write-the-bullets-nobody

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

Imbolc: February 1st - February 2nd

"In the Celtic calendar, Imbolc represents the start of spring. Animals could be put out to pasture and were no longer dependent on stored hay. barns and homes that had been shuttered throughout the long winter could be cleaned or at the very least aired out. There were newly born animals in the pens which also meant a fresh flow of milk. in many ways, this point of the calendar represented a time of cleansing, renewal, and rebirth." ~ Llewellyns Sabbat Essentials: Imbolc

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

Hey Mate, got tips for Brigid Worship that doesn't involve American/English/Wiccan stuff? I'm an Irish ex-Catholic who's trying to worship the Tuatha Dé Danann (I'm mainly focusing on Brigid because I loved her Saint equivalent growing up), but a lot of my research keeps showing me English/American Neogpagan and Wiccan Shite. Any advice?

hey mate! i’ll link some resources for you to peruse, hopefully they help. mix up of gaelic-centric and celtic-centric pagan resources

Gaol Naofa (a website discussing Gaelic polytheism)

Tairis (another website discussing Gaelic polytheism)

An Introduction to the Tuatha  Dé Danann (video)

Na hÉireanneach

A Smaller Social History of Ancient Ireland

Pagan Portals - Gods and Goddesses of Ireland: A Guide to Irish Deities

Gods and Fighting Men: The Story of the Tuatha De Danann and of the Fianna of Ireland (not sure where to link, this was lent to me! fer sure you can find it though)

The Cailleach in Irish Megalithic Traditions

Druids, Deer, and Words of Power: Coming to Terms with Evil in Medieval Ireland

The Book of Celtic Magic: Transformative Teachings from the Cauldron of Awen by Kristoffer Hughes

The Religion of Ancient Celts 

Legendary Fictions of the Irish Celts

Brigid of the Celts

An Introduction to Celtic Reconstructionist Paganism

The Tain (amazon bleugh)

Irish Imbolc Customs

Scottish Deities: Brighde

Brighid, Goddess and Saint

Tending Brighid’s Flame (amazon bleugh)

How to Make a Brighid Cross from Rushes

to keep in mind while reading: Cailleach is not a member of the Tuatha Dé, and her lore supersedes theirs by a long shot. The Cailleach - Brighid dichotomy is specifically a Scottish folkloric tradition and does not appear in Irish folkloric tradition.

as far as personal experience, i don’t know much about brighid. never formed a bond with her, honestly, and she’s never shown interest in me in return. but i still celebrate her feast and do a lot of basic worship of her that day.

my main tip for you would be that, well... it’ll seem harsh, but coming from a fellow irish person, the tuatha de danann are nothing like the catholic god. they don’t love you unconditionally, and they aren’t omnipresent or all knowing. wise and powerful, fer sure, but your relationship with them will be completely different and unfamiliar at first. 

the irish deities were originally venerated ancestors. they became divine as the legends of them spread. the tuatha de danann are more like if an EXTREMELY powerful and respected war general was your landlord. offerings are less about connection and more about payin’ your rent! 

at the bare bones basics: there was an agreement between humans and them that they’d retreat from the war that was resulting in the near-extinction of both their peoples, IF the human invaders would leave part of their harvest goods for them on the mounds and edges of forests and windowsills on certain fests and holidays. with that deal struck, the tuatha de danann retreated underground beneath the faery mounds and very soil we stand on.

so keep in mind: the gods do not love you until you build that relationship. they’re not your parent, they’re not a friend. they are wiser, stronger, and more powerful than you in every way. holy fear should be part of it at first when it comes to irish deities. obviously you can still form a close bond, even worship them or become a close communicator! but you have to earn that first. 

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

𝘉𝘌 𝘚𝘞𝘌𝘌𝘛 𝘛𝘖 𝘔𝘌, 𝘉𝘈𝘉𝘠 𝘍𝘛. 𝘓𝘌𝘝𝘐𝘈𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘕

- ̗̀໒ WARNINGS : TW FOR INSECURITY READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. f!reader, angsty in the beginning, loss of virginity, teasing, nipple play, begging, fingering, oral, mating press, creampie, squirting

- ̗̀໒ WORD COUNT : 2k

req: can we get a insecure virgin reader + levi plz? if ur comfy with it can it go into feel better smut? I've read all your fics on ao3 and I'm obsessed I need more of your writings! xx

Your tears make him feel sick to his stomach.

It breaks his heart, seeing the glimmering saltwater welling and spilling down your cheeks in damp tracks. Your lip wobbles as you sniffle while your hands shakily grasp his forearms, further widening the canyon opening in his gut.

"Why are you upset?" His voice is soft, trying his best to be soothing and not spook you. The last thing he wants to do is make you feel like he's coming towards you confrontationally.

"I feel," you hiccup, "I feel like you just don't like me- like that." The way your words dissolve into more tears.

It's a helpless feeling, not knowing why you feel this way or what to do about it. He knows he has a tendency to get lost in something, tunnel vision on whatever new release is happening or whatever game he's immersed in, but to know he made you feel so unimportant in the process? He thought you could see through all that, but maybe he'd just assumed rather than ever have a conversation about it.

His mind is racing, tripping over itself as his own hands shake. How long were you carrying this feeling? He felt like a fool, he was a fool; shamelessly failing you.

Yet, he's doing it again, staying silent for far too long and falling inside himself, leaving you to crumple against your mattress. You push him away as he attempts to hold onto you, console you. Instead wailing, "Am I not what you wanted?"

You feel stupid, humiliated, just wanting the earth to open underfoot and swallow you into it's depths. Anything to get away from this feeling. You were human, and he's been surrounded by the most beautiful inhuman beings for eons how could you believe you could compare?

Softly he places a hand to your back, fingers stroking up and down your spine in a deliberately comforting manner. "I... You're everything I wanted. I want you all the time, always, I want to be with you every second of every day. I feel real jealousy towards the people who are with you in moments that I'm not," you hear the hitch in his voice, "I think you're the best thing that's been in my life."

His face is aflame by the time you turn around, no longer feeling the need to hide so urgently. Not when he's just made himself, finally, vulnerable to you. "Do you really mean that?"

He swallows thickly, but his eyes never stray from yours and his hand comes to tightly lace your fingers together against the mattress.

"I really do. I just... You know how sometimes when things feel like they're going really well, say a sunny day happened- you don't bother to check the weather," his voice becomes smaller as he squeezes your hand, "but when the sun's out at midnight, you should be checking. I should've checked on you. Should've been less selfish all the time. I'm sorry-"

His words are cut off in a low groan of surprise as you throw yourself against his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face against his skin. "I love you, it's not all on you. I should've- I should've said something, even just once."

His arms come firmly around you as you continue, "I just... I just want you to love me, too."

"I do love you," he murmurs against the side of your head, pressing his lips there just for that moment of closeness.

"Why haven't you shown me?"

That gives him pause. "What do you mean?"

It almost stumps him, truly. He makes sure to kiss you, always be there with you when he can, helps you with anything you need-

"You never try, you know, touching me," your voice is suddenly shy. "Haven't you wanted to?"

His breathing almost stops as you grasp his wrist tenderly, clearly giving him the space to pull away and say no if he wishes, but he doesn't. Instead watching with bated breath as it disappears beneath your shirt, feeling your warm skin under his fingertips.

Even when you draw your hand away, his remains, gingerly moving upward over your belly before stopping, letting the curve of his thumb and index rest beneath the swell of your bare breast.

You hum in approval, gently tugging him down as you let yourself fall back against the bedspread and pull him into a heated kiss, full of sudden desperation.

You nip at his bottom lip while he draws his hand back down, only to tug on the hem of your tshirt, prompting you to prop up on your elbows as your chest is exposed to the evening chill. When his lips wrap around one of your hardened nipples your head tips back with a groan, enjoying the feel of his tongue sliding over the bud.

Quickly you become restless, whining and moving your legs in an attempt to accommodate your fastly dampening underwear. You can feel the nerves standing on end, making you squirm even more and cueing Levi to slide his other hand down past the waist of your pajama pants.

The tips of his fingers rest just before he'd reach your slick folds, making your clit pulse in anticipation. You're trembling, trying to gasp out how badly you just need him to touch you or you might go insane.

It could've been hours with how much he was teasing you, coming up to slide his tongue between your lips and dipping back down to alternate attention between your breasts. That hand, however, remained still inside your panties.

You rutted your hips brazenly, not caring for anything but relief now, but he evades it. Always managing to move his hand ever so slightly so as to not touch you. The pressure was reaching its boiling point, your clit ached so fiercely it left you with fresh tears gathering in your waterline.

Finally as your eyes meet, his fingers slide through your slick folds and you nearly sob at the sensation. The sticky noises as he slides two fingers inside you, prodding your warm walls, and keeping steady pressure on your clit with his thumb makes you feel lightheaded. Still, you don't look away from him.

He's drinking in every expression like a fine wine: your pupils blown out and glassy, lips moving in moans and whimpers, the flex of your neck muscles wishing to tip back.

The feeling in your gut is akin to a spring loaded coil, just reeling and reeling further back with every swipe of his thumb over your clit and every curl of his fingers. The sheer intensity of the environment between you two makes that coil suddenly snap, causing you to break eye contact and wail in ecstasy.

Your thighs shake and your hands come to claw at his back furiously, mind going numb as you feel your bottoms growing wetter the more you writhe in the pleasure high.

As your orgasm slowly dissolves, rose colored world coming into focus when you open your eyes, your legs still tremble with aftershocks as his hand pulls out of your bottoms. You're floating, delightfully boneless as he leans back and tugs them down your legs.

His mouth waters at the glossy mess between your legs, watching the way you throb around nothing. All thought ceases when he shimmies down on his stomach between your legs, warm breath on your thighs sending a shiver down your spine.

His tongue slowly rolls from his lips while you're stuck still, eyes unable to look away, before licking a fat stripe up your messy cunt. He holds your folds open before going back in, tongue prodding your entrance and making your eyes roll back in your head.

He's a panting, moaning mess as he devours you and there's nowhere else he'd rather be than between your legs. Lithe fingers brush against your clit once more, relishing in the way it makes you squeal from above. He presses his tongue flat against it, feeling overjoyed at the way it tears an even bigger reaction from your body.

Something shifts, he wants, no needs, all of you right now or he feels like he may very well die. That thought is what has him shooting up, tugging his pants off and letting his throbbing cock smack against his abdomen as it springs from his underwear. Quickly he shuffles back between your legs, sliding his cock in between your sloppy folds.

You reach down to hold your legs open, mind switched off and only chasing the base instinct for complete intimacy with him. Slowly he presses forward, rocking his hips slowly before his cock fully nudges inside you. Your legs spasm as it does, fighting against the overstimulation as you gasp out but don't call for him to stop. Slowly he slides inside you until your hips are flush, once again watching your expressions. You look like the picture of bliss, chest heaving with full breaths and adjusting to the new sensation of being full.

It nearly renders him shocked as you cup your breasts, kneading your flesh and your hips grind up so that you're using him.

He lets you, holding your hips for support because honestly it's the hottest thing he's ever witnessed. You getting yourself off with his cock, like it was a toy, sets his head spinning. Your moans rise and rise as your pace becomes messy, frantic. Your back arches and your pussy clenched around him so firmly it makes him draw in a sharp inhale. It's beyond beautiful, watching you completely lose yourself and fall apart on his cock.

In your pleasure chasing daze you stop holding your legs up, letting them fall sharply and he eagerly chases after you, folding your legs up and pounding into your hungry cunt while one of your hands fists in his hair. He's never had the privilege to feel something this incredible, hearing you chant his name like a mantra and the sound of skin slapping in some perverse harmony.

He's clenching his jaw, unable to take his eyes off you as he feels you clamp down once more. It's only slightly jolting to feel liquid spray his abdomen but it doesn't make him slow down, if anything it only encourages his thrusts to become deeper and messier before slowing. Relaxing into the feeling of your pussy and his cock throbbing in time while he fills you to the brim with warm, opaque fluid.

He's certain you could never doubt his devotion again after tonight, and he'll make sure to see you fall apart and to fill you up again and again from here on. It's a promise on repeat in his mind as you both slow, coming to lay still against one another as you catch your collective breath.

Gently you release your grip on his hair, fingers lazily sliding through the strands instead as he presses his ear over your heart, just enjoying the afterglow especially with such an intense series of events tonight.

"I love you," he whispers into your skin, arms sliding beneath you as he relaxes further against your body.

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

How am I not surprised that Ned would actually cheat on his wife? I feel bad for his wife and kids. I hope she finds someone better than him.

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

You are allowed to be angry

You are allowed to be disappointed

You are allowed to dislike being treated badly

You are allowed to distance yourself from those who hurt you

Not wanting anything to do with your abuser doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you safer and happier

No one should be stuck in a place that makes them miserable

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

September 2nd, 2022

I feel like I'm at my lowest, drowning and no one giving a damn. The intrusive thoughts are worse than ever. I feel like I'm a recluse, barely existing. August seemed to fly by like a murder of crows while I disconnect from the world around me.

I don't feel excited about much anymore. I just turned last Sunday and I was just about shunned to the people I love. Am I a real person? Or am I a shell of a person? I have no one to talk to about the feelings. Why would I be vulnerable if it ends with me being fucked over?

I'm losing desire to do a lot of things anymore. I'm not suicidal. I just want to live a successful life as an adult and be the adult that child me wished she had when growing up that would never judge her or make her in this box of who she has to be in order to be loved.

The nightmares are coming back; revisiting the same trauma over and over. It's a limbo where a side of me wants to grow into myself and be better. But I feel beaten down and dragged through the dirt.

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

Don't ever fall in love. It's only gonna hurt you more that bring joy.

It's Show & Tell Time!

If you could travel back in time and give younger-you one piece of advice, what would you tell them?

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

Perfect mask

A cunning smirk, a playful act,

Eyes of earth looking into the crowd-

'Take a bow, take a bow'

'Dont let them see your flaws-

Cut throat is all you know'

It's all a lie, i fooled you all,

A facade is all it took to cower away-

Trauma masked with fluoxetine flowers,

A sharp tongue with unspoken pain-

Youthful face of broken skin,

static eyes for the world around me.

-Nobody

[write-the-bullets-nobody]

I live in this constant state of static, like an VHS tape trying to boot up a movie. I'm there but I'm not there. My words may be faded in the smoke of the internet but fuck it, I guess.

My mother always told me to try journaling or writing in a diary but I never seen the point of it. I guess I'll give this blog a shot. What do I have to lose? I guess I will introduce myself.

I'm NoBody, a 23 year old woman. I honestly have no idea who I am. Like yes, I'm aware that I'm me in the technical sense. I just don't know the spiritual and emotional aspects of who I am.

My stepfather says that I'm wasting my life away at a damn dead end job while I should be in college. He doesn't believe that I'm as fucked up as I am. I respect him for being there for me as a father when I was growing up. My father thinks he knows me but I can respect him for trying to build a relationship with me. My mother is my probably the only friends I have in my life. She's my rock.