1may3

[1may3]

6525

I dreamt again, still at our old house and it was Christmas Eve. I don’t know how we knew because it started with us already packing our stuff, trying to escape. We took a lot of bags and our way was to Sta. Mesa through Kalentong. It was so dessert-like, beggars everywhere, people are dirty. We were stopped by the military because we were carrying a lot of bags and asked us what’s inside. We showed shades, glasses, etc, anything other than something that would signify we were running away. They didn’t suspect and let us through. Then another checkpoint. I forgot what caught their attention but they found us out and shot us with shit. And then we’re back at the house. We were on our way to escape again but the military was waiting for us at the top of the stairs.. I was climbing after my sister so I slowed down so that W and the rest of my family behind me will slow down and know that something was up and they did. I closed the entryway of the stairs immediately after I climbed up so they won’t see the others. Then, I woke up.

[1may3]

52225

I dreamt about my dad today and woke up crying.

It started as Elle Woods from Legally Blonde finding out her parents are not getting along well together, maybe even separating. And that her dad will leave the house. She went home to this house similar like Winnie the Pooh’s and as they were having dinner she confronted her dad.

Elle: Where are you going?

Dad: I’ll go on vacation. I don’t know when I’ll be back

He doesn’t know that Elle already knows.

Elle: What about all of your properties?

Dad: I’ll rent them. Or I’ll move to Mexico and sell them

Then her dad suddenly morphed into my dad. And I can’t remember if it’s was Elle’s voice in her head or mine but it said, “now I know what it feels like to be alive without a dad.” And the thoughts in my head started spiraling, “is this really what he wants?” “Why is he leaving?” “What will he even do in Mexico?” “I’m gonna grow up without a dad?” “Who’s gonna take care of me now?” “So this is what it feels like to have just one parent.”

And then I started crying, or Elle. Not because of what she found out but because she felt this void in her heart suddenly appeared which cannot be filled - with the leaving of her dad. Like, there’s a hole. And I thought of my nieces and nephews feeling the same.

And it got me thinking, is this his or His way of saying that I shouldn’t move to Mexico? That U is not the one for me? That I should stay here and find someone else? Live my life? I don’t know. I believe in dreams and the supernatural so I don’t know. 🙁

[1may3]

52125

I don’t really know if I can love someone again who has already once gave up on me

[1may3]

42125

I’m at a time when the past blurs with the future and it’s a very confusing time because what do you mean you’re still thinking of those moments with him even when he has proved time and time again what a scumbag he is? And at the same time thinking of the future with this other guy that’s not even certain? Like what are you doing? I know temptations are hard to resist but why these two? F*ck them, they don’t deserve your energy and imagination.

[1may3]

2225

I’m tired. When will this end?

[1may3]

[1may3]

111824

Young lady, please. Whenever you feel sad or longing for him, please remember the times you have seen his mask slips and show his true character and you thought that he is messed up. Remember the times you pitied his exes because why did they settle for this douche? Remember the times when he disrespected and crossed your boundaries clearly showing that he is not genuine. REMEMBER. Remember. Please. He is not a loss. You removed someone who is taking away your peace. And you are strong for that.

[1may3]

I always ask myself why there are people who doesn’t like traveling. You get to see the world, try different things, experience new things, discover new food, and meet new people. And it led me to ponder deeper my love for traveling. And I realized, I like myself when I am traveling. I like how it pushes me to go out of my comfort zone, to be more adventurous, to appreciate the presence and not think of anything. I discover new things about myself. I am happier, more out there ✨💛

[1may3]

I miss my dad…

[1may3]

I guess some people are better for us at a distance

[1may3]

But just because you’re strong and resilient doesn’t mean you never need someone to be there for you, to take care of you.

Tammara Webber

[1may3]

[1may3]

— Kim Visda, from “For Lack Of A Better Poem.”

[1may3]

— Paul Guest, from “1987.”

[1may3]

This! That lingering scent you leave in your path. Sweet, light, fragrant and full of life, the wind gently blowing a breeze for your hair, clear skies but not too hot. This is how I want to be 🌻

“Your presence is literally healing to others. Your energy, time, and creations blessed by your hands and heart are healing. The feminine aesthetic you meander and butterfly through the world with, your jewels, garments, and colorful dresses that cause people to stare and remember, are healing. Your sensuality, sweetness and scent emanating, a walking Grace you are. When you get into your self-care, unique brand of beauty, and what is specifically yours to do in the world, it curates a charm (and confidence) that helps to inspire and evolve the collective consciousness forward. You embodying who are you meant to be is what is actually healing to others. Musing this A.M. on healing- what it really is and what it always has been, both ancient and recent, in reality and in myth.”

— India Ame’ye, Author, Felt Sensations Global Travel Taught

[1may3]

@ innerbeautybysierra

[1may3]

Around us, life bursts with miracles--a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere.

-Thich Nhat Hanh