to me , and from what i gathered , she connected a special device to the laptop and it errr is able to catch what she called cell connection . i find it hard to comprehend how that works . seems closer to magic .

[williammoore-1892]

Wow, you're hot!! As in attractive. As in handsome. As in wow..

hello . am i ? that is . . . new . i have not been called that for over a hundred years . and i do not quite know how to take it .

[williammoore-1892]

i am so hungry i w a nt to eat you i am st arving i crave flesh

hello . i do not know how to help you , to be honest . although now that i think about it , i think if you took a piece of me , it would not really harm me . but that is just a thought .

[williammoore-1892]

You should check out modern musicals! Maybe the Broadway Hamilton musical and Epic The Musical. They both tell of stories, that you could've heard about already. Hamilton depicts the American War Of Independence through various characters, related to Alexander Hamilton, one of the Founding Fathers and the main character to the musical. Epic is based on Homer's Odyssey and the main lead is Odysseus himself, returning home after the Trojan War.

It is fascinating how nowadays artists get inspired by the past events and create such outstanding performances. Of course, they spice things up with interpersonal drama to make their art more appealing for general audiences. But was always like that, wasn't it?

Either way, what is also intriguing, youth's perception of all these historical figures. Perhaps you could compare it to your own thoughts on the subject, as... As a being? As an entity? Eh, as one, who has been around for a while now.

hello . i listened to it . to be honest , the music itself was not to my liking , but , i suppose , it cannot be helped . but i must admit , it felt fresh to see historical figures captured through a modern lense , even though i never studied american history too closely , so i cannot say i had much preconceptions about it in the first place .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . sorry for another delay , i had a new guest and i needed some time to process his errr visit so to speak . i will tell you about it another time , because i am preparing something for that , too . i shall give you replies today or tomorrow because there has been quite an influx of new questions which could take me longer to go through .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . i am sorry for dissapearing for a few days . i was confused and worried after accidentally posting that picture , and soon after that the laptop ran out of battery , while bertha was not able to visit me until today . that gave me time to calm down and think . i realised i was so worried about posting this picture exactly because i was afraid of what people here might think of me , seeing my form . it is odd . i always knew i scare people , but it never bothered me because most of those who saw me became a part of me . but here , it seems , people are more than that to me . exactly because i can not reach them .

but we talked it through with bertha . and , well , i understood that perhaps i should not pay mind to those who are afraid , but instead to those who are not . bertha said that the ones who really care would be able to look beyond the form . and , perhaps , some would care not in spite of it , but for it , too .

so , that is why i decided not to remove the last post and that now it is due time to really introduce myself . my name is , or , perhaps , was , william moore . you can call me william . and this is how i look . of course , it would be hard to capture my full form , so this is just a part . not a small one per se , but not a full picture either . well , perhaps it your imagination can fill in the rest .

and so , if you are afraid , i decided i would not hold it against you . but if you are not , stay with me . there is a lot for me to learn and to experience .

[williammoore-1892]

that was accidenlat how to remove it help .

[williammoore-1892]

[williammoore-1892]

What if you started making animals parts of yourself and not humans? Would that feel better? Since humans already consume animals and it is mostly not considered immoral?

hello . the truth is , i already do . animals , big and small , rarely make it close enough to me to become a part of me . their instincts more often then not tell them to stay away from this place , and from me . i have established that i am not human , for myself as well , but i do smell like one , so animals tend to detect that . however , on those rare occasions i get animals close enough , i invite them , too .

that said , they are simply not enough . i do not care about my guests fear . i care about change of their form and mine , even if i have been doubtful as of late . but i know , i can feel it , that it is in great part fear that keeps me alive . it is the price i pay to the power that gifted me this form . of course animals are afraid of me , in a way that any animal is afraid of a bigger and stronger one , and of something it is not . it is a simple , primal fear . and it just is not enough . people are afraid of me for a different reason . they are scared because parts of me look so much like them , but in a greater picture , they know i am something completely different . and then , they feel it too . that their skin , and muscle , and fat is not right , too . and it scares them even more . they run , and if they do not , they join me .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . i needed some time to think after bertha came to me yesterday . it went well , do not get me wrong . she brought those tapes in , we listened to them together . it is easy to distance yourself from those stories , no matter how real they are , when they are told by a stranger who did not even experience them himself . that is why ones , there the subject was the storyteller , stood out the most to me . although i must admit , for someone as indifferent as that man sometimes seemed to be , he acted those stories out surprisingly well .

there was one told by a woman , who was reborn in fire , skin , muscle and fat melted into wax . i must admit, as much kinship as i felt with her , she also terrifies me . destruction is distant to my nature , i do not destroy , i change . besides , i think fire would be the only thing able to kill me . and , despite all of my doubts, i do not want to die yet .

there was one about a gravedigger . he found solace in soil , as it rid him of his nightmares , and a true sense of self in all those graves he had dug up , and so , he wanted to share his solace with others . i understand him , too .

but there was one which has truly spoken to me . it was about a man , and a book , which has taught him about flesh and bones . i remember the exact phrasing . the bits of himself he actually liked . and so , he got a chance to change , to construct himself into what felt right . i was touched by his story , in a way, because of how similar we turned out to be . i wonder if he is still around . if we could meet . i do not think there would be much for us to talk about , but i would love to see his form for myself .

there is one commonality all of these stories and myself share . we all escaped a life we dreaded .

now i realise that , even though bertha is like them , like me , she never told me about what she was before and how she came to be who she is . what life did she escape ? well , i would not rush her . she will tell me in due time , when she is ready .

[williammoore-1892]

William, I think you put too much thought into what defines a human while forgetting that every answer is subjective. Humanity is unique in a sense that we are completely devoid of instinct, every trait, behaviour, thought and desire is learned. That's what makes humans different from the rest of the fauna, the innate need to learn to exist. But that's the species, and we are so much more than just a body. We are a mind, and if that mind is inhuman, that's what matters the most.

It's a strength, because we define what we are. Everything is a choice. And if one chooses to reject the label "human", for whatever reason it is no less valid than choosing to drink mint tea instead of chamomile.

You are a human until you say you aren't, until you chose to transcend. You say you aren't, therefore you aren't. It is that simple. You may be made of same material, under a microscope you may look like us, you may still be classified as a homo sapient, but you aren't a human, because humanity is a construct. And construct that doesn't serve gets demolished. It doesn't serve you, William. It did serve people from that book. That's why they are human and you aren't.

hello . your words gave me a lot to think about , and , in a way , they had put me at ease . i find myself questioning things so much as of late , and i am thankful to you for helping me understand myself more , at least a little .

i have always been easy to convince , i admit , and so , for a certain part of my life , humanity as a concept carried much significance to me . and then , after i changed , it had suddenly lost all meaning . and for the time being , for so many years to come , humanity did not bother in the slightest . it did not cross my mind , at that matter . but now i find myself thrust back into some semblance of society . it is hard to perceive as a real one , and even harder it is to conceptualise that behind this screen there are people , too . still , i find myself back at that threshold of humanity . am i truly indifferent to it now ? and am i truly inhuman ?

you have set me on a path i have yet to walk . but i do not know which steps to take yet . it is not like i can walk .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . bertha came to me later than usual today again , and after our argument yesterday , i could not help but worry . i knew she is reasonable and she would not abandon me over such a trifle , but the thought kept nagging at my mind . however , i was worried about her bringing up the topic which led to our disagreement again even more .

thankfully , bertha arrived in the end , later in the afternoon . she tried to hide it , but i knew she felt uneasy . bertha did not bring up our arguement herself , but it had troubled me , too , so i had to bring it up instead , despite my worries . i apologized to her and she apologized to me . she said she should not have rushed me , and i said i just need some more time .

i told her about the book , what doubts it had brought up in me . it is just . . . so much . what happens if i do accept that quentin is gone ? what happens if i do accept that fusing people to myself is not good ? can i just erase what i am , revert it ? i know i would be miserable as a human . do i just keep doing what i am doing , making people a part of myself ? or do i stop and wittle out ? i know if i stop , i will eventually . bertha feels it in herself , too . it is different for her , but she , too , has to feed . not like me , but not like other humans . and she , too , feels weak when she stops .

this all weighs so heavy on me . i feel a need to distract myself with something . i asked bertha to bring more statements from that institution she works for so we could listen to them together . maybe they would help me figure something out .

[williammoore-1892]

You say you enjoyed Hannibal, in part due to its morbidity. I have a book I can recommend, actually. It's called All Tomorrows, written by Nemo Ramjet/C.M.Kosemen. It touches a lot on the transformation of a human form, and while it starts as morbid, they too find solice and beauty in their new shapes. I'm afraid I can't send you a file, so ask Bertha to find it for you. It seems to be a piece with which you will connect

hello . well , after bertha left , i had a chance to familiarize myself with this book . to summarize , i have very conflicted feelings about it , and it has definetely left a very strong impact on me . i think i will need some more time to interhnalize it , but i might as well give you my initial thoughts now .

throughout all of the book i had projected my own experiences and existense onto its world and its people , but i had constantly questioned my likeness to one faction or the other . am i more like qu ? or more like people they have changed ? maybe that is the point . long , long time ago i was merely a human , maluable and so , moulded into a new shape , until i could mould others in a similar manner . modular people seemed the most like me among the human species on a surface level , with their bodies consisting of countless individual organisms . at least they had a purpose , each individual with a role to play . but is it not too burdensome ? perhaps , i am freeing my guests of those roles . it is good . i was , too , dealt a set of roles . a son , a student , a young gentleman . i had so many expectations laid on me , but at the very moment i had gained this form , all of those expectations were lifted of off me .

and i have thought about humanity . all of those people had been changed beyond recognition , stripped of their identities , but they still retained that title . human . do i still qualify as a human ? does it even matter to me at this point ? the nature of my change is very different from one in this book , so i might not be , even though i might look more human than some people in this book . it is for good , that i am inhuman .

truth be told , i rarely read fiction because i tend to internalise it too much and start doubting my own preconceptions . i do not know if my sentience has brought me more joy or more grief . perhaps , if quentin has truly lost his sentience , it is good . he would not be burdened with thought anymore . sometimes i wish i could be unburdened by it , too .

[williammoore-1892]

i know people here (and apparently in your circle too) are sure that quentin is gone, but he's like.. a part of your body. if anyone knows he's alive, it's you. i'm not sure how bertha's abilities work, but even if she cannot grasp a separate mind, his mind may very well be a dormant part of yours. i'm sorry you got such a wave of upsetting comments, but you should trust yourself first

hello . i am glad you understand . yes , i suppose i myself do not fully know how her powers work . i never wanted to think that lowly of her , but she might have lied to me .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . after telling you about quentin yesterday , i have received an influx of new terms in the replies from people here . it was , frankly , overwhelming , but this morning i had an opportunity to ask bertha what they all meant . for example , turns out i was right and people do not use gay as a synonym of happy anymore , but instead it is used for men , or , otherwise , people who are not women , who experience attraction towards other men . this does hold some truth regarding myself , i suppose .

on a different note , we actually had a bit of a fall out with bertha today . i can not stay mad at her forever , of course , but her words were very hurtful . after i asked her the meaning of all those new terms , she confronted me about quentin . she has known about him for a very long time now , not from my words , but after she gazed into my mind . bertha told me she did not want to bring it up if i did not , and now , that i seemed to be brave enough to post about it , she thought i would be ready to talk about it with her , too . but through all the time that i have known bertha , i never was ready . somehow , i knew what she would say . her eyes were so full of pity when she said it , too . she said that i need to move on . that quentin is gone . she knew because in all of my body the only mind she could grasp was my own .

i admit i did not handle the situation in the best way myself by telling her to get out , but i was on edge . i hope she comes back tomorrow and everything can be back to normal .

[williammoore-1892]

oh ? what should i be proud of ?

Diversity win! This people-consuming spawling being is non-binary and gay!

Love that for you, I'm so happy that your skeleton in a closet is not sexual harrasment charges, that's a refresher

hello . well , to your knowledge , i do not spawl . i may be inhuman , but i am not uncivil . unless you meant sprawling , which , i suppose , i might be .

i have been already introduced to what non binary means , but gay , well , i am for certain gay in this form , for it fits the shape of my mind , but i have a feeling gay does not mean happy anymore . bertha had told me a lot of words had lost or changed their meaning over time , which is natural , for a language is a changing beast , but i must admit i am not fully caught up to all of the modern err slang yet .

[williammoore-1892]

hello . i just noticed that the tags have turned all colourful , how curious . i would love to learn what it means , i shall ask bertha tomorrow .

Diversity win! This people-consuming spawling being is non-binary and gay!

Love that for you, I'm so happy that your skeleton in a closet is not sexual harrasment charges, that's a refresher

hello . well , to your knowledge , i do not spawl . i may be inhuman , but i am not uncivil . unless you meant sprawling , which , i suppose , i might be .

i have been already introduced to what non binary means , but gay , well , i am for certain gay in this form , for it fits the shape of my mind , but i have a feeling gay does not mean happy anymore . bertha had told me a lot of words had lost or changed their meaning over time , which is natural , for a language is a changing beast , but i must admit i am not fully caught up to all of the modern err slang yet .