20-and-still-not-underweight - Tumblr blog

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

It's been two days since i came home and i am just CONSTANTLY eating. I'm stopping from tomorrow. Can't skip lunch cause that's with family but I'll try my best to skip the other two meals and snacking in between atleast till my birthday.

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

sorry i can’t come over, im ill with the human experience

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Our train got delayed by 6 HOURS !!! I almost bought some snacks but i held back i held back ,💪💪

In 20th hour of my 29 hours of train journey to home. Couple of things happened,

• i hit the 21day mark without touching any junk

• even though it's super hard to restrict while traveling i still managed to stay below 450 cals

• i am dreading meeting my family and my whole vacation of one month cause i know they are gonna give me a very hard time

•cant weigh myself as soon as I reach home cause mom didn't buy new batteries after the previous ones died so absolutely pissed about that

• my train got delayed for 3hours which means I'm forced to use the dirty public toilet more times than i initially planned ( i legit peed once yesterday, yes peed once in 24 hours , I apologise to my bladder)

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

For now I'm just trying to figure out how to go out looking like this... But i have got no choice. I have to . I've got shit to get done . The whole reason i had to come back .

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

We don't have a full body mirror in our hostel and my body dismorphia had gotten so bad couldn't go to any mall or any place where i could see my whole body . So yesterday i got to take a look at my full body after 9months having no idea what i looked like .. and to be honest i wish it'd stay like that . I look absolutely disgusting specially my upper arms . They look like digusting pile of fat and flesh squished against my sides . I had no idea how huge they looked . I better lose all this weight or I'm gonna go insane

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Being at Home feels strange after 9 months . Feels like i don't belong here

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Reached home last night . I was super super dehydrated couldn't sleep felt like throwing up . Tried to throw up. Nothing came up which is not surprising considering i didn't eat anything that could possibly come back up . Couple of bites from a choclate cream roll , two cashews and two slice of taro chips . It was already 2 in the morning when i reached so told mom i can't eat anything cause i had a late dinner . She wasn't convinced ( it finally begins) but didn't do much other than forcing me to eat two cashews.

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

I guess my parents failed but so did i . So it's okay

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

The fact that I've been trying to lose 20 kilos since 2020 and still haven't succeeded tells so much about me

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

In 20th hour of my 29 hours of train journey to home. Couple of things happened,

• i hit the 21day mark without touching any junk

• even though it's super hard to restrict while traveling i still managed to stay below 450 cals

• i am dreading meeting my family and my whole vacation of one month cause i know they are gonna give me a very hard time

•cant weigh myself as soon as I reach home cause mom didn't buy new batteries after the previous ones died so absolutely pissed about that

• my train got delayed for 3hours which means I'm forced to use the dirty public toilet more times than i initially planned ( i legit peed once yesterday, yes peed once in 24 hours , I apologise to my bladder)

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

21 days clean from junk . I slayed

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

sorry professor i did not do this asisgnemtn becuase i was too sad! NO consequences please. goodbye

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Kill me please someone

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

It hurts so bad when i see people infront of me literally eating whatever they can get their hands at without putting on weight while i gain weight even after eating almost nothing for two days and running all day for my practical exam

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Had two handful of puffed rice and then had two third of an egg rice plate. Shouldn't be more than 500cals combined. I feel AWFUL

[20-and-still-not-underweight]

Got permission to go home I will not be able to restrict like i do here in hostel. Extremely scared of falling in to my bad habits.. I'm almost 3week clean from junk . I literally gave my blood, sweat and tears to hold myself back from temptations and if there's anyone up there they know ,a bitch fought against her addiction. Fought and fought and fought with all that she's got. I wanna keep losing weight even if the difference is minimal but still it's something. Honestly it's everything that i can hold on to. My academic performance is kind of destroyed because i have made this my priority. I am so so so sick of being fat i can't take this anymore