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i can never face my family again

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Felix Vallotton, 1892

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Ryan Reynolds on becoming Detective Pikachu!

BONUS

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Does anyone else get those random rushes of motivation like, “I’m gonna be so fucking successful dammit, watch me”

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experiment goal: to determine whether smarties are an effective tea sweetener

hypothesis: smarties will sweeten the tea, but also introduce unwelcome flavor profiles due to their flavoring

procedure: procured one cup (≈12 fl oz) of Barry’s Tea Gold Blend black tea, hot. added 2/3 of a single roll of smarties candy (10 candies). wait for candies to dissolve, then stir well. tea will be sampled after stirring concludes.

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this was my piece for the @riordanversezine! It was so much fun to work on this one, thanks again to the mods for organizing it!

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Protip for if you’re alone and find yourself getting jumpy because ‘oh shit this feels like the start of a scene from a horror movie’: 

Do something that a director of a horror movie would never put in a final cut. Pull sudden and inexplicable stupid faces. Make up a ridiculous shuffle-dance. Sing that song with the weirdest lyrics you know, loudly and as off-key as possible. Be completely unphotogenic and uncinematic, and it counteracts the irrational fear quite nicely. 

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I made this all by myself pls appreciate it

Happy Ides of March!

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today at work a little kid came in to order their birthday cake and their mom was like “(deep sigh) tell them what you want on your cake” and the kid was like “ELSA” and the mom was like “(deeper sigh) and?” and the kid was like “SHARKS” that kid literally ordered a princess elsa and sharks birthday cake and i have literally never in my whole life been more excited to see the end result of an order ive taken.

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if you’re not vaccinated you should NOT be allowed to travel. period.

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Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”

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Different

“You’re…different. I’ve never met a girl like you.”

She stares at him, hands stilling over her sword. “What?”

“All the girls in my village are so boring,” he says. “So focused on finding husbands that they don’t bother learning about the world.”

“Girls in your village aren’t allowed to own property or vote,” she says, somewhat incredulous.

He winces at her tone. Need she be so harsh? “Well…it’s not like they’ve ever needed to, we’re a very progressive village and I always vote in favor of their needs. You’re not like that though, you fight for your rights yourself.”

“They are fighting for their rights,” she says. She sets down her sharpening stone, a frown stretching across her face. “No voting, no property, no wages of their own to purchase necessities. Besides finding a kind husband, what else do you think they can do to find a good future?”

“Th-they could leave,” he says. He did not expect the conversation to go this way. He expected her to blush like she had when he complimented her sword skills. He finds himself oddly defensive. “The men in my village aren’t slavers. The girls can leave any time.”

She snorts. “On foot? Your village is a hard, three day ride from the nearest city and that’s by horseback. And, even if they made it, what skills do they have? What references? The risk is too high for any woman to leave, that’s as good as trapping them. The fact that it takes me holding a sword for your opinion of women to change just shows how small-minded you are.”

 He bristles, unable to refute her. “Look, I was just trying to pay you a compliment! There’s no need to attack me.”

“Trust me,” she says, standing when he moves to loom over her. They’re of near equal height and, if he was trying to intimidate her, he fails. “You’ll know it when I’m attacking you. This isn’t it.”

He doesn’t seem to hear her, flustered to be seeing her eye-to-eye. “Furthermore, I think I’d know what sort of girls I grew up with! They’re timid and lack a desire to explore the world.”

“The world you created for them doesn’t take long to explore,” she says. Her sword is bare in her hand. “Marry or descend into poverty. Bear an heir or be cast into poverty. Behave or be thrown into poverty. I was there for a week and figured it out. But,” she continues, looking him up and down, “maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. After all, you’ve lived there your whole life and you still haven’t figured it out.”

He splutters. “That’s not–there are other options–”

“When the revolution is done,” she says, coldly, “and your people are forced to give women rights, see how many stay and how many leave. See how many suddenly discover their wander-lust. See how many end up like me.”

She leaves him there and stalks off to the edge of camp. She leaves him there with his mouth opening and closing, and heart pounding in his chest.

She leaves him there with the unsettling realization that he doesn’t want the women in his village to end up being like her, so different and strong. Because, if they did, where would he be? Where would his home be?

It’s an upsetting realization to have, mid-revolution. No chance to back out now.

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Recreated Tang-dynasty outfits based on cave paintings

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You’ve been hit by 🔪

You’ve been struck by 🔪

A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪

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melissa mccarthy going from this

to this

to this

in one night is peak fashion icon behaviour and she should be recognised for it

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Some guy just mansplained space to an actual fucking astronaut.