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sacrifices had to be made , sure , but wasn't that life ? he sacrificed a complete childhood in order to train for the games . traded his innocence for the action of slaughtering nearly an entire arena . traded his autonomy for the lives of his family . a long life with MAGS for the sake of the country . annie's trust for the war's end . now is no different . peeta or no , it must be done .
he smirks . wily and sharp , an expression that always preceded him . ❝ never . ❞ the meaning is left to interpretation . perhaps he would never tell , or maybe it would never get to be too much . he hoped that both were true .
still , worry runs through him . annie had been brave , told him he didn't need to do this . so many years had passed , and he still winced at the thought of facing these people , even presented as equals . he would go home after , or at least to the rented apartment . home to his family . it must be unspoken , peeta must know , why else could he have been chosen ? so few among the capitol's elites did not partake in the trade of victors . some preferred him, others cashmere . sometimes more , their appetites were insatiable , but he knew these two rosters well . too well to ever forget a name .
the smile softens at the thought of his baby , who was so far from babyhood now that he hardly remembered it . curses would be broken , he knew that much .
❝ this group calls themselves the tea club , ❞ he says , straightening his own jacket in preparation . ❝ gossamer glint leads them , but he'll say he doesn't . he holds the purse strings for half of them - he bailed out the capitol bank after the war , and his family did the same last time , too . ❞ impolite conversation for the party , no doubt , but good information to have .
❝ woo him , and you've got them all in your palm . i'll help , but i want them to like you . ❞
The deft way in which Finnick finishes Peeta's tie with a flourish while contemplating an answer. Realization settles in Peeta's stomach low, like a stone being thrown into a well, Finnick was making the sacrifice again. A warning in his mind went off, the kind that knew when the air shifted in the bakery before his mother would fly off the handle. The kind of red light that signaled danger before the storm actually settled in. He shouldn't have ever brought it up. Shouldn't have ever asked the other man for his advice or assistance. What did it mean that Finnick was putting the nation above all else again?
Despite the sound of alarm bells in his mind, Peeta remained steadfast. Cocking his head with a tilt and a controlled smile. It wasn't his place to determine what the Odairs needed in their marriage. Wasn't his place to drive Finnick away due to his own fears and insecurities. If Finnick didn't want to be here. He wouldn't be. Still, the way the responsibility weighed on Peeta's shoulders was starting to feel insurmountable.
"You let me know when if it gets too much." Peeta said poignantly, that flick to his brow giving Finnick no room to argue. A boundary. An offering that this plight of theirs was not solidified. Finnick was not bound to the arena or the Capitol. He was no longer a prisoner to be lauded around like a trophy.
Peeta's head fell back with a light laugh and the shake of his head. The title of president still feeling foreign on his tongue. But the cheeky humor laced in Finnick's words was welcomed. A way to lighten the load and to spin it into a badge of honor, not a noose wrapped around his neck.
"Let's hope I don't perpetuate any curses then." Peeta quipped in his trademark self deprecating humor.
"So Mr. Odair, which Capitol elites are we schmoozing today?" He asked, awaiting Finnick's presentation.
As much as the weight of the country felt heavy on his shoulders, like Atlas being crushed, there was one glaring variance to this game than the last. This time, Peeta was armed with knowledge. A weapon when matched with his wit and Finnick's ease made them a formattable pair.
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even at a party that is not her own , cashmere has never been afraid to shine . it will probably come to bite her in the ass some day , but for now , no one seems to mind as long as she appears at all . she's sparkling , glowing from within , really . all of twenty-one years old and in her prime . one of the most celebrated women of panem , for better or for worse . a moment alone to sip on her drink is interrupted by the guest of honor .
annie cresta , what a show . clear eyes rake up and down the girl once , searching for a quick compliment . it's only polite . ❝ of course i can help , who are you looking for ? ❞ by now , her voice has lost its signature district�� twang , replaced by a subtle kiss of a capitol affectation . not native , that much is clear by both look and sound , but comfortable in such a place .
she scans the party , looking immediately for any of the district four personnel . they would know what to do with her , she certainly didn't . she certainly hadn't taken the reigns when augustus won three years prior , and absolutely could not be trusted to do so now . ❝ cute shoes , by the way . i'm cashmere . ❞
@withereth asked ∞ + 24 (from cashmere) // agnes obel's september song
of all days in the year, september 4th is the last that annie would want to spend in the capitol. but, well, the 70th hunger games ended with her victory three months ago, and it only made sense than the invitation to a party to celebrate the birthday of panem’s newest victor would come. her uncle made it clea* that these invitations could not be refused, so there she was — stuck in the capitol for the next few days when she’d rather be home in Four. annie probably looked like a lost puppy, alone in this sea of strangers from panem’s highest elite groups. her escort had ran off somewhere and she’d lost her in the crowd.
relief fills annie as she ends up finding a familiar face after what feels like an eternity alone. she’s seen that face before, she’s sure of it — on a tv screen, certainly, though she can’t remember the other’s name or district. because somehow, amongst that crowd of strangers, annie can tell they’re not a capitol citizen.
❝ excuse me — ❞ her attempt to reach out is one of the most *awkward* as of late, but annie’s never been the type to navigate crowds with ease anyways. ❝ i’m looking for someone, i was hoping you could help me. ❞
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he peacocks around the prep area , bouncing from friend to friend , trying his silly tricks on each and every one . they’re his people , it isn’t hard to get them to indulge him on these final nights of life . why not have a laugh ? second to last stop : the girl on fire . out of the corner of his eye , he can see his love spotting them as he leans in close , offering THE FABLED SUGARCUBE . when he leaves , she’s flustered and he’s on cloud nine . it’s the time of his life , despite the circumstances . he saunters back over , no shyness in his state of near-nudity , held together by a bit of fashion tape and a dream . a hand on her lower back , he slips by annie to circle around , hand trailing along her back , waist , and finally landing at her hip , giving a gentle squeeze before letting go. ❝ oh , come on . i’m always collecting them for you , ❞ he coos . a balancing act between intimacy and hoping that the pair from twelve might hear . ❝ you know you’re my best girl , no need to get jealous . ❞
@withereth asked: “you don't like secrets?” from finnick
annie is at her best when the environment tries to kill her, and tonight’s no exception. they’re not in the arena, not yet, but having to go through a second parade with ridiculous outfits feels just like one. she was expecting her stylist to be disappointed of working on her, but not to that extent — the dress she’s wearing is one piece of fabric cut at the last minute to be worn and thin enough to show almost everything beneath. though it looks like the theme of the year for her district, of course, and she shouldn’t have been too surprised about it. so far though, the night has been fun. unlike her first games, the tributes all know each other, and can have fun as the dysfunctional family victors really are as long as the cameras aren’t rolling. her eyebrow lift at finnick’s words — he’s been flirting with everyone including the new kids, so far, and yet didn’t approach her before now. ❝ oh, you know i do, ❞ annie says after checking twelve are in earshot. ❝ though i doubt you’d have any left for me. ❞
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he’s happy to see her face , even if it comes with scolding . there’s no mistaking the way his face lights up at the sight of hers . listening , but with an amused, lopsided grin as she told him off . death came quick , but he was motherfucking invincible . maybe some lessons are harder to learn than others .
❝ yes , ma’am , ❞ finnick recites . he understands her sentiment , but not enough . if he never leaves her side again , how could anything happen ?
then , she’s moving his hand and his eyes follow on impulse . confusion masks his face before a look of recognition comes across . a bump , hardly indistinguishable from that of a big lunch or a bit of bloat , but there all the same . his world comes crashing down , infinitely smaller than the grand scheme of panem’s politics and scattered victors and dead friends . all that matters is her , and whatever lives within .
❝ shit . ❞
the tone displays no disappointment , only amazement . as the youngest of five , he hadn’t experienced the crazed excitement of following someone around , begging to know updates . neighbors and friends’ parents , sure , but never so close to home .
though there is nothing to see , he looks anyways , stares where his hand touches her . ❝ we’re gonna be good at this , ❞ he says , only betraying his own fears . he is a killing machine , born and bred , and in a few months he will be responsible for a tiny thing . something to depend on him . it’s real , and he has no clue what to do about it . ❝ right? we’re gonna be able to figure this out , yeah ? ❞ after all , it wasn’t like as if either of them exactly had the best track record when it came to what parents should do .
his words are enough to make her raise her head again. the blushing has stopped, thankfully, not that he’s never seen her blush before. she can’t help hiding it, though. but she’s been in two arenas, and she knows how fast death can be, how unnoticeable it can be until the canon is fired. she’s seen it more than she should, given it to other more than she should, and her stare lets him know than yes, he could let her off in less than a second if the odds decided to.
her lips are pressed together next, a finger towards him to make her point straight.
❝ don’t you dare make me outlive you again, finnick odair, i won’t be able to go through that twice. ❞ not even if they’re old and gray and tired. not ever.
he’s there though, whole and alive, and she can feel desire pulsing at his touch. not now.
❝ i’ve got something to show you, ❞ she says instead. something she found out that morning. ❝ well, you can’t actually see it, but… ❞ annie guides his hand to her belly, where a bump is barely noticeable. ❝ you’ll know if you touch it. ❞
her mind seems to be giving her a hard-earned truce, now that her anchor is back. for real this time, it seems, even though the strangest part is that they don’t even have to hide.
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finnick attempts to be careful when it comes to katniss and all katniss related discussions . he knows what it's like to be young and in love . now , he feels old and in love , but he hasn't forgotten those younger years and all of the pain that came with them . katniss couldn't come . wouldn't , really , but that's only his choice of words . they have not been through the circumstances yet that necessitate this level of intentionality in planning .
katniss said no , he knows that . it's fine , she has no obligation to say yes . in his own home , the question enters complicated territory . he wanted to go ( needed to go ) . but he learns lessons on occasion . twice , he'd left without warning , and both times were nearly insurmountable . now , there's a little one . to make a choice for his family when it's only him and her is one thing , but to disappoint the little boy who watches his every move like a hawk is quite another . too grave a task to leave annie with , regardless . she'd kill him , but that's beside the point .
his hands twist and turn at the tie without effort . a complicated thing , something to show off among the young men's time and deftness with the length of fabric . a labor of love , really .
with a quick shake of the head , finnick is able to think hard about his answer . ❝ well , no . she isn't , not really . but she's making it work . she knows that it's all for her and ro . ❞ everything that he did was , this was no different . now , though, the fate of the nation rested on this working out . ❝ besides ... the kid thinks it's pretty cool to meet a president . family curse , i guess . ❞
Peeta caught the way Finnick's eyes lingered on the cuff links, the way he accessorized his fit. A symbol to most yes, a simple gesture to others maybe, but to Peeta, it was the only way he could have her with him. Katniss's refusal to even attempt at side stepping her exile weighed heavy on Peeta's heart. The ache he felt at the pain in her eyes when he stood in front of her and they both knew what the next course of action would be. It was a hard road, one they'd travelled so far together, but this time, this time Peeta wouldn't dare subject her to the limelight again.
He understood the trepidation. He understood her refusal. As easy as he understood Annie's when it came to Finnick. But there were only so many straws Peeta could grasp onto for support. Only so many ways he could keep himself grounded.
Finnick made quick work of his tie, the close proximity drawing the two men closer. Peeta watched his gaze, the steady way his fingers worked the knot. Of course Finnick could work a tie as easily as he could a foot of rope. Peeta's time in the Capitol was limited, luckily. Finnick's knowledge on something even as little as how to tie a tie was welcomed. It was the little things that would matter, the little things that would win favors.
"You sure Annie is alright with you being my advisor? I don't wanna drag you from her or Ronan for too long." Peeta mentioned, the words felt thick in his throat but he kept them from wavering, kept himself from showing the jitters that coursed through his veins. He was giving Finnick one last out, one last chance to turn tail and run. It was only fair.
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he has no room to judge or question . aside from general lack of knowledge , or rather total ignorance on the subject , he wasn't there . mags had something she would say about that - something about glass houses . the phrase escapes him . still , it's not his place to question anything she did or did not do .
they are victors , they have so rarely acted out of anything other than survival . who are they to judge ?
feeling the warmth from her body sets him at ease for the first time in a long time . they are home in four , and they are together . he can't get it out of his mind . he would kiss her on the steps of the judgement building , ugly as it is . anywhere . but here , especially .
the future is vast , or at least it's been promised to be . after a decade of locked away options , it's ... a lot to process . his thumb presses into her side , rubbing through her shirt in a slow back and forth . little intimacies . he wishes his body would work as it ought to , he wants to pick her up and spin her around , to carry her over the threshold of their home , whatever it may be .
instead , the only option is with words . the gravity of the situation sinks in a little , he thinks . he's processed what will happen , knows what this means , even if not fully what it entails .
❝ you think i'd let you off that easily ? ❞ he teases , grinning at her all hidden away . what a privilege to have so much sway in someone's mind , to bring them from tears to blushing . ❝ trust me , annie . your last words to me on my deathbed , when we're old and gray and tired , will be telling me to shut up . ❞
she still feels like she should have known, though, and that might be the worst part of it.
that she missed her job right from the start of making the child be safe, because she was in an arena and the capitol instead. she can’t help the guilt eating her up, because the possibility of it didn’t cross her mind and cash was the one to make her go to the medbay.
annie nods instead of speaking, words failing for a moment. he’s right, she knows, but — not real not real not real. the thought still rolls in her mind like the tide, impossible to chase away. his touch feels surreal after all this time alone, and the days before where they had to act like strangers.
❝ i know, ❞ she finally says, because he’s here and he’s back. ❝ i won’t either. ❞
her kiss is more needy than earlier, because it’s sinking in, that her anchor is back. that he’s never going to leave. that it’s not going to be the last kiss they share.
not as much as thirteen, or after the parade, because she’s still scared any harsh move will break him. as they often do, the compliment make her blush, and she has to hide her face in his chest.
❝ you’re forgiven, ❞ she says, still hiding as long as her cheeks burn. ❝ i thought i’d never hear your voice again. ❞
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for all of the nerves on peeta felt through the very walls of the place , finnick is as cool as a cucumber . a suit , one of many from a preserved closet of his old stylist, and nothing special . then again , he was generally more famous for the happenings beneath his clothes than the actual styles that he was adorned with .
he doesn't shift from side to side , feels no sweat beading at his upper lip , doesn't even need to shove his hands so deep into pockets so as to stop their shaking . almost too good for the role , someone who had done the job he set out to do , and now only came as a favor to a friend . and because his wife allowed them the trial run of it all .
when the door opens , he nods while he looks peeta up and down . approval . ❝ you look great , ❞ he confirmed , clapping the younger man on the back . and he did , that was no lie . the nerves showed , accessories perhaps trying too hard , he thinks . but it will look good in the history books , a symbol of the nation and its unity . perfect for the occasion .
the urge of a decade and a half of pure vanity step in , and finnick reaches out and undoes the other's tie . a casual comment . ❝ that's the knot that snow used for official addresses . ❞ the littlest detail , but one he knew from so long sneaking around the shadows of the capitol . ten seconds and it's redone . ❝ this one is popular with the younger crowds . forward facing , much more fitting . ❞
@withereth | Plots for President Peeta and arguably his Vice President Finnick if Annie had allowed it.
Peeta rocked his head from side to side. His neck cracked with each twist. That uneasy feeling rising in his gut. He smoothed down the front of his lapel, buttoning the deep midnight blue jacket to keep his tie secure. Little mockingjay pins as his link cuffs, keeping his cuffs tight against his wrist.
He hated this. Hated the feeling of being on display. Hated the way his stomach rocked in his core as the lights, the cameras, the crowds were all in front of him once again. It was a farce really. He shouldn't have been the one chosen. But who else was there? Who else held favor with the districts and the Capitol the way he did? Who else had the delivery, the drive, the empathy, to wage war against the dying old guard and usher in a new world for all of Panem.
Finnick, arguably. Finnick should be the one. But Finnick had a family. Had Annie and that tiny little boy to keep safe. Finnick had done his fighting, pulled his wins, survived the unimaginable. It wouldn't have been fair to ask any more of him in this war. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to step into the arena again.
Still, Peeta needed all the allies he could get. Even if he wouldn't put Finnick back on the plate, there was no doubt in his mind, Finnick was his greatest weapon. Peeta's knuckles rapped on the door of Finnick's room, a smile covering all the nerves that dared to bubble beneath.
"So, do I look presidential enough?" he asked, opening arms wide to show off the suit.
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pain is temporary , but it's a hard-won lesson . he learned it in childhood through training , through the capitol's commodification of him, through the loneliness of thirteen , through war , through recovery . he continues to learn it while reaping the benefits . he waves off her complaint , unable to be stopped . any pain is worth it to hold her , arms enveloping her as they always would . a hand buries in her hair and he takes the opportunity to breathe her in once more , cheek against her scalp .
he shakes his head against her protestations . ❝ some people , ❞ he repeated , ❝ not everyone . definitely not everyone . you had no reason to know , ❞ he murmurs into her hair . those instincts came to some . his ma had always said no one should know the first time , that it's like having the flu . that she wasn't sure until there was movement .
he has no clue how snow might've known . he doesn't want to think about it , it makes his skin crawl . his execution must be coming soon . not soon enough . he squeezes her tighter , just barely , at the thought of her locked away in that place . if he could , he would never let her go again .
this will be okay . he works on keeping his breathing steady , and then his heartbeat , hoping it might transfer through to her .
❝ my annie , ❞ he whispers , lips at her head , kissing her again . no pleas for her to stop crying . she's certainly earned the right to react however she wants . ❝ i won't let anything happen to you . ❞
in a fashion that only he would manage , he finds joy in the situation . light , a chance to lay on compliments . she's strong , she's smart , he never fails to sing her praises . but today , he realizes that one has gone unspoken , but certainly not un-thought of . ❝ you know , ❞ another kiss to her head , ❝ i think i forgot to say how beautiful you are today . ❞
❝ ... don’t move, you’ll hurt yourself! ❞ she almost cuts him, only hearing one hey, before she tries catching him should he fall. but can tell finnick’s body isn’t working properly — most people might miss it, but she’s known him long and well enough to guess the full extent of it.
annie still finds her usual spot where she tries to hide from the world and disappear in his arms, still frail enough to almost be able to do so. the thing is, annie is only confident in affirming it’s his because her aunt was there to make all the checks and find out. she knew her aunt was perhaps the only person in thirteen that would talk to her and not lie, when finnick wasn’t there to do so.
she’s still sorry, though, shaking in his arms as her eyes water and her throat dries. ❝ i could have, ❞ she insists, ❝ snow knew. maureen said some people can feel it right away. ❞ her words as a mess, she speaks as she thinks, not real not real not real — ❝ snow kept me alive because of it. ❞
alive and unharmed. mostly. what went on in her mind didn’t matter too much. everytime she thinks she had enough opportunity to agonize on it in thirteen, the thoughts come back right away. they never hurt her, not physically, at least. she was locked up, losing her mind in claustrophobia and hearing the others, but the real weapon wasn’t her.
( thirteen wasn’t too different. except that there was less screaming and more meals. )
if annie suggests he might not stay, it’s because she wasn’t given the option in the first place — and she might at least do him the curtesy of asking. she had been slowly preparing herself to do it alone, after leaving thirteen.
❝ ... in five months. if everything goes fine. ❞ she laughs through tears, unable to determine whether they’re from fear or relief all at once. ❝ we are. ❞ we, together, the thought is so strange to think and say out loud. though their child survived a quell and the capitol, and certainly it can be okay, too.
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the immediate reaction is relief that he wasn’t the one to determine all of these facts , but an ongoing worry tells him how unfair it was that annie was left to discover this all on her own . she was strong , but this should be a shared burden . the smallest voice in the back of his mind hears mags … the trouble he would have been in .
she must be right , that it’s his . though the mind goes dark places , she speaks so assuredly . regardless , if the child is hers , he will be there all the same . no questions asked beyond his initial clarification . well , perhaps many questions , but none suggesting any fault beyond his own . this shouldn’t be possible , wouldn’t someone have warned him ? he should go to the doctor , that much is obvious , but not something he must do in this moment . right now , he needs to be there with her .
❝ hey , hey , ❞ he shushes her gently . his body screams in retaliation , but he slides slowly into the floor with her . his arms work , at least well enough to lower himself down , and then to take her in . ❝ how could you have known ? don’t be sorry . ❞ finnick points out , holding her to his chest . if the barrier of a kiss was broken , holding her should be fine . he should’ve known , he should’ve asked .
even the suggestion that he might not stay sends pain through him . if he weren’t so overwhelmed with shock , he might have cried . ❝ i’m not going anywhere , ❞ he insists . the tone is perhaps a touch too strong , affixing his place in her life . their life , for once . ❝ we’re going to be okay . thank you for telling me . i guess … we're going to be parents ? ❞
to say it out loud makes annie’s mind spiral through things she didn’t even think about. she had time to do the maths, to estimate that it started the night before the quell. that there was a baby growing in the capitol, too, and — that it survived it all, somehow.
❝ yes, ❞ she says, nodding. she asked the medics, repeatedly, not because it was supposed to be impossible, but because annie had to hang on the hope that it wasn’t someone else’s. she already didn’t remember most of her time in the capitol, or all that happened in there. the only part she was certain of was that they’d let her be mostly unharmed, which she always thought didn’t make sense.
❝ since the quell. i don’t know much about how it works either, i had to ask maureen. ❞ she pauses, her face hardening. ❝ i’m sorry, i never knew before thirteen told me. ❞ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry — because she went in anyways, because she and her child could have both died, and no one would have even known. because snow had a good weapon in his hands, and he knew.
❝ for me, it means i won’t have that much time left alone. ❞ she never did consider stopping it while she could. but thirteen didn’t give her the option, and she had enough blood on her hand to have a new faceless ghost in her nightmares anyways. and also, because when she learned, finnick was already gone, and —
❝ ... you don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to. ❞ even if he said he’d stay, she can’t just impose it to him. not now, after they didn’t even consider the risks because it wasn’t supposed to be possible anyways.
#pregnancy tw#abortion tw#rape mention tw#[ finnick | v; post rebellion ]#[ finnick | interactions ]#crestalls
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his body answers immediately where the mind could not , breaking through a sense of propriety to find her . he stoops while his fingers tilt her chin up just slightly as his lips meet hers . it isn’t harsh or needy like their reunion in thirteen . instead he kisses her slowly , savoring the moment . he was sure he’d never do this again , be so close that he could feel like a whole again .
pain shoots up his back and sides in protest to the deep movement of it all , but he can’t make himself care . when he finally pulls free , his face is relaxed , some deep tension off his shoulders . still , he winces with the discomfort .
finnick listens , one of the few things he is unequivocally good at . he listens , though she takes so long to say what she has to . he wants to learn everything through her eyes . so much gone to the wayside , out of his view while he was gone . he doubts that she would fall apart . she , who was so strong in the face of everything that had ever come against her . no , his annie was impenetrable , even if she didn’t think so .
when she finishes her thought , his mind goes blank . all musings and hopes go out the window , there is only those final four words . ❝ mine ? ❞ he doesn’t ask if she’s sure , she must be if she said it , but he doesn’t understand how . the confusion is clear on his face . he didn’t pay attention in science class at the best of times , and that was hardly so detailed . ❝ how … how far along are you ? ❞ the question feels foreign , he hardly knows what it means . ❝ wait , actually , i don’t think i know how long it lasts , either way . ❞ instead , he pivots , clarifying . ❝ what does this mean for us ? ❞
annie sits on the floor because she’s scared to break him if she goes in his lap like she usually would. he seems frail like he never did, probably the way she looked after the capitol. they’ll take it slow, now that they have time to. she tries not to think about the next time their status will have them be called back to the capitol no matter who resides in it.
he’s all hers just now, though, because she’ll have to share him in a few months — if he stays. it takes effort for her not to make a face when she realizes she still haven’t told him. ❝ kiss me then, ❞ she whispers as if they still have to hide.
annie isn’t told often she’s smart. actually, she hears the opposite more, and almost got used and believe what others say she is. she can’t stop the visible surprise in her look though, and breathes in. breathes out. ❝ i almost did, ❞ she admits. she would have if the remaining members of her family weren’t in thirteen as refugees from four, if asterid everdeen’s state of mind haven’t motivated her to be something else.
❝ but i had a good motivation not to. ❞ there’s a long pause as she ponders whether she should tell him right now or wait or — but if she waits, there might be no other moment before she loses him again or it shows. there’s no good way to say it, not in their position, but she’s never told anyone except the medic who found out. ❝ i’m pregnant. ❞ these are the most two surreal words she’s ever heard herself say. ❝ it’s yours. ❞
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impervious to most rules , cashmere speaks her mind almost freely to the district folk . what would they do ? judge her ? even among the victors , she doesn't think there's much to be said on the matter .
finnick had explained the beach many a time . he loved it , and so she loved it through him . part of their age-old task of expanding each other's minds beyond the confines of their own homes and the capitol . she liked stories of the beach and the high sea best , always a daredevil .
❝ that i do , ❞ she nodded , glancing over her shoulder briefly , as if he might suddenly materialize . he doesn't , which she's immensely grateful for . ❝ your uncle's was the first victory tour that I was allowed to attend , actually . not that i remember it -- so long ago . ❞ she says casually , as if it means nothing at all . the games , really , hardly do to her now . there are much worse things around the bend .
for mayor aveline , at least , it was more of a selling point than anything . a charming man with a charming wife , blonde and beautiful and eloquent , the latter swelling with life . proof of the capitol's promises . of upward mobility from the wealthy to the very wealthy , at least .
❝ i've been looking forward to getting to know you now that the dust has settled . i've heard so much . ❞
annie tries on a shy, little smile that she hopes doesn’t look too much like a wince. she isn’t sure if she’s allowed to voice an opinion on someone else’s district, especially on district one, so she just nods instead.
❝ i trust you on that point, then, you know it better than i do. ❞ as long as she’s not home, she knows she can’t talk too much. that’s what uncle kade told her, and he knows what touring is like better than anyone else. ❝ the beach is my favorite place in four, too! ❞
this time it’s sincere — and she feels her heart drop at the idea that her favorite cove is still so far away. that there’s still more hours before she can finally board the train again and get home.
❝ annie. ❞ introductions are a mastered art by now, with the thousands she’s done, though her own name matters little as everyone know it already. an odd feeling she’ll never get used to. ❝ ... you don’t mean the mayor, do you? ❞
she can hardly hide the surprise in her voice — four’s mayor doesn’t have a family, or if he does, annie’s never heard of them.
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his body won't comply with desires to be close , to sit on the floor splayed out like a child , which sends a spike of anxiety through him . something to learn to tamp down , terrifying for the boy who has always been able to complete anything his mind was set to . he aches to be nearer , but that's hardly possible under the current circumstances . he hangs on her every word , nodding along .
he knows that they know , but it's unimportant . he doesn't often concern himself with the politics of being right . much more important to sow happiness , especially in times like these . he won't lie , but he certainly isn't in the business of arguing about this . ❝ i'm all yours , ❞ he promises without thought . it's true , and so recently . he lifts her hand to his lips , pressing a kiss to her knuckles . his eyes can't seem to leave her face , soaking her up to make up for all of the lost time .
a smile forms at the sound of her speaking those three all important words . it's music to him , and he can't get enough of it . ❝ i'll never leave again , ❞ he says , shaking his head . ❝ not without you . ❞ the war is over , and they have what they have fought so hard for . what else could he ask for ? the rest of the world will work its way through the muck and the garbage , but this corner of the country is theirs .
the other arm extends towards her , his hand running over her hair and down her face , cupping her cheek , holding her face with care . nothing much has changed , she is still annie , if a little weathered . tired , probably . saddened , definitely . the light is still there , coming from within . ❝ you're smart , but you know that , right ? i've never met someone as sharp as you . not ever . i'm so proud of you for ... everything . i would have fallen apart . ❞
even before she set foot in her first arena, annie has always liked the floor better than chairs or couches. and so she settles on her usual spot, when finnick doesn’t pull her closer. because even months apart can’t destroy years of learned nonverbal cues, and that’s how she knows he’s real — if he wasn’t, if that was a capitol mutt, she wouldn’t even understand him.
ordering him to leave doesn’t even cross her mind. she’d have all the reasons to, but she can’t even imagine being alone again. he’s got that look on his face she can recognize every time, and it convinces her more, too — because no one else could fake it. not even a mutt or a body double.
but they, they, they, the unnamed forces that they don’t want to mention out loud aren’t what she wants to think about right now. coin and plutarch and all of those who discarded her can wait. ❝ maybe they still don’t even know. and get to have you all to myself for once. ❞ a small hope for her, because else why wouldn’t anyone have told her? she should have been the first to be told, after all, since they thought it was a good idea to broadcast their wedding to the whole nation.
a small hope, because it would mean no one would be looking for him here to take finnick away again. ❝ i love you, too. ❞ there’s no silence to make him wait — of course she does, she never stopped. ❝ i knew you weren’t gone. deep down. that you’d come back. ❞ and of course, she brushed it off like any other delusion to not have her hopes crushed. ❝ there was no canon fired. ❞
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MADGE , who hardly had the skill or time to cook for herself , soaks up the knowledge of recipes like a parched plant . roots stretching wide , thirsty. she watches with care , a peaceful expression on her face , all soft smiles . ❝ i didn’t know it was so easy . all of this sorta seems like magic to me . ❞
hands rest on the countertop, holding her weight as she leaned against it . ❝ as soon as it gets airish , all i want is something sweet . can’t help it . ❞
@withereth asked: ∞ + 5 from madge
Secret recipe stuff had never been something he could quite live by. In terms of business, it was smart to keep the specialties to yourself. Peeta didn't really have that sort of mind, though. Food should be shared with others, otherwise it becomes tasteless. And if people enjoy your food --- wether it's by a pastry or by recipe --- it is a goal accomplished. But those were his views. His parents would never agree.
"We'll use a pinch of sugar and a dash of spice," he said, a practiced hand adding the ingredients in a bowl as she stirred. "You can lick the spoon, after. It tastes nice."
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it's all so ... something . something he has never had the words for , not fully summed up by the term overwhelming . he wants to throw up , but there would be nothing to send up . nerves kept him from any meaningful amount of food for the day . probably for the best .
carefully , he finds the seat , never letting go of her hand in the process , using it to tether her closer . he nearly tugs her into his lap out of habit alone but stops himself . it's been months , he hardly even knows if she wants him at all after everything he has put her through . legality of the thing be damned , he would do whatever she wanted , even if that meant leaving at her command and never returning .
his eyes are filled with desire . for her , for their life , for their district . all of the world that he'd been deprived of ever since july . he squeezes her hand , not tight enough to hurt , but desperate to feel human connection , a grounding source to the earth .
it makes sense , he thinks , to have heard nothing . he's not even sure when or how much thirteen might have known he was alive . ❝ i don't know when they found out , ❞ he admits . definitely before now , before his transport home was sorted , but he hadn't thought to ask before . his mind was elsewhere . ❝ i haven't spoken to any of them , not even haymitch . i only know what's happening from the news , sort of . ❞
it must be under wraps . how embarrassing to lose track of someone so famous ... to have left him behind to rot . they must be deciding on a story . some way to spin it that didn't rely on the kindness of capitol citizens making space for a rebel in their ward .
❝ i love you, annie . ❞ it spills out of him , like something unable to be held back . unrelated to the topic at hand , but words he can't not say . he has missed her , he is glad to see her , but most importantly , he loves her . his voice falls , not whining , but not far from it , either , as he repeats himself . ❝ i love you . ❞
not real not real not real. she can’t afford losing him again, when she’s already lost him more times than she can remember. annie leaves the chair empty — unable to get used to a victor’s furniture that’s much more luxurious to district thirteen’s and too comfortable compared to an arena or capitol cell. besides, finnick needs it more than she does.
the breaker bar is discarded next to the blankets where it used to be — the war has never been over to her, she still feels like a prisoner in her own home as all she’s done is change from one cell to another after the capitol. the house is new because she couldn’t dare staying alone in her uncle’s, nor take anyone else’s. she needs a place without ghosts, though the bones of a house are just a reminder that they’ll follow her wherever she goes. especially now, when thirteen discarded her as soon as they could. and strangely enough, finnick is the first visitor she’s had in days. days she lost count of — unless she looks at the marks on the wall she’s writing down to remember better.
she doesn’t get visitors like she would have never gotten the news of his death if she wasn’t in the dining hall when the screens lit up with a mandatory viewing of flickerman celebrating. no canon was heard, though, and she had the smallest hope that finnick would come back — because otherwise, someone would have told her something.
of course she takes his hand, desperately holding it just like their first day in thirteen when none of them ever let go.
and then she just listens, unwilling to interrupt the flow of words because she’d never be able to tell that kind of stories out loud. ❝ i know. ❞ her voice is a whisper, an exhausted one, because it’s been too long since she last had anyone to talk to. ❝ i believe you. ❞ of course she does, she always did. it’s not finnick she’s angry at, and maybe he can know because the hand he’s holding slowly stops shaking. ❝ you’re not the one i’m angry at. ❞ he doesn’t deserve it, but thirteen, and everdeen, and everyone else who didn’t consider her in the picture and didn’t deem her worthy of information about her husband did. ❝ no one ever told me anything. i found out like everybody because we were in the dining hall when the broadcast started. ❞ annie vaguely remembers a hand holding her, though she forgot whether it was enobaria’s or johanna’s — though the latter was unlikely.
and yet, she watched the remaining everdeen be summoned by command, while she had to come back to her empty quarters waiting for a summon that would never come.
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“You learned to laugh before you learned to talk.”
— Unknown
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all he can do is insist on his own existence . the thin balance between invalidation of annie's thoughts and gentle correction as to the actual state of things could sometimes be a tough road to walk . today more than most . it's not everyday that he arises from the dead , though he knows better than nearly anyone how often he could swear some ghost from a past life had reappeared in his dreams .
swarms of them came throughout his time in the makeshift hospital , an old clinic fixed up for tasks much graver than initially expected . his ma and pa , sisters , cousins , old school friends , himself in other bodies - studies into what might have been . he doesn't know how she handles it .
he wants to explain, needs to explain . the thought of him not following through on promises to always return is unfathomable .
he has walked through hell to be here .
eyes glance down , at first taking her all in . she is as beautiful as the day he left . as beautiful as the day they met , whenever that may have been . he's sure of it regardless . his love can only grow . however , he settles on the breaker bar . no comment on the thing , but he does sent out hopes into the universe that the tool is dropped . he would rather not have a dent in his skull when the skin over it was still so freshly healing .
it's never good to see annie so close to tears . but now , he knows it means her mind has not won out on suspicions . he is hers , and nobody else's . not some capitol concoction sent to sabotage her life . her finnick .
he follows behind her . the house's newness , though it is many years old , strikes him . a project for later , not for today . he shoves it to the back of his mind . no question about if the place is bugged , he isn't positive that he's ever had a conversation that was truly kept to the parties involved , regardless . but he trusts her .
the makeshift camp is sweet , almost , if it wasn't also sad . he understands . time and energy are at a premium , and they cannot be wasted on interior design and shopping for furniture when the world is falling apart . no judgement shows on his face . never does .
❝ it's just fine , ❞ he insists . weight shifts onto his better leg , the opposite arm releasing the crutch and reaching out slowly . he offers a hand , but she doesn't have to take it .
he lays into an explanation , starting with the tarring of the capitol block and presumed first death , or at least the first day that he saw the celebratory posters appear , and through the rest . through the sewers , through waking up alone , through hoping for her . remembering how to speak , calling out for her , learning how to walk , pleading for release . the train ride back . the good, bad, and ugly alike . throughout it all , there she is in his mind .
when he finally quiets , his throat hurts . when was the last time he had spoken for so long ? he isn't sure . ❝ okay . there it is . whatever you have to say ... i'm sure i deserve it , but please , annie , believe me when i say it was all for you . ❞
annie is no stranger to delusions. she’s the mad victor from four, after all, that’s how the whole nation knows her — but this one is much stronger than any other delusions she’s faced before, because they all had one tiny detail that could be discovered to serve as the key back to reality.
not real not real not real — she’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to get back from that one if it’s just her mind playing tricks again. not real not real not real — the crutches could be that detail, but also no one’s told her what really went down the day he died. no one ever tells her anything, not in any of her conditions.
what feels like an eternity passes in which she temporarily loses the ability to speak, and just stares. their wedding in thirteen feeling like a fever dream, something she’s not really sure to have happened at all. not real not real not real — annie needs to tighten her hold on the breaking bar, though it doesn’t help to make sense of things either.
she remembers the day they decided on the nickname, hidden away in a dead corner they knew was free from cameras or spying mics. it stayed because it was the first to make them both crack up, despite the reason why they were picking a nickname in the first place. a weak shield to body doubles and hijacking, just in case. she’d jump in his arms right then and there like she did in thirteen if the old fear of getting caught wasn’t taking over her mind.
i’ll explain everything, finnick says, and she can’t help but doubt. no one’s told her anything for months. not ever since she came back from the capitol, because her file and footage indicate everything but an alliance to the rebels. she feels tears of relief coming.
❝ not here. it’s still full of bugs. ❞ coin’s, this time. formerly snow’s, but beetee at least told her how to find the bugs and unplug them. not real not real not real — she opens the door wider to let him in anyways, leading him to what most victors used as an office back in the day, the closest room to the entrance that only faces the sea.
it’s scarce, in there, to say the least. some blankets and a pillow are shoved on the floor in a corner, there’s a chair from her old bedroom in the other. she hung up some old bedsheets to make a fort a few hours ago, just to stare at something else than the ceiling.
❝ it’s not much, but, um. ❞ annie presses her lips together, suddenly embarrassed. ❝ it’s the only safe room to talk into. ❞
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