xmadnesswithin

[xmadnesswithin]

It was so unexpected that he took a step back, eyes widening in shock. He couldn't have sounded more like the Regulus he remembered if he'd tried, and it was too spot on to be an imposter. Brothers fought, sure, but with those exact same words with that inflection? With that same familiar look of annoyance on his face? This… was a very strange and convincing dream. It was the only explanation. He surreptitiously pinched himself with his free hand, not daring to take his wand off Regulus, but though it hurt, he could draw no conclusions from it.

"Are you tattling on me to her portrait now?" The response was delayed and contained half its usual bite. He was too flummoxed to work up any proper scorn. It sounded a lot like Reggie didn't know their mother was dead, which would make sense. She'd died after he was gone. Sirius wasn't altogether certain he wanted to be the one to break that news to him, but the kneazle was out of the bag now. He couldn't very well take it back.

Alarm shot through him at the sight of the blood, a thread of apprehension winding through him. If this was actually his brother… Sirius would not lose him again. The idea caused more pain than he'd expected. Of course he'd mourned Regulus. Despite all the bad blood between Sirius and the rest of the Blacks, they were still brothers. He didn't want to mourn him a second time. He followed the distinctive crack of Apparition downstairs, boots quiet on the lower landing so he wouldn't wake that screaming hag, and peered cautiously into the parlor. "Reg, are you hurt?"

@hauntedmystic

Regulus was under the impression he had repaired his time turner with enough fiddling and charms because by the looks of the placement of the setting sun and pale moon and the misting rain, it seemed the same time as when he had departed his normal timeline.

The wards on Grimmauld Place still recognized him as an authorized apparator. “Kreacher I’m home!”

Somewhere in the house the elf passed out from hearing his voice after many years.

Sirius didn't have the luxury of fainting. Someone who looked like his brother and was powerful enough to get past the hateful house's defenses had just infiltrated the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. His mind was racing not so much with how they could have done it, but who could have. His best guess was that they'd been betrayed, though whether it was intentional or not, he couldn't have said.

He was poised at the top of the stairs, wand at the ready, ignoring the lurch of his heart at the sight of his baby brother's face. "You have ten seconds to explain who you are and how you got in."

[xmadnesswithin]

A stair creaked beneath his boot, and Sirius froze at the top. He wasn't concerned about his charm being powerful enough; he couldn't even see himself, but sound and large movements might still give him away if someone was paying close attention. He had the feeling Remus had sensed him anyway by the way he kept looking over his shoulder.

He waited for several minutes before he finally took a seat just beneath the creaky stair, settling in to wait for whatever it was Remus was waiting for. This wasn't what he'd expected to find when he followed him, and his mind was racing trying to put the pieces together. A sort of horrible clarity was dawning on him, but he didn't quite dare to believe it yet, his heart going out to the man he'd started to care for. How long had he lived alone with this secret?

“ don’t do anything stupid till i get back. “

@rxmusjlupin

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." He smirked leaning in the doorway of Remus's home. The smile faded slightly as he surveyed him. "Just be careful, okay?" The last time he'd left, he'd come home with the stuffing knocked out of him. Sirius had made it clear he didn't like the idea of him going alone again, but in the end he'd backed down. He couldn't force Remus to take him along, and it was only by the other man's kindness that he was allowed to stay here at all.

He suspected he had another reason for not wanting him to see the neighboring town, though he could only guess what it might be. Secret wife? Part of a Muggle gang? A whole second safehouse tucked away? He'd never come near the truth, but as it happened, Sirius had a plan. He gave Remus a quarter hour's head start and then headed for the gate himself, waiting until he was out of range of the cameras to put a powerful Disillusionment charm on himself. From there, he only had to pick up his trail. Remus wasn't going alone this time whether he liked it or not.

[xmadnesswithin]

His gaze was steady as he tilted his head up to take in the stranger. Sirius had always been calm under pressure. The wizard wasn't familiar, which wasn't unheard of. It wasn't like he could name every magical person in Britain. "My arm." He nodded, keeping it tucked to his chest. The pain was intense but bearable for the moment. He'd gotten good at tolerating pain too.

"I'm not going to rob you. I didn't realize this neighborhood was occupied. They've all been empty for miles. You're the first person I've talked to in days." He swallowed, glancing reflexively back the way he'd come. It was unnerving, actually, how few people he'd met on his travels. "Food would be… nice, thank you. My name is Sirius." He couldn't look harmless even if he tried--the long hair, the tattoos, and the leather jacket all seemed like red flags to most people even before the outbreak--so he did his best just to stay calm and not look actively threatening.

Sirius didn't really have a goal in mind when he fled the city. Like everyone, he was just trying to get away from that shitshow and survive. He'd Apparated as far as he could and continued on foot from there, not exactly sure what he was looking for. Food, shelter, other survivors?

It was stupid as hell that he'd fallen in a hole, of all things. Admittedly, it was camouflaged, but still. He'd heard the clean snap of a bone when he landed, and it had taken him a precious few minutes to mend it by magic. His arm was still tender, cradled against his chest, his heart lurching when he realized he couldn't magic his way out of the hole due to the spells on it. Was it possible he'd run into another wizard by pure chance?

"I have a wand, if that's what you mean."

[xmadnesswithin]

@selenophobiic

If there was a downside to Sirius cutting himself off from his family, it was losing access to the Black family fortune. Not that he wanted their blood money, at least not for himself. But he'd have loved to take care of Moony so he didn't have to kill himself at work all the time. Then again, the odds that Remus would actually let him help were slim to none, so it was just a nice fantasy, like most things with him. Selfishly, he also just preferred to have him around. Sirius thrived on attention, and few people indulged him as well as the Marauders did.

The look on his face alone made it worth saying out loud, and he barely held back a laugh, head tilting back to look up at him. That was a look he'd rarely seen on Remus; it was almost suggestive, and his heart picked up its pace, his gaze sliding helplessly down his body. Moony was unfairly pretty and also completely unaware of it, a devastating combination. "Well, let's think… you want to starfish and forget… and I'm pretty good with my mouth…" he teased, a brow quirking as he met his eyes again, a devilish glint in his. He fully expected Remus to laugh and shove him away and go on to bed, but if all that came from this was getting him to laugh, then it was well worth the effort.

❛ We can talk about it after because I've had a shit day and I really just wanna starfish and forget the world. ❜

@potentialbreakupscng

Sirius could usually stop himself short of flirting with his best friend--ironically, the one person he most wanted to flirt with--but he couldn't resist an opening like that, nor could he stop the smirk that spread over his face, eyebrows arching suggestively. "Need a little help with that stress release, Moons?" he teased, unable to fully tamp down the heat that crept into his gaze.

It was taking a lot of self-control not to let himself linger on all the things they could do from that position, and others. Remus was always so tightly wound. So sue him if he thought he'd be very good at helping him relax. Most likely, he would play it off as trying to distract him out of his bad mood (and let's be real, Sirius would flirt with a plant if he thought it would pay attention to him), but at the moment, he couldn't help himself.

[xmadnesswithin]

@selenophobiic

He didn't fight him for the cigarette, only stretching out as though he'd meant to let him have it all along, boots up on the chair. It wasn't a nice laugh that slipped past his lips. "Merlin, I love it when you get all forceful," he mocked. Sirius had this terrible habit that the more angry he could make someone, the calmer and more satisfied he became in response, which tended only to infuriate them more. It was as if that energy needed to go somewhere, but as long as he could channel it through someone else, he didn't have to feel it himself.

"Did I say you weren't? I just said I don't think much of your choice." He raised his eyebrows, maddeningly calm, but his heart was beating hard in his chest, betraying him. He slid his feet one by one to the floor, the movements slow and deliberate as he got to his feet. He had to tilt his head back to meet Moony's eyes. "Is it so bad that I think you can do better?" It was a partial truth, even if it wasn't the full truth. Remus deserved the world. If he lived a thousand lifetimes, Sirius could never hope to deserve him, and his behavior tonight just proved it all over again.

He headed for the open doorway to the hall, pausing only briefly without looking back, a palm tapping lightly twice against the wooden frame. "For the record, I'm not fucking anyone but you." He hadn't since they started. He couldn't stand to have anyone else touching him if he could have Moony. He hadn't planned to tell him--it was too close to admitting how pathetically obsessed he was--but he didn't like him thinking Remus meant so little to him either.

It wasn't until Remus stated it outright that Sirius realized it was true. He was pissed (and jealous, and unfairly hurt, but most of Sirius's finer emotions expressed themselves as anger--it was safer than all the others). It wasn't the first time he'd needed Moony to point out the obvious to him. Left to his own devices, he wasn't much for introspection, and he'd never known himself as well as he did when he was with him. That aching, helpless longing rose up in him, only fanning the flames. It was far easier to be angry with him than it was to want him like this.

Mentioning Lily did nothing to help it. There was plenty of anger to go around, and this was her fault, after all. He hadn't failed to notice the way she was constantly trying to set Remus up these days, and it was her friend they'd invited back over. Something dangerous glimmered in those dark eyes, and he reached for the pack of cigarettes, slowly and deliberately lighting a second one off the first. Sirius hated to be told he couldn't do something as a general rule, but right now he was looking for any excuse.

His eyes narrowed slightly, tracking the movement of the number from hand to pocket. It was as if it was the last thing holding him back, and the words burst out without his permission. "That guy? Really?" It came out drenched in jealousy, and he winced inwardly at himself. Try to sound more pathetic, Pads.

[xmadnesswithin]

@altruiisms

Sirius trusted Moony to run interference on Lily. He was the only one who had even the slightest chance of defusing her before she went off like a bomb and took out the whole house. If he'd opted to hide up here with James until she came home, well, that was just practical, and James needed supervision!

"I believe you." He snuggled as close as he could without actually leaving the chair and crawling into the bed with him. He was sorely tempted, but he didn't want to risk hurting James by jostling him around. Physical touch soothed him when he was upset, something he'd never gotten much of growing up. He wasn't going to ignore an invitation like that though, and he moved carefully, trying to move him as little as possible as he curled up next to him.

He tucked his face against his neck, hearing the smile in his voice, and like magic an answering one twitched at his lips. James's smile was a pipeline to Sirius's. If he was smiling or laughing, guaranteed, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from joining in. "His restraining spells are extremely good," he hummed in agreement, a little shiver running through him at the memory. Moony looked like such a nice, quiet boy, but he was very much the opposite in bed. "It's alright. I just love you… I'm always gonna worry about you." He buried his face again, his arm tightening around him. It still made him nervous to say it out loud, even though all of them knew and it had been true for a long time.

❝ i wasn’t hurt that badly. the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be. ❞

@potentialbreakupscng

Sirius gave a weak chuckle, still rattled from the near miss. He'd seen James hurt dozens of times, and they'd both had far worse injuries, but it was the first that had required a Healer since they'd admitted their feelings weren't entirely platonic. They'd gotten him settled in his bed at home, where he was meant to rest for the next couple days. He was seated next to his bed, hand in his, while Moony clattered around in the kitchen downstairs making tea.

"Shut up, Prongs. No bleeding is ideal, you prat." He leaned to kiss him, partially to shut him up, partially out of relief that he was okay. He stayed close even after, nuzzling into him, the gesture still slightly doglike even in his human form. "Do not make me and Moony spell you to this bed. You know we'll do it, and then we'll all have a laugh at you. You need to rest."

[xmadnesswithin]

@hauntedmystic

Regulus was under the impression he had repaired his time turner with enough fiddling and charms because by the looks of the placement of the setting sun and pale moon and the misting rain, it seemed the same time as when he had departed his normal timeline.

The wards on Grimmauld Place still recognized him as an authorized apparator. “Kreacher I’m home!”

Somewhere in the house the elf passed out from hearing his voice after many years.

Sirius didn't have the luxury of fainting. Someone who looked like his brother and was powerful enough to get past the hateful house's defenses had just infiltrated the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. His mind was racing not so much with how they could have done it, but who could have. His best guess was that they'd been betrayed, though whether it was intentional or not, he couldn't have said.

He was poised at the top of the stairs, wand at the ready, ignoring the lurch of his heart at the sight of his baby brother's face. "You have ten seconds to explain who you are and how you got in."

[xmadnesswithin]

artist : @star_ry_eyed

[xmadnesswithin]

Drew this as a gift to @emlovessid for the Secret Santa gift exchange. Hope you had a great Christmas and happy holidays, Emma! 💖

[xmadnesswithin]

I wish we got a real reunion

[xmadnesswithin]

✨Merry Christmas✨

I know I am terrible at posting here but I’ll try to keep up again and not abandon this platform again🥲😅

Sooo…marry christmas to everyone that celebrates!🎄

[xmadnesswithin]

Sirius narrowly managed to avoid rolling his eyes at that blatant lie, but much as he loved to get on people's nerves, he really didn't fancy poking a tired, irritable werewolf with a stick. Remus was one of few people who could activate that comfort-rather-than-agitate impulse in him; he did tend to bring out the best in Sirius. He curled an arm around him and leaned closer to support him without another word about it--for now. "Honestly? I'm knackered too. Training's brutal." He loved the thrill of pushing his skills to the limit, but Sirius was always going to chafe against something as rigid as Auror training. He was good at it, but he'd never exactly had a healthy respect for authority.

~ @xmadnesswithin / @grimmusings || "You're clearly exhausted." ~

"I'm clearly not -" Remus bit back stubbornly, blinking furiously in an attempt to seem more awake. Truthfully, he was exhausted. His whole body felt on the verge of collapse. However, lying about it seemed easier than admitting that nightmares were keeping him awake. His friends already did so much for him, he didn't want to burden them with any more of his woes. He shifted slightly, resting his head against Sirius's shoulder so that he couldn't see Remus's drooping eyelids. "I'm honestly fine. Tell me about your day."

[xmadnesswithin]

Something was off about the whole thing, but Sirius couldn't put his finger on it. First, he'd turned down his offer to travel with him, but he supposed that was fair. He had no real reason to trust Sirius at his back yet. And, sure, it was possible Remus had been mugged and beaten on his way back, but it would be difficult for Muggles to overpower a wizard, and he thought wizards would have done worse. Some of them had been fairly awful to each other even before the world ended, and the apocalypse seemed to bring out the worst in people. Or the best. Remus didn't have to let him stay here, and he couldn't think what reason he could possibly have for lying to him, so he pushed it to the back of his mind. Whatever had happened, it didn't really matter as much as making sure he was okay.

"I'll get some more in the morning," he assured him, settling down beside him. He hadn't realized they would need it, but Remus had been pale and shivering since he got back. He worried there was something more hurting him, something he couldn't see. "Let me." He flicked his wand to heat the kettle, mugs clinking faintly as the tea poured itself and they floated toward them. "I can make dinner in a while. Maybe some soup?" He was passable at kitchen spells as a matter of course-- he simply didn't like to fail at anything, and magic had always come rather easily.

~ @xmadnesswithin / @grimmusings || [ jacket ] sender takes their jacket off and hangs it on receiver's shoulders ~

Remus had been staring at the fire, unaware that he'd started shivering. Usually, he ran quite hot, however, in the few days after the full moon his body temperature plummeted and it seemed near impossible to stay warm. Add in the fact that they were in an apocalyptic scenario and it became a little harder to regain the lost heat.

He flinched slightly as the jacket touched his shoulders, pulled out of his thoughts. Eyes flicked upwards to Sirius, momentarily confused. It'd been so long since he'd experienced any form of gentle affection that he was almost at a loss for what to say. "Thank you." He eventually mumbled out, hesitating momentarily before grasping his fingers around the jacket and pulling it tightly in. "I'm sorry the fire's not bigger, I didn't get the chance to collect any wood." He'd locked himself away during the full moon, disappeared from the house and given the excuse of travelling to a nearby town for supplies. The reality, however, was that he'd chained himself up and endured the full moon before returning beaten and broken and pretending that he'd been robbed. He should tell him the truth. If Remus was honest with himself, though, he was starting to enjoy the company. He was reluctant to have the werewolf problem push yet another person away. Eyes flicked back to the fire. "Want a cup of tea?"

[xmadnesswithin]

Sirius didn't really have a goal in mind when he fled the city. Like everyone, he was just trying to get away from that shitshow and survive. He'd Apparated as far as he could and continued on foot from there, not exactly sure what he was looking for. Food, shelter, other survivors?

It was stupid as hell that he'd fallen in a hole, of all things. Admittedly, it was camouflaged, but still. He'd heard the clean snap of a bone when he landed, and it had taken him a precious few minutes to mend it by magic. His arm was still tender, cradled against his chest, his heart lurching when he realized he couldn't magic his way out of the hole due to the spells on it. Was it possible he'd run into another wizard by pure chance?

"I have a wand, if that's what you mean."

~ @xmadnesswithin / @grimmusings || TLOU starter ~

Remus was in the middle of making his lunch when the noise from the trap went off. It sent an immediate spike of panic through him, eyes snapping to the window. People rarely passed through. He'd gone to painstaking lengths to isolate himself, to cut himself off from a broken world.

Five minutes later, he approached the hole's edge, keeping far enough back that the intruder couldn't see him. Fingers grasped at his wand - There were wards around it that should prevent someone from leaping out but you could never be too sure. "Who are you? Are you armed?"

[xmadnesswithin]

Sirius loved being an Animagi, and he loved it even more that they'd gotten away with it right under Dumbledore and the Ministry's noses. It had been one of the biggest magical challenges he'd ever faced, and Sirius lived for that kind of thing. He loved testing his nerve and his skill against bigger and more complicated magic. The fact that it was for someone he loved just made it better. He'd risk so much more for Moony, for all of them. He'd never regretted for a moment what they'd done for each other. And it had worked, hadn't it? They'd even managed to help Peter through it. No harm done.

"I--" It wasn't often Sirius was speechless, but he couldn't argue that. James was his brother. Remus was… more than that, even. The unadmitted love of his life, perhaps. He got closer to telling him all the time, especially with the constant threats looming over them, but he didn't want to do it like this when they were fighting and afraid and Remus already had one foot out the door. It would break him if he confessed and he still walked away. He took several shallow breaths, his eyes hot. This didn't just feel like an argument. It felt like a goodbye, and he was having trouble shoving down the panic he felt at losing him for good.

"But you don't have to. I don't want you to go it alone, Moons." His voice was quiet. Remus's temper, so much rarer than his own, was one of the only things that could shut down Sirius's anger completely, the fire instantly banked. He could handle anyone in the world being mad at him, but not Remus. Somehow, his disapproval was always the worst. It was difficult to argue with Dumbledore, although he'd tried it a time or two, but more than that, he could see that Moony had already made up his mind. He leaned against the table, fingers drifting through Remus's hair. "Okay… okay." It was clear he was trying to convince himself. "Just-- don't leave cross with me. And be careful, okay?"

@potentialbreakupscng

Remus was easily the smartest person Sirius had ever known, but he could be very stupid about certain things. He didn't see the way they all leaned on each other for support when one of them was sick, or when Lily's sister finally quit speaking to her altogether, or when the Black family was making Sirius hate himself and everyone else. He would have been homeless too at sixteen if not for James, and he'd have lost his mind or turned into something much darker without his friends to balance him. It wasn't nearly as one-sided as he made it out to be, and Sirius had never resented looking after him on the full moons. He'd only ever known Remus as a werewolf; it was just another part of him.

Of all the things he'd expected him to say, he was in no way prepared for that one. He reeled back as though he'd struck him, shock and hurt flickering undisguised over his face. It was only because it was Moony that he was unguarded enough to let it show. Sirius could toss that careless, arrogant, House of Black mask over his expression at the drop of a hat, but he was rarely that way with his friends. He couldn't bring himself to do it now, not even to protect himself.

"Don't even talk like that, Moons. We're not-- we're not codependent. We're a family. You're my family." Wasn't he? He knew the words came out desperate even as he was saying them. It was as if the ground he'd believed was stable under his feet was suddenly cracking and crumbling away. He was afraid of the impending war, of course he was. Any day they woke up could be another day they learned they'd lost more friends. But this was worse, in a way. He didn't think he could stand it if Remus chose to leave. But he didn't know how to make him stay. It was a side effect of the war, the fear, the suspicion, that he seemed to keep slipping farther and farther away.

The stupidity of that comment finally sparked his temper, long overdue. His emotions were rarely a quiet thing. "Bullshit, he burst out angrily. "It's not safe for you to be out there alone, especially now."

[xmadnesswithin]

It wasn't until Remus stated it outright that Sirius realized it was true. He was pissed (and jealous, and unfairly hurt, but most of Sirius's finer emotions expressed themselves as anger--it was safer than all the others). It wasn't the first time he'd needed Moony to point out the obvious to him. Left to his own devices, he wasn't much for introspection, and he'd never known himself as well as he did when he was with him. That aching, helpless longing rose up in him, only fanning the flames. It was far easier to be angry with him than it was to want him like this.

Mentioning Lily did nothing to help it. There was plenty of anger to go around, and this was her fault, after all. He hadn't failed to notice the way she was constantly trying to set Remus up these days, and it was her friend they'd invited back over. Something dangerous glimmered in those dark eyes, and he reached for the pack of cigarettes, slowly and deliberately lighting a second one off the first. Sirius hated to be told he couldn't do something as a general rule, but right now he was looking for any excuse.

His eyes narrowed slightly, tracking the movement of the number from hand to pocket. It was as if it was the last thing holding him back, and the words burst out without his permission. "That guy? Really?" It came out drenched in jealousy, and he winced inwardly at himself. Try to sound more pathetic, Pads.

why are you looking at me like that?

@potentialbreakupscng

Jealousy wasn't a good look for Sirius. He'd told himself for years that he was content to live with this unrequited crush on Moony in silence. It was safer than what he risked by telling the truth. It could be the end of their friendship, the thing that split their group down the middle once and for all. Or it could be worse than that. Sirius was historically awful at relationships, and even on the rare occasion he actually tried to be good for someone, it usually went down spectacularly in flames anyway. He couldn't risk inflicting himself on the person he'd loved for most of his life.

That was before he thought Remus liked someone. He wasn't even positive he did, if they were actually flirting or just talking. Okay, untrue-- he knew the other person was flirting, but for as well as he knew Remus, he couldn't tell if his friend had picked up on that and reciprocated or was just being himself. It was late, everyone else having gone to bed, and they were the only ones left at the kitchen table, a nearly empty bottle of Simison Steaming Stout smoking faintly in front of him, matching the lit cigarette in the corner of his mouth.

He only realized he'd been staring too long at Remus with no idea what kind of expression was on his face when he said something, but goddamn him if he was going to admit it. He pulled deeply on the cigarette, a little smile, knowing but far from nice, curling the corner of his mouth. He tipped his head back, breathing smoke at the ceiling. "I'm not looking at you like anything."

[xmadnesswithin]

Sirius knew he'd handled it badly. Like really badly. He'd spent the second half of their Hogwarts years trying to fuck his feelings away with anyone who would have him, only half-understanding why he was doing it (though, admittedly, that wasn't just his feelings for Remus--that had rebelling against his parents and smearing the Black family name written all over it). Then, he'd acted like a jealous, tantruming prat when Remus started showing interest in other people. It wasn't at all fair, but Sirius had never claimed to be smart about this sort of thing. It was a relief to chuck it all and finally try to make things work instead of tearing them both apart.

The look he gave her was bewildered, disbelieving. "How the hell would I know something like that?" For all he knew about Remus Lupin, Sirius found him very difficult to read at times, particularly when it came to attraction. He'd never been able to tell whether Remus fancied someone or not, much less him. They hadn't spoken about it much since the snogging started either. There wasn't a lot of dialogue in their private moments, but maybe this was a conversation he should be having with Moony. Lily was right: he'd been too afraid to admit how deep those feelings really went.

"I think we could make it if I were in Azkaban. I'm hot enough, and Moony's got that whole faithful war widower vibe." He scoffed faintly, but he was buying himself a minute to think about what she'd said. Remus loved him? That seemed like a bit of a stretch. Sirius was only just wrapping his mind around the idea that Moony found him attractive enough to snog. Fingers tapped thoughtfully against the mug, and he finally met her gaze, uncharacteristically unsure of himself. He really didn't want to mess this up. "What should I do?"

"You know Remus thinks every jumper belongs to him, regardless of size, shape, or color." He rolled his eyes, refusing to give up that easily even though they both knew she had him. He didn't have to admit it just yet. Out loud. Where she could hear him. He did give serious consideration to disappearing into his own room and locking the door, but discarded the idea. For one thing, he wasn't entirely sure it would stop her, and he didn't want this waking up the entire house. For another, Sirius couldn't live with himself if he were that cowardly. He might lie his ass off about it, but he would face it.

He leaned against the counter opposite while she prepared the tea, debating the pros and cons of doubling down on his denial, but it seemed pointless. Lily knew, and Sirius realized he was actually aching to talk to someone about it-- and, shockingly, that someone was neither James nor Peter. It wasn't that he thought they wouldn't understand. It was just that his friends could be so incredibly stupid when it came to matters of the heart. Lily had a certain emotional maturity that the rest of them lacked.

"I didn't know we were playing. Not for a long time, anyway," he admitted, accepting the cup and wrapping his hands around its warmth. In all the turmoil of unrequited feelings in their teenage years, he'd never once imagined Moony loved him back. "It's not that we thought anyone would be bothered by it. It's just… new. It felt simpler to keep it between us to start. Honestly? I'm a bit afraid he'll change his mind and chuck me before it gets much farther." His careless half-smile did nothing to conceal his very real anxiety over that outcome.