2g1bp - Tumblr blog

[2g1bp]

They’re trying to do settler colonialism with the afterlife

[2g1bp]

"average person sees 3 spiders a year" factoid is a statistical error. Sephora Georg, who attracts 3 million horny spiders with the spider sex lotion, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[2g1bp]

(Gordon ramsay chewing out a restaurant owner over his old expired ingredients) And where the fuck does this door lead? If I see a- (there is a hallway miles long, with ashen black walls and no end in sight)¹

1. oh for fucks sake

[2g1bp]

So one of our last episodes (put on pause cause some of the recording is messed up) we discussed our little mini bookclub. And the book I showed Ox was House of Leaves. And while we tried to figure out where to stop for the next episode, Ox for a sneak peek of why I wanted to read this book.

Half the mystery is literally trying to just read the book lol.

[2g1bp]

god gives his coolest girlfriends to his most loser reddit bros

[2g1bp]

for people who haven’t been exposed to trader joes lentils for my wife guy, you’re welcome

[2g1bp]

had to be there i guess

[2g1bp]

[2g1bp]

i’m starting a collection

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[2g1bp]

Oh this is going to be good

[2g1bp]

“One of my favourite Steve Jobs stories was the time the engineers working on the iPod brought their finished prototype to him in his office. He said it was too big, they needed to make it smaller. They said it was as small as they could make it, it couldn’t be made any smaller. So he took the prototype over to his aquarium and dropped it in. The iPod sank to the bottom, and as it did, tiny little bubbles came out. ‘See those bubbles,’ he asked. ‘They’re air inside the iPod. Make it smaller.’

“Another story about Steve Jobs was when they brought the prototype for the iPad 2 to his office. The engineers told him it was faster than the first iPad. He took it over to his aquarium and dropped it in. ‘Look how slowly it sank,’ he told them. ‘Make it faster.’

“One time a newly hired intern had been sent out to get Steve a sandwich. When she brought it to him, he looked at it. ‘I thought I ordered the beef on rye,’ he asked. She told him it was indeed beef on rye. He took it over to his fish tank and dropped it in. ‘Does that look like beef on rye?’

“He was always dropping things in that fish tank. We couldn’t stop him. We told him he had to stop, he wouldn’t listen. It was full of stuff that shouldn’t be in an aquarium.

“The fish had all died years ago. One had been crushed under an early generation iMac. The others were all poisoned. He didn’t care.

“It got to the point where there was no room for anything in the fish tank. When we emptied it after he died, we found a body in there. We never found out who it was.”

[2g1bp]

[2g1bp]

More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

[2g1bp]

“Some guy a few houses down barricaded himself in his house with an assault rifle. Fortunately, they got him (or he gave himself up) without any shots fired or anyone getting hurt.” - SgtScheisskopf

[2g1bp]

[2g1bp]

i wish i could see this picture for the first time again