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Reboot

Yes, yes, I have been MIA for awhile. But I'm back! Kinda...sort of...

First off, I have to start my 100 days over. And I didn't miss a day because I forgot, but because I choose to start over. I had been fumbling over getting my practice in every day, and the pattern of not doing it until 11:40 every night was not settling well with me. My heart was not really in it very often, and I know it is going to feel like a hassle to do this every day, but something just didn't seem right. I felt like my 100 days were spiraling down into a monotony of "eh, good enough." And that is not the purpose of the 100 day discipline.

I need a fresh start. 

I am not starting over today, but after I get back from Spring Break. I am going to take a break and come back facing this challenge well rested and more prepared to give it my all. I am not disappointed in myself that I have to start over, but actually proud that I recognized that something was not working and that I needed to do something about it.  I want my 100 days to be a positive experience and I think with starting over, I will be able to have that now. 

Oh, and now my 100th day won't be on graduation but that's not a big deal. Wasn't even planning on going to graduation, hehe. 

See you after Spring Break!! 

:)

[100daydiscipline-blog]

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

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Here is an update on my smiley sheet! I tried to get creative with my smiles on some days, so if they look a bit funky, that's why. And yes Day 21 is a cat. 

Also, 1/4 of the way done! Crazy, it doesn't feel like that many days. Yet. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw

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Day 23

That was even closer.

11:55 p.m.

This was my reaction when I saw the time.

But then I recovered I did my practice.

So, so close...

-_-;

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Day 21

That was close.

Yeah, almost missed a day. I didn't, but that was a frightening close call. 

I stayed up all last night studying （勉強てつやしていた。。。。今学期は難しい。。。いつもねむい。。。) which if it had just been one night, I think I'd be okay. But it wasn't. This was the third time this week that I stayed up to all hours of the night doing work. 

Even though I felt pretty good when I was done with class, I knew I needed to take a nap. I lay down a little after 5, and planned on waking up by 6:30 to get homework done (it never ends!!!)

Well. That didn't happen. 

I know my alarms went off, and I usually at least wake up to them and then ignore them, but with this nap I was dead to the world.  Woke up at 10 confused as ever and if you had asked me what day it was I probably would have responded with "what year is it!?"

And after I was coherent enough to crawl out of bed, time just flew by. I started my homework, wanting to get done with it so I could go back to sleep (still tired, oh so tired) and looked at the time and it was 11:45!! I am so lucky that I didn't fall back asleep because I would have most likely slept until next week. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?

Rumi

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Day 19

Tuesday is the day of the week that I have my qi gong class. Today is Tuesday. I did not go to class. Sad day. :(

I haven't really slept much the past couple of nights and the amount of tired I felt today is something I never want to experience again. I was miserable, and I just couldn't see myself going to class today. I only have it once a week, so it is unfortunate that I missed it, but I really was in full zombie mode and probably would have snapped at someone for no reason if I hadn't gone home and took it easy for a bit. And that is a horrible feeling, to have snapped at someone just because you are a bit sleep deprived, and I don't need that feeling right now. Or ever, really. 

So it is unfortunate that I did not go to class today but.....

I have the whole sequence memorized!!!! I don't have to look at the book or anything! I've had it memorized for about three days now, and it feels great! I can go through the whole thing at my own pace, without the CD, and without having to turn the page of a book. It's nice because I am now in complete control of the speed. At first I thought I was going to go through it like a speed demon, but it takes me about 10 to 11 minutes when I am doing it at my own pace, which I think is a good time for it still being early in my gong. 

And if you were wondering how I feel now after a day of miserable zombieness, I'm finally awake for the first time today (er, night? It's 10 p.m. at the moment hehe....) I had coffee at about 5, a yummy dinner from a Chinese restaurant, more coffee at 7, and then an unexpected snooze that left a wonderful bright red mark smack dab in the middle of my forehead. I only slept for about 15 minutes, but I felt so much more refreshed from those 15 minutes then I did from the two-ish hours of sleep that I got last night (er, morning? It was 4 a.m. when I went to sleep....gah, not worth trying to figure this out!) 

Anyways, I just know there is a huge tidal wave of tired approaching me and whenever it does hit me, I'm just gonna go to bed, no matter what I have left to do. I'm so excited to sleeeppp tonight!!!

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Day 18

Alarm clocks. I hate them. So much.

Why bring this up? I really want to start practicing in the morning, but I have this amazing talent of sleeping through every alarm known to mankind. I started out with just one alarm going off, and battling the snooze button. Then it turned into needing two or three alarms and battling those snooze buttons. Then I started to put one of the alarms on the other side of the room so I would have to get out of bed to turn it off, but then I would just get up, pick up the alarm, take it back to bed with me, and then battle the snooze. Then I just started to get up and turn it off all together. And then I just started to not get up at all and let the little alarms ring to their hearts' content. 

So, for this school year, I have an alarm next to my bed with two alarms set that also have a snooze setting that goes off around three times. I have another alarm on my dresser that has only one setting and it doesn't go on snooze mode, but it progressively gets louder. I have my phone on the floor next to my door with two or three alarms, and each one goes at different intervals of snooze 5 to 10 times. My phone also buzzes so I have that added noise. 

And I still don't get up. I don't even know if all those go off, but I know I set that many every night. Or if I do wake up, I just think to myself that I will sleep for 15 more minutes because somewhere another alarm will go off and wake me up, but then when I wake up again and look at the clock it is magically two hours later...

And when I set just a single alarm, thinking that maybe if I am aware that only one annoyance is set to wake me I would actually wake up, I completely sleep through it and never remember hearing it go off. 

I don't even have class until 10:10 everyday, so there should be no problem in setting time aside in the morning to practice if I could just drag my butt out of bed. It doesn't help, though, that I have been regularly staying up until 4-ish in the morning doing homework. I'm running on about three hours of sleep right now, looking at another late night, and boy do my eyes feel tired...

But hey! at least I am still getting my practice every day!  Haven't missed a day yet and my calendar is slowly filling up with smilies!! :) :) :) 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Day 17

Here is a story about something that happened in qigong class, the second week, I think? 

After we had gone through practicing some of the movements, our instructor wanted us to practice moving qi through our arm. This just involved sitting down in a chair with feet planted on the floor, holding one of your arms out a bit (have your hand turned inwards, like you are going to shake someone's hand, but your hand and arm are more relaxed) and keeping this arm still, you take your other arm and make sweeping-like movements with your hand towards the forearm of the arm being held still. Picture it like you are trying to scoop up qi and move it through your arm.

Well, our instructor came and checked everybody to see if they were doing it right. She would hold her hand on the outside of the arm being held still to see if she could feel the qi come through the arm. She told the first person she checked that she could feel the qi coming out of her hand, not through her arm, and helped her fix that. Another person she told they were moving too fast and needed to slow down. Most common comment was that she didn't feel much and would assist the person in moving more qi through their arm, and then check again and most often say that it was better. 

When she got to me and held her hand next to me, I was just thinking, "Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous." But at the same time I really wanted to prove to her that I could make qi move through my arm. I took a deep breath, calmed myself, and really did concentrate and try my best to do what was needed to get qi moving.

"It's weird, your qi is just coming through as a poof."

I just about died of laughter. Not out of disrespect, but because of the word 'poof.' Right when she said that I thought of those little air freshener things that periodically go off, and so I had this picture of mist coming out of my arm instead of a long flow, I guess like if you are spraying one of those hand-held air fresheners, if I am to continue this ridiculous comparison. 

She helped me direct my qi in a more steady flow, checked again and said it was better, and moved on the next person. But now every time I practice this (which I do, because if she checks us again I want to be prepared!!) I always think of that poof and laugh.

I would be the person to have a poof of qi rather than a flow of qi. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

I'm still here!

I've been a little MIA with posts, but I promise, I have still been practicing. I just haven't had time to write a post, and quite honestly, it is the writing of posts everyday that is more challenging than the actual practicing qi gong every day. 

But yes, posts may be a little scarce at times if school work gets out of hand. This past week I stayed up until 4 or 5 in the morning more then should be allowed in any given week, and I just realized that if this kind of week had happened last semester, there would have been a lot more tears involved. 

For realsies, I didn't have any kind of major freak out or break down although I had/have soooooooo much to do. It was a relatively calm week. 

Or, I am just so severely suffering from enjoying extreme lazy-college-senioritis that no matter how much I had to do it just wouldn't have had an effect on me. 

Either way, I'm cool with not having meltdowns. I could get used to that. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

Maya Angelou

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Day 11

This is what I have been practicing, but done really really really fast. Keep in mind that when I practice this sequence, I take 20 minutes to do so; this guy goes through it in two and a half minutes!! But, it is the closest thing I have found to what I am doing every day. I found this other video that I was originally going to post, but it was just different enough to irritate me--the lady was super flamboyant with her movements and it drove me crazy just watching it!

Also, if you ever take initiative to look up more videos, Zhineng qigong is different from what I am practicing. I think Zhineng qigong has to do with intelligence and Chi Lel qigong is self-healing, and I'm doing the self-healing one. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Day 10

Today was the first day that I did my practice in the morning. And by morning I mean noon. And yes I was still in my pajamas.

I had these great intentions of getting up, doing my practice, going to the library, and knocking out a whole bunch of homework. That did happen, but just about three hours later than I had originally planned. 

But I think doing my practice in the morning rather than at night made a huge difference. How so? Well, by the fact that I wrote a paper today with no freakouts, no meltdowns, nothing of that sort, and instead wrote a paper in one sitting, edited it, and finished reworking it in less than four hours. This is ground breaking for me.

Now, I'm not completely contributing the paper writing miracle to practicing qigong in the morning, because I did pretty much have my paper written out in my head and enjoyed the topic I was writing about, but it is still rare that a paper went so smoothly.

Also, I woke up today facing the day with dread. I have so much to do, not just with homework, but with applications as well. I fully expected to have a panic attack today because of how much I need to get done. So the fact that that did not happen is pretty shocking to me. Considering how stressed I am right now, I have maintained a pretty positive attitude all day, and I think my qigong practice had a huge influence on that. 

I am also quite excited that it looks like I will be getting sleep tonight and not pulling an all-nighter like I had expected. Still have lots to do here tonight at the wonderful Herman B. Wells library, but I think I can do it. 

:)

[100daydiscipline-blog]

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

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Day 8

Guidelines. I needs them. 

The other day (aka Day 6) when I was all over the place and not able to concentrate for the life of me, I kinda, sorta, maybe did not go through my practice. I blew threw it because I wanted to get to the library and get homework done. Once I got to the library, though, I had this nagging feeling that I had cheated, that I hadn't really practiced qigong but only mimicked it enough to seem like I had done my full practice.

So, at around 11, I went back home and practiced to a CD track. Once I was done, that suspicious feeling that I cheated the system went away. I was no longer paranoid that I would have to start my 100 days over. And that is when I decided that I needed to set down rules for what constitutes a full practice.

And basically, that rule is that I have to go through a full sequence of movements, not just bit and pieces, but the whole shebang (haha, that word looks funny written :P teehee). Preferably, this will be done with the CD, because that will be at least 21 minutes. But, if I want to read through the book, practice moving qi through my arm, meditate, or anything else like that, I could go through the movements at my own (faster) pace, and then also do one of those things. 

I know this doesn't sound like much, but it really is more challenging than you would think, to set aside enough time to practice. Also, now that my first week is over (huzzah!), I feel like I can't be lenient with my definition of practice. Otherwise, it isn't a discipline. If I just say to myself "eh, close enough," if I don't push myself, then what is the point of doing this at all?

I can always re-define my guideline for practice as well. Not make it easier, but if I ever feel like it is no longer challenging to set aside 20 minutes a day to do my practice, then I can make the time requirement longer. I know I am going to hate myself for what I just said, but seriously, I should challenge myself to be better at something, to really dedicate my time and energy to a practice that improves myself. 

And I think it a good thing that I felt so guilty about rushing through my practice. If I hadn't felt any guilt, then it would have meant that I really don't care about this 100 day discipline. 

[100daydiscipline-blog]

Day 7

OMG

Chi lel qi gong workshop in Selma, Indiana

March 23-28.

Another one June 9-10 in BLOOMINGTON!!!

With Frank Chan, the brother of the author of the book I am using.

Freaking out?

Yes.

I stumbled upon this bit of info because I was looking for a video to post (seriously, check out www.chilel.com!) and had this whole thing planned out about how I need to clarify my guidelines for my daily practice, yadda yadda yadda, but then....this. 

That is all.