18-cals

[18-cals]

was one year clean from sh and i just relapsed i am having such a good night!!!!

[18-cals]

before i was underweight i always felt like skinny people never binged or didn’t gain from binging or whatever. and ofc logically i knew that wasn’t true but my ed told me otherwise. so from me to whoever needs to hear it .. as an underweight person i’ve been in a week long binge and gained 5 pounds and i am so bloated. which i’m aware is intuitive, but i also know how competitive ed brains are, so coming from someone who is technically skinny i just want to let whoever needs to hear it know … i binge and i gain and i bloat like crazy. and it is normal bc that is part of an eating disorder. like that is just what tf happens. typing this out for myself as well because i need a reminder bc i feel so sick rn <3

[18-cals]

update still binging

me, binging: i’m officially recovering and i can eat as much as i want because i am in recovery and i deserve it. i will never deprive myself of food ever again.

me an hour after binging: 😦😦 well actually

[18-cals]

me, binging: i’m officially recovering and i can eat as much as i want because i am in recovery and i deserve it. i will never deprive myself of food ever again.

me an hour after binging: 😦😦 well actually

[18-cals]

tw for stats but say someone was 63.5 inches and 99lb ,. would you think that was on the small side if things ?!? please please tell me bc my body dysmorphia is killing me and i genuinely just have no idea if i am small or not . please help

[18-cals]

i have noooo ideaaaa what i look liiiikeeeee

[18-cals]

tbh i have an eating disorder

[18-cals]

hi just here to say i am still alive. xoxoxo ramona

[18-cals]

mutuals i am handing u this rn

[18-cals]

apparently i’m a size 00 now ?! bought these pants expecting fr them not to fit me but they fit perfectly ,, weird

[18-cals]

weight tw !!!!!

i hit 100 pounds today which is sort of surreal bc that’s been my goal for the past 3 years or whatever. but it doesn’t feel significant and i guess i’m just gonna keep going !

i am so fucking tired

[18-cals]

if u aren’t an ed-based account please please pleaaaaase unfollow me or lmk if ur using a side blog or something !! i’m really uncomfortable w people who don’t have an ed yet follow me, i try to go through my followers and block the ones who aren’t ed accounts but there’s too many nowww

[18-cals]

me: drinks 3 pounds of water in one sitting

me: oh my god i gained three pounds i can never come back from this

[18-cals]

i was shopping with my mom and an old guy told me i looked like i needed to eat a peanut butter sandwich. on the one hand gross of him but also on the other hand … euphoric

[18-cals]

my body dysmorphia is KILLING MEEE !!!!! i am going to put my stats so TW FOR NUMBERS !!!

currently 5’3.5 and 102.6 lbs , 24 inch waist , and my bmi i think is 17.9? like reasonably i know those are technically small but i genuinely can’t see myself as thin in any capacity. and my concept of thinness is warped only for myself, i look at other people who are average weights/overweight and i’m like yeah. they are hot and beautiful and i wish i had their body. and i think i am larger than them but realistically i’m not,,??? are these the stats of someone who who is mildly thin??? can u be underweight and overweight at the same time or is it just my body dysmorphia?!?????? please help me

[18-cals]

at my lw thinking about how i can’t even conceptualize recovering. i used to be “i can’t wait to recover and eat what i want” but i am still not sick enough and not ready. when does it end!!!

[18-cals]

today she told me she would win in a fight and i had noodle arms. good day

the euphoria i get from my crush telling me she could kill me with ease 💕💕💕💕