0laura

[0laura]

this is also, or rather mostly, applies to people putting stuff like "fascists dni" into their bio, but in a different way. obviously you don't want people like that to spread hatred under your posts, but when has an evil person ever looked at a DNI and thought "oh yea I was about to comment some horrendous hateful things, but they don't want me to interact so I guess I can't do that"? the only purpose I can think of for DNIs like that is to signal to other which kind of people you approve of, which makes more sense but still is a strange way to do it.

[0laura]

as someone that only recently started using Tumblr and never used Twitter, I find this intense desire to control who interacts with or even views your posts to be quite strange. I don't really see it on other places like YouTube, Reddit, Discord, or forum sites. I can understand not wanting minors to comment on nsfw posts, but trying to actively control who follows your account, likes your posts or even just views your posts? I don't really understand that.

[0laura]

alright that's it *presses my heel down on your bladder and slowly turns it side to side until the pressure is too much and you piss yourself, leaving you to sit in your own mess on the floor and this was supposed to involve a joke but I got lost in the moment*

[0laura]

No, yeah, keep talking to me about that one interest! Yeah, I know I'm fingering you, but you can still talk, yea? It's okay if you stutter, I'm listening! Mhm. Mhm? Oh, you're so cute when you're struggling... No no, keep going. I love listening to you... Everything you say! Even if you moan it. Yea, keep going... What happens next?

[0laura]

I just wanna kick her in the stomach until her wires are all splayed out and sparking and her servos aren’t whirring anymore

[0laura]

my biologically 22 year old transgender daughter, turning deep red and trying not to pop a blood vessel: H...HAAAAAAAA......RRRAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!

me, periodically glancing back over my shoulder while doing 110 down the I-95: Come on sweetheart, focus! Kids 6 and under eat free at this place and I know you can age regress 2 more years

the angel chained up in the passenger seat browsing the menu on his phone with his free hand: do u guys think these are like actual buttermilk pancakes or is it just a marketing term

[0laura]

as a robotgirl im always sayin shit like "oough. i'm running outta batteries" and "lemme recharge for a bit" and "processing" and "beep boop" and "i'm experiencing a runtime error" and "augh! i'm getting ddos'd rn"

[0laura]

The mech is neither a tank nor a plane, but a biological weapons platform. Titanium-ceramic plating covering living, pulsating flesh. We can't help it that cerebrospinal fluid is wonderfully conductive and the perfect medium to immerse the pilot in, or that synaptic fibres formed of intertwined nervecords are so good at carrying data. It's just engineering.

[0laura]

obsessed with freelance mech pilots who don't work for anyone and just don't give a shit about anything because of it

you're some handler trying to guide your pilot through a combat zone and some mech enters radio proximity before screaming over the horizon and their shit is all graffitied and spraypainted and they're fucking blasting Tipsy by J-Kwon over your comms, which is only interrupted by the handler praising her pilot while it barks like a dog and audibly orgasms all over the cockpit

and you can't even write them up because who would you report them to

[0laura]

fuck it, mech pilot who raises kaiju as hunting creatures to help him fight, good luck getting past me and my various creatures that i keep fed with other kaiju, just me, my mech and my rodan sized bird of prey and the three building sized wolves i thought were regular dogs until they pulled a clifford, what are you gonna do about it, you aren’t *godzilla: monster of monsters*

you’re cooked, boiled AND fried, this is what you get for stepping on a kaiju rancher’s property you IDIOT

[0laura]

Does mechposting resonate with you because you actually like mechs, or because you've always felt like a part of a larger whole, a separate fragment of consciousness expected to think and move and act like the human you're not?

Do you really crave combat and a steel chassis, or is what you yearn for to be cohesive, to no longer feel that aching incompleteness, for those instincts so wrong for a person to finally make sense? To be what you really are, to be seen as such by everyone?

You are a pilot, removed from your mech. But is your mech really a mech? And are you really a pilot?

Or are those simply ideas and concepts you, in your flawed, incomplete state, latch on to, in your desperation to be understood?

Tell us... What are you, really?

[0laura]

thinking about adopting mech pilots again

[0laura]

mech pilot from moon team have a tendency to only go in public with a member of stars team because they have a “neural uplink backpack” to keep the withdrawals away, said backpack looks like one of the monkey ones for kids so you just get the absolute weapon of war and pinnacle of genetic alteration standing next to god’s most tired mechanic like

while the stars member is just like “two bacon egg and cheese mcgriddles for the pilot gremlins and a large coffee for me”

[0laura]

all this talk about “ai assisted mechs” and “neural ports” you know what’s cheaper? A SECOND OPERATOR! just have a two seater and call it a day, no none of that jaeger and franxx shit, just two fuckers piloting, one for the close range and combat, second for the drones and aiming shoulder guns, like come on, shouldn’t this be cheaper?

i’m going to kill autocorrect with my bear hands

[0laura]

its so unfair that we get fatigued so easily. we went for a small walk, made a simple dinner for me and nora, and hung up some clothes and we're already heart pounding in head too brainfogged to even sit up or have eyes open despite feeling energetic and ready earlier. its not fair. we need to be helping people we need to be cleaning the house we need to be doing tasks we need to be improving ourselves. and we can't. auuuuuuuuuu

[0laura]

littles are braver the any conservative, because they're willing to admit that the imagined past they want to return to is a preferable fiction one can inhabit within the present, rather then blaming the current state of the world on people without power.

[0laura]

Was reading some posts about HDG, written by someone outside the community.

What absolutely struck me is the lack of understanding about how the setting works.

First and foremost, I don't care what anyone says, it's a disability narrative. All the kink, and layers of horror and imperialism is in service to the disability narrative.

Because when your body or mind do not function like you expect them to, it's fucking horrific.

It's goddamn terrifying when my legs give out climbing the stairs, it's horrifying when I lose my ability to speak when I get overwhelmed and my stutter comes out full force, when I can't move because the pain from my knee is so intense I lose vision.

Quite often when I am like that I don't want help, I don't want anyone near me, I will actively refuse assistance. This is because of pride, fear, shame, a multitude of reasons. I don't want care, but I need it nonetheless.

One of the most powerful and meaningful things my current partner has ever done for me was telling me to shut the fuck up and let her help.

I needed to be forced to let her help me, despite being in so much pain moving made me scream.

She still needs to make me take painkillers, because I won't on my own.

This kind of care is an intrinsic part of HDG, you are so hurt you can't figure out what you need, so we will do it for you, and we will make you if needed.

Additionally, at least for me, another aspect is knowing that the people you care about are being cared for too.

A huge chunk of my life and daily stress is making sure my friends and lovers are okay, making sure I have enough reserve cash if I need to support or be able to make an emergency trip, anything at all to prevent another fucking lost friend and tearful memorial before their names get added to my sad list of loss.

I *know* I am deeply traumatized by loss, by closed casket funerals, of self inflicted wounds. Because I wasn't there, or fast enough, or didn't notice the signs in time.

I have as a result made myself into the kind of person that will drop Anything to be there. To drive across the country at a moment's notice because there was a Possibility that my friend needed me.

In the world of HDG, that isn't needed, everyone is going to be cared for and safe, and I would be able to finally rest. To relax. To enjoy the beauty of my friends instead of standing watch.

And that is a disability narrative too.