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we don't use the L word around here (it's 'leave')

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it never gets old! - every year!

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warm December day

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train close ups

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Pen15 S2

Art reflects life. And life is sorrowful, beautiful, and perfectly captured in this masterpiece of a show.

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Shades of Gingko Gardens

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The love seen between parents is something unique to each of us. Maybe because we see ourselves in it so closely

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To George Mason,

My time at George Mason was the ultimate enemies-to-lovers trope. Four years have passed since I drove onto Campus Drive with a bitter and broken heart of attending a college I resented. While everybody around me was escaping into a college bubble, I felt trapped in my mind that life was unfair and lonely. I pushed George Mason away, refusing to accept my future here. I’d berate the university and its people and even attempted to run away to another school. 

Yet, the pill of rejection was the hardest thing to swallow, and I forcibly learned how to trust this is where I’m supposed be. 

At the start of every college year, I never failed to come across the same insecurity: 

I am valued less because I am not experiencing college to the fullest

Friday nights were meant to be walking with drunk friends, creating memories on Snapchat stories and attending sweaty house parties. Late-night pizza runs and dumplings was a right of passage. This is the place where life-long friends are made. Instead, it was wild nights with my mom, folding laundry together and watching poorly produced Netflix movies (they just keep getting worse).  The insecurity always creeped up when my days were silent and afforded me time to scroll through everybody’s Instagram to remind myself what I wasn’t able to have. At the time, the heartache of missing out on seemingly big, monumental experiences weighed deep in me. But the more I dove into these micro-moments, God revealed more about myself and my values than I ever had in the last 20 years of existence. What I was really seeking was validation and acceptance from the world. For it was Grace that allowed me to recognize such idolizations and tackle each insecurity with patience. 

I never knew what people meant when they said, “George Mason prepares you for the real world,” but in my final years, it’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned here. I’ve etched all the cliche life lessons into my heart, but the experience I’m most grateful for is the intersection of worlds I was forced to morph into one. I’ve learned how to be nursing student, a daughter, an employee, a long-distance girlfriend, a present friend, and even intentional granddaughter. One of the hardest things people adjust to during “post-grad life” is the balance of old and new identities that are no longer bounded by location or community. I couldn’t escape into a bubble to avoid different responsibilities each world held. Through trial and error, I’ve learned to love who I am because of what the school challenged me to be. 

-- 

On the day of graduation, my eyes welled with tears as I wave my (fake) diploma in my hand, cheering loudly along with my fellow graduates. I kept thinking back at who I was four years ago; the person who laid in bed depressed and asking God when it will get better. On graduation day, I was arm-in-arm with four nursing friends; eyes lit, smiles wide, and screaming louder to celebrate our completion of nursing school. As I walk outside to a sea of guests, I am immediately surrounded by all my beloved family and friends who shower me with flowers, gifts, and hugs. They chant my name as I look around me, appreciating every moment and person that has led me here. 

Though memories of college come in flashes, I can remember distinct moments and feelings I’ve had throughout the course of four years. I’ll often write them down in my journal just to remember details of life during this tumultuous time. 

Things I’ll Remember:

The bubbling anxiety when you enter Lot K, Lot A, or Rapphanock Parking Deck to see if you will be able to find a parking spot in one of the first rows or floors, while simultaneously 7 other cars are making circles in the parking lot to find one too. 

The triumph of snagging a parking spot when you notice someone is backing out, and it’s located in the one of the first rows (seldomly happened)

The feeling of walking from lecture hall to engineering building under transitional fall weather

The movie theater seats and musty smell of lecture hall; I felt most comfortable here because I could disappear into a crowd of people, yet feel like I could belong to a community

My thighs sticking to the plastic seats that are connected to a desk, waiting for N– to arrive to Philosophy class so we can online shop together

Sleeping in C–’s room that one time I was sick, and he kindly left cold medicine by my shoes when he left for class

Taking a hike to the Globe to scheme off C--’s meal plan, only to indulge in overly-sauced meat and dry rice

Crying in a Innovation Hall with L– and G– during an intimate small group session over a new heartbreak 

Studying in Innovation Hall for the first time with a group of people until 2am, wondering if this is what college is meant to be like (also a major upgrade from my dining room table)

The cold basement of KPCW, where we met every other week for ICF Exec meetings and finally feeling comfortable with my role with treasurer

Working out with H-- at the RAC, AFC, or (if we’re down bad) Skyline

I am thankful for a lot of people. Most importantly, thank you to my family who not only financially supported me through school, but defied cultural norms and accepted my career with unconditional pride. I knew nursing was not their ideal choice, but they never failed to remind me how proud they were. I am thankful for each handwritten note my mom left in my lecture notes, reminding me to have fun in life and continually work hard. I will remember every car ride with my dad, who never complained to drive the distance for each clinical shift. I thank my siblings for being the best roommates, especially during the COVID pandemic. Lockdown was a rare time of laughter and warmth. Thank you D-- for being one of the key figures in my growth through college. You taught me how to study, buy a desk, and push myself beyond my academic limit. Though distance broke our hearts, we found a way back that is stronger than we imagined. You taught me a lot about myself and forgiveness. Despite the heartache, the visits we had with each other constituted so many memories of college. I am glad you witnessed the end of my college career together. Thank you E-- for being the friend we both needed at the time, yet being a timeless friend now. Your desire to love God and ability to have honest conversations leave me inspired and secure. Thank you to those not spoken about that supported me from a distance, whether it be driving down to visit, reading this blog, or keeping in touch with me.

Obviously, thank you God. George Mason was just a small revealment of who You are and what You’ve done. You’ve shown faithfulness like no other. I’m in awe of your eternal perspective and benevolence. 

My heart is full. The work is finished. 

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Lights and Shadows

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I think that’s all

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As emma said, one of those photos you find in an album. who r these people

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Peak bloom, this was a dream. Running in a garden of tulips, you feel endless in possibilities 

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Photographers

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Rows and rows. Endless rows

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Colors