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Past couple of weeks at work has been a real struggle with the strategy struggling globally, things have indeed gotten very rough and everyone in the team is really riled up, and keeping in survival mode. I know this week is going to be a busy one again and I really hope I survive. It's already looking like it may not start well but ideally things don't go spiraling downwards from here

The great thing about it is everything else seems to be going rather smoothly. Time with Cheryl have been great and feels like we've found a sort of new-ish sync and learning how to avoid each other's trigger points and all around being kinder and more patient with each other. A lot more to do in the next couple of weeks ID/house-wise while I feel like wedding prep is slowing down a bit (at least from my point of view), but it's great to feel like I have a team mate I can count on and support me

I really wanted to give this space a skip for this week despite penning time down in my calendar to do a bit of writing... and I probably would have and I had written last week but I only just found out that the last time I was in the space was 2 weeks ago. Man... where is all the time going, everything seems to be speeding my way so fast. I'm trying to slow it down but literally everything is in rapid-fire mode. Hopefully with March ending, April will start on a slightly slower footing and with C's 30th coming up, I hope my plan for the celebration goes without any hiccups -- a lot still in flux but feeling pretty excited for it!

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Making it a point to put in an entry here even though there really hasn't been that much to record or introspect about

Starting with the not-so-good, I have indeed continued to lose my way with regards keeping to my supplement and vice control resolutions so I really need to step it up over there. I've continued to make excused for myself so its about time I hold myself much more accountable -- got to do at least 30% better this coming week. Well at least I am holding myself accountable and keeping honest here

Also I feel like the next couple of weeks is going to be a bit rough in terms of work so I do sincerely hope that things don't blow up too much and I continue to be able to manage whatever comes my way well enough

C and I have continued steadily making progress in both our wedding prep and home reno journies and although there is a small bump over this weekend over disagreemnts coming from budget/spending, I do hope that I've helped her feel more comfortable. Though I'd like to make a mental note to myself to also be a lot more considerate to things that she values and derives satisfaction from as well. Either way, it's important for me to be gentle with my words and views

C and I also booked our accomodations for our upcoming summer in Amsterdam in July and I really am looking forward to exploring the city with her a few days before meeting up with the rest of the group. It's always hits with this group and I feel like maybe this trip would be a well deserved one for C and I after a tough year (or two) of stepping up into new-ish roles and taking more responsbilities. Man, I genuinely can't wait

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It's a been quite a whirlwind since the chinese new year holidays and I didn't realise I've not spent time here in just about two weeks. I guess plenty of social commitments in that time has played its role in using up my weekends but here I am showing up and staying committed! Not much of note has really happened but C and I making some tangible steps towards both our wedding and our home! I think we're keeping in line with our planned schedule so far with all our items steadily progressing so that's a really good sign. I think the upcoming month or two we will be spending more hours meeting vendors so that should take up more of our headspace, so I'll have to remind me and us to be kinder to each other and to choose to gentle (and not always choose the path of least resistance for me, and be wise enough to choose the path of least resistance for the both of us)

Things are really getting hectic at work these days with V really stepping it up into everyone and he himself seemingly going into another gear. To be honest, I'm a bit worried for what is about to come but I guess we can only take things one step at a time, and try to live another day. Not too much else to write about it but maybe just a reminder again for me to learn to breathe and not let things overwhelm me. But to always put things into perspective on what the most important things in life is. Regardless its still a daily sprint and trying to keep up is tiring as hell. But the upside to all this is that I'm glad that I'm still coping ok. Fingers crossed long way this continue

Have lost my way a bit in terms of keeping to my supplement and vices goals so I think I'll try to keep it top of mind in the coming week! Also I'm excited to bring C out for our belated st valentine's dinner so that's something small and simple for us to look forward to. Plenty to do next weekend with the ID and brides fair so I'll be careful not to wear myself too thin next week

Till next time over here

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This is one of the quietest chinese new year I can remember with my sister out with J's family and my mum overseas. I'm not feeling lonely in the slightest but I just feel bad at how the relationship at home with my dad has developed into, its like we don't have a real relationship anymore. I acknowledge its one of those things that's out of my control and I've likely already decided to choose the best course of action at every stage but the feeling of being stuck in the middle really still stinks. It's pretty much against my character but in line with my principles and I guess therein lies the reason for my conflicting feelings. I think explicitly deciding to have my reunion dinner with C and her family and declining my dad made me feel even more directly responsible of my actions. Though not sure if I would do things differently if I could turn back time. Just a sense of discomfort that weighed on me a little. I'm not the least bit religious but I guess the following prayer makes the most sense -- "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

Well beyond that, I think things have been going pretty well with all the wedding and home planning and I get the impression that we're making good progress if we stick to our plan! Although I'm mindful of curveballs along the way, so we should be prepared for that. Almost a month into the new year and I think I'm doing a good job with my resolutions so far, revisting them here every other week is a neat trick to keep myself accountable. Things will no doubt keep getting busier but here's a reminder to always put things into perspective and to always remind myself of the things that really matter (and to consistently reevaluate my priorities)

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First week back from holiday and things have went relatively good. The ramp up back to work has been comfortable enough though I expect things will come up several levels soon as we close out the last rebal before our FY ends. Planning for the wedding and house has also properly kicked off and we do have plenty of things lined up even with the festive period coming up! C and I are really excited and I'm hoping to keep the momentum up but also cautious of burn-out and rough patches -- but fingers crossed we're both in a better position for it than in 2023-2024, which I feel we are. Anyway, we've lots of travel plans already coming up in 2025 this early on, so its definitely setting up to be a really eventful year, so plenty to balance as well

Also coming back here also serves as a reminder of the things that should be important to me because I get a nudge to revisit by 8 resolutions -- helpful because when things get overwhelming and I start to lose track of what is important in the grander scheme of things vs at a point in time

A couple of things that I've put conscious effort in so far is:

Spending more time on intrests -- photography / pokemon

Dressing just a smidge better

Being more consistent with vitamins / food / nutrients and taking care of myself physically

Some others to keep my eye on will be:

Limiting myself on the vices / taking care of myself mentally

And reading!!! Man, I need to think about how to get this started, I feel I enjoy reading physical books a lot more so maybe I'll start with King of Capital that I've laying around. Perhaps a kindle is something I can consider as well

Also a very crucial reminder to tune my mindset to strongly tilt positive to set myself up for the best possible outcome. It's definitely one of those where its infinitely easier said than done especially when you're in a shitstorm or in panic / flight-or-fight response. Need to tell myselt hat although the day-to-day impact can be marginal, i think the compounding effects over time will create drastically contrasting outcomes. Here's to being just 1% better each day and at each moment

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Just back from a trip to Osaka with my 3 closest friends from primary school and it was pretty nice break I must say. There were very few moments of tension and thankfully no nightmare situation developed (was at the back of my mind because of some travel horror stories). At the end of the day, I guess that was pretty expected given we've not hung out too frequently and this was one of our first time spending more than a few days with each other, so some friction should've been expected but I'm pleased that it was so limited. Overall, I think each of us had a pretty decent time

Though I felt I only got to know each of them marginally better but it was just nice to all hang out again like the early 2000s. USJ was fun and I’m looking forward to coming with Cheryl again in the future. It’s also interesting to see that each of us have changed so much since we got to know each other at 10 years old. 20+ years later, it does feel like our environment have shaped us much more than our earlier personalities. Sure, some parts of us remain consistent but we’re definitely different people now. Both W and Z seemed to have become more cynical / burnt out, and I got the sense that it’s mostly due to professional outcomes not generally going their way (bad interview success rates, grades maybe not turning out as well as they wanted etc.) and there was a hint of bitterness that the system/process was tilted unfairly against them. I’m not sure I’m describing this accurately but that was most of what I took away. L, on the other hand, seemed to be on his “Eat, Pray, Love” self-discovery arc, which is pretty understandable given his stricter upbringing. At the same time, I wonder how much I’ve personally changed in their eyes and if there was similarity in what I sensed from them. Either way I think it was a special opportunity for all of us to take time out for each other and I do hope that we continue to make time/effort for more of these short trips!

Now that I’m properly back and ready to start the year after nice vacation, I feel reinvigorated and ready to commit for 2025 to be a year of tremendous growth (both personally and professionally) and I’m determined to make that a reality. I feel re-energised and refreshed — 2025 will be one hell of year for me, bring it the fuck on

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I was around in this space up till April this year post my Korea trip but have since been completely absent. It's been a year where we've really busied ourselves with personal things/projects. But I still could've made a grander effort in trying to be back at this space. 30 mins a week is not a lot and I ought to really dedicate and commit myself to it. I will 100% make a conscious effort this time around in 2025 -- as I get older, I feel its more important to chronicalise some of my thoughts before they get swept into the recesses of my mind and then into oblivion. No more procrastinating and not commiting to this, I've said the same things here too many times

A lot has happened this year! I got engaged in Jul and we started really planning for our wedding in Oct and now we have a date set up for Nov 2025. C really is the girl of my dreams and I want to be the best partner for her, even if that means having to compromise for more than my fair share. Afterall I think she wants to be babied and spoilt more than she likes to admit. I should also do better in connecting with her emotionally especially since she's voiced out several times that it's of great importance to her. A relationship is all about putting in the effort and she is the one person that I'd want to do that for

Also another partial reason why I didn't spend as much time on this platform.. I guess its also due to me spending more time on video games. I'm still a bit mixed on this part -- it is very enjoyable for me and does provide me with some reprieve from work / some sort of stress reliever but I'm not sure if it's affecting my productivity and social life. At this point I feel like the answer is no but if it starts coming in the way of things I want to spend more time on then I'm sure I'll need to make a change to drastically cut down

My conversation with my hairdresser was really interesting when it came to new year's resolutions -- she says she tries to have a theme for the year and then have her goals/aims sort of revolve around it, which I felt was a refreshing way to think about it. At the point of writing this paragraph I didn't have an inkling what my theme could be but just going through it quickly in my head, I started quickly leaning in the direction of "counter intuitive" -- be it point of view, or understanding or assumption or approach or decision-making. I want to use 2025 to always consider the counter-intuitive side of things because I feel like forcing myself to take a different point of view will help develop me most holistically, especially on my weaknesses, of which the greatest I would say is empathy (or lack of). Yes, my approach in life and relationships so far has served me well but I could very well have lucked into it, and perhaps there is a natural ceiling to where it could take me. In 2025, I want to look at everything with brand new eyes, be less judgemental, consider differing/opposite viewpoints, have more genuine flexibility, avoid quick dismissals, learn everyone's perspective and re-educate myself in all things. This theme feels broad enough to emcompass all my resolutions below but also specific enough to guide me in my actions. No doubt that it will take quite a bit out of me mentally but maybe a refreshing new approach will be good for my personal growth as well as improve some of my closest relationships. I will commit to logging my progress over here

Once again, I think my resolutions for the next year stays roughly identical, but with more details/updates (similar like for last year). Here are my 2025 resolution and here's to me and a well lived 2024

Quality time with mum and family. Not just holidays but doing more frequent meals at nicer restaurants is something I could do. Also just casual outings could be fun and refreshing for her

Improve closest relationships and be kinder to all, More empathy and kindness to C and Z especially

Commit to reading more. Finance-related, self-improvement, biographies etc, fucking everything. This is something I need to develop desperately and I could definitely use some inspiration

Write/introspect much more. 30 mins a week to revisit this space and pen down my thoughts, no matter how brief. And also to track the 2025 theme I've committed to

Devote more time to hobbies and developing new interests. I need to shoot more film, it brings me so much joy. I’ll make it a point to bring my point-and-shoot all the time. I guess video games comes under this category and I've done well in this regard

Manage work/life balance better. Work and personal matters both take up lots of headspace. Individually/separately I can do better, but together they need to get along more harmiously in my head. Work -- I need to constantly obsess with P&L and outcomes and where I can improve

Take better care of myself. This goes both physically and mentally. Be more disciplined -- reduce the frequencies of vices and increase frequencies of workouts. Probably challenging to go cold turkey all of a sudden, but I can surely do better here

Dress better / consume more mindfully. Had noticed that the casual work environment has caused me to slack off in how I dress especially with current trends leaning in that direction. I want to be more thoughtful with my clothes and develop my style more. Also want to be a more concsious consumer, buying better quality at reduced frequencies

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Back from spending time in Seoul for a week with C and her friends and I must say I'm very impressed with the city and am so glad that I made the trip with them. The city had great energy that did feel a bit different from the rest of the cities that I've been to. Everything also felt a bit more dispersed than say Tokyo/Osaka so there was a sense that places felt a lot less crowded. I think what I enjoyed most was that every other shop had mini art installations in addition to the retail space, and it felt so creative and refreshing -- as if they did not care simply about sales or efficiency but also prioritising art and expression. That was really nice to experience, and it was completely different from when I was there 8 years ago. The difference in weather might have played a part but I really enjoyed the chilly climate, though the dryness not so much. Not only was it a nice trip personally but it was also a great one with C and we both agreed that it was helpful for our relationship. I also learned plenty about her coping mechanism and how best we can both manage down/away potential conflicts and try to disengage our hotheadedness. There's still a long way to go in becoming the best partner to C that I can be but I think I've made good progress, and just need to remind myself to be as kind and patient as I can be. Overall a really nice break after a few trips overseas that didn't exceptionally felt like one

Next up would be a June trip with my mum and her sibs and I do really want to make it one that she enjoys and have a good time

Beyond that, for the next couple months, I'll probs be mostly occupied with trying to plan for the proposal -- lots to do with the video, location and ring to finalise so best need to stay focused and discipline, let's go mate! Good progress so far and everything's on track -- so far so good

Fitness/skincare-wise I also think I'm doing okay, but I should look after my diet a little more (in terms of watching daily caloric intake and limiting needless junk food), but I still want to give myself some wriggle room on the weekends. Got to take my vitamins more religiously as well and to up my protein consumption

Not much else to add here but as we're ramping up for the biggest rebalances in May/Jun, time to power through and attempt to bring my work game to the next level. Always keep reaching for higher and staying hungry. I can feel the team trying their best in managing me and I ought to give try to give more. Because I know I have it in me to make it. Take nothing for granted and never settle dude. I need to take advantage of this positive momentum

Just want to leave a little note here that the next post, I'd want to devote some lines to pursuing my hobbies -- which at the moment are film and fashion (?) / or maybe just dressing a bit better than I have been

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Back here for another entry, been a few weeks but here I am

Saran came to visit with his girlfriend midweek and it was nice to see him again together with Edwin. Is always a good time with them boys and we inevitably end up talking about our banking days again. The camaraderie built over really tough times together truly cannot be understated, and I'm glad I came away from my days in IBD with such a group of buddies. Next step would be to try to do a weekend trip over at Bangkok!

Was also nice to properly catch up with Yanchang 1-on-1 after some time, always nice to do these with long-time friends. This dinner with him was a reminder to me that everyone has their own struggles and each relationship has its own ups and downs and maybe we're not too different afterall -- all just trying to live uncomplicated lives but always getting caught up with things here and there. Probably bit strange to say this.. but his experience of early marriage days is serving as reminders / lessons learnt for me and I genuinely hope that his sharing will help C and I once we start living together. I mean I've always known that there will be friction but his stories have caught me off guard still. I'm not just going to cross my fingers that I don't follow his way forward but will actively take steps to stay clear of the landmines

Oh and another thing that happened was the year end review at work - in summary both comforting and daunting. V and KX both acknowledged they saw something in me click over the last several months, which was something I felt as well and so I am grateful for that. But they also mentioned that I should continue to thirst to reach the next level though also mentioning that they understand it takes time. Their mentality keeps surprising me to the extent that I am no longer too taken aback, not sure how much sense that makes but god damn, mentality monsters these people. Sometimes I'm just grateful to have lucked my way into this team but also sometimes I get a sense of imposter's syndrome, which honestly is saying a lot for me because I've never experienced anything close to that in my life so far. Well you know what they say, if your goals do not scare you, then they are not big enough. Time to dig in and step up

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This is probably going to be a busy year having to plan the proposal and everything that comes with it but I also feel like I ought to try and make travel plans, for both my mum as well as with Cheryl. Its easy to let the year just drift by like this if I don't try to proactively make things happen. Was thinking more of either New Zealand and/or Taiwan for a short one with either or both. And I also likely need some time to recalibrate and actually enjoy myself -- a proper vacation for me. Going to be a year of many changes this one, so it'll really need some conscious planning to ensure things fall into place

Going through my resolutions again as one of those things to do regularly and two things pop up at my quick obviously

Being a better partner to Cheryl. I feel like I've made some progress with this and we are definitely having less bust-ups than before but I also feel like there's much more I can do -- perhaps the smaller, subtler things and also wording my points more kindly. Just a reminder to myself here that it always helps to be gentler and kinder as she seems to respond to it more positively

No progress at all with regards to the reading more portion. I feel like every time I have the time and/or opportunity to pick up something and make progress that I always just to decide to spend my time on something else - it often being something mindless like watching some videos or scrolling Instagram. Hate to admit it but the mindlessness of doing these things really gives me a welcome break from the churning that I have to do at work... Perhaps I need to start small and allocate maybe 15-20mins time slots to really go through with it -- I'll try to do that starting Monday, let's see if that helps

That's probably most of it for this week, for good or bad, not much else to really pen down. Till I come back here soon, cheers -- keep on keeping on is the mantra

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The week was pretty uneventful for the most parts and I'd say much like the calmest of work weeks.. nothing much I can complain about but its beginning to look like any other work week for me - hoping that nothing blows up that I'm responsible for. I think its important to have a chat with Victor about the longer-term plan of my role in the team. I really need to have someone like HT come in for me to properly grow into the risk taker that I'd want to be and that my background puts me in a position to me. A lot of time I feel like I'm being forced to play a role that I'm not suited for and maybe its time to let Victor know about this, especially if the comp turns out to be a bit of a disappointment. I can accept lower comp with the expectations of better prospects in the near future but I feel like I've also been patient enough throughout this own time. Beyond that, I genuinely hope we go ahead and hire an event-driven PM - this I feel will be the single-most important variable that will determine my career trajectory. Besides that, I'll have to try and be better at my current role and have my mindset continually evolve. Evolve - yes, that's a necessity in this business

Looking at my 2024 resolutions one year in... I feel like I've kept to most of them and have made progress for the most parts. The one that's really lacking it that of reading more - just so difficult to scrape out time to get into it. But if I'm being honest then I must say I've also not tried my best, though the bunch of weddings I have coming up hasn't made things any easier. No matter, I'll continue to try to plug away at it. A little progress is infinitely better than no progress at all

Also on Z, there's definitely some making up to do but the sense I'm getting is to give him his space and let him reach out whenever he is ready to. Else I could try to connect a couple months down the line to check in with him. I guess that's the most I can do at this point in time.. don't want to have him feel any sort of pressure to connect / be who he doesn't want to be / do what he doesn't feel like doing. If anything, its time for Z to prioritise himself and his wants above all else

In my head, I kept putting off keeping an entry this weekend but now that I've put in a bit of time to just scribble my thoughts, I'm so glad I did. Putting things here really does remind me what is important and helps to organise the sometimes intangible/messy thoughts floating around in my headspace

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Being at my sister's wedding this weekend was a lot more emotional for me than I expected. Overall, I was just glad that she's found someone that treats her well and provides her with everything that's important to her. I was surprised that I was mentioned in her speech and was also very touched that she brought me up. I guess despite all her emotional outbursts, she still has a mature side to her that perhaps she doesn't display all too much. Watching my mum prepare so much and doll up for the wedding was also nice to see. I didn't put much thought into it but having been seated next to her, I now see how much the wedding meant to her. Seeing her daughter get happily married must have felt like things went full circle and that her years of hard work raising her must have finally felt accomplished to some extent. My mum's just so precious

During lunch with my mum today, I felt the wedding also brought my mum back to memories she had with her own mother / my grandma. She recounted the times that grandma would be upset when she found it difficult to take care of us when my mum left us in her care and how grandpa was just clearly trying to stay out of the way. Although my mum would sometimes complain about grandma in the past, I know her soft insides still finds her approvals important. Perhaps she was only really able to truly empathise with some things after watching her own daughter get married. Perhaps we're all more similar than we think and perhaps this was why I felt she may be seeing things come full circle

Also Uncle Cs' asking me to pass to my sister a couple of gold bracelets that my grandma had left for him was also unexpected. Grandma must have been left them for him the hopes that he would eventually settle down with somebody and have her wear it. I thought about what my mum said in the past - about how grandma always used to favour the boys.. Regardless, I hope she'd have made peace with however things turn out. And also a reminder to myself that I also ought to try and make some time for him

All of last night's events served as a reminder to me of how unconditional my mother's love have been for the both of us, and how we should never take for granted all the sacrifices that she has had to put herself through just to make our life as good as it could be. I can tell my mum doesn't want to show it but I know she will miss having my sister around as much. They may not get along all the time but I know they are close and I know they appreciate each other's company. I hope we both continue to make time for the most important woman in our lives. My mum is truly special and I'd like to make her feel that way as much as possible

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I didn't had too much expectations in any way but the GZ trip with C and her family turned out to be pretty decent trip. I got to go to a new country and all-in-all was pleasantly surprised - the local chinese there were warm, service standards were pretty high and I actually liked most of the food that we had. I also got to know some of C's family a bit better - K, Uncle L, DG and even C's mum. Taking the time to have one-on-one chats with them was nice and less tiring than I had imagined it to be. Maybe a lot of time the inertia is in my head and its a mental block more than anything else. Penning this down reminds me of the conversation I had with Jef where he said he tries his very best to "say yes" whenever he has the opportunity and maybe I should start embracing this "yes theory of everything" hah. I digress a little but I guess as with any travel groups of size, there's also a fair bit of friction but I think it all went pretty smoothly (at least for the parts that C and I were there for) C also had the foresight to leave a couple days at the end just for the both of us and I thought it was a really cute way to end off the trip. As per usual we had our short/heated bust-ups... but according to C, seeing as we're both "fire signs", I should pay more attention to walking around her trigger points and she does mine. I have to say she does manage me plenty better than I do her. Plenty for me to work on here. And writing it out over here does indeed help as a reminder

Ora's passing during my time away from home was a low point for me this past week. I can't say that it's a complete surprise given that she's increasingly looked frail for a couple months but it still hit pretty deeply. During the trip I was trying very hard to avoid processing the news and was not allowing myself to grief. It could be that I didn't want to be a distraction to others or perhaps I just didn't want to appear too vulnerable in front of C. But she showed that she was there for me and made me feel comfortable enough to cry

Ora -- you were such an important part in our lives and you were my very first bun and have been with me through the entirety of my adult life. I keep replaying back to to our first/last shower I took you to on the Sunday before I left for GZ - you were so good and well-behaved. I'd thought that you'd be gassed at being washed but maybe you just had too little energy to resist by then. Regardless, I'm glad that we will always have that. 11 years is a long time even in human years so at least I'm glad you lived a very healthy life till a ripe old bunny age. Although you're not the most affectionate little bun, you were the least fussy with your food. And! You mothered 6 beautiful babies and I hope you'll be binkying with 5 of them now as well as enjoying all the nanas there is wherever you are. I'm glad you came into our family and I'll forever be grateful for it. Hop free now darling Ora, you've been as beautiful a bunny as you are a blessing. I'll miss you dearly

This extra week off for reservist is doing real good to my mental health and work-life balance. I feel like it's helping me recalibrate my headspace and realign what's important in my personal life outside of work, where the alternative scenario would be a breathless dive straight back into work... That'd leave me with little time/chance to introspect -- so this is good timing in the grand scheme of things. Seeing the army buds again was pleasant and every time we meet, it reminds me of how we've grown a little older and experiencing a little bit more of adulthood in our own ways

In trying to keep to my newly made 2024 resolutions, I hope I've made a decent start with this entry, cheers and let's hope 2024 kicks on in a good way buddy. You got this

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What a fucking year 2023 has been. I've been completely absent from this space and just as much in several important aspects of my life. 2023... was a real struggle. Basically a cruel balancing act between (1) being there for mum through her illness and our family struggles and (2) trying to survive/get going at work. Think I did alright for (1), though the family struggles have yet to see the end game. As for (2)... well probably better than 2022 but still nowhere near the levels that I need to be (or am made to feel that I should be at). I thought 2022 was my toughest year to date given that 6 months in Hong Kong, and to be fair, it was... just professionally. 2023 was grueling in a completely different way and tested me in ways I had not expected. Good fucking riddance 2023. If I had a wish it'd be for 2024 to be nothing like 2023 in any shape or form. I'd wish for a fresh start but I know the divorce will have its overhang. I can only hope the chaos that precludes and ensues are kept to a minimal

It has been such a fucking hurricane that I felt like I was constantly trying really hard to just survive, let alone have the capacity to strive for things listed as important on my resolutions list. It's really only now that I've went back to review the list that I noticed the toll the year took on me. I also realised the resolution that I stopped farthest away from was to make concrete plans with C. Yes we bought a home but the rest of the prep of living together really did flew right by me which is 100% on me. Whenever I had any sort of reprieve, I immersed myself in world of warcraft lol, maybe its some sort of escape or distraction. Did it make me feel better? Not sure but it kept me entertained and gave me a break from all that was happening and it reminded me of what I used to enjoy and now realise that I still do

Setting aside time to think things through, I've realised (similar to previous years) my resolutions remain broadly consistent though now I see the details of what I'd like to achieve with greater clarity. I'm going to be making it a point to revisit my resolutions every fortnight to keep myself on track. An excerpt/summary of my 2024 resolution list that I decorated with more details and goals:

More quality time with mum. With 2023 done and dusted, I want to do more things with her that she'd like (St John strays come up, a short trip to Taiwan would be great for her too)

Improve relationships with all that I hold close; be much more empathetic and far kinder to C and Z especially

Learn to read voraciously. Finance-related, self-improvement, biographies etc, fucking everything and anything. This is something I need to develop, I'm pretty sure it's going to help inspire me (which I am sorely in need of)

Write/introspect much more. I'll set 30 mins aside every week to revisit this space and pen down my thoughts, no matter how brief

Devote more time to my hobbies and developing new interests. I desperately need to shoot more film, it brings me so much joy. I'll make it a point to bring my point-and-shoot all the time

Manage work/life balance better. When work gets going, it consumes a lot of my headspace and the same for personal matters. Individually/separately I can do better, but concurrently they need to get along more smoothly in my head. Work - I need to constantly obsess with P&L outcome and review what can be done better. Life - Basically need to learn how to shut out work and live life as normally as possible

[336863]

The past year has sort of felt like a giant mega whirlwind, and kind of split into two distinct portions - the first half almost completely immersed with work and detached mentally and physically from pretty much anything else, and the second half felt a lot like re-settling back here in Singapore and a new team at work. Writing it down here helped me realise that my year was defined very much by my professional life.. I guess this is inevitable going into a new role but it’s generally not how I’d like to live my life. And so heading into 2023, I think some realignment of my priorities and how I’d like to organise my life is needed. No doubt I’ll still take my work seriously, but a mental pivot is probably required to remind myself of the things that actually matter at the end of the day

2022 was easily one of the most challenging in my career. From picking up trading and completely struggling with it and still trying to figure it out to losing literal millions and then having to claw it up bit by bit... I’d like to think I’ve experienced the lows of this hedge fund life but am also pretty certain that it’s pretty far from the truth. 2021 developed sort of unexpectedly and its events set the stage for a 2022 that on hindsight, I was wholly unprepared for. But now that its all done, I definitely feel a greater sense of ease than in Jul-Sep and can feel some momentum building up on my end. Fingers crossed that I continue to lead this fortunate life and that I stay humble enough to be able to make my own luck as much as possible

I think my priorities in the upcoming year will revolve around C, family and friends and pursuing my hobbies even more. I’ve been unconsciously neglecting my family and hobbies a bit too much and it doesn't feel great. I will commit to bringing along my point-and-shoot around more frequently as well as putting more effort into planning more activities with my family

I also figure its about time I firm up plans on getting our own place with C and also to have a solid timeline on settling down - this probably entails plenty of things to do, so I definitely ought to have a solid plan by mid-2023 latest

One other thing I noticed from setting up by 2023 resolutions is that how little the key ideas changed from my 2021 list. I figured that its a sign of maturity where the things I’ve found to be important to have been relatively steady over these past several years. Not sure how long it will stay this way but I’d like to think pretty much so till at least I have a family of my own

Also I’ve completely dissociated from putting my thoughts here the minute I got back to the country. Not sure why no matter how many times I tell myself that chronicling my life here is infinitely useful, I can’t seem to keep the habit consistently over a longer period of time. I 100% need to be more intentional with this space

Well, here’s to another satisfying year of growth and contentment. 2023, please be good

[336863]

So here I am - sitting in the studio that I’ve lived in for most of the last 6 months, on the last Sunday of my time in Hong Kong writing here. It’s a nice late afternoon indoors and the music is gentle, just the kind of weekend for me over here

I guess things turned out almost as well as it could have been and there genuinely is little more I can asked for. What was probably one of the toughest things I’d had to do in my professional life so far has been accomplished and I’ve been rewarded with a sort of independence and freedom to continue with the team back from back home in Singapore. I know there’s still a massive amount to master but right now, I’m incapable of seeing past the next several days back in Singapore with C, my family and the rest of my friends. I’m just looking forward so much to having my old life back that the excitement / challenge of the new role has yet to settle in properly

I feel like to even say that I’ve learnt a lot would’ve been an understatement. Reflecting on how I had to pick up a whole new strategy among a team of traders/quants, and for the most parts remotely... fuck, there were really tough days. But I think what really stuck with me most thinking back about my time here was my relationship with my family and C. It was made pretty clear to me that it’s important for me to be near them and it also made it more apparent (if that was possible) that C is the central figure in my life. The time apart definitely helped the relationship grow in a different way.. one which I believe would not have been possible had I not relocated for these 6 months. Probably wrote about this a number of times here already but its just that repetitive in my own head

Next up would be more of the same back in SG - continue to work hard, be dependable and constantly push myself when I get too comfortable. But at least this time, I’ll be right by the people who I care for the most. Till next time Hong Kong, see you in a bit (but hopefully not too soon)

[336863]

When I woke up this morning, I thought abruptly about the divergent paths that pals I knew from my secondary school took vis-a-vis myself. Not in an ultra-competitive ways that would have been typical of me a number of years ago and that would have dominated my headspace, but in a more generic sense (I guess I should recognise this as growth and maturity)

What floated into my mind was how differently we turned out (and am continuing to turn out). If you’d asked me 15 years ago, I’d have had my money on us being much more cookie cutter. We came from the same schools, took the same classes, and had similar backgrounds as much as I could tell, so naturally I’d have assumed we’d lead fairly similar lives. I guess this is the butterfly effect in real life playing out in our chaotic world. Not chaotic in the literal fashion but more in the random, scientific sense. Well maybe a bit of both actually. This may also be a good reminder that things could change drastically 15 years from now and how I shouldn’t really be surprised by pretty much anything at all hmm

Initially it didn’t register what triggered this but upon replaying the afternoon’s events it was surely when I saw YM’s post on her interior design work and C’s liking of it. On a purely superficial level and accepting a level of presumptuousness, it does appear that they both take pride in their work and if I have to say, are doing a mighty good job. But I just can’t seem to imagine myself in their role - are we that different? When and where did this difference come from and when did it grow? Then my thoughts drifted to H and S and then YC and TH - friends that were at some point in time, an essential and large part of our day-to-day, but have become a markedly less prevalent aspect of each others’ lives simply because of what appeared to be minor differences in decisions at that time

I guess this is also another good reminder that it is crucial to differentiate prevalence and importance - I understand now that the time we choose to spend with each other isn’t always correlated to the quality of our relationship

Somehow, this reminded me to go back and respond to the texts of some of the people that are still a very significant part of my current life. To be consciously appreciating them here and now. It could be C’s loss today that triggered this momentary recognition or that Instagram reel whose message is to remind ourselves that we all will die eventually. An unpleasant thought surely yes, but maybe a necessary one as the occasional reminder of our mortality is one of the reasons why any relationship has meaning. Ironically, forever may be an oxymoron in the context of the things we do and the people we appreciate - an extreme extrapolation to the weaker-than-expected correlation of time spent and quality. It is precisely the finite nature and duration of time spent that gives each relationship its preciousness

I also wanted to pen this down in case it gets lost forever in the recesses of my mind. There were a couple of scenes in s6ep10/12 of Billions when Mike said a couple of things that genuinely resonated with me at such a personal level that I caught my eyes widening as it played out. Writing this out made me realise how pretentious to the extent of overtly self-indulgent it is to relate to a fictional billionaire character in a blockbuster Hollywood tv series, but hey it may not be completely relevant but it doesn’t make it less accurate in the right context

Optimists vs pessimists, Wendy to Mike

W: “Seems like the less you know how to do something, the more you’re willing to believe you can accomplish it”

M: “The flip side is optimists live longer than pessimists and aren’t easily as dissuaded in learning”

W: “The early stages of learning, yes. When the going gets hard, that’s when the pessimists put shoulder into sledge and push. Because to them, everything is difficult, so exertion is the only reasonable choice”

M: “Like most things, what you want is to be able to control your emotional range enough to be able to trigger what is most useful in the micro-moment”

Deciding what you want to feel, Mike to Rian

M: “You just need to understand that there are people that things happen to and people who make things happen. And you need to land on which one you want to be”

M: “When you decide what you want to feel, that’s the true source of power”

I always enjoyed the Axe character more - the cavalier attitude, the genuine acceptance of his own flaws, the owning of the ugly side of his character because he acknowledges that its these same parts that makes him great. But I have never had this moment of relation like I did with the two quotes above. Maybe Axe is more aspirational and Mike is more relevant - not something I’d jump at to admitting but like Wendy said to Mike, it’s important to be genuinely honest with yourself

As I’m writing this, enjoying time in the day to let my thoughts wander without much of a care, a cup of great coffee to accompany me, and with gentle lo-fi playing in the background... I don’t remember experiencing a greater sense of contentment during my time in Hong Kong so far. Perhaps its being so far away from home and everything that I care about that something so simple can bring this degree of fulfilment. Maybe this makes it clear to me that what I value is the freedom/option to do/own things rather than the material possessions/experiences themselves

Untangling the jumbled thoughts in my head explicitly here makes it much more lucid - it is possible that I appreciate the ability to be able to do/buy something materially more than the thing itself. I think this is an important thing to learn about myself