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everyone on replies is terrified of this fact but i just think it's so sweet and heartwarming. she's holding our hand and leading us somewhere secret and we're both giggling like kids. i love her

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A PSA about trucks from a truck driver

I and some colleagues were talking about how we wish everyone could see the safety videos that our company was showing us, because I don’t think most people understand how traffic works in a truck. So here’s some things we wish everyone on the road knew.

- we’re not kidding about tailgating. If you’re right behind us on a straight highway? Chances are we have NO IDEA you’re there, which means we can’t anticipate any of your movements. Plus slowing down takes multiple downshifts, so we might start decreasing speed way earlier than you expect.

- We’re not kidding about any of our blind spots. WE CAN’T SEE YOU, GUYS.

- That bit about slowing down taking a while? The same goes for when you’re in front of us. Don’t cut off a truck. Oh god, PLEASE don’t cut off a truck. If you cut me off, I’m not irritated, I’m terrified. For YOU. It can take 7 to 9 seconds for us to stop. DON’T CUT OFF TRUCKS.

- Before you get mad about how slow we’re going on the highway, keep in mind that many companies govern their vehicles so they literally CAN’T go over 60 or 65. This is a good thing, I promise. Because…

- Do you know what happens when a car meets a truck in an accident? The car gets totaled and the truck needs a new coat of paint. You will not win this fight. I know nobody likes getting stuck behind a big dumb truck, but it’s not worth your life.

We are trying our best to protect you from our 80,000 pound death machines. Please help us out.

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watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

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very funny that the symptoms of blood loss include making you more uncoordinated and cognitively impaired. look at me i'm so cute and helpless and fucking dying.

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I'm so sick of people saying water doesn't taste. Water fuckin TASTES

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I hate the sound of babies crying, but I can't hate a baby. They've been here for like five minutes and approach this situation with an unhesitant attitude of "my needs are unmet and I am going to make it everybody's problem", and I respect that.

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Superbat commission

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we were talking about the criminalization of homosexuality in class and my professor (who as far as i know isn't in any way queer) said something i quite enjoyed in that. well the exchange was more or less this: a student asked a question (doesn't really matter what exactly just know that i was rolling my eyes So hard internally) that i was and the prof looked at the student and was like (i'm paraphrasing here this conversation was not in english) Do you have any queer friends? and the student went Uhhhh in a manner that made it clear the answer was probably no and the prof said Actually statistically speaking you most likely do. If I had to divide this room into two groups the way to do it would not be "people with queer friends" and "people without queer friends" it would be "people whose queer friends are out to them" and "people whose queer friends aren't". And if you're in the latter category you should consider why that is--if maybe your behavior is indicating to the queer people around you that you're not safe to come out to. to come back to your question if you really want to know about queerness there's a very simple way of doing that: you make yourself a person queer people feel comfortable talking to about their experiences and then you fucking listen to them when they do (the fuck is not paraphrased) (there was a fuck involved) (frankly king shit)

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you have to be around asexual perverts it’s good for your health

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there are so many words to use in place of “penis” in regards to smut. there’s dick. or shaft. we got cock. member. organ. length. hell, even manhood! all are acceptable replacements.

but what do we have for the testicles? nuts? no thank you. ballsac or, lord forbid, just sac? i’d literally rather be tarred and feathered. using their government name and just calling them testicles? take me out back and gimme the ol’ yeller treatment.

how has the english language evolved so much yet we have no acceptable word for testicles in a sexy context? how can we claim we’ve advanced as a society when the best word for describing when two characters are fucking nasty and the noble and mighty testes are swaying about is balls?

BALLS

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there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

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sending you hugs 🥰 and bugs -> 🐝🐞🐜🪰🪲🪳🦟🦗

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Happy 10 Years of killing monsters anniversary VK | Instagram | Telegram

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My responding to messages game is weak. Just know, you’re in my thoughts and I’ll get back to you soon. I just suck

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You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.