zickzackschere

[zickzackschere]

you become the best player when you're not even aware of the game.

A: oh wow. you still here?

B: Sure why wouldn't I? A: I don't know, fear maybe. B: yeah i get that a lot. But i keep surprising myself even.

A: how do you do that?

B: by being bluntly unaware. A: I guess that makes sense. B: you know, it works the best in times of change. A: oh wow. you still doing that?

B: i guess so.

[zickzackschere]

glimmer glimmer

oh i slept so good.

like never before, since the burden is lifted.

what a relief, not entirely but almost.

blooming blooming blooming.

and everything will be good. already.

just waiting for the turnaround.

i invest and now i wait.

hopefully no echo, but an answer

worth the wait.

[zickzackschere]

i stay quiet so to speak

open my eyes, all i see, your dark brown eyes looking at me close my eyes, nothing there, all i see, your long straight hair

build these walls, nice and steep

[zickzackschere]

love will last forever. it transcends lifetimes

[zickzackschere]

canim canim canim canim canim

Wünsche zu Weihnachten.

[zickzackschere]

27 soon

guess aging happens to everyone. i just have to remind myself that it is okay. everything is.

[zickzackschere]

2025

i only have two honest ones:

not being stressed anymore

being myself & allowing it to be seen for who i am

i have a few other ones:

-being honest

-follow excitement

[zickzackschere]

a way in

In art i find refuge

A space in which the infinite

Is present

As a window opening into portals of another world

A place of wonders

All i am or

Nothing i am

Can exist in the realm

Of potential

As a space in which i am allowed tob e

To express the unexplicable

The rotten, the ugly, the dirty work

As if a place is sacred enough to call it space

To breathe

Art is captivating to essence of existence

And with every day i understand more

And question everything i know

In which knowing is simply nothing but thought

That exists in observed space

[zickzackschere]

bittersweet 20's

I'll blink and I'll be 30, and so will be everyone else.

someone once said "Your 20's are for working through your traumas, and your 30's are for finally living peacefully and comfortable as yourself"

i mean i got 4 good years ahead of me. 4 YEARS- that is actually insane.

4 years rushed through like a film roll

or

4 years as in the best of your life

who knows

4 more years being in my 20's.

I'll just pretend I'm not afraid,

fake it till you make it.

right?

[zickzackschere]

pathway of self

what is true self?

A song that is present for such a long time, 5 years to be specific. almost 5.

I'm working on this mystery since my early days, but currently grasping it in a different way.

[zickzackschere]

<when i was 23>

when i was 23, i couldn't stop thinking. Da waren Luftschlösser in mir, selbst errichtet. Da war viel. Ein unerschöpflicher Fluss an Fragen und Richtungen- meist nach vorn und hinten- selten zentral. Und eines Nachts war alles anders, nur das die Nacht nicht zu lokalisieren ist. Ich weiß nicht wann es aufgehört hat. Schleichend und unsichtbar-omnipräsent.

Irgendwie geht alles weiter, eventually.

Was tun wenn die Ziele erreicht sind? Weitermachen? Oder neue stecken? Grübeleien Jahre später, 3 um genau zu sein.

[zickzackschere]

[zickzackschere]

[zickzackschere]

2024 Liste

-Ehrlich sein

-nicht immer alles sofort wollen aka Patience

-schöne weite Welt

-Kunst Kunst Kunst

-Therapie Therapie Therapie

-Trying to be okay with aging

-YOGA TEACHER PLEASE

-meeting people and places that are meant to be

-Getting surprised by life

-FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zickzackschere]

until this day

until this day my body physically reacts to dusty rooms with broken glass windows. Places that lived before and dont anymore.

and it is still scary. everything.

its been a year now.

Since i decided to go down the path by myself and split up with my companion. funny how decisions that are made in seconds can alter your life in such a profound way.

i dont blame myself anymore. but i still think about at least 3 times during this path in which my gut told me to not keep going. but i kept ignoring.

the lesson is to listen to your gut.

and that i dont have to prove myself how strong i am.

i know that,

ive probably always known.

[zickzackschere]

cuckoo cuckoo, somethings knocking on your door

do you know that bird that keeps knocking on wood relentlessly? of course you do. cuckoo cuckoo.

i have one of these birds.

he keeps knocking on my door from time to time. and just when i think its over and silence is an instant- he keeps knocking again.

like that thing on your tongue when you cant find that word. like the song that keeps replaying in your head. its a feeling of familiarity and persistence that it gets almost annoying.

what am i talking about. IT IS FCKING ANNOYING.

at the same time its incredibly soothing, because its something i got used to so much, that i found comfort in it.

its a strange thing, that bird.

and so far im not quite aware what its mission is.

its like gum. you cant quite get it off.

[zickzackschere]