22ndstfrog-blog - Tumblr blog

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when i ground myself, practice being at home in my body, it will bring abundance.

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venus in scorpio conjunct jupiter in scorpio & impending new moon in scorpio? what better time to invite to your house party someone who u have a crush on/ur partner has been with/there were hard hard feelings & broken trust because of sth while they were together/in spite of it u feel warmth towards them/feel like their presence is important to your growth even tho it is kind of scary. what better time huh

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In indigenous cultures, the village knew who the shaman was because he or she was struck by lightning and survived. In modern culture, you may not literally be struck by lightning, but

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23328/10-signs-youre-a-healer-dont-know-it.html

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it’s hard to talk about spiritual healing modalities without being appropriative. i firmly believe there have been people tapped into the universe’s energy for the entirety of history but! there is so much mysticization over non-white healers. and othering. and appropriation.

reiki is japanese. shamanism is... well, it’s from a lot of different cultures, but certainly not the monolithic white culture. that’s only a couple examples!! & these words are thrown around so flippantly within “woke” metaphysical people and it drives me up the wall!

also i’m pretty sure that white people have spent a lot of time out of touch with our spiritual sides. we’ve been so set on colonizing, burning witches, severing our connection with the sacred. it’s hard to trace those roots back. there’s a lot to be unpacked.

i had a dream in which i learned reiki (from a gay men’s group who i felt completely at one with) but the entire time it was referred to as “healing hot hands.” i feel like the best i can do is learn from what’s been done, pay it due respect, learn to make it my own. maybe that’s wrong but i’m still learning just about everything, including healing hot hands.

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so i wasn’t wrong! i posted 3 months ago and never again... until now!!! not for lack of processing or trying to strengthen my metaphysical knowledge. ha ha. there’s really a lot i should have been taking down!! (like doing an energy healing on dannie, and like my crystal reading with carsten spencer) nevermind that though.

sean’s in chicago, it’s about the halfway point. as much as i miss them, it feels so good to be alone & free. i need it every so often! i need them too. everything is a balance & my independence is part of that. maybe that’s how our open relationship can work- they can be with other people & during those times i can be completely alone and like, standing on dirt or looking at houses or crying.

i dunno, that’s another thing, i read an article by an author who identifies as demisexual and it resonated a lot. i don’t particularly like to commit to titles but when other people do, it helps me understand my inbetween-ness. i’ve always thought i’d be at my sexual prime in my 40s (like the kids r at school and the house turns into some weird sex dungeon). and maybe that’s true. i’m called inwards for now. the idea of any of my crushes turning into anything other than like, a distant attraction is too much.

but that’s not what i came here to write!

there’s this new show on tlc (ha ha, i know) that’s called “the healer” and it’s...... so good!! it’s this australian guy who’s an energy healer and i felt so? seen? the only other time i’ve really felt like that is during long island medium. i realize this is ridiculous. i love tlc, partially for the guilty pleasure of reality tv, partially for my need-to-understand-humanity, partially for the fact that they don’t stray away from weird metaphysical things, even if a lot of it is manufactured / for shock value / etc!! oh no! ghosts!!! psychics!! are they real? what is energy? aah!!

okay anyway, the healer starts, and i was pretty excited from the very beginning but within the first few minutes i’m bawling. loudly sobbing, “uh-huh-huh-huh-huh” snotty wibbly-lipped crying. it starts out with this woman, mother, wife with a chronic pain condition that makes it so her foot is immobile and searingly painful to the touch. and i just feel it. not the pain per se, but the way it impacts her life. her loss of independence, her husband taking care of her, her having a meltdown because she can’t make dinner. more crying, rivers, no tissue is enough, no dam is enough. i put out the napa wildfires. i flood texas. i am both constructive and destructive. in touch with and totally at the mercy of it.

he heals her. very little happens visually, he sits there with his hands slightly apart, near her. he consults her a couple times, and goes back into a trance. it’s astounding how little happens, i can’t believe someone thought this would make good tv. i hope it does make good tv. i hope it continues. but he heals her! she slowly walks without crutches. the tears lapse and return. her family weeps and they hug. it’s unbelievable. it’s totally believable. it’s what i want to do.

he heals a few other people and the episode is over, and i’m totally spent. i’m home alone and wandering around like a ghost. but like, in a good way. my mind is clear, a weight is lifted. the air feels clean like when there’s a rain after a few months of summer and everything was dirty and sticky and now it’s shining.

in the quiet euphoria i had a thought, that the feeling after weeping is comparable to the best orgasm. (that’s probably the most cancerian thing ever written.)

and i guess it comes full circle, i guess i realize why i wrote a little about sexuality. i was caught off-guard by it at first, i just came here to write about this tv show!!! but it always makes sense, even when it doesn’t come packaged so neatly within one blog post.

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maybe this will be short-lived but i've been missing livejournal a lot and like, connecting on social media thru longer-form writing. i don't even think i know anyone who really uses tumblr anymore so the thought of blogging into the void is also kind of appealing and seems maybe therapeutic 🗣 also i have been doing a lot of learning about woowoo pursuits and i think people get tired of hearing about astrology and crystals and herbs in the real world so