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[356milesworld]

A Big Leap

Honestly, I still can’t believe I said that. Things I thought I won’t be able to say to anyone; that I’m done with them. Part of me still sting like hell, Queen is one of the dearest people I know. But other part of me thanking me for being a brave little girl once again. 

Queen and I had more than a year old relationship. We both loved each other deeply and thoroughly. I used to think why the hell you kill love that is deep and passionate. But now I know, I suffered for multiple times of that. Since I have grown up, I need to take care of myself more than I did before. Queen is a wonderful person, and I believe I am too. But when it comes to facing each other, we became some kind of villains who hurt each other and compete on everything, it wasn’t even healthy. 

I don’t know how I’m gonna be facing in the future without Queen, but for sure I know I should learn to stand on my own for good. The excessive trust I had for Queen, I should’ve just pour it onto myself. There’s a big storm out there about to crash me greatly but I should know that I’m still here due the fact I had fought the storm for couple times, I’m getting a lot better now.

I wish nothing but Queen’s happiness. Even though we end our relationship as a couple. I should start consider Queen as my friend. Luna, I ask for your protection for me. 

xx

[356milesworld]

TIRING

I will never ever be ready for work from office. I’m so used woke up in the middle of noon, unbathed, and work while taking a nap. My house is way too far away from the office. It’s always tiring to go there. I had to take the train, grab and even drive myself to get to the station. Oh god.

One thing I dislike about work from office lifestyle is that, I become impulsive. My friends always ask me to go somewhere after work or buy something in break time and I hate that. I can’t stop spending my money on useless thing whilst I know I need to save up more. Also, my private time. For normal days at office I can reach home at 7 PM! But when I hang out with friends after work, I know I’d be so done.

My body aches and I’m stressed. Will I ever be ready for this? Part of me wishing work would be flexible. I hope work from home can be permanent ways for us, internet based company. And for folks who wants to work in the office, they could give us option for that.

I wasted so much money and time for working from office. I hate that.

Luna, I don’t like this. I don’t want to work from the office! I’m so mad. Now I’m really sleepy, I’m so sorry for being angry. I hope you understand. Bye, Luna.

Xx

[356milesworld]

FORGET

Dear Luna, I forgot to tell you how my day went last night. I was too sleepy to type. Yesterday I woke up feeling mixed, I made guava juice and fried some nuggets to eat. After that, I worked but meh, I’d say I was just watching youtube. I had no motivation for work. And to be honest, I was busy searching for clothes to wear for today.

I cooked vegetables again, better than yesterday. Mum complimented me on this one. I fed my cat and played with him.

I had a decent day yesterday. So that’s it, Luna. I’m in the salon right now to do my hair for work.

Xx

[356milesworld]

Productive

Anxiety hit me when I woke up, I remember I haven’t finished my work for 10.10 campaign. It was supposed to be done at last Friday. I washed the dishes as my mum asked me to. Then she accompanied me to buy foods for lunch. It was Ikan Bakar, yum! I know I had planned in mind that I should do my best on loosing weight, so I choose the most possible way to eat less fries and wheat. 

I fed my cat, he brought all his friends, Sapi and Bagas. Strangely, they didn’t fight today. So yeah, good for him! 

I then cooked pastas for Fira and Helsa (Fira’s friend), she’s a wonderful person. I went to her house and ate the pasta with them both. I asked Fira to take me to place where I can smoke, and we went to nearest Indomaret, because she needed her time to pack things before she leaves to Lampung. I said good bye to her and gave her my warmest hugs. 

After that, I bought vegetables to cook. Yes! Isn’t that cool? Nasa had dinner with vegetables! Easy to cook, I’ll cook it more often. Oh yea, I also did laundry in meantime lol. And then I did my work afterwards, spent about 4 hours and it still hasn’t finished-yet. Crazy!

I should really go to sleep. I need to wake up early tomorrow, I haven’t choose what to wear for work. God, help me. 

Luna, that’s it for today. My day was pretty productive, i’d say. Overall I felt content. I should be thankful. 

Bye xx

[356milesworld]

Kindness Suggestion No. 17

Forgiveness is so so important. Firstly, forgiving others. It helps you let go of the anger and hatred. Keeping those emotions inside isn’t good. It comes out on everyone else around you. So please, let it go.

Secondly, forgiving yourself. This is extremely important. You may be mad at yourself for not doing something properly or not finishing. It’s okay. You have another chance. You can start again. Please, forgive yourself and be gentle with yourself.

[356milesworld]

[356milesworld]

[356milesworld]

[356milesworld]

when we tried it, we were a fire with no smoke rags to riches but i’m addicted to being broken take my breath away, you know i’m bound to choke when i close my eyes i still see your ghost

dkla // troye sivan

[356milesworld]

baby on board!

[356milesworld]

gonna find u gonna squeeze u

[356milesworld]

What if, in another universe, I deserve you? Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously. Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real. Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you. Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions. For instance: In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep. Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch. Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence. Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats. Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other. Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you. If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong. You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy. If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be one universe — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault. So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse. Well, isn’t that comforting? If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right? Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you

Gaby Dunn (x)