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108garys · 10 days ago

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Pyromegan: Pressed flowers(1975 part 1)

back again, three years out from the Clarke fire, Megan continues to struggle generally with her feelings towards others, self image, emotional outbursts, Carson being a controlling guardian,(economy mentions 😱), feelings of general isolation and previous warnings at 3600+ words this 4th part only covers from January to early May

Previous parts here: 1972/1973/1974

[January 16th/1975]

"Miss Clarke! What do you think you're doing?" Mr Jackson shouted across the room as Megan pulled an old 1969 photo off the wall. "That is school property-"

"He's dead!" She holds up the photo pointing to Dennis among his old band members in the music room. "He died three years ago today, did you even think about him?" Mr Jackson's face goes tomato red, shame obvious under it all but she doesn't let up. "Do you think my family's deaths was a greater loss to the 'community' or me?" The room is uncomfortably quiet, the older teacher looks away to avoid blowing a gasket. It's her last class of the day, five minutes before the bell. So she doesn't wait to see if he's ashamed, doesn't stick around to find out how much trouble she's in or what they expect her to do to make up for it, she grabs her stuff and as the man begins to protest she starts saying something she really shouldn't. "Miss Clarke-"

"Dennis always said you were an uptight-"

"Miss Clarke!"

But she was already one foot out the door, losing the nerve to finish that sentence, it was bad, she knew that, but she just doesn't believe someone who hadn't given up the rare photos of her family members in three years would do so simply because she asked. So she runs to hide in the bathroom until the bell rings. She knows she shouldn't have done that, she knows she's making it worse... All the trophies and plaques in memoriam they can have, but there is her brother, smiling and she'd like to pretend it was at her. She hasn't done anything to get herself in trouble outright in a long time and she shakes as her heart races as it dawns on her that the school might call Carson... Why? Why did she do that? The bell rings and she does her best to get out with the rest of the students.

Kurt caught up with her at the front gate, "why am I so stupid?" She asks,"You're not," he takes her bag, reassuring her, "He yelled at you first, he should have just let you take it." She scoffs, still feeling a little emotionally fragile, "I don't think it works that way... God I've done it now." She takes his elbow, they stopped by the cemetery early in the morning, there were less flowers this year, people were moving on and she couldn't stand to see this beautiful snapshot of her brother just living his life reduced to a random photo of former students who used to attend...

They went back to Kurt's house, she hasn't outright visited in a while but it is nice to hang out in the treehouse like they used to... The old branch by the window had long been removed, making Kurt's room inaccessible from the tree, they sat up there, leaning against the old wooden walls, "I'm going to skip class tomorrow, maybe it'll blow over by Monday, you in?" He smiles putting an arm around her and pulling her close. "I don't think it'll help but... I can't help that you're a bad influence on me."

"Oh ha ha, I've been told the same about you." she leans in with a smile. "Says who? Father Leonard? He's an ass, you said so yourself." She rolls her eyes, again thinking about what she's going to do but feeling a bit better. "You don't have to ditch with me... I'll figure something out," she sighs, she'd stay right here if it wasn't for the risks of freezing, she doesn't really remember much of the last time she got pneumonia, just that when she got better every thing was different. "Thank you."

"What for?" Kurt asks and she looks up at him feeling warmth through the cold. "For being my friend." He smiles, looking away, she knows she still doesn't have a clear answer about how she feels, she wishes she could just make it easier for him and give him one but she likes things just the way they are. "It's what I'm here for." He responds holding her a little closer.

No calls came from the school, not that Carson knows of, Megan unplugged the phone, she would fix it before he noticed... She prays Mr Jackson won't bring it up at church... She tries to get on top of tidying the house in the hope that it'll soften the blow if Carson does hear about it. Kurt attended classes to report back what people were saying about the incident... Mr Jackson would not look at her on Sunday, she hopes that's a good sign.

On Monday she gets detention over cutting class the previous Friday, but Carson never found out so it's not so bad... Not compared to the way people are looking at her over her outburst, Kurt said he'd fight anyone who said anything about it and she could almost kiss him for that... Almost.

[February 14th/1975]

"Do you think we could have a house like this one day?" Megan asks, Carson's house wouldn't be so bad if his presence was absent from it. She and Kurt shuffle around the kitchen, trying to cook muffins without burning the place down, she's cooked plenty but doing so because Carson works late and doing so with someone she cares about is not the same, she sets the timer, still thinking about the question... "Just like this but... far away from Little Hope." Kurt smiles in that way where she knows that his interpretation is less ambiguous than what she actually said... She knew that he would. "One day." He says, like he had so many other words, she knows, on some level, that it's unfair, that it's somewhere between false hope and promises made in the name of future selves... Is it false hope if you aren't certain?

It makes her feel lonely for some inconceivable reason, she tries to focus on cleaning up a spill on the counter, she's not trying to be selfish, she just... A few days ago Jo joked that they'd been keen on each other for years, called them 'lovebirds', said Kurt should give her a nice Valentine's Day since they're a little bit older now... Kurt defended that they aren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend and she said 'not officially', it didn't sound that serious but Megan wonders if she has a point, if two people are basically together in everything but name? If... If by all normal standards there's love there? Then why does she feel like she'd be lying if she just 'made it official'? When she thinks about people she loves he occupies the same space as her family... But there's a difference, isn't there?

For a moment she has to step away, feeling she may cry... She doesn't feel sad, not really, but for six months she's sat on the fence, hoping she'll get caught if she falls. People in their grade are way ahead, some of them already on to their second, third or more, relationship and she looks at herself, still in pigtails, feeling both too old and like she's not old enough. She gives herself a moment before going back down stairs... She smiles, he picked out the least lame record kept in the living room, rather than than going through her things, bringing a bit of lightheartedness to the wait to see if their attempt at baking was a total disaster or not.

When the timer goes off, she takes the tray of a half dozen chocolate muffins out of the oven, burning her fingers slightly, she should have been more careful, but she didn't react until she set down the tray on the stove top. "Hey! Are you alright?" Kurt reacts immediately taking her hands, careful to not touch her burnt fingertips and running cold water... She didn't think it was that bad but she let him help, just quietly watching as he takes over the kitchen. She's burnt herself before, Carson usually berates her in that 'concerned' way, but Kurt didn't make her feel stupid about it.

By the time Carson returns she is alone, of the half dozen they'd had two each and Kurt had taken another back home with him leaving a remaining one. The two of them had been sure to clean up and she was in the middle of cooking something. "I don't recall buying cake mix." He says on discovery of the chocolate muffin. She stirs a pot on the burner to not look as she thinks of a plausible explanation. "I made it in school." She says casually, putting the lid back on the pot carefully with a dish towel to not burn her fingers further, she frowns as she turns, seeing him take a bite out of it.

"How sweet of you to bring a treat home for me," He smiles, finishing the muffin, Megan turns to the fridge, pretending to search for something to hide her anger as he adds, "it's very considerate of you to save it for me." She didn't buy for one second that he believed that, she takes what she 'needs' from the fridge, smiling politely, wondering if he suspects anything...

"I try." She responds as He smiles back finishing it, pretending to be completely fine while hating that illusion of warmth between them.

[March/1975]

Even as the congregation dwindles, Carson still plays his part and now more than ever he needs proof of his value to the community, his 'daughter' being anything less than on the straight and narrow was unacceptable to him. Every other day of the week Megan is more or less left to her own devices in the morning but on Sunday she's smothered from the moment she wakes up, she must look presentable in church, but not so much as to draw attention to herself and appear vain and shallow or amoral. It's not always clear to Megan what counts as 'amoral' but the list had expanded considerably over the past year.

She'd been sent back to her room to change before church in the past, it only made them take longer to get ready, which frustrates him, so she tries to rundown a checklist of possible infractions before he even sees her, looking through the critical eye of his past complaints... Is it long enough? She had gotten a little a little taller over the summer and as seasons change she makes sure any skirts and dresses are still of appropriate length to avoid correction.

Recently Jo had give Megan a lot of her old clothes as the two are of much similar size these days, according to Jo it's about time for a change now that she's seventeen, she insists they'd look better on Megan anyway... It didn't feel like the usual pity of people in town but Megan couldn't understand why Jo would want to update her wardrobe, she never was the type to keep up with the latest fashions, who could afford that in this town anyway? She wasn't sure if she could make Jo's clothes hers, it makes her feel like a kid playing dress up and every new item she tries must be assessed in the same way... Suddenly a dress she always admired on Jo hugs the body too close despite her being overly smaller, the hemline too short despite her not being as tall. She decides against it in favour of something a little more toned down despite never thinking it was too much on the older girl...

Megan drops into the whitmart after school to pick up a few things Carson listed as it would be closed before he gets back, they no longer stock icecream or comics, in fact they seem to be running low on a lot of things. Jo hangs out near the register, she's been covering some of Glenn's shifts after school, she hasn't even removed his name tag off the oversized uniform shirt, her blonde hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, she reads the news, there'd been a commotion over land or something, the Carvers were making some deal... She doesn't think about it too much.

"That guy is a total dick." Kurt says as Megan crosses another item off the list. "Yeah but I only made it worse." A boy a few years older than them was talking about her, about her outburst a few weeks ago, saying how Nam was probably less of a minefield, that lots of people lost people and she should just get over it. Except that isn't what he said, not really, not directly, but that's definitely what he meant. "He'll definitely think twice before he runs his mouth like that again," Kurt retorts, he turns to the register, "no offence Jo but I think your boyfriend deserved a textbook to the face for that."

Jo shrugs, at least she's not mad that Megan threw something at her boyfriend of... Megan's pretty sure they started dating over the summer, "He's been having a rough time but it's no excuse to take it out on other people," she says as she bags Megan's items, the total came out a little less than what Carson gave her, Megan considers getting something for herself but-

"I'll get this for you." Kurt offers, grabbing the chocolate bar she'd been eyeing, Jo sighs. "May as well be paying in monopoly money, the way grandpa pays your allowance from here," she says taking it from him, Megan feels awkward, Kurt is a little taken aback by his sister's statement, Jo hesitates realising her harshness, "I'm sorry, it's been a long day, but it's still no excuse."

"It's fine," Megan says as Kurt exchanges a look with Jo, "I have enough change left for it, I just..." She pauses, thinking the reaction she'd get from benefiting from the miscalculation. "Can I get that as a separate transaction?" Jo nods, a sly smile spreading across her face as she hands over the receipt before taking the amount for the additional item. "What Father Leonard doesn't know won't hurt him," she makes a show of balling up the single item receipt, "can't have Reverend uptight having a fit, now can we?"

"No, there's no living with him like that." Megan smiles, taking it in good humour, like it's not that serious.

[April/1975]

Glenn finds a place of his own out of town, somewhere with better opportunities... Megan thinks he needs it, to be an adult on his own terms. Kurt says Jo intends to follow him to the new place, that she's finishing the term early. Megan wonders if that means Jo's broken up with her boyfriend but frankly she doesn't care for the guy enough to ask...

One random Tuesday Megan collects the mail in the morning, shuffling through it absent mindedly as she walks back through the house, Carson is at the dining room table, she stops, the sight of her own name catching her attention. Megan flips the envelope, seeing the sender's name 'Katherine Clarke', Megan tries to remember what Aunt Kathy looks like, she knows she has black hair like her and the rest of her paternal family... People say Katherine and Penelope were like sisters, being far closer in age than their actual sisters.

Megan sometimes isn't sure how she should consider her Mother and Father and Mom and Dad but Kathy is her Aunt either way, Megan opens the envelope seeing a card with a bright sunny scene, she vaguely remembers her aunt's love of travel... It's a card for her upcoming birthday, except it came like two months earlier than intended. She's never received anything like this, why now? Megan is further shocked to find money tucked inside but before she could process the amount it was snatched away with the rest of the mail.

"Hey! That's supposed to be for me!" She reacts as Carson immediately takes the money, pocketing it. "It is, as your legal guardian I assure you every cent sent to you is spent on your care." he admits matter of factly to doing this for god knows how long, how long had her aunt- had any of her relatives been writing her? "I thought they forgot about me..." She's shaking, unable to suppress her reaction, he pets her hair, pigtails sliding through his fingers, he made her believe they forgot her, her heart starts pounding, she looks down, her face is hot, eyes stung by unshed tears. "It doesn't change the fact that I am the only one in the position to house you, I have fed you, clothed you, cared for you when you were ill, under my guidance you are becoming an admirable young woman," she hates him more than the devil himself, "it would have been cruel to give you false hope at such a young age," she opens her mouth to speak but he interrupts, "don't argue with me, one day we'll go over it all and you'll understand just how expensive raising a child is, but it's too early for this now." He pinches her cheek like she's an ignorant child before stepping away, he doesn't tell her that she'll be late for school, he expects her to know that without him saying so...

Megan doesn't say a word as she stalks up stairs, preparing for a terrible day, trying to remember where the card was sent from but she can't... She didn't have a chance to see the return address.

As Jo follows Glenn out of town Jen walks with Kurt and Megan on the way to school, her blonde hair no longer in pigtails, left loose with a headband to keep it tidy, she doesn't skip as she had when they used to walk together, Megan reflects on how she felt at that age... That's around the time her family decided that Carson, who was only ever a father by church title and never a dad with his own children, had things worth saying about how children should be raised... She still doesn't understand why they'd listen to him when they already raised a few kids well enough.

They wave Jen off at the middle school gate and continue on to their school. When it's just the two of them they talk about Glenn and Jo moving out, about how He worries how it'll effect Jen, he knows how it feels to be left behind but Jen has only lived in the absence, even their aunt had returned to her college courses after summer alone the year she'd had Jen. Megan rarely thinks of Jen as Kurt's cousin, just like she doesn't see her brothers and sister as anyone else, brothers and sisters are brothers and sisters if they grow up together. She heard people say they weren't related to her at all but that's just plain stupid... Family is more than that, it has to be.

[May 10th/1975]

Megan was invited over on Kurt's 15th birthday, it was the first time she'd been back inside since... It doesn't really matter, she didn't really have anything for him, she tried to bake him a surprise cupcake with yellow sprinkles and he seemed happy with that, even if Megan quietly felt like it paled in comparison to the cake his grandma made him. Gladys seemed happy to have her around but Megan's not sure how true that is when she made the point of telling Kurt that his bedroom door was to remain open when they went upstairs... That rule didn't exist a few years ago but Megan can't really blame them, she had broken into Kurt's room last time she was here, it only made sense that they didn't fully trust her.

The room itself has changed with time, most of the stars had fallen away or been taken down when they stopped glowing, Kurt had scored some of Glenn's baseball memorabilia when he moved out, his siblings' empty rooms leave a glaring space in the previously packed house. Jo's vacant room visible through the doorway. Megan sits with him and she feels cruel... How long would he sit in this emotional purgatory before he comes to his senses, she knows perfectly well that other girls in their year had expressed interest and she can't even tell him 'no', can't bring herself to unburden him one way or the other... Is it evil to want him to want her just how she is?

"Kurt?" Megan gets his attention in a soft voice, he looks up smiling at her, his brown eyes full of warmth. She considers asking him what he gets from their friendship, considers kissing him, to give him something, anything, in return for his kindness, feeling like the window to do so was slowly coming to a close, but as she leans in she's gripped by her childish fears, instead wiping a sprinkle from the edge of his mouth with her thumb, tasting it to pretend she hadn't any other intentions. Instead stating. "I wish I could be here with you all the time." "Like, live here?" Kurt asks for clarification, looking over his shoulder through the opened door to the empty rooms, "I'm not sure they'd be cool with that." He says in a half joking manner and she smiles because she already knows she's a nuisance, even if they pretend otherwise. She holds his hand just to hold it, trying to bury the thought of how she must really be seen by his grandparents and she shakes her head. "No, I mean..." What did she mean? "I like seeing you happy like this." He smiles more warmly than before, a slight blush to his cheek and she felt pure dread inside, her guilt burning her up like a raging fire.

@delurkr @ctrvpani @conra @aydeenchan @legenspeople @blubary @komfort-kollection-by-kassiopeia @tinynightmarewoman @eframschweigersskincells @scootingscooterr @mybrainrotforreal @kindheartedgummybears @megandaisy9

Posting for Megan's birthday, which will actually occur in the next part and hey this is the first part to not fit cleanly into one year(it's a very busy year for the story), this is definitely a more quiet part compared to what's to come and as usual I will added anyone to the tag list that asks

#little hope #the dark pictures anthology #the dark pictures little hope #megan clarke #reverend carson #Leonard Carson #Pyromegan #Writing #ramblings #supermassive games #little hope au

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108garys · 12 days ago

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Reblogging because the next part is coming soon

Pyromegan: Slow Boil(1974)

So part three is here, two years out from the Clarke fire and Megan is growing up in a lot of ways and not so much in other, at 3300+ words a lot of the previous stuff still applies along the lines of this will hurt in places, Carson's parenting(or lack thereof), etc with the addition of more teen oriented changes(yes yes it's less specific but if you've been following along it should be all good)

The previous parts here: 1792 1973

[January 16th/1974]

Megan actually went to visit on the day this time, after school on a Wednesday she sat on the stone bench near her family's graves and Kurt was there too... She's not sure she would have been brave enough to come back on her own. He talked about his own mother and how she died when he was very little, like her birth mother, she died when Megan was born, Carson told her so in an attempted to scare her away from boys... which felt unfair since she doesn't really talk to boys at all, apart from Kurt but Carson doesn't know about that...

They spend the afternoon there, talking about their families... He talks about his aunt being a little like his mom when he was really little, how she and his dad works away, like her birth father before he passed too, he listens to her talk about her family, what she remembers best, the good things... And then when she thinks she may cry again he holds her hand.

[February/1974]

"So... What do you think if we just leave?" Megan asks, Kurt looks up from his book as she looks at him across the table, leaning on her elbows, "I'd love to, but the bell is going to ring soon anyway." they sit in the library, the day passing painfully slow, she suppresses a chuckle, the librarian is mean, "No," she clarifies with a smile, "do you ever think about leaving Little Hope?"

"Sure," He shuts his book, getting up to return it to the shelf, "there's a whole world out there, why not?" She follows along, she wants nothing more than that and for half a year she's been convincing herself that he wants that too...

Carson has a day job a town over now, Megan has never once asked what he does, she only knows that she has more space to breathe... She takes full advantage of this new found freedom, she is very careful about not getting in trouble at school, she sings enthusiastically in church... Her music teacher has a lot of ideas about what she can be 'so long as she applies herself'. She fights her quiet rebellion, her and her friend, just them... once they watched a horror movie when Carson was gone, it was almost nice to have nightmares about something new...

Carson doesn't know and she feels like she's getting away with murder.

[Spring/1974]

A tour of local historical sites is the first field trip Carson had signed off on, probably because it is harder for Megan to 'disappear' in town, she sits under a tree the town's people hung a woman in way back in the day, she looks up at the sky through the leaves as the class is told how she was accused after her sister's doll was mistaken as a tool to serve the devil and she wonders... Did she hate her sister for that? Did dead people stay mad or do they just go away? She remembers Tanya's shoes... She understands now.

That night Megan sits on the couch with that stupid doll, pressing down it's eyelids, she'd long since taken it's hair out of pigtails, her braids hang over the back of the couch, thinking about her day and thinking about how in a few months it'll be summer and she'll be finished with middle school... It feels like a further leap than anything else.

The front door opens and she releases the doll's eyes, springing open as she tips her head back to watch as Carson enters. "The class went to the museum of witchcraft today," she says as he drops his keys on the kitchen table, "Did you know that the Reverend leading the trials was Little Hope's only real 'witch'?" She runs her fingers over the doll's eyelashes. "I am aware of the town's history... Is there a point to this?" he moves behind her, leaning his hand on the back of the couch, one of her braids is pinned beneath his plam as he looks down at her with a furrowed brow, she looks up at him with a smile, letting the doll's eyes spring open again. "Only that it's a good thing we're too smart to let something like that happen again... Because you taught me what to look out for." Megan bursts out laughing, he doesn't, he steps back rolling his eyes. "Don't make light of this, without vigilance, vice and sin creeps in and corrupts," he lectures, taking a worn bible from between heavy candle sticks on the mantle, "it was a tragedy that all those people died due to one man's moral failings."

"It was hundreds of years ago, they'd be dead anyway," she didn't quite get it, her family was the same amount of people and the people act like her home isn't even there anymore, "lot's of people could be alive now but aren't, that's worse." Carson crosses his arms, holding the old book close, as she gets up from the couch, "Don't say that again, not in this house and absolutely not outside of it." He warns, she's not totally ignorant, people without dead families tend not don't like it when you talk like that, but she doesn't want to be lectured further so she agrees. "I won't." He nods looking a little annoyed that she'd brought it up the second he'd walked through the door. "Don't you have homework or something else that needs doing?"

She shrugs, holding the doll like a baby, "I'm sure I'll find something." She was pushing her luck, she knows that, but she has too many things happening at once and she doesn't like it...

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so inconsiderate." She tries to sound like she actually means it, and while his patience is visibly worn he doesn't say anything, not until she goes to take the doll back to her room, she was one step up when he chides her, "I rebuke you for your own good, Megan... If I didn't put in the effort with you, you'd be well on your way to being locked up for your oddities, do you think it's a normal, sane, thing to be so willfully irreverent about atrocities?" The idea of ending up in place like that... Where crazy people go, it sends a chill through her in a way the orphanage threat never managed, she tries to sound like it doesn't bother her when she answers. "No, thank you for helping me to see that."

Megan lays in bed staring at the ceiling... She needs to needs to get out... She takes the one framed photo of her family, Mom, Dad, Tanya, Dennis, Anthony... Dennis insisted on wearing his favourite jacket that day, she's never been that good at smiling in photos but they look happy. She sits the photo back on the beside dresser, rolling over to continue looking at it, covers pulled close around her, falling asleep.

[May/1974]

On a sunny Saturday Megan and Kurt stop into Whitmart, she doesn't really get an allowance so Kurt is getting them ice cream... She wishes she could do something for him back, she feels like she's just there...

Glenn is working that day, finishing up stacking cans as they enter, he smiles in the same way Megan does when she has to, Kurt steps up to the counter. "Two ice cream cones, one banana and?" He turns to Megan who randomly chooses, "strawberry, please." Glenn sighs, "Sorry Kurt, Grandpa says we aren't stocking banana anymore, I know it's your favourite but there's just not enough people interested in the flavour to continue ordering it." The younger Mathis brother looks a little heartbroken at the loss of his favourite but quickly comes to term with it. "What about triple choc?"

"Can do little man," Glenn starts getting the ice cream, raising an eyebrow when his younger brother pays for both, "there you go, now clear out while the weather's still nice."

Megan tries to hide that she's not really enjoying the strawberry but it doesn't really work, "Can I try that?" Kurt asks, offering her to try the far more appealing ultra triple chocolate ice cream, "Sure." She agrees and they swap... He seems to like strawberry at least as much, even if it's not banana... She isn't sure how to tell him that she appreciates that so she holds his hand, "Thank you." She smiles and he looks away for a moment so she can't see his face "It's nothing, they're both good flavours." Why does he sound so...? She tries to move around to see his face but he turns further away, "hey? What's up-?" Rather than answering he hands her back the other ice cream and takes off running down a trail. She stands there slightly confused before jogging after him, carefully not to drop the ice cream.

When she catches up he's sitting at a picnic table red in the face from his spontaneous sprint, he takes the strawberry ice cream back wordlessly and she sits on the table with her feet on the chair, enjoying more chocolate than she thought could possibly exist in one scoop of ice cream, she smiles down at him, wondering how he got so red from such a short run or what had compelled him to do that, he nearly jumped out of his skin as she messes up his hair, "Why'd you do that silly?"

"I just felt like running." He defends as he gets up to sit on the same level as her, she doesn't always understand why he does what he does but she accepted it anyway. Leaning on him as they enjoy the day...

[June 16th/1974]

Carson's attempts to make her 14th birthday 'normal' grate on her, sure it should be nice to have birthday wishes after church but none of these people really know her, not as anything other than 'that poor girl' or 'James and Anne's kid' or sometimes in hushed tones 'she looks more and more like Penelope... She gets that from Clarence', Megan can't confirm, it'd been so long since she saw any photos and she has no way to get any now... sometimes she's just 'the Clarke girl' as if she's officially old enough to deal with the weight of being twice orphaned...

She feels an empty space that she didn't know was there, it's not like she didn't know that her and her siblings were born from different mothers and fathers but the idea that Mom and Dad should have been Aunt and Uncle and maybe she should revert to this more 'accurate' view because all her parents are equally dead now... Of course they never say that, they don't even talk about it to her but because they don't know 'Megan' they assume her feelings on the matter... Assume she would ever see her brothers and sister as anything other than siblings but the worst thing ever is when they call her Carson's... 'the Reverend's kid', 'Father Leonard's foster daughter', 'Carson's girl'... And when he plays loving parental figure she truly hates that man... And if it's really a sin to feel like that then nothing but fire awaits her and maybe him too for getting her there.

When the church gets it's fill of her day she is again disappointed to learn that she can't spend the rest of it how she'd please... Carson wants to act like he cares this one day out of the year. She feels like a she's been held for ransom until she blows out her candles, she prefers them lit, the fire alive and dancing just for her... But a minute passes and he blows them out for her, when she looks up at him unable to put these feelings into words, like birthday candles special secret wishes are another magic of childhood relegated to the ashes and dirt. He smiles as he justifies. "It would be a waste to let wax ruin a perfectly good cake."

[End of summer/1974]

"Since when can you pick locks?" Kurt asks as she tries to focus, this is the riskiest thing he's ever agreed to do with her but she has to know. "Dennis taught me in exchange for not telling Mom," all her siblings had their own little rebellions, Tanya cleaned Megan's room for a month when she caught her ripping pages out of the phone book so Mom couldn't call the parents of the girl who's house she said she was sleeping over at... "Just hold the flashlight right there..."

The lock clicked and the entry door to the factory opened with slow screeching hinges... They step in carefully and quietly look around, she's never actually been inside before but can finally put a face to the machines that used to make that familiar sound... They search for any traces of her Dad, stopping at a plaque in his memory... Commemorating the day everything was ruined forever, she pulls her eyes away as he takes her hand and they head down stairs...

They eventually find the office in question, she riffles through draws and papers for anything. Anything. He's quiet as she steps back defeated. "Why don't we go back upstairs? ...we haven't checked the farside." He offers, she nods hoping that there'll be something...

As they reach the top of the stairs she sees a photo on the wall, all the people who worked with Dad, some who had looked at her only with pity, a lot that had vanished from Little Hope... Lucky. "There he is." She reaches out to touch his smiling face front and centre, it had been so long since she saw a different image of him. She takes the frame off the wall, stepping away and turning around to throw it over the railing with a smile. Kurt swears in shock but she practically skips downstairs to pull the photo from the frame, as Kurt reaches her they hear a man shout. "Hey! This area is prohibited!" They duck behind large crates, killing the flashlight as an officer scans the room with his own, Kurt pulls her deeper until they're out of sight. She clutches the rolled up photo, heart beating with his arm around her waist and a hand over her mouth. The last thing they need is a run in with the police right before starting starting highschool, Carson would have a fit like she's never seen and Kurt's grandparents surely wouldn't forgive her this time...

"Damn kids." The man exclaims having apparently given up after or assumed they'd already gotten away. Megan looks up at Kurt who looks away as he takes his hand from her mouth.

They are extra careful as they make their way out, she holds his free hand as she runs home, it's right there so they may as well go there first. They go through the back gate, through the yard and back door, she laughs triumphantly as Kurt shines the flashlight, but the smile falls from her face as she sees the look on his, more specifically that he is looking past her, flashlight illuminating the wall... She doesn't have to look to know what he's seeing. "Is he really that scary?" He asks full of worry, when he'd come previously he went through the front and right up stairs, she turns to the old drawing on the wall, claw like fingers reaching out to her... "Everything was scary back then," she says, unsure how to articulate her feelings, not wishing to expose her only friend to her raw hatred nor her fear of being sent away, "Why don't you talk about it?"

"To who? No one listened, not my family, not back then and now? What should I say? 'Reverend Carson is a tyrant'... It's not like he hits me or starves me," she says as he steps in front of her, brown eyes full of concern, "it doesn't matter, no one in this town actually wants or cares about me anyway."

"That's not true, I- I do." Kurt says, she doesn't think he gets how little that helps, it's not like his house has the extra room, it has to be out of town, a full escape. "Kurt, I-"

"I want you." He clarifies as he leans forward, kissing her, the flashlight dropped to the floor. She is taken off guard, eyes wide as she feels his hands on her arms. She shuts her eyes, her brain stalls, she must have looked as shocked as she felt when it was over as he apologizes for it. "I- I'm sorry Megan, I just thought... I don't know." She shakes her head, blinking as he looks ashamed of himself for assuming it would be like in the movies. "No, it's okay," she doesn't know what to say, not fully... Does she feel like that? It's never crossed her mind but he's also the only person she feels attached to... Is that how it is between them? "I was just surprised, I didn't know... I don't know how to-"

"We can just pretend that didn't happen... If that's what you want?" He says looking at his feet. "I don't know, I just... I don't want anything else to change."

"Okay, it's okay," he hugs her and she's unsure if she's rejected him or... That's not what she wants to do but she doesn't have the words so she holds him, heart beating faster than when they were hiding, the fallen flashlight stretches their shadows over the wall, clawed fingers looming over her head. She repeats everything Carson has ever said about lust and temptation and hellfire. Every word about purity and eternal damnation echoing through her mind... She has her fingers balled up in Kurt's shirt, deep in his hair as he holds her close, the photo rests at their feet, tears stream down her face and that shadowy figure looms large on the wall ahead of her.

The first week of highschool is brutal, Megan and Kurt were practically glued to Jo, leaning heavily on her to figure out where classes are and practically hiding behind her from the ire of older students, Carson considers Jo a good influence in this new chapter of Megan's life.

...a few more kids in their grade moved over the summer...

Megan sees her siblings names and achievements plastered on school trophies for their respective sports, new traces of them unveiled to her through unfamiliar halls, a teacher mentions that her locker is the same one Anthony used, it was said with a casual air of realisation followed by a moment of awkwardness before the bell rang... Graffiti by and about them, photos of Dennis and his old band from when they were still in school hang in the music room, she felt immediately possessive of them, stealing feels extreme but if they haven't voluntarily given her some of the rare photos of her family in these years... She decides she doesn't like Mr Jackson, not one bit.

She and Kurt take Jen to the park after school, they don't really talk about 'it' maybe they're just not ready to go there... Maybe it's just her, she still has him over in secret when Carson is at work, still do most of the stuff from before but... It feels like they're in the middle, friends but more, girlfriend and boyfriend but not really and in the back of her mind she adds a possible caveat to her plans... If running away together means together like that would she agree to it just for that? Would it be wrong or would she learn how to be an 'us' if she just tried?

She listens to that old record regularly, unsure if she likes the sound or if it's just sentimental as she wonders what the future holds.

@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @conra @kindheartedgummybears @blubary @scootingscooterr @tinynightmarewoman @legenspeople @aydeenchan @mybrainrotforreal @eframschweigersskincells

Anyone who wishes to be added to the tag list can say so, but yeah it do be hard for her but rest assured I am including things based on how it contributes to her future psyche(it will get worse)

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