31004527911 - Tumblr blog

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[31004527911]

fucks with someones emotions for four months to make me feel better about how bad i felt yeah, i just, cant ever cope besides hurting others its the only thing that helps

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i dont recognize myself in old pictures everyone said was me i disconnected myself from every last part of aisha in january i never even hear her or feel her thoughts that isnt me thats her smile that was her smile why did no one help why didnt he kill me there why couldnt he just do it i want to be who i was i am not aisha but i want to be i wish that was me i wish i was her ill never be her

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it really feels great to only have people care about you when its easy i just told you i got raped by someone that fucking close to me for years but i mean most people would be infuriated they would be full of rage not just for half a day and go back to being shit to you

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goes downstairs kill yourself youre fucking worthless are you mentally retarded we pay so much for your meds but youre still failing well maybe if you stopped telling me im worthless or to die or how youre going to kill me every single time i went downstairs or helped me that would be nice

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i’m remembering Bad Things

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give me back i want my innocent eyes back

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i wish you loved me how i love you

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haha you think you have ptsd from rape threats do i have triple ptsd now :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( you wanna know what its like to actually never be happy? you wanna know what its like to really hurt? please tell me exactly what happened and how you were able to get away from it and never have to see them again and never got touched ohhh plleeaaasseee explain to me! explain to me how bad your life is please! even amir has noticed that im actuallhy never happy! whats it like being able to experience being happy being im not joking my brain will wake me up feeling like i died my serotonin receptors are fucked AND i have actual fucking trauma! oh what else i have fucking schizophrenia i dont have any time to ever be happy all my brain feels is sad even if i have nothing happening to me i cant be happy i cant be happy unless im with others if im ever not talking to someone it hyrts t hurts it hurts it hurts so bad please watch me rot watch me hurt im trapped here im trapped when will it end when will i stop having to pretend that im still not being abused no one knows how bad it is but i just wantto die i just want to die i always want to die i just want to die and theres nothing anyone can do but leave me theres nothing im a burden shut up its what i a m im a burden and you dont care i really wish i wasnt this i wish i wasnt in this body i wish i never was in this family i wish i was aborted i wish i could have saved myself i wish he killed me ill never tell anyone everything that has haoppened to me it hurts too bad it hurts too bad itll never get better YOU GUYS CAN ALL JUST ASSUME THAT IM JUST ALWAYS SAD AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS MY ABUSE SITUATION STOPPED OUT OF NOWHERE YEAH IM NOT PHYSICLALY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ANYMORE IT GOT BETTER! EVERYTHING GOT BETTER IT ALL STOPPED! shut up shut up leave me alone sht u up im quiet im quiet im quiet ill never say a word im quiet im good pelase dotn hurt me i never told them everything oi didnt tell tem back them im so afraid of you but i miss you i miss who you were so i CANT SPEAK

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I just want to know if you miss me half as much as I miss you

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I think I’m losing you but I will never regret choosing you

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