0coldphantom0 - Tumblr blog

[0coldphantom0]

tfw you have to put your baby brother in place but he’s a fucking giant

[0coldphantom0]

The bad guys

Trying to impress the reader but it doesn't work at all and they get dumped

Characters: Ghaiccio x reader , Illuso x reader

Illuso-

prompt: bragging about being with someone else or being wanted

Tags: sfw, dating

You found Illuso's cocky attitude kind of cute so you didn't mind his constant bragging in your ear or showboating. Persistently he'd corner you to declare you would have the time of your life on a date with him and it's an offer you shouldn't pass up on even though you never failed to turned him down and push him out of the way. Imagine everyone's surprise when you both left together after a meeting, him with a arrogant smile aimed at the team and an arm slung over your shoulder pulling you closer into him.

"Later, someone's got a date with a hottie... don't you y/n."

Honestly he can't believe you've agreed. He's had to play off his initial shock by believing this was of course going to happen, eventually. He's trying hard to impress you at the dinner, talking about his accomplishments of great feats but you already know of them. You were hoping to see a new side of him but you let him go on, heartbroken your fears were confirmed and he was truly just a one dimensional guy.

He's panicking every time you look away glancing around the room or peeking at your phone. He's seen that look before at team briefing, you're completely bored. Another blasé sigh leaves your lips and his façade is cracking. He doesn't get what's wrong and why he isn't interesting to you. He has to be, otherwise you wouldn't have finally agreed to dinner, right?

"This place is nice right? I don't just take any one here."

"Oh, is that so..."

"Of course. I always go home with a pretty thing like you after coming here."

"Mhm. I've actually got to go Illuso."

You get your check and leave Illuso there dumbfounded. Where did he go wrong???

Ghiaccio-

Prompt- beating someone up to impress you

Tags: nsfw Violence, tw blood mentions

You pulled into the mostly empty parking lot or a park. Being that it was still morning it was still cloudy but you spotted a familiar sports car mixed in with what few cars were there. Ghiaccio was stretching when he caught sight of you getting out of your car fumbling with your water bottle and keys.

"I'm all set Ghiaccio!" You say sweetly as you make your way over to the blushing man.

"Then hurry up and get over here so we can start, I bet you didn't even stretch."

To say you were excited was an understatement, it took so long to convince this man you could keep up with him during his workout sessions. Finally he, begrudgingly, agreed. You were all smiles when you stepped onto the trail ready to spend some quality time together with your long time crush but it didn't last long. Keeping up pace with Ghiaccio was hard, you gave everything you had into not slowing him down and he still had to stop and wait for you a few times. It was embarrassing and you were frustrated at your lack of performance. When the sun was high in the sky you were covered in sweat and Ghiaccio was totally fine sitting back on the bench like you both didnt just run five miles together. Meanwhile you stood breathless and waiting behind one last person at the water fountain to move so you could refill your bottle. Right before it was your turn to step up you were ogling how Ghiaccio's tight shirt really showed off each muscle when some guy rudely brushed past breaking in front of you. You were annoyed but you did have two water bottles and from the way this guy was desperately gulping down water he couldn't wait any longer. Before you could even blink Ghiaccio had appeared next to you tightly grabbing a fist full of the guys hair and pulling him up off the fountain.

"Who do you think you're pushing? You want water that bad you piece of shit. Huh?!"

You gasped as the sound of shrieking and metal being rammed against hit your ears. Ghiaccio had repeatedly slammed the guys face into the fountain so hard he'd stopped screaming and went limp. You stood shocked as his listless body slid down and lay motionless dirt.

When Ghiaccio turned to you with a crooked smile and bloody knuckles you were speechless. "So …want to call it a day and head out for smoothies?"

"Actually I don't have an appetite, think I'll head home and rest instead Ghiaccio."

"Oh yeah, of course."

You leave him there to overthink next to his bloody victim. Maybe he should have chosen yoga instead, then maybe you wouldn't have ran off so quickly.

[0coldphantom0]

Encased between two blades: Chapter 2-Cloud nine

Sure has been a while since the previous chapter, i hope the length of this one makes up for the wait^^.

MDNI.

You are pulled awake from the null state of nothing.

The setting shifts with the position of your head in a sideways -almost uncomfortable angle.The room you find yourself in is stark white and drab, in the middle ,the mattress you lay on bounded with rope.

This isn’t good, no matter how you look at this, your awareness cant help but pin fault for being so impartial in the past.You always had this inkling feeling you were in harms way, yet you ignored it.With a sluggish motion, you twist your head and curl forward, attempting to move the hair out of your face and begin replaying the series of unfortunate events leading to now .You’ve been plucked away from the comfort of your life by a man in your team for lord knows what perverse reasoning and promptly stuck inside a room in the middle of bum fuck knows where.Your dear guardian rudely turned into ice by that man so fast you couldn’t comprehend its severity enough to react.Such moment too freshly painful to accept as fact. Even now In this moment of absolute shock, you ponder about how playing dumb was a really Fucking stupid idea; maybe you should’ve been a bit more abrasive.And just maybe by simply telling Ghiaccio to get bent when you had the chance, you would’ve ended with a smidge of frost bite and a handful of slurs jabbed your way to end the ordeal. But no-Instead you’re here, without free will and without your beloved Angelo. Isn’t this great.

To add salt to injury, no time is spared to make peace with this heartbreaking realisation, nor to accept your ill faith .Rather, you lock eyes with a visage so unlike the man before you, you’d think you’re looking at one of those funhouse mirrors Illuso placed down the hall once to fuck with the crew.

But nope, its real, he, the man the rat, the bastard: Ghiaccio, is chilling by the windowsill, loop-sided grin and all that jazz staring out the window in a dreamy manner whilst outside pours with rain. He’s so far gone in la la land that the curly haired man before you resembles the scenery found inside these romance mangas a teenager would read, comically surrounded by sparkles and roses as if him watching droplets fall down the glass is the most amorous mirage a puberty-ridden girl could ever envision before dramatically swooning and squealing like a pig.

Its not the exact reaction for your less than enthused predicament however.He actually looks the opposite to you ;uncanny, albeit if you didn’t know him, and weren’t currently held hostage-you might come to appreciate his boyish charm.But in this moment the only charm acceptable would be the kind to vamoose you away back to the safety of your home, if not better the airport so you can get the hell out of Italy, preferably first class seats for you and your defrosted guardian.Not whatever the hell he’s trying to prompt out of you by slowly tracing lines down the windows and blinking slowly in a lovesick manner.For someone who regards themselves as well read, in this moment Ghiaccio falls nothing but under the term “cliche “.

Suddenly you get stopped dead in the track of your thoughts by his attention turning to you, this time a gleaming stroke of light rounds his eyes, showing his smugness regarding this whole ordeal without need for words.You however try your best to hold onto the poker face, no matter his sentiment he cannot know he’s won. You’ve been a witness in the past to the power trip Ghiaccio gets once his apparent win against another falls clear, and its quite scary.He probably wont kill you like he did to those less fortunate per se, but you still internally tremor knowing a man like him so love starved is far worse in an emotional battle than a physical one .Even as he struts towards you, grabbing the closest limb he can reach, threatening to spill open the seams of your clothes with his gentle masked touch your expression falls unfazed.

“About time you decided to wake up, i was starting to get bored with you lying there dormant like a fucking corpse.” He’s now hovering over your form, one hand crawling up your leg, its fingers cold.Clearly he’s tugging on your chain for a reaction, but you know not to give him the pleasure of seeing you seethe.

“Do they know?” You speak.He hums, pressing you to elaborate.

“Do they know you’re holding me hostage?”

“Forget about those fuckers, they ain’t shit” he growls

“Out of everyone I didn’t expect you to go rogue against the squad and imprison their healer, perhaps Lulu, but never you Ghiaccio - you’re far too uptight to be an anarchist.” You muse.This gets you nothing but a halt to his wondering hand.His eyes albeit stuck on your form are seemingly elsewhere in search for something to snap back with to your comment.His face scrunches up indicating your comment is displeasing big time.

Before he gets a chance tough, you lift you head.

“Why are you doing this?”

A pause, followed by another.You dare try to repeat yourself but he gets to you first, grabbing onto the front of your shirt, scrunching it in his fist to pull you upright.Closer than before, he practically engulfs your body with his.His hand continues its tight grip on you, forcing a jolt.The remains of his patience clearly diminishing at your plain play of ignorance.

“ Lulu? Since when did you get chummy with that fucker?” Its more of a question to himself.You notice his demeanour worsening at the pet-name, but he snaps back to you pissed.He continues:

“You know damn well why.Cut this bullshit , this shitty little act of yours is getting on my nerves.” His knuckles remain strained briefly before he lets go. You fall with a thud.

Ok so that interaction is a startup. A shit start up at best but you never had been in this position to know what question to ask your captor, especially one with such short fuse as his. Ghiaccio begins pacing about, still hung up on the interaction you had and probably fixating on every linguistic of it.You maintain your gaze on him, at the same time your hands make an attempt to figure out how to get the rope loose.If only your guardian was here- there was a tell tale assumption he was still frozen solid somewhere near, but where?

Ghiaccio kicks into the side of the doorway.

“FUCKING ILLUSO, WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE GET OUT OF YOU TO GET CALLED LULU.THATS SUCH A STUPID NICKNAME IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!! FUCKING BASTARD!”

Oh.

Well this is concerning, you didn’t take Ghiaccio for the jealous archetype thought now thinking about it, it does make sense given all the bragging he does about himself.This reaction is a bit over the top for your liking, so you twist against the rope some more.You cant say when the nicknaming for your crew sprouted but you sure as hell wont give an explanation, he’s far too gone in his tangent for that.

Finally your persistent tugging let loose one of the knots, the rope giving leeway enough for you to reach behind you for your pocket knife.Never did you consider yourself a thug, but the small safety the little weapon brought you made you less concerned whenever you were sent out during the night for a mission.Now you suppose it holds more than just safety- hope maybe? Hope it’ll get you out of this place and away from mr four eyed menace.

That hope is what fuels you to get up and make a wild-dash.You timed it so he’d be turned away when you leaped up from the mattress. But something was off. As you were running, not only did you notice the lack of furniture to this place, you also noticed a lack of noise coming from your counterpart. No curses, nor …movement.

You turn down the corridor trying to map out an exist.Initially you wanted to block his way from getting to you before you got to the door but theres nothing around to aid with it. Whats worse, you decided to turn around and notice him behind you standing in the door-frame, only he’s casually walking towards you???

Finally you reach the ensemble of the room connected to the door out. This time you’re met with a harsher temperature than the previous room, and there before you is why. Ghiaccio froze the door shut.

You attempt hitting the ice off the frame so the damn knob will be accessible to you; problem is he gets to you before your second hit lands, grabbing by the back of your head too.

He’s got you good and wont let go, his hand back to a fist threatening to scalp you. The look he gives you is full of malice.

“You can be really stupid sometimes. When will it go through your skull that you’re not going no where??? Do you think I’d be stupid enough to not lock the fucking door??? Who do you think I am, Pesci?!”

“Let go” You shout.

“You’re in no position to tell me what to do” he warns.

“I don’t want to be here!”you try to reach him with your knife.

“WELL TOUGH!!” Ghiaccio shoves you to the floor with unforgiving force, the process knocking the air out of your lungs and hurting your neck and head. The brute rolls you over, holding you down to tie your hands behind your back.His grip on your wrist threatens to snap it, so you drop the knife defeated.

He scowls some more when a strained noise escapes you. The grip on your arms hurting too much for you to feign ignorance.

“Save me the fucking whining will ya, you had your chance for me to be nice to you before you decided to fucking ignore me.” He double knots and tugs the rope for safe measure.

“This is payback. All that flaunting around anyone giving you attention, those depraved motherfuckers had it too good for too long. Now you’re gonna give back all the time you made me waste.” Theres a pause, Ghiaccio lowers to the left of your neck, smothering with a rough kiss before inhaling your scent. “All the times you tried to avoid me, you thought i didn’t see the way you’d hide whenever I was near? I knew you did it on purpose.You owe me big time y/n.”

He’s got some nerve calling others depraved when he’s mounting you tied on the floor. Most importantly, you don’t owe him shit.

“Its not my fault you cant take rejection Ghia” the last part of the sentence is endearingly spiteful, at which he scoffs.

“As if I’d let you do that. You seriously need to acknowledge your situation, I don’t wanna have to constantly repeat myself, it’s fucking annoying”

Getting up he grabs and flings you over his shoulder with little effort.”You cant fool me with this shitty attempt of escape, its pathetic.” You’re back on the mattress in record time. Ghiaccio departs briefly to grab something.

“Risotto wont be happy when he realises what you’ve done.He’ll come for you” your warning seems to fall flat.

“I told you to forget about the squad.” He returns with a roll of tape, his hand back to your calves.

“Nobody is coming to get you, you think I don’t plan stuff in advance? This isn’t some scum I gotta off, I meant it when i said you owe me.” In this moment his arrogance returns.

Your legs now also bound, a pang of fear crawls within you, making you hyper aware of how vulnerable you are for him.He wouldn’t …. Would he?? Theres an uncertainty in the moment, his sudden decision to do this to you in your mind concludes he’s not above trying to have his way with you as well.

“In time you’ll thank me for doing this” he mutters, that hand is back up your leg again, slower this time with his caressing.He must be fucking joking.

“You’re insane, you have to be to think I’d thank you for this, all of this!” The facade of indifference begins to crack, how can someone be so egotistic??! His smile only vexes you more and it finally makes to show of you true state.

“You must be getting off so much right know, you forgot kidnapping is not normalcy you degenerate fuck! LET ME GO !”Its you who’s shouting this time.

“Im the one forgetting things now? Maybe I hit you too hard before bringing you here” he muses.

Now you want to bite him. The lion the witch and the audacity of this fucking bitch.Your bound hands almost mirror the intensity his had when he grabbed you earlier .

“You’re mad aren’t you” he crouches to murmur in your ear.

“Go on, try and hit me, better yet why don’t you get your stand to do that? You sure liked to make a show of that thing materialising from thin air.” The glare you throw his way could corrode metal.

“Is my ice too much for you to handle y/n?”

“Fuck you.”

His fingers now tilt you head by the chin.How much you’d give to see them snap in half.

“Or could it be you like the cold, small lamb ?”

.

.

.

Lamb???

The nickname abruptly hollows your brain empty. Your features go slack and Ghiaccio picks up on it with vigour.The rage shifts into dread, flashes of distress bloom in your view.Theres a loud ringing now present in your ears too, has it always been there???

“Its been a while since someone called you that huh.”

His choice of wording don’t feel familiar – its way too purposeful to be part of his dialect. You’ve never heard him call you that- ever . Not even once.None of the Squadra did.Why would he call you that of all things? Does he know about-

You feel dizzy; your mind cant comprehend the weight that nickname puts on you. The room grows dimmer and Ghiaccio is staring you down with satisfaction as you succumb in terror.The sick fuck.

The sound of rain outside slowly fades, with it so do you once more.

He hums, lowering your face back to the cushion of the mattress. In your knocked out state, you’re unaware of the cold kiss he presses to the crown of your head. Ghiaccio cant help but return back to the loop-sided grin, only this time he followed the pattern of your breathing dreamingly rather than the drops on the window.

[0coldphantom0]

Got any hcs for la squadra?

Oh boy do I :)))

-Melone doesn’t actually like kids. His stand is one thing, but that doesn’t translate over to actual human children. If forced too he could care for them well enough, but he’s as much a bastard as Alessi is and would rather die than babysit a human child.

-Ghiaccio is capable of understanding metaphors just fine, usually his beef is centered around his thick-headed pride. Anything that could possibly taken as an insult to himself is meticulously picked apart and thrown back at whoever said it.

-Pecis is actually kind of a bastard outside of La Squadra. Yeah he hasn’t killed anyone before and he has some qualms when things get a bit too extreme for his tastes (ie. killing people who aren’t the target), but generally speaking he is far from an innocent polite soul. He’s meek around the rest of La Squadra but on his own he’s kind of an annoying smart ass, a little rambunctious and petty.

-Illuso is taller than Risotto.

-Formaggio abuses animals for fun. Kind works with his stand, reminiscent of Alessi he likes picking on people/things he perceives to be weaker than him, so he shrinks animals down for kicks.

-Sorbet and Gelato aren’t as sadistic as most people perceive them to be. On the clock it’s fair game, but they’re mostly reversed and quiet outside of work.

-Prosciutto refuses to let any member of La Squadra know where he lives, nobody has actually been to his house and he intends to keep it that way.

-Prosciutto, Illuso, Melone, Sorbet, and Gelato all have undercover jobs outside of their assassination work. Most of it is contemporary office work except for gelato who actually writes for a shitty fashion magazine.

-Everyone in La Squadra drinks (pesci drinks lite alcohol but has really bad hangovers), everyone except Risotto, Ghiaccio, and Pesci smokes.

-Most of them have experimented with drug usage and a few of them do so on the regular. Ghiaccio, Formaggio, Prosciutto, and Melone all do coke (Illuso does so on occasion but usually only if the others are doing it in front of him).

-Ghiaccio, Prosciutto, and Melone are the only members to never refuse a job. Others draw some kind of line depending on who the target is, but these three will attack literally anyone.

[0coldphantom0]

which one

[0coldphantom0]

man vs wild

[0coldphantom0]

The ultimate symbol of affection

You ever looked at a fictional man and knew the most accomplished thing in your life would be to take a big chomp out the mf???.I bet you lost hours of sleep thinking about it ( i know I have ).Well fret no more and say goodbye to sleeping meds because I’m about to put an end to your suffering- 1000% accurately researched for your pleasure and entertainment (sponsored by the opinion of yours truly): La squadra edition: ✨Biting the men✨

Risotto:

-you must have a death wish to bite this man, in this day and age none have found bigger balls dangling then yours for believing this is a sound mind decision but alas.Bitting Risotto is the equivalent of scrunching up some aluminium foil then popping it in your mouth to chew.No the dentist don’t recommend it.

-In a normal setting biting him would genuinely piss him off.Lord forbid you do it In front of his team he will show zero empathy and zero desire to hear why you did it- instead hell just shove you off him without a word not caring if you get hurt.Even if you two are chilling in private and you do it jokingly hell take great offence to it.Its just not something he deems reasonable, and frankly it comes off as very cringy in his eyes.Explaining wont help your case either, he’s too stubborn to change his opinion.

- Hypothetically speaking tho this could work out in your favour sexually.That’s right, if you’re a kinky bitch have a go at taking a chomp outta him mid thrust and you’ll send his gears turning.He’ll definitely make a sound, one akin to “well i didn’t expect that” before coming to the conclusion of this being your fetish.Congrats, every time y’all fuck now expect molar prints on your thighs and shoulders, big bruise like hickeys too.

-I would be careful with the level of intensity you start this with because hell take it as a Fucking challenge of who can mark the other more, might even stop him from Fucking you to just spend an hour or so practicing his chewing skill.ouchie -Gotta invest in some coverage foundation because each time he does it, Risotto will test the limits of where and how severe those love bites get.You will look freshly fucked up like you lost a fight but at least you can say you bit the capo of la squadra and survived.

-All jokes aside, if i had to guess from looking at this clown, ill place my bets on the head-canon that Risotto has a high pain tolerance,AND probably got bit by some of the people he had to off.In that sort of scenario, envision the crunch of the poor souls neck snapping by the sheer brutal force of Risottos hand, being bitten isn’t nice, even if it you can barely feel it.

Ghiaccio:

-Biting Ghiaccio is like taking a chomp out of one of those magnum ice creams: theres a dull chocolate crunch followed by straight up ice on your front row teeth ( rip to anyone suffering from tooth sensitivity, i know y’all cringing reading this), then followed by pure enjoyment.

-Proceeding to bite Ghiaccio will land you with a beautiful award worthy string of curses you didn’t even know existed in the dictionary with a side of “what the fuck is wrong with you”,then him storming out of the room to the bathroom to a, assess the damage and b, dramatically clean the wound.In that exact order.

-you didn’t harm him that bad he’s obviously overreacting, but now you’ve made it clear you like to nibble, which makes him tense and uncomfortable.If you explain its affectionate and not because you crave his flesh hell still be confused but in a sort of weird way makes peace with it.

-Funnily enough he now has a sixth sense when it comes to you wanting to bite him and will pull the “don’t you fucking dare” moves away from you / shoves you manoeuvre.

-Might fuck around and one day bite you back to gage your reaction. If you react just like he did the first time he’ll call you a hypocrite- “SO ITS OK WHEN YOU DO IT BUT NOT WHEN I DO IT???? WHAT THE FUCK”

- As much as i like to joke about him being the one who bites people I actually think he’s more of a hickeys kinda guy.haha get it because he sucks haha.

- On you and him.he’s got technique too, people like to say he’s probably very feral with his affection.Im gonna pull a uno reverse and say that actually Ghia can and will give soft hickeys when you’re fooling around with him BUT the moment he pulls away and you see the hickeys you’ll realise the sheer damage this bastard did.Im talking concerning, deep hickeys, got mauled by a bear type shit.Yes hell be a dick and purposely tell you he barely did anything to your neck.Thats revenge for you biting his forearm out of nowhere when all he wanted was to cuddle on the couch >:(.

Prosciutto:

- you ever happen to be bored in class and for uncalled reasons decided to chew on your eraser? You guessed it, this guy equates to that sentiment.

- For lack of a better assumption, he’ll probably pause for a moment to take in the fact that yes, you bit him and then once he acknowledged that no, he’s not high -you are using him as a chew toy, will proceed to swat you off like you are a pesky insect.

- Que the most brutal scolding of the day coming your direction, hell be crude with his comments and actually vocal of his true feelings for once???

- To cut the crap, hell rhetorically ask you if you’re a dog.Don’t answer that it’ll only gain you another smack.He really cant believe you just did that, he may seem somewhat disappointed but you acc made him livid, and will not let it go.

- Even if you explain its playful/ affectionate, to him seems like you’re taking the piss???If you wanted to be affectionate hug him or ask for a kiss???

- The only way i can see this playing in your side of the court is if, just like big guy Nero you make it sexual.Prosciutto has an oral fixation kink so this could be the build to it.Best way would be when this guy caresses your face and his thumb goes over your lower lip you give him a cheeky nip.After that i hope you buckle up for a night of being nothing but submissive, hell play conga on yer ass till its a nice shade of burgundy.

- Hell also make small jests of the biting incident, mf is set on humiliating you for a really long time.

Illuso:

-I equate LuLus chew-ability to that of a freshly bought mattress.With springs.

-Trying to bite him will be a tad tricky due to the pillow-man drip he’s got on so your next best location will be his hand.Biting his hand is surprisingly quite easy because he has the tendency to get all up in your business pinching your face to get a rise out of you.Its in tender moments like that you suddenly find yourself valid to eat fingers.

- He will yelp just like dogs do when you step on their tail.Not only will this noise startle you but Illuso will also instinctively shove himself away from you.

- The bitch was to stunned to speak.He will look at his hand then at you , his hand again then towards any other person who happens to be within close range- if no one else is present he’s having a stare down with man in the mirror.

- “You bit me.With your mouth.” Its more of a reality check for himself, mans never actually been bit before by a person- animals are fair game but a person, specifically his s/o ??? Mad.

- Will call you fucking feral then dip inside the mirror.In other words, the bite marked everything he needed to get done for today as postponed, you included potentially for a couple of days if you left a mark.Should you attempt to explain yourself, mirror man will listen and deem your reasoning stupid.

- To prove your reasoning stupid, the following few days will become probably the most insufferable and injury fuelled moments of your existence . Hell get really immature and mean, start tripping you up, pull your hair, potentially push you down the stairs or spook you when you’re cooking so that when you tell him to stop he can pull the “oh but thats how i show my affection my lovely, sorry I didn’t ask in advance 😔”.

- Any fantasy of you going down on him went from enjoyable to downright terrifying, you bit his hand out of the blue , only the unhinged and non human do that, so what if you try to bite his…..

- well done you gave him another reason to place himself above you, and he def left room for Jesus too from now when you’re near him.Its fine he’ll go back to his usual self the moment he wants to get his dick wet.smh the nerve of this bitch…

Pesci:

- oh man

- No joke its like biting into a pear.Not as crunchy as an apple but the lack of resistance is worth for the tenderness.

- It was bound to happen, my man fish-boy walking round with his entire arm exposed, we all agree he can lift the weight of two grown men with those all thanks to his stand so if you like him, this is likely the only way to stop you frothing at the mouth every time you see his muscles.

- To say his reaction is the most vocal would be an understatement, deadass he’s ascended to the form of that one hyrax screaming on a rooftop.He will give the rest of the ppl around y’all ( Prosciutto) a Fucking heart attack.

- Theres a sense of betrayal in both his voice and eyes once the screaming ends, any other form of pain inflicting would’ve been better to him from his gang, hell they can all take turns giving him a kick if they like.Never he would’ve thought you’d decide to just bite him, he’s miffed.

- Instantly assumes he has done something wrong to earn your wrath and will begin spewing out apologies and “i wont do it again”s.

- Explaining to him your reasoning somehow causes more confusion than closure, and even if you specifically tell him that he didn’t piss you off, hell nod but not believe you.Ill take even a step further and bet hell prob hyper analyse the entire event in the hopes of pinpointing the exact moment leading to the bite so you he can all together avoid this in the future or at least formulate an escape route.

- Don’t try to bite him mid intercourse without a warning or he will no joke collapse slice of life style with his soul living his body and everything.Its moments like this you need to start the chest compressions… giving a whole new meaning to saving dick by giving cpr🥴.

Melone:

-Biting Melone is similar to going inside a lush store and trying to bite the caramel scented soap bars. It would totally itch that place in your brain where the intrusive thought crawled out of but oh boy does the aftermath of said decision become a big fat nope.

- one would be quick to assume he’d moan like a whore the moment your teeth sink into him… yeah no. Biting him somehow managed to trigger his fight or flight instinct instead, so for a moment there you thought you lost him because he went all limp on you, no really, for a few seconds he actually placed all his weight on you in a dissociative state.

-Hell be quick to snap out of it and ask what you’re doing.Theres a slight tremor in his voice, similar to the one he gets after a woman smacks him for being a creep (rightfully so).Hell look you in the face for a really long time then utter a “huh” in acknowledgement, then disappear off to god knows where.

-Several minutes later he’s back and wont stop talking your ear off about the “scientific research he’s acquired to justify your behaviour .Melone’s babbling has reached a new sense of straight up overwhelming, and you should simply leave cuz the moment man starts comparing your biting to insects committing cannibalism during mating- you’ve honestly lost him to the wikipedia god.

- you will be bombarded with rapid questions too, no you don’t have the ability to answer, Mel is too excited to slow down his speech, he might acc go into overdrive so hard that he’s turning slightly pink from the lack of breathing.

-should you attempt to bite him during sex, Melone will make a sound akin to that of a cat yowling.Its so loud it’ll make you flinch, but he will take it as a “neither of us should be able to walk the morning after this”message, and boy oh boy will he drive this message home with a ferociousFucking.

-Both of you will be in so much discomfort the next day, better take the initiative to only bite him during a free period of his schedule, or else y’all gonna look like numpties waddling to the hide out.

-This wont be a get out of jail card however.You’ve set his brain into record research time, and we all know that he’s the type of freak to keep tabs on his partners with way too personal notes.Hell treat this as an opportunity to widen his understanding of human reproduction and physical affection, and you my dear will be his little guinea pig- he wont take no for an answer!!!

Formaggio:

- He’s definitely the crunchiest one, I’m talking McDonalds crunch yet dewy the good tasty kind type beat.

- Out of everyone he’s the least shocked that you decided to bite him. Man has established himself as delectable for a while now all thanks to the cat he owns and pesters. Yes his cat bites. Hard.

- As a matter of fact he’s delighted you’re giving him affection of any kind as normally he’s the one always acting like an utter simp, suffocating your space till he gets his fix- sure he wouldn’t really specifically say he likes it in the form of biting but he’s not one to question the stunts you pull given the stunts he’s pulled.

-You’ve definitely caught this man doing some cringy ass shit as means of increasing his appeal so that you’d like him more.Wonderful moments full of core memories like that one time he read that good smelling men are considered more attractive to their partners, so he thought the best way he’d get some sugar from you was to douse himself in cologne….. including his private parts.Did he get to impress you with his “alluring scent”??No you had to help him wash his crotch area in a bar bathroom with wet wipes because he scratched the itch and it gave him a rash.Romantic.

-You bitting him therefore is null when compared to him so he digs it. Hell prob grab you and roughhouse a little, its very dorky and acc very wholesome but sadly its cut short by him deciding to “playfully “ bite you back.Except he latched on hard, and it hurt so much you accidentally jabbed him in the stomach point blank and due to that cheese man K.O’d on top of you. Yuppie now you have an unconscious man laying on top of you, heavy af, annd, a bite that’s bleeding rubbing against the carpet.Formaggio’s cat is the only bitch in this place present….everyone else is out so get cozy cuz ur gonna be stuck like that till he returns back to the living world.

- Bitting him during sex goes a bit better.He likes it when you’re sucking on his fingers whilst he’s hitting it from the back ,if you start biting, hell take it as cue to go harder.Just make sure when you do it, its in the privacy of his or your place.Formaggio likes doing quickies, esp at the base and if you do bite him hell get rowdy af and annoyingly loud.This may lead to Ghiaccio busting the door down and beating both of you raw with it.

Sorbet and Gelato:

-Both are proudly walking around with matching bite marks on their buttcheeks from each other.

-nah its gotta be the “last thing i do before i die” thing on your bucket list to bite these two.They are feral. Lmao I said bite as if youll even have a smidge of opportunity to do so, you have better chances of breathing underwater.

[0coldphantom0]

Encased between two blades:Chapter 1-The Exposition

Turbulence of the heart can only lead to despair.In your case such severity reaches levels of frostbite.

MDNI

It would be overly frivolous to consider a person a smidge lucky for ending in such a predicament as you. Yet here we are.

On the surface, you are but a university student.Peeping closer however, you see yourself part of a bigger plan -Passione’s plan.Not to undermine your determination for the studious lifestyle, after all you did fight quite a bit to earn the place at the university of your desire in Italy.By yourself, internationally away, tucked in the corner of the world, hoping to build a stable future.Many would consider themselves very stressed to be there, but you my dear turned said stress into freeing independence .Sure this freedom- its costs, so you, like the next person went ahead and set your cards in motion. Simply said: being part of the mafia, hiding in plain sight was very convenient.Your bills and loans are getting paid, protection is granted and you have the respect deserved for being a much needed healer in such a bloody line of work.Everything whilst passing each test with flying colours.yay.

In a funny sort of way, you like to believe the mob establishment falls more in debt to you than you to them.Rightfully so.Time and time again, every mission thrown at you, whether important or not ,to test your loyalty or not, you surpassed. Never did you once back away, even in the most gruesome of moments.

Your ability, faithfully strong in support always behind you, tall and gentle. Sure, a stark contrast to your small stature and soft appearance, its wings caging you protectively, as if a guardian from above .Fittingly so they named you after it- Angelo, what irony that is for something pure and full of good will to aid the ill intended.So did most who met you during your job thought.

A hardened felon full of malice and lecherous spite should be standing in front of the assassination team. Not you. A desk worn old with faint stains of blood in this moment lays full with nothing but grace and good talk of your presence amongst the cluttered meeting room.Report after report of good behaviour and praise from several branches felt decrepit and undeserving of Capo’s attention.It feels very wrong.Jet ink eyes surround your very essence with a pitch of the deepest black. Allure red peeps at your mighty presence, well rather lack of persay. Risotto clings to the hope of the papers he read to be covered in nothing but phoney, that the simple glare of his eyes will makes you cower like a dog and run for the hills, for your own sake not his. Yet his glare barely reaches your curious eyes and with not even a melt of fear to them at best.He grumbles defeated, for unbeknownst to you, the man knows the level of implications a kind-heart like you will bestow on his men.Since then, it became customary of you to be amongst la Squadra . One of the most feared bunch to many , to you, your beloved teammates.All as well as can be for their standard of work. The clogs turned softly and everything was set in place.

Until they no longer were and all motion ceased at once.Frozen solid, on the spot.

To be more clear, your dear guardian frozen solid on the spot, its figure encased almost mockingly in a crystal blanket, posture hoisted upwards ready to wrap around you.

A minute more could’ve shielded you away from such azure glare, alas Ghiaccio’s patience ran thin.You wanted to be shocked, surprised, even terrified at such antics, yet you knew too well why everything came to a halt. As a matter of fact, your aloof performance likely egged him more than sent the message home that you were not interested.In all honestly you just didn’t know how long until he’d make a move- his frustration clear for a while now, but truthfully there was no other safe hand to play in your circumstance other than to ignore him, which in turn made him angry.

And boy was he angry.You knew of his intentions, and still pretended nothing changed, that all was dandy in the world, in his world and yours aligned, albeit kept parallel .You pretended to not know the meaning behind his lingering glances and softer demeanour towards you. All the times he’s watched you from afar and close, nor the little gestures of gratitude, or trinkets he’d stuff in the pockets of your coat when you weren’t looking.How could you act so bluff- how dare you-

He targeted you every chance he got, establishing early on his emotions regarding your existence. Albeit to everyone else it appears the man despised you searingly so, in his eyes that couldn’t be further from the truth. Ghiaccio adored you so, to a painful point he’d wish to bottle your very self and preserve it in hopes of it warming his soul.His wants couldn’t be held back, his feeble attempts to make you reciprocate his endearment finally made him snap and heave for closure- preferably the kind where he can finally have you all to himself with zero restriction.And of course to him ,it was all your fault for this peculiar fixation and attachment.

You shouldn’t exist here in this pit of perversion close enough to be snatched away by him or anyone for that matter. In his mind, Ghiaccio will never allow anyone but himself the privilege of getting to you first, he’d more likely kill you himself than let another touch you the way he yearns to.In your mind however, a indifference was set ablaze to anyone seeking romantic favours from you, especially him. You’d try your best to remain neutral in that aspect of life, the nuisances that come attached to such unhinged individuals gravelling wildly for your heart was too much for too little worth to risk your everything on.Even now with the cold nipping at every inch of your exposed skin, heart afire daring to to burst and fearful tears threatening to spill, your composure remains unfazed and more still than ice.Cant allow any other emotion but that bared to this man, or all hell would break loose.

Ghiaccio on the other hand moved closer to where you stood. He didn’t utter a word, how terrifying for silence to befall and individual like him.It wasn’t fitting at all. It was clear , he’s made his mind up, the rest of the world can continue to turn its gears, and his associates will fall back to the normalcy of life without you for all he gives a damn.For you have no where to run from his cold desires.

With Cryogenics your one weakness ,the man before you doesn’t hesitate to bring your movement to a halt once more.The last thing you can vision is the red frame of his glasses encased in frost before all seems to numbingly fade in dark.Just like your angel. And just like you.

[0coldphantom0]

What is La Squadra HQ like?

(+ What’s everyone’s office like?)

The short answer: a frat house. Same vibes all around.

A large part of the decor, if you can call it that, is alcohol bottles, drug paraphernalia, and… Actually don’t look too close at much of it…

Melone leaves his, uh, magazines out far too often, and won’t even close the porn on his laptop if he leaves it unattended.

The kitchen is surprisingly clean. It is relatively unused. The fridge, however, is a mess of leftovers, drinks, sauces… It’s full and at least half is no longer edible. Half of the cooking utensils are burnt and/or stained too.

The only room in the place that has coordinated furniture is the meeting room. Everything else is random odds and ends, indicative that they were acquired by various members of the team.

Cigarette burns and coffee cup rings adorn the tables that are topped with empty shot glasses and finished games of cards. Stray poker chips lay on the floor.

There are surprisingly few mirrors for a place where Illuso spends his time. No one else wants him to be sneaking around in their stuff, so the only mirrors present are in the common areas and Melone’s room; not even Illuso will snoop there.

The bathrooms are surprisingly neat and tidy, though there’s always a good chance that either the toilet paper or hand soap isn’t stocked. Someone’s 3-in-1 shampoo has been in the shower for months, untouched.

Everyone has their own office with it’s own vibes, according to its owner.

Keep reading

[0coldphantom0]

Reasons why they get no bitches: ✨La Squadra edition!✨

Back at it again with some lovely ☺️ personal headcanons for them jojo bois.

Ps.My askbox is open for requests so send me any requests ( make them juicy).If i catch any minor asking for nsfw stuff you will be 🌸blocked 🌸

Risotto:

- Given how the mafia works, i presume theres a certain quota most ppl have to follow as to not get killed or be looked down upon, so him being in a relationship would place him at a disadvantage strategically speaking.

- Not to assume there haven’t been moments where he could’ve gotten bitches.I have a presumption that somewhere down his Passione career one or two unlucky bastards tried to bribe him with promises of pussy in the hopes of living to tell the tale.It didnt work.

- Im a sole believer that if this man was ever pissed off by a woman hed forcefully make her bleed from her cooch istg ( this is a joke.I am joking, please dont come for me i am but a mere idiot)

- “Im on my period” “im aware :)”

- ✨attachment issues✨:/.

- Lacks the ability to turn off his work mode aka will intimidate ppl without wanting to

- Hyper analyses your body language to a point where you can’t decipher whether hes checking u out or planning how big the hole he must dig for your corpse gotta be smh what a turn off

- Socially inept oh whats that a convo needing his opinion thats not related to his work?? * turns invisible*

- Whats that a convo needing his opinion that IS related to his work??? You a cop or smth?Dont ever ask that again

- Many would find his field of work impossible to adapt to, lets for a second imagine living codependently with an absolute felon, this man went to jail for sure.Most people look funny at smokers let alone someone like him.

- Not to mention the utter anxiety he without realising creates.Sure its fun to cause someone to twitch in fear when theyre some dude you gotta off but when youre the one sitting in front of this man and all he does is squint in disapproval, or lowers his tone…it can only cause for some issues.( unless youre into that then sure have fun being on the edge all the time ig )

- He bottles his emotions and denies the extent of his affections, so man probably wont tell you how he feels abt things, and i can bet money that if youre an emotional kinda pal, he’ll disregard your feelings a lot “because how is there something to fix when nothing is broken “ and “deal with it” are his go to.

Pesci:

- *vaguely gestures at his whole design *

- Either examines everything his crush does with a fine comb or the opposite.This can lead to some awkward instances where he either spews out the most incomprehensible gibberish before making a run for it or not hear a single word if you ask him a question, ending up in him forgetting where and what he is doing.

- Got that heavy dose of toxic masculinity and inferior complex all thanks to all the other guys he hangs with ( im looking at you illuso, cheese and ham >:()

- With that being said its safe to assume that most of the time hes also used as the butt of the joke or even as a leeway to the other members in his group to yoink a gal or two due to his gullibility.Hed be the ugly fool whod annoy the wee damsel and in turn lead to someone else “intervening “ ( in short, prosciutto has and will steal any girl pesci likes as means of teaching the boy a “lesson “ which is bullshit,we all know he’s doing if for fun )

- Push over and a half

- Shitty fashion sense

- I dont believe this man has ever fucked.Like, at all.

-bitchboy and a half, i feel like the moment you raise your voice he winces. Go girl give us lack of confidence, im sure thats attractive :/

- am convinced this man knows zero abt girls, to a point where if he held hands with one his brain would implode.

- I do believe he in a way over glorified being part of the mafia similar to Giorno. The big difference between them is that whilst golden boy drank piss to end kids having a meth addiction, My headcanon is that Pesci thought hed be gaining some respect and power by joining the gang, and spitefully be able to rub it in whoever’s face he could.This also means getting bitches- in this moment he fails to acknowledge said bitches are far and few for his organisation ( unless youre counting prostitutes)and the ones who do be, are probably not going to mingle with someone from the hitman team.

Prosciutto:

- smokes like a chimney (when stressed)and prob a big coffee drinker, i cant imagine finding that pleasant when kissing

- Cheapskate for anything that isnt him. He will buy those gucci socks, for himself.Depending on how much worth he places on the “bitches” hell either flaunt money but share none or hand u a generous tip of 5 lire and tell u to get urself someting nice:)

- Has this sense of entitlement worse than illuso, and also a bit of a saviour complex.Sure on the surface it might come off as him being patient and wating to provide for the crush, unfortunately this manifests through him controlling not only what you do but your opinion on any matter too.Should you speak / act out of line, you now have to redeem urself by kissing ass :/

- everything becomes monitored too.Hes basically in the mindset of training this person to be his ideal from the getgo. Isnt that so wonderfull.

- Imagine if your s/o bitched abt everything you do like a strict parent… how hot…😒

- Kinda misogynistic ngl, even by the standarts of then, hes got a very set way of thinking and acting around someone depending on their gender. Now if you happen to be nonbinary, depending on “which side of the scale you lean on” and by that i mean if prosciutto considers you more masc / fem leaning he will treat you as such.neither side is more torelable than the other, hes temperamental as shit.

- Reeks of that toxic masculinity, i can therefore say this man will never show an ounce of vulnerability thats genuine.ever.

- He cares abt his outward appearance to a point where he deadass cant take a joke.Its fine if he picks on how you dress but for someone to do that to him??? No.

- Also has a bit of a substance problem. I headcanon him as enjoying a little bit of that cocaina and some opium from time to time.

Illuso:

- hes just a massive dickhead all year round

- Snoops worse than the rats in your walls ONG

- Zero privacy with this guy, he knows exactly what you’re doing all the time and will use that to pull shitty pranks on you

- He will also use said knowlege to your disadvantage. Cant back out of his dates due to a “tight schedule” because he knows everything you do in a week and should you try to bluff him HE WILL KNOW.Throws a tantrum like no other if you dont wanna hang out with him.

- Will guilttrip you into oblivion.Theres also a chance of him verbally and physically bullying you as means of all the attention to be on him.

- Believes hes a god sent gift to the world.why are you laughing???? Hes hot shit???

- Gaslighting is his middle name. Illuso cant take rejection at all, he cant accept someone he finds attractive to not feel the same about him.

- Narcissistic and a liar. He gives me the vibe of someone who will not tell you anything truthfull about what he does and who he is and thats due to both his workfield scaring off potential “bitches” and because he think no matter the person, theyll try to manipulate him into doing something he doesnt want/ useless to him.

- Possesiveness issues. Hell deny it into oblivion but the apple of his eye is his and his only- his jealousy knows no bounds so should you literally care abt anything or someone else hell turn it into a “its all about illuso” moment.

- Oh , youre getting all dolled up to go out, its for illuso. Reading a book? Youre doing it for him to notice!Shivering because you are cold?? You want him to come and hold you. Mind you theres a 50/50 chance hes applying said thinking to someone who is unaware of his existence.just like Ghiaccio.yikes.

Melone:

- his criminal record

- Depraved mf worse than the guys youd find on 4chan

- The type of guy you never want to own favours to under any circumstances

- he is a noncon enthusiast ,i wont elaborate

- Foot fetish . No.just no. Out of all body parts???? Really??!?!

- Lets not even talk abt his stand we all know they r meant to represent the persons soul…..so his just erm 👁👁

- To add to that, hes a bit of a psychpath, in the sense that as much as he seems eager to jump into someones pants, he lacks in the “human connection “ department.

- Idk man Melone gives me the vibes of an individual who can act normal but thats it, its all an “act”. His affections and speech is very coordinated, almost as if hes running an experiment with the person he finds attractive.You can sense that the persona he give off is not genuine, rather scripted- and it probably is because he fails to understand emotions to begin with.This will make you uncomfortable so kudos to that :(.

- Big time commitment issues. The probability of him seeking out several “bitches” at the same time in the same place is 99% likely and has in the past lead people into a sense of trust and security only to pull back and act like theyre a total stranger.

- His opinion changes like the weather depending on who he talks to. Melone has the ability to agree and disagree about a topic in the same sentence. Sure he can pick up on the topic and be quite informative,as long as its factual information.This can be a bitch to deal with if you ask him anything or are Ghia and wanna vent out your frustrations.

- Will definetly not care about your boundaries. The scary part is hell twist it so that should you try to protest or bring it up, itll fall on deaf ears.

- Got in trouble in the past for slipping drugs into peoples drinks to watch and see what happens for his own entertaintment,including his coworkers outside misions.

- He also wont hesitate to hack any device you use as means to finding blackmail in case you try anything funny.(and take some dna for babyface if he really considers you a nuisance)

Formaggio:

- personal hygiene has left the chat, id be very wary to shaking hands with this mofo becus he does not wash his hands, let alone anything else

- Probably makes very crude jokes at the worse moments in convos

- He also gives me the vibes of that kid in the neighbourhood who killed small animals and set fire to shit for fun.He prob still does this (this is supported by the spider torture scene and the fact that he treat his cat like shit)

- His pickup lines suck ass, you will visibly cringe

- Sneaky bastard, anyone who catches his attention has at some point or another been spooken by his ability to appear at any given moments due to his stand.Good luck trying to hide something from him or talk shit.Will also use his ability to be a complete creep and compliment how you smell of your underwear choice, even if you ,a, never uttered a word to him or ,b, were nowhere close near him…..yeh..

- Hes the one who will kiss ass so much to a point where everything he does and says ends up making him look slightly unhinged and desperate.Not below straight up pestering you until you finally agree to something ( sex or doing what he wants)

- He sure talks an awaful lot but thats about it. The old bark and no bite kinda deal. He will take you out to expensive dinner he says and then he takes you to the cheapest bar he can get drunk at, only to make you stop bringing his promises up again.Will act a stranger to your dissatisfaction!

- A bit of a leech. Hes known to have broken into his crushes house to “borrow something”, yes your valubles and underwear are gone.

- Good luck living with him because he doesnt pick up after himself at all.He makes the kitchen and bathroom a health hazard AND doesnt flush the toilet either.

- Another one with trust issues. Because hes a nuisance and a bit insecure ( but to lazy to put in the effort) hes bound to blame other people for things he does and will be very quick to accuse a person of not being faithful, even if theres zero evidence.Rebutting this will be hard and he can only be shot down by doing what he wants, and apologising even if you did nothing wrong.

- Hates being given the cold shoulder and will call you every name in the book if you dont stop.

- Will act clueless when things get hectic and only apologise after theres no chance of fixing it. “Sorry about the toaster bbygorl dw ill buy you another”. He wont, but will get mad about not getting to enjoy toast at your place anymore.

- Like Illuso he can be a bully. Will mock and pick on you to get a rise outta you and to make his teammates laugh. He will pretend like nothing is wrong AND get butthurt if you pull away from him when he wants a kiss.

Ghiaccio:

- ……… where do i start

- That scowl alone is enough honestly

- Hes got the posture of a shrimp, so fine so curved ( bitch me too) and its all because of his laptop use.

- I can see him try to impress someone by bitching abt something to appear smart but it ends up in a one way convo, even if you try to join in he cuts you off or talks over you

- Overly cocky . I applaud his determination to be the best™️ in everything he does- heres the problem, no body likes a smartass with a temperament aqute to that of a Tasmanian devil.

- Assumes things about his potential love interest but never actually asks whether or not said presumptions are true or false. And he never will, unless you spell it out for him due to his inability to admit he could ever be wrong about what their fav activities are, after all HE picked this person and HE knows best.

- He believes he can read a person to filth. Sure that may be true regarding anything to do with his work aka body language and weaknesses- but that doesn’t necessarily apply to personal stuff sooo….

- Issues with control. Ghiaccio will always have the upper hand in his relationship or so help whoever happens to be the closest to him.Genuinely cant envision this man feeling comfortable if the crush happens to be a bit more on the independent side of tings.As much as hed love a debate buddy hed rather you just agree with him so he can get to his point.

- And the funny part is that he’s probably a big hypocrite with that too.Ah the double standard of having to please a man who cant admit anyone being better than him yet at the same time wants somebody who he can swing about like a trophy and tell the rest of his teammates that they can shove it up their ass cuz “hes got the hottest bitch, and it wasn’t by means of money or threatening, its because hes JUST SO DAMN BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE”

- Ghiaccio’s keen eye and expertise in the how “to get bitches “ means he’s already on his third honeymoon with the love of his life who can only be so happy they get to fuck him and be tolerated by him and ooo theyre in the bedroom and-

- Have I mentioned this process of thinking is taking place whilst lurking and stalking the person rather than being a normal human being and just go and have a chat? Oh I haven’t? It’s probably because the ice gremlin has gone a few steps ahead of his plan but forgot to actually touch base with said person and is instead intently staring at them like a maniac without blinking.From across the room.Even Melone is throwing him side glances.

-Physical touch. Has a habit of being grabby should the crush show a smidge of interest in him.Ice boy will take every opportunity to have some part of him touching the person, annoyingly so, because he himself is touched starved.Dont try to reciprocate said touch unless you’re planning to be smothered consistently by his advances.If you’re thinking its soft uwu touches you’re very wrong. His composure makes it seem like he’s challenging you to a fight more than asking to snuggle.Very anxiety inducing and rather hard to get out of his grip once he has you.

- Lord forbid his target is talking to another person he deems a threat because hes prone to start fights and has ended many with plenty of people having a trip to the ER

- he drives with pure unadulterated malice and will curve swerve every chance he gets so any bitch he does get will definitely end up with severe nausea and promptly make an exit turn the moment they get out the car.

Sorbet and Gelato:

-Deadass, if they’re seeking anyone, that person will go missing.

- They have each other, thats facts, they are the bitches, the gay bitches.good for them

-I dont think anyone is capable of dealing with these two because all they care about is money and violence, anything else is considered unnecessary and a waste of time.

- Any “bitches” desiring their affections will be shot down on the spot, with a gun.Most likely by Gelato because hes a very possessive and jealous mf.Sorbet is very aware of this and unless hes bored and wants to see some discourse, he will be very unapproachable to a point where you have to be void of any fight or flight instinct to get close.

-Theyre a couple with a lack of care to anyone who doesn’t provide them with money, entertainment or drugs and the only affection they show is to one another.Any unlucky soul who somehow ended up in their bedroom will die miserably.

-Sadists with a capital ,s, if theyre down to be part of the hitman team for financial gain do you honestly believe they have any consideration for peoples lives, let alone their feelings???? Yeah no.

-Dont you also find it quite interesting that they were the first of the squadra to go?? Like for a second there sure, “it’s because they tried to get information” on diavolo, but I also have a feeling they could’ve been a genuine threat to the boss.I like to believe that if they didnt get offed so quickly, the way the squadra organised their traitor plans would’ve probably earned more damage to the Passione’s business than even Bruno’s team.

[0coldphantom0]

(ask LS)

who do you think snores like 'hoonk shoo shoo shoo' and who snores like, 'hoonk mimimimimi'

Shoo shoo shoo

Prosciutto

Ghiaccio

Risotto

Sorbet

mimimimimi

Formaggio

Illuso

Pesci

Melone

*vacuum cleaner noises*

Gelato

[0coldphantom0]

How could you say something so controversial yet so brave???? Very true tho

LISTEN....... people can project whatever they want onto their blorbos. literally, fuck it, have fun, who cares. but for me personally, i really dont like a large part of the part 5 fanon, namely the found family lens for the buccigang. imo it undermines the very concept of found family by trying to shove everyone into nuclear roles (ex. baby narancia, mommy bruno, daddy abbacchio) its really icky to me and really defeats the purpose of found family as this sort of cobbled-together group of traumatized and fucked up individuals trying to make their jagged edges fit, reduced to a traditional dynamic of the mom, the dad, etc.

have FUN with it, point out that bruno would make a fucking terrible parent; the guy's most parental move is him being kind of opposed to kids joining the mafia. narancia isnt babey, he's maladapted and violently unhinged!! LEAN INTO IT, GUYS!!!!!!!

a large part of part 5 is about very broken people trying to find comraderie, purpose, and structure through the means of organized violence. the mafia is not a good place to be, it shouldnt be romanticized. its horrific and bloody and exploitative.

and within fandom, you can totally just reduce that to "heehee be gay do crime" or whatever the fuck, but for me its just really not my thing. i like it when things are terrible and people are fucked up but trying to make the best of things, unsanitized, horrific, but bittersweet. idk theres my soapbox of the day lmfao. read bodies in the bay by broodthaers

[0coldphantom0]

💌Valentine's Day special!💌

La Squadra wants to take you out on a date! fem!reader

TW: Curses, Blasphemy, Striscia la notizia

Valentine's Day, Naples

19:30 (6:30 p.m)

The headquarters are strangely silent. Bizarre. There's tension in the air, it's just like mission time, everyone's waiting for the enemy's slip up.

19:45 (6:45 p.m.)

The bathroom door on the second floor slightly opens. Pesci nervously checks out the surroundings. There's no one around. Even the hallway's mirror is clean. With a sigh of relief, the man carefully slips out of the bathroom, slowly closing the door on his way back. Before He can take another step, a familiar voice interrupts the quiet hallway.

"Pesci."

Prosciutto suddenly appears behind Pesci'back, startling him.

"AH!! Cazzo Fra', mi hai fatto prendere un colpo, c-che c'è, Prosciutto?"

(AH!!! Damn Fra', you scared the shit out of me, w-what's up, Prosciutto?)

Prosciutto slowly traps the poor guy against the door by menacingly getting closer to him.

"Come mai ti stai preparando? Esci con qualcuno?"

(Why did you get so dressed up for? Do you have a date with someone?)

Alea acta est. The die is cast. Prosciutto can spot a lie from a mile, so telling the truth is the only way around.Pesci is so upset that he's becoming part of the wooden door.

"In effetti ho un appuntamento! Emh... Più o meno...S-Spero mi dica di sì..."

(I actually have a date! Um... Sort of...I-hope She'll say yes....)

By nervously looking down, Pesci notices that his Fra' his wearing his jimmy Choo's loafers with argyle socks... He only wears them when He's going out with a woman!

"Oh, ora è tutto chiaro. Buona fortuna allora...vai pure-"

(Oh, I see...Good luck then, you can go-)

Before Prosciutto can finish his sentence, Pesci frees himself detaching his body from the door while heading for the stairs.

"Emm.. grazie,fratellone..."

The guy is almost free, but suddenly a clock of a gun freezes his body. Pesci can literally feel the cold metal pushing into his neck.

"Pesci, Pesci, Pesci non mi hai lasciato finire-"

(Pesci, Pesci, Pesci, you didn't let me finish)

Prosciutto smiles.

" ...vai pure a casetta tua, caro il mio mammone, questa sera la signorina viene a cena con me. So benissimo che vuoi chiedere alla nuova arrivata di uscire...ma vedi, lei non è cosa per te..."

(...you can go back to your room, my dear mammone, the girl is having dinner with me this evening. and yes, I know you were trying to ask the new girl out...But You see, You're not her type.She's too good for you.)

He's trying to destroy his friend confidence. He's actually never been so mean but He' crazy about you and of course He's not the kind of guy who shares...

"Ma Fratello Prosciutto

" ...Il 'buona fortuna' era per le tue minuscole cervella'.Una cazzata e te le faccio saltare."

(...The 'good luck' was for your tiny brains.One sudden move and I'll blow them out.)

Pesci raises both of his hands.

"FRA' MA Sei uscito PAZZO?!"

(FRA' Have you gone CRAZY?!)

"Zitto cocco di mamma. Ringrazia che non stia usando Grateful Death"

(Shut it mama's boy. You should feel Grateful that I'm not using my stand to knock you out.)

The situation is about to escalate to the worst when all of a sudden, the two gangsters hear a familiar whistling. Someone's coming from the stairs, merrily whistling "La donna è mobile" by Giuseppe Verdi. It's Formaggio! The man is hiding what looks like a heart shape box of Baci Perugina and a bottle of Falanghina wine under his right arm as he enters the hallway with nonchalance, pretending those two aren't even there.

" 'Sera"

" 'Sera...Hey aspetta un momento, FORMAGGIO DOVE PENSI DI ANDARE?!."

('Sera, Hey hold on a second, FORMAGGIO WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!)

"Puttana Troia…"

Formaggio immediately sprints to the stairs leading to the attic, where your room is located. His plan was to show up to your room with chocolate and wine, so the two of you could get drunk and possibly fuck. Unfortunately for him, his plans quickly go up in smoke. But before he can even set his foot on the first stair-step, Formaggio is tackled by Prosciutto and Pesci. Luckily, the bottle doesn't break, but the Box gets crushed by Formaggio's own body.

"AARGH!Levatevi di dosso 'a infami froc*aroli!! Prosciutto io te sdrumo!! Te- AO!! LEVATE! T’arivorto come ‘n pedalino PORCODD*O! Me stai a sgara’ li cojoni!!LEVATE!"

(AARGH! Get off me you thirsty fagg*ts!!! Prosciutto I'm going to destroy you! I'm-AO!! GET OFF ME! I'll skin you alive PORCODD*O!You're pissing me off! GET UP!)

"OHI Pesci! Tienilo fermo!"

(Ohi Pesci, Keep him down!)

"Ci sto provando, Fra'!"

(I'm trying,Fra'!)

Formaggio starts loudly protesting in roman slang and tries to kick the two guys off. In a fit of exasperation, His left hand is about to reach the bottle of Falanghina that rolled a few meters away. Before he can actually grab the wine, a pair of red sneakers step right near his head. Ghiaccio's exited his bedroom, and He doesn't seem in a good mood.

"Formaggio..."

he growls

"Mi spiegate perché, Cancaro di quel D*O, STATE IN MEZZO AL CORRIDOIO A INGROPPARVI A VICENDA!?DIOCANE ! NON C'È MAI PACE IN QUESTO BUCO DI MERDA!STATE SEMPRE A FARE BORDELLO!"

(Care to explain why YOU FUCKING 'TARDS ARE TRYING TO FINGER EACH OTHER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY?! D*O CANE! THERE'S NEVER PEACE IN THIS SHITHOLE!).

Prosciutto gets up, not cause Ghiaccio told them to, but because his Gucci suit is wrinkling. Formaggio has now the occasion to shake Pesci off his back and stand up again.

"State a pattina’ sur filo der vaffanculo. Guardate come mi avete ridotto la scatola di cioccolatini!"

(You're on thin ice. Just look at what you've done to my box of chocolates!)

He counters while picking up the heart-shaped box, it looks like someone ran over it with their car.

"Quanto baccano per una festa così mediocre"

(So much fuss for such a mediocre celebration)

The tall figure of illuso leaned over the giant hallway mirror. With a sly smile, Illuso approaches the small group, observing them almost with a sense of superiority. All He need is his charme to make you falla at his feet. At least, this is what He thinks...

"Comunque I Ferrero Rochet sono più buoni dei Baci Perugina"

(Ferrero Rocher are better than Baci Perugina)

"Ah. Ora siamo anche degli esperti di cioccolatini!Mio Maître chocolatier del cazzo!"

((Ah. Now we're also chocolate experts! My fucking Maître chocolatier!))

"Guarda che ti hanno fatto un favore.Ma dove vorresti andare con quella robaccia da due soldi? Che poraccio."

(They did you a favor. What do you think you're doing with that cheap junk? Such a lack of taste.)

"Illuso.Te do ‘na pizza che t’arestano pe’ vagabondaggio!!!"

(Illuso. If You don't shut up, I AM gonna smack the taste out of your mouth!!)

"OH MA PORCAMAD*NNA CHE COSA TI HO APPENA DETTO,FORMAGGIO?!"

(OH PORCAMD*NNA, WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TOLD YOU FORMAGGIO!?)

"Non urlare, deficente."

(Stop screaming, you stupid.)

counters Prosciutto while checking his hair in the same mirror Illuso used.

"Scusa Ghiaccio, Che cos'hai in mano?"

(Sorry Ghiaccio, What's that thing you're holding?)

Asks Pesci, interrupting the trio and pointing at the man's hand. Ghiaccio goes silent. He's clearly holding what looks like a love letter squeezed between his fist.

"...Bolletta dell'Enel."

(...Light bill.)

And Ghiaccio Lied.

"Oh ma davvero?Non ti avevano bandito dalle Poste Italiane di Napoli dopo che hai preso a calci la torretta Spid? E da quando la bolletta dell'Enel è piena di cuoricini?"

(Oh really? Weren't you banned from the Naples Post Office after you kicked their ATM ? And since when are there tiny hearts on the light bill?)

Fianally Ghiaccio comes clean

"E VA BENE! È una lettera per voi sapete chi, l'ho scritta di mio pugno e-"

( ALRIGHT FINE! It's a letter for you know who, I wrote it myself and...)

Illuso cuts him immediately:

"-HAHAHAH! Una lettera?! E chi sei? Mio nonno in guerra??"

( -HAHAH! A letter?! Who do you think you are? My grandpa during the war?!)

" 'TASI MONA CHE TE DAGO UNA SMEMENA DIOCAN! Io e lei siamo estremamente compatibili! LO AMERA' '"

(SHUT UP YOU IDIOT, SOONER OR LATER YOU'RE GONNA CATCH THESE HANDS, DIOCAN! We're the perfect match! She will LOVE it! )

"compatibili?"

(The perfect...match?)

Suddenly, the door on their left creaks, opening with exasperating slowness. Melone is plunged into darkness, his face lit only by his languid laptop.

"Non penso proprio, bischeri. Secondo il mio Baby Face, io e la bimba nuova siamo compatibili al 97% ma stasera ho intenzione di trascinarla nel mio letto e di provare ogni posizione possibile!! DI MOLTO!"

(You guys are so naive. According to my Baby Face, the new girl and I have a solid 97% chance to be compatible. But tonight is the night, I am going to drag her into my bed and try every sexual position possible to see if the percentage gets higher!!! DI MOLTO!)

"Il mostro di Firenze, Signori."

(Gentlemens, The Monster of Florence)

Remarks Prosciutto in disgust and Ghiaccio immediately follows:

"TU NON STAI BENE CAZZO. CURATI."

(YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE, GET SOME HELP, MELONE!)

"A zorro, ariccojte ‘a sciabbola, che neanche tu fai 100"

(Calm down Ghiaccio, You're not 100% sane either.)

counters Formaggio while wheezing.

"Andateci piano, bambini."

(Quiet, Children)

"Parli tu, Forma? Ma figurati se la nuova ragazza vuole anche solo avvicinarsi a un pirla come te"

(You're one who's talking, Forma? The new girl doesn't even want to get close to a jerk like you.)

" Devi solo che abbozzà, che quando parli sembri il cazzo di Gabibbo!!"

((Try me bitch, You're nothing but a cheapskate, You didn't even got her a present!)

"A chi hai dato del Genovese Brutto pezzo di merda?!"

(Who did you call tight-fister you piece of shit?!)

"Di molto~ Boia deh, ora son guai."

(Di molto~ You can start the catfight!"

" TASI MELONE. TANTO SAPPIAMO TUTTI CHE SEI UN PISANO DI MERDA.MI SON ROTTO IL CAZZO IO VADO SU"

(SHUT YOUR MOUTH MELONE, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! THAT'S IT. I'M GOING UPSTAIRS!!)

"OH. Non pensarci nemmeno, stronzetto!!"

(OH. Don't you even think about it, bitch!!)

The entire gang tries to rush up the stairs, all at once, squirming and frantically attempting to block each other's way, until...

"Rega...Sento dei passi"

((Guys...I hear footsteps...)

"Sta scendendo..." For some reason, Prosciutto is not so sure. However, He's still hearing the footsteps.

( She' s on her way down..)

"Giù, giù, giù! Fate come se niente fosse!"

(go back!go back!, act like nothing's wrong.)

All the men display themselves along the hallway as if they were on the cover of Vogue Italia. As they are posing like professional models, the footsteps get closer.

"Stiamo a fare comunella come le scolarette nei bagni?"

( Mumbling and Cackling like schoolgirls in a bathroom?)

Risotto emerges from the shadows, holding a bouquet of black roses almost as big as he is. The tension is palpable. Before anyone else can actually say a single thing, Risotto cuts it short:

" La picciotta ha già un appuntamento stasera."

(She's already on a date with someone else.)

#E CON CHI??!#

#WITH WHO??!#

20:02 (08:02 p.m)

Meanwhile in a romantic restaurant called "Renzo e Lucia", a man with a black bob cut and eyes as blue as the sea, is merrily chatting with you as he holds your hand.

Bruno: Che cosa ti va mangiare, amore?

(What would like to eat, amore?)

[0coldphantom0]

I had a dream last night that Prosciutto was showing me Italian cuisine as a way to impress me but it only ended up with me eating an entire jar of green olives 🫒.I woke up at 4am sweaty and feeling like throwing up because I genuinely thought I actually ate a whole jar of green olives wtf.Had the aftertaste of green olives and everything….

[0coldphantom0]

Roasting the squadra team because its ridiculous how much I simp for them

Simple as, before you thirst you gotta roast so we all stay humble when we deadass realise the RODENTS (complimentary) we romanticise are so sus. My take on them is solely based upon the first thoughts my head materialised when seeing them.

Risotto Nero

Ill be honest, if i saw this absolute unit walking down the street in the middle of SUMMER IN ITALY wearing nothing but black and leather straps Id promptly scream

Oh so Kaneki Ken tokyo ghoul shenanigans ( both the eyes and traumatically speaking)

Motherfucker didnt blink when blood splashed his face- tbh he didnt blink much anyway- so he’s definitely seen and done some fucked up shit

Man is overworked to the max those eyebags arent gucci theyre Passione (minus the s, o and e)

Out of all them guys he gets the most respect for the goth aesthetics, we love to see goth men🤟🏻🫀

Magnetism, he could cause for the planet’s magnetism to go haywire if he wanted to.Sick

He puts the metal in metalhead

As much as the hat fits i cant see this working logically in his line of work .The bells would jingle every time hed walk hed suck at being stealthy.Now before yall say “oh thats becus he can turn invisible “ UNLESS HE CAN TURN THE SOUND OF HIS HAT INVISIBLE TOO HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE SPY AND MURDER.ALSO EVEN IF THE JINGLES WERENT BELLS THEY STYLL CLANK AGAINST EACH OTHER WHEN HE MOVES SO?? But aight drip is forever i guess.

Hes into clowncore, no i wont elaborate

Hes the kind of guy that holds grudges so much he talks down on people if they remind him of the ones who did him wrong

He doesn’t wear socks with his shoes i know for a fact those shoes are stinky

The manspreading is bad with this one but if you tell him hell deny into oblivion

I know for a fact if he wanted to he could ve knocked doppios shit the moment man went to attack him but he didnt which was dumb on his behalf -because he took his time attacking the fucker makes me think hes into torture

Hes so physically expressive ( poses the most during his fight) its a bit silly but i guess he was in a goofy mood🥴 so hes fine overall 8/10

Illuso

With all disrespect, what the fuck are you wearing my guy?????

Man looks like he went out of the house in nothing but his nans duvet

Why are you wearing that shade of green with that outfit ,your vibes are disgusting enough you dont have to wear shoes to match them with it 😒

He’s actually such a smug bastard and a narcissistic one too , yet he couldn’t look at his stand, who looks so much more cooler than him and at least colour matched the outfit????

The fact that he actively carries around a mf mirror then places it in place before he ambushes ppl is so sus to me

Heeeheee Michael jackson lookin ass

Believe it or not hes apparently the tallest la squadra member according to the wiki so to him anyone under 5’3 is an ankle biter

So you decided to go with the 6 ponytails do and the widows peak hairstyle thinking you were hot shit but really you look like a preschooler on photo day smh

His attitude reminds me of the kind of girls whod bully you in high school because you hanged out with their crush

I know a bitch who cant keep a secret when i see one ☝🏻

You body anatomy fascinates me. Mans built different like a famished kronk

Hes got that upside down isosceles trianglebody and long legs with a thick neck i cant

Overall 5/10 and thats me being generous

Pesci

Your character design infuriates me to no end but that fucking outfit somehow manages to do so even more

Sleeve less furrcoat with pond overalls AND that hairdo, jail.

Youre in a fancy restaurant and you order milk 🥛???? The same place where people order spaghetti and pizza.Imagine being seated next to this guy enjoying your gourmet ravioli and he orders fucking milk.

If you cant drink coffee just take the fucking water what is wrong with you?????

Your stand ability is fucking terrifying how are you not dripping with confidence you can rip people’s hearts out their chest with ease

I just know hes the kind of pick me guy to say “its because im ugly” when talking to someone they like

Fishing for compliments and approval by self deprecating, therapy’s expensive so over all 3/10

Prosciutto

*has long defined eyelashes* whore

A choker with a long ass pendant, god youre worse than my 12 year old alt phase

I can respect the outfit and the drip but i cannot respect that tight ass hairdoo i can smell the receding hairline

I can also smell the cigarettes this man might as well just eat the whole box without opening it, his teeth must be so very decayed

Your body can go through the full life ageing process within a matter of seconds because of your ability.the average human sheds a fuckton of skin during their lifetime so i know for a fact you are not only ashy but a walking dust vacuum advertisement

He does the old man snort and grunt when he sits down/gets up

The kind of guy to belittle you if you dont wear some kind of brand

That p on his pendant isnt to spell prosciutto. That p is for peer pressure

Overall the kind of guy youd avoid getting into personal discussions with but the drip is good so 7/10

Formaggio

During that bathroom scene i cringed so hard because he walked out the door without washing his fucking hands thats so nasty 🤢

He catcalls women on the street i just know he does

He loudly snorts and spits on the ground at the worst times aka when you’re eating food

Your outfit is aight except for those tight ass pants i know your balls hurt

The kind of guy who pushes the cat out of their way with their leg then gets butthurt when the cat dont come up to him for pets

If you laugh at his joke hell instantly assume you wanna fuck him and if you dont hell look you in the eyes and complain abt how its rude to lead people on

“Wheres my hug??”

Your axe body spray is not a shower please stop dousing yourself in it

Narancia didnt have to go hard on him with the fire, man was already flammable enough that if u lit a match close enough hed go up in flames like a candle

You could steal so much shit with your stand and yet you chose to make your life shit by becoming a hitman thats such a normie move 4/10

Melone

Has a foot fetish, jail

The public indecency and sexual harassment is high with this one

How did you carry that fucking book with you, you have have no pockets how do you carry anything with that outfit

Smells like grape flavoured lube

He kinda looks like those glitter gel pens you get for school that run out after using them once minus the glitter

Covert is the opposite of what he looks like tho to be frank if i saw this guy within five meters id be minding my fucking business

*blinks twice* “oh so you’re a libra”

He’d probably tell a girl how hot he finds lesbians if he found out she was queer

I hate his stand so fucking much its giving me 4chan vore art vibes and his sociopathic questioning doesn’t help

His search history would be fbi checked if he wasn’t a hitman

Basically stay away from me were not compatible im a scorpio feck off 6/10

Ghiaccio

A walking menace

Im sorry but he looks like he bites people

What the fuck is that outfit you no joke look like a bootleg version of the kid from dexters lab if he had blue hair

Please use lip balm i beg of you, youre so crusty

He drives a miata hes a pretentious fuck who thinks they’re better just because he’s got a sports car

Kinda guy who tells you that you’re to loud by screaming in your face

Fucking gremlin with a god complex

He probably assumes girls are bitches unless they boost his ego by complimenting him

Man could probably stop global warming if he wanted to but choose murder instead, fair enough

Id be so scared to date a guy like him because he hyper analyses everything hed probably breathe down my back 24/7 because in his eyes im not competent enough to breathe correctly

Probably shows off to the team by constantly holding onto you but the moment you wanna touch him hed look at you like you ate the dog

Corrects people’s grammar and speech patterns to pick fights

Overall, atrocious.9/10