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Some more would be nice ;-;

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I never thought that...

I'd be able to move out, to have my own hobbies, my own schedule!! I don't ask for permission to do anything anymore.. There is no one to control me!! I can do whatever I want !!! If I want to stay out until 2 AM, I can! There is no one who will punish me because I didn't come home before sunset.. I spend my time how I want, I feel so free. My stress related symptoms have cleared up!!! I don't have a stomach ache anymore.. My acne cleared up!!! I'm not afraid to do stuff anymore!! I am so thankful... honestly I can not express my gratitude.. I have suffered, I really have.. I have so many scars on my body (which are my own fault!!) and I am so sad that I hurt myself so much. I like myself now. I try to! I tried to destroy myself and my body, but it didn't give up. I am really thankful to my body. Thank you.. And I am sorry I put you under so much stress and pain. I've escaped now. It was not easy. It was difficult, she didn't want to let me go. I think it was difficult for her. Now that I look from a distance towards her.. I realize she has mental problems. I wish she went to therapy during her childhood or motherhood. I have no hate anymore.. No that is a lie.. Time to time i do feel angry. But I also feel pity. Pity towards her. I don't understand why she doesn't want to get help. I wish she did. It would have made the lives of everyone more easy. Maybe she is scared.. I don't know. But I am very happy I made the decision to change and to go against her. My motivation was "it can only get better" and it did. It really did and I can't thank God enough. I hope he will forgive me for the pain I caused to myself. I still am not 100% healed. I would say... 70 % ? I will work hard on myself!!!!! I will do my best!!!!!!!!!!

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i want to tell my past self some things that she won’t believe.. 

I graduated college, aren’t you proud of me? It was difficult and it took me a few years longer but i got my diploma! see! i remember all the ugly words that were said to you, that you were useless and stupid. But look! You made it. You also received a good job with a good pay and benefits. You went to a psychologist !! and you learned how to defend for yourself. Aren’t you proud of yourself? It took you so much work and time and effort but i am so happy that you did it. I am so proud of you. such a good girl !

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you have traumatized me so deeply the scars can never fade

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i don’t want to care about you anymore

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idc that i’m lying i just want to stop it and don’t give him the power anymore

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im going to break it off fuck this i can not handle it any more mentally

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archive mb for @angelk1ss ( 1 2 3 4 )

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♡

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i have to know!! <3

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only love me! only look at me! only touch me! only be close to me!