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I love it so much when im so drunk that i really really have to fight to keep it together and then i manage but on the inside im just drunk af
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#i know that im experiencing more things than i ever have in my entire life and i feel so light and happy and honestly so blessed#like i didnt even know i could be this person wtf#but low low lowkey i miss being on my computer only for the fact that i miss writing fic thats literally the only thing#like i dont miss being online at all i mean im still online but like not to the same degree i was you know#like when i just go on twt and see what people are saying on there i immediately feel like this fog taking up my brain again and#im like no i have to live i must live#living is honestly da bomb i didnt realize#but anyways i just really really miss writing and writing fic specifically its just one of the most fun things you can do on your computer#and i dont do it here cause i want to spend as little time in front of my laptop as possible#but also its close to a year since posting my last fic and ahhhhh. i just miss it what can i say#also bcs i was so busy before coming here and then before that i was in kurdistan and there just hasnt been a chance idk#sorry i just have to let this out somewhere and this is literally the only pöace#like when i see ppl spitting out new fics consistently i get soooo jealous how do they do that#but then again when i go back to germany i wanna keep up my habit of having a life and doing a lit of things and being active. bcs thats#like the only cure to my personality ive found#but then yeah idk i just have to find a balance. anyways this is a nothingburger issue sorry#its not even an issue its a nothing. im a nothing. peace out#also its not even posting fic like obviously that part is so awesome and feels like sweet sweet release but its the writing and being#excited abt what ill write next and editing it over and over again until im satisfied and yeah its annoying as shit sometimes#but also so awesome#ok enough now
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i would make such a beautiful dead bird on the sidewalk
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Why do i crave any type of romantic connection so bad and then when a guy who i even find cute texts me asking me out i literally want to die and kill myself and never be seen again
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I havent thought about death almost at all since coming here which is freaking insane and cool
#i just feel light#i dont feel like im carrying this heaviness around anymore which is so bizarre idk#i still get that way sometimes sometimes which reminds me that yes i am still me but still its made such a huge difference
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I crave romantic love so immensely its disgusting and pathetic but i feel like ive come to a point where if i dont get it soon ill just start killing people
#i want it soooo bad its so embarrassing but i feel like ive really had enough like i need it and i need it yesterday#to the point where seeing couples together in cute spots genuinely depresses me and i cant read anything too romantic bcs i will just want#to kill myself#its so bad#pleeeeaaaseeee i want itttt pleeeaaaseeeeeeee
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Did you seriously just allow the seed of cruelty to sprout
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