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I'm too exhausted to explain my soul to someone again.

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Heartless

Monsterous

Disgusting

Mostly carefree

FREE

Blind (metaphorically)

Disgusting

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Most girls with ASD are diagnosed instead with generalized anxiety disorder and major depression---comorbid byproducts of struggles with ASD. Yet, the ASD is what is ruling their world and creating disconnect between them and that world.

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Lack of parental education/not catching a diagnosis

I'm 33 years old and today I was reading something for a class and I relived a traumatic experience from childhood but suddenly realized just how significant it was. While I'm feeling overwhelmed with bad things as of late, the trauma just keeps piling on. There are times when you think you won't be able to take more yet somehow you always do. What remains consistent though are the reminders that so many people fail to be safe, many are selfish, and the world can be so disappointing. When I was 12 years old I was excited to enroll in summer school classes. My family had recently moved to a new house and honestly I was unfamiliar with the surroundings only having driven certain routes to get home. I relied on a mostly picture based memory as a dyslexic (but they never officially called it that). My current class assigned us literature that explains why they never called my dyslexia by its name but instead referred to it as a speech/reading/language deficient and disability. Either way I was in special education of half a day or more until I was adopted. Then my special education instruction slowly "weened" off. Yet, I was overlooked. Three important diagnosis where never labeled what they were and they were obvious: dyslexia, ADHD, and Autism (formerly my form would have been called "Asperger's"). So here I was, 12 years old and completely out of special education. My deficits "cured" even thought the truth is that a learning disability is life long. I have college education and still rely on spell check constantly because my spelling can be atrocious. On top of that I read slower than most because of my dyslexia and often find my eye gaze skipping from a word in one sentence to one in another still thinking I'm reading the same line. On my first day of summer school I was to take the bus home. No big deal right? Simple task. I hadn't been on the "short bus"/"special" bus in years. Except, no. It wasn't simple and I didn't know how to do it. Not only did I not know how but the not knowing or understanding in my life was often overlooked or considered as a "difficult behavior." I was just giving adults a "hard time." Yet, I wasn't. Autistic people can make straight A's and still not understand hygiene or how to communicate with others. They may not know how to ask questions or understand things like puberty, toileting routines/routines with taking care of puberty, romantic relationships, boundaries, sexuality. The things you might not need to teach your neurotypical child are the things you need to address directly with your ASD kid. Such as "this behavior is reserved for this area" or "lets keep a chart to make sure hygiene is happening correctly"....so many other things. Even stuff like "this is how you should ask that question." Getting back to the story at hand. I only went to one day of summer school that summer because I didn't have the support or diagnosis I needed to learn how to take the bus home from school. I got off on the wrong bus stop and it was nearly 1 mile from my house. I was scared and crying because I didn't know how to get home. When I tried to get help from the bus driver they didn't help much. It started to rain very hard as I walked home. A stranger (a woman) offered me a ride home but I refused because it was a stranger. I was soaking wet and crying when I walked into the house with my sister asking what was wrong/what had happened. As I recall this memory, it breaks my heart how much the ball was dropped and now much support I really needed with my ASD in order to navigate puberty. As we know ASD is a developmental disorder but it is also is identified due to the massive social deficits (social skills are part of development) that occur. I needed that help but I never got it. So I hurt instead and people hurt my feelings because they didn't get it. I learned but it took way longer and it was very painful leaving wounds.

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The reality is that sometimes you can't save yourself. What is probable?

If its 10 vs 1...you won't win. Doesn't matter how hard you fight. There is the tough pill that we don't want to swallow

“Stop thinking that other people are going to come and save you. You gotta save yourself.”

— Rae Earl

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For me? NOT A SINGLE DAMN PERSON. NONE

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I've basically just given up on the world at this point.

Where are the good people? I'm not meeting any. I'm not meeting any who seem to know right from wrong, how to be safe people, how to decent, ect. I'm just done hoping. My hope basically only lies with the children who are usually being influenced by monsters encouraging them to grow up to be abusers, bullies, and chronic liars. Sad.

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Yeah, try not to be a narc bro. They like revenge.

That being said....you need to keep others safe so come forward if needed and if you are capable of being heard.

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basic human empathy has got to make a comeback divas

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“Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isnt the way they actually are.”

— John Green

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“If you light a lamp for someone else it will also brighten your path.”

— Unknown

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I am not a victim of my life what I went through pulled a warrior out of me and it is my greatest honor to be her.

Rupi Kaur

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“What is stronger than the human heart, which shatters over and over and still lives?”

—

Rupi Kaur

art by Jade Leyva

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I still give even when I know what we are all up against. I just hope people find ways to put others into their thought processes. Don't contribute to someone being trapped or murdered.

“Love does not look like a person, love is our actions, love is giving all we can.”

— Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

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I don't deserve to be spit on to survive.

Not to eat.

Not to have shelter.

You will not rip me apart.

I am not giving you that right.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”

— Rupi Kaur, Milk & Honey