writingsonthewall404

[writingsonthewall404]

Bald Cypress seeds in with my amber.

[writingsonthewall404]

Perfect Mirrors in Eden

Once upon a time, there was a young girl, careless and free, floating around in the world in search of something real. 

She met a boy, free and hungry, that offered her a chance at the unknown. She took the plunge, she had nothing to lose, and hand in hand, they walked through the door. 

It was perfect in the start. They met each other as souls. They made love that way, too. Perfect mirrors, they reflected one another’s divinity, and without words, they completely saw and loved the other person as they were. 

Some time in Eden has past, and restlessness settled in. They wanted to take this love down to earth, where it could take root and grow into something real. So, they ate the apple, and shot each other down, but they weren’t prepared for what awaited them. 

Perfect mirrors, they reflected back each other’s fears. They strayed from the divine, and into the humanness of their love. A test of their commitment to this unfolding. The breaking point. He couldn’t face himself, so he broke the mirror and ran. 

Broken and alone, she cried and cried. She wanted to believe in his potential, that he could come back and face him in her, but he never did. He wasn’t ready. He was honest. The honesty cut like a knife. She still cries alone at night, thinking back to when they were angels together in Eden. 

[writingsonthewall404]

Reawakening

I yawn a lot but i think my soul’s tired. Rehashing and rewiring the elements of my self has made it harder to get up before noon. I hear the birds chirping, but the cloudy skies don’t look so inviting. I’ve got to purge. I have this fantasy of squeezing out all the impurities in my face as a sort of emptying. I want the birds to come in through the window screen and peck at me until I’m no longer of flesh, only bone. The bell tolls, a hollow gong. I am mine once again. I’ve got the face of a soldier who has seen plenty of wars. Reality comes knocking on my door, and I’m ready to answer, but stern. This is the effects of an energy callback. The pendulum swings. 

[writingsonthewall404]

To my past lover

You pulled me in and told me that you could keep me here, with you, under the covers, where we could laugh for hours and talk about magic. You held me close—closer than anyone’s held me before, in mind, body, and spirit. The stars were our guides and friends as we walked together down the road less traveled, into the rose garden. Or so I thought. Things got complicated. I became the embodiment of the shadows that lurk inside your mind and you became mine. We were no longer our safety—we morphed into something much darker. So, we ran from each other.

You didn’t want to explore the land of shadows with me. You wanted to stay in paradise, in safety. I wanted to go on that journey, to know what I don’t yet know. To see what I haven’t seen. Our interests conflicted, so, we had to let each other go.

I love you forever, my dear friend. You showed me what intimacy is, and that’s a gift I take with me as I go on. You opened my heart, and let me experience the depths of my emotions. You broke my fears, and I guess I wanted to return the favor. But some fears are too deep, and the hurt too raw. That’s okay. I can learn to accept limits. My own and yours. Thank you for your final gift to me. Accepting and honoring myself as I am now, fears, limits, and all.

[writingsonthewall404]

I don't take anything too seriously. Maybe that's how I'm able to come and go as things come and go naturally. There's no such thing as permanence in my world, I've learned that long ago. This can come manifest as abandonment issues, but there's another side to the coin called adaptability. I can change like the weather and it's nothing to me. I can roll with the punches and let it wash over me and I'm still whole. I just stand still, and wait for the fire ache in my heart to subside.

[writingsonthewall404]

Tear me up! Tear me down! Whatever you do, I’ll be happy to play with you. You shine a light on my shadow and make me see things I’d rather not see. All is well, in the end. I know that it’s a bitter medicine, but coming from you, it’s all the more sweet.

The pain and the aches subside when I realize that you’re holding up a mirror. The ego wants to scratch and break it cuz it can’t stand to look at itself in the eyes. What fun!

[writingsonthewall404]

[writingsonthewall404]

A ladybug with no spots. I'm a ray of light, a girl with a sunny disposition. They try to understand me, but they never will. They've never lived the life I have, not with the mind I have either. There's no use in making them. To continue to live the life that feels most authentic to me is all that I can do. No one needs to understand —

[writingsonthewall404]

You depart with wings

And arrive with the soles of your feet battered and bruised

Who shot you down and made you run for salvation?

The inner critic — a being with no mercy.

[writingsonthewall404]

Melancholy

tags along

like a friend.

We live together.

Do you see her?

[writingsonthewall404]

Walked around a lot and found my heart in the acorn between the squirrel's little hands as he buried it in the dirt. Pat, pat, pat, to make sure it stays put. I found my love in the setting sunlight, illuminated further by the reflections made by the water rippling, reflections breaking, but never dimming, only growing brighter and brighter that it hurts your eyes if you look too long. There's no such thing as silence while you're still alive. I put my writing away in drawers, sometimes in cars, and I forget them. Pieces of my heart logged and forgotten, to be dispersed into the world. I close my eyes and let the waves inside my chest rock me to sleep. The ocean's daughter. Mother nature's son. I am but one, letting it all flow through me, leaving me teary-eyed but grateful.

[writingsonthewall404]

I’ve got something on my mind.

[writingsonthewall404]

Supple

If you don't bend, you break. I'm bending. Had I been rigid like I once was in the past, I would have broken long ago. I'm not too absurd with my line, it's the one hard line in the sand I've drawn. And who did I seek comfort and support from? A cold, hard wall as tall as the eye can see. One part of me says that I should've known better, the other is proud of me for being vulnerable and giving chances. I guess it shows that I'm still soft. I hope to be soft forever. For life not to harden me but to keep me supple.

[writingsonthewall404]

The one thing I ever wanted to be was free. I think my words can take me there, my life, my art, to propel me to heights unknown to me. I’m in the dirt and grime of it all. I’m in the hot heap of flesh that’s other people. It’s disgusting and beautiful. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, experiencing anything else than right here, right now. My heart hurts everyday and I get anxious, but I’m thankful for the experiences of life. I feel that God speaks to me through them, and I can’t take it for granted and I can’t shun it away. It’s all here for me to go through. I don’t know where I’ll end up, if there is an end, but I know that I’m here for it all.

[writingsonthewall404]

I’m fighting fire with fire on one end, and trying to speak through a wall on the other. Conversing with a ghost brings me comfort, but I know that I’ll have to heal on my own this time, too. It doesn’t have to be such a bad thing. I’m my bestest friend, when all is said and done.

[writingsonthewall404]

Today I rescued a stray puppy and got to see him go to a loving home.

[writingsonthewall404]

Went to a party at someone’s house where I felt completely out of place and trapped in time. The clock was swallowing me up! I half expected the chime to come from under the floorboards, taking me in and keeping me there forever. I had to leave. But it’s important to notice the beauty, even in places you’d rather not be. This disco ball caught my eye and I was transfixed for a moment, inspiring a more beautiful place than where I was, in my imagination.