4sacrowd

[4sacrowd]

Losses and Gains

I'm going to switch gears for a minute here. That being said I'm going to use this opportunity to instill a trigger warning. This post is about to discuss loss of pregnancy and may be sensitive to some readers. Stop now if you feel like this may be too much for you. Love you mama.

"There's no heartbeat". That is undoubtedly one of the scariest things any soon-to-be mother may or may not ever hear, but will always fear when those 2 lines come up on that test. If you've already experienced loss or are close to someone who has, finding out you're pregnant is both exciting and scary for different reasons than someone who has not experienced it. I've had two and a half miscarriages. Now, I say two and a half because my last one was a twin fetal demise. My oldest daughter was a twin, my first twin pregnancy.. I lost her twin at 13 weeks. The first time I miscarried my marriage was still pretty fresh. It was 2017, we had just come up on one year of marriage and found out we were pregnant. The fear and joy that overtook us both was unmatched and incredible. We posted about it, we told everyone, we were so excited to be newly married and on top of that, newly pregnant.

It was actually my very first appointment. My mother in-law came with me since my husband was at work, she was just as excited as I was. I was still early so I needed an internal ultrasound. I had a hard time reading the tech's face but the next words were, "the doctor is going to come in and talk to you". When she came in a got a quick and cold "there's no heartbeat". I was confused because I wasn't sure what that meant until I looked over at my mother in-law and saw her face drop. I don't think I heard anything else after that visit aside from them giving me the pills to evict my unborn growth of lifelessness. I wasn't convinced... I waited a week almost 2 before I finally pulled the pills out of my bag and came to terms with the reality of the situation. That exact same day I got the most intense cramps I had ever experienced he my life. It felt like I was actually dying, the blood was more than I'd ever had in any menstrual cycle and I just knew. I knew exactly what it was. Looking back at the mess confirmed my worst fear. This happened a second time and by the time it had happened again, I realized that while I did lose another baby, one of them was actually okay.

Pregnancy loss is one of those things that you will never understand until it happens to you or someone you are very close to. Women who have experienced loss and become pregnant again take every single precaution we can. We go to every doctor's visit, we pay attention to our bodies way more than usual, we side eye women who don't care what they put in their bodies, who don't care to miss appointments, who don't care what they eat or don't exercise and it isn't always judgmental, it's usually just "I wish I could care less but I can't because I'm terrified". The ignorance of a statement like "I've never been high risk so I don't care" or "I've never miscarried so I'm not worried about it" being said to woman who is or who has is just as bad as a statement like "You need to have some babies" being said to a woman who cannot have children. The one thing I've learned and delivered new ways to keep the trusts he has given us safe and sound. Pregnancy is never ever solely about YOU. While you're friends bundle of joy, caring for you while you carry your bundle of joy, you are the only one on planet earth that can take care of this baby until they come into the outside world. However, no matter what you do , there is never a guarantee what will happen at the end. So do not beat yourself up EVER mama. Loss, birth defects, Developmental delays and defects a you ever ever you're fault. If you did everything you could possibly do to keep yourself and your baby healthy, that is all that ever matters. With every loss, you have gained new love, new appreciation, and new knowledge and we love that for you.

Love you mama,

Mama Zo

[4sacrowd]

"Those are my kids"

We all have them, those friends that love our kids like they birthed them themselves but don't have any of their own. They never hit a store for you or themselves without picking something up for your child, they never can just pick food up for you two, they always think about your child maybe almost more than they think about you. It's both soothing and annoying at the same time because you're my friend not theirs right? Let me say this, you don't know how blessed you are until you have one of these friends. This friend may or may not want children of their own some day but right now are at their happiest caring for yours. This friend finds comfort in watching you sleep on the couch while they feed the baby or run around with your older ones. This friend enjoys seeing you and your partner spend some alone time together, knowing that they're keeping your little bundles safely wrapped in their care and affection. You may not ever realize how detrimental this friend is to not just your motherhood or fatherhood, but to your relationship with your partner, your mental health, and your emotional and physical health. They are the shoulder you never thought as a mother you would need to lay on, they are the little pocket of peace you didn't even realize you were missing.

The reason every parent needs a friend like this is because you will have your high parental days and your low ones. These are days when being a parent is the best thing in the world, and days where you may want to hide in a closet all day. On the days it feels like the best, sharing them with this friend makes everything so much better, but on the days you wanna hide, this friend will bring you a blanket and pillow, close the closet door, and keep your child occupied. It's so essential to have someone outside of your relationship to share your children with because on the days you may not know where you are, this friend will always pull the GPS put and show you.

Mama loves you,

Mama Zo

[4sacrowd]

Beauty is in the eye of the mama

It’s going to happen. I don’t care how beautiful you look during pregnancy, how much you’re feeling your new body, at some point during your postpartum period you’re going to look in the mirror and say “ew”. whether it’s the way your breasts look after you jumped pumped, or the skin that may sag from the balloon that was your belly deflating, you’re going to find something that you do not like after pregnancy and it’s going to try and eat at you.

I gained 52 pounds with my twins, the two before that caused me to gain 30 pounds, so safe to say my body had A LOT of snapping back to do. I’ll never forget after my first going into the doctor’s office after 6 weeks of breast feeding and constant pumping and seeing the scale say that I was down 64 pounds. I thought it was INSANE but it gave me the confidence I needed to get back into getting my pre-baby body back. My biggest cheerleader has always been my husband. Even when we were butting heads and not getting along, he always told me he knew I could do it, he loved watching me go for a run, go to the gym, he is always so proud of me. That right there, that’s going to be one of your biggest factors in your drive.

We always want to look good for our husbands, whether we realize it or not, we are always trying to impress them. That body fear is directed towards what you’re going to look like in that dress or that bathing suit, but a lot of it is geared towards how you’re going to look naked in front of your spouse. They always say we look beautiful no matter what, sometimes we believer them and other times we don’t. On the days we aren’t feeling the best I always say do something different. This can be doing something different with your hair, putting on a cute outfit, or putting on some make up. Sometimes going outside can help too, but the main idea is to get out of the realm of whatever it is you’re doing at that moment and make it different by any means.

You just did the most amazing thing any woman can do in life. Your spouse has just been hit with an entirely different type of love for you and is probably at this point obsessed with you. You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are doing everything you can for that baby and your spouse, and that is MORE than enough. So go get dressed, kiss your spouse, look in the mirror, and tell yourself “You are the baddestttttttt chick in the WORLDDDD”

mama loves you,

Mama Zo

[4sacrowd]

“That’s such a waste of money”

Yeah that’s a familiar phrase you’re most likely going to hear from a lot of moms and dad as your weeks of pregnancy go on. I will say with my first I pretty much listened to everybody and got every single thing I was told to and I while I definitely went overboard, I’m kind of glad I did it because I now knew what I needed and didn’t need when my second came along.

So being the oh so helpful mama I love to be, I’ve compiled a list of things I felt were super helpful and things that I guess are kind of a luxury instead. 

Of course I want you guys to understand that these are my personal opinions and just because it’s a luxury, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get it. I’m all for treating yourself!

Absolute Necessities:

1. A Travel System

This is a no brainer. I know you’re going to be tempted to grab that Doona stroller and i mean if you have $500-$600 to spend then go right ahead, BUT keep in mind that the car seat that comes with a travel system can be used for a while and even when it is time to get a new car seat, you don’t have to worry about buying a new stroller. If you’re a runner, jogger, or walker I HIGHLY recommend this one. I absolutely LOVED it and it glides right over those bumps in the road.  https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Trend-Expedition-Jogger-Millennium/dp/B01BQLPIVC/ref=sr_1_4?crid=1Y2MDKIP7XAPB&keywords=jogger+travel+system+stroller+and+car+seat&qid=1674257881&sprefix=jogger+travel+system+%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-4&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0

2. Diapers and Wipes

Let me tell you, if people aren’t sure what to get you, they will always get you a box of diapers or wipes. If you’re lucky enough, for the first 2-3 months of baby’s birth you will not have to get any diapers or wipes! So put a couple sizes (I always recommend newborns, size 1s and size 2s) and put a couple boxes of wipes on there too. Sensitive is always the best way to go since you never know what kind of skin baby will have. I didn’t have to buy diapers until the twins were 4 months old and I loved it.

3. Bottles, Bottles, Bottles

Even if you plan on breastfeeding, it never hurts to have a bottle or two lying around. Breastfeeding is just as unpredictable as pregnancy and birth are so it never hurts to be prepared. My oldest was able to latch on well, while my second wasn’t. I was exclusively pumping for him since he wasn’t great at latching, so after trying everything and seeing lactation consultants I decided to exclusively pump and give him just my milk in a bottle. The best bottles for breast babies are usually ones with the nipples that simulate the breast. For me, that was Tomme Tippee. I absolutely love that brand because the wide nipple allows for minimal air to get in, which ultimately prevents the extra gas for baby. The nipples simulate the breast enough to move baby in between your breast and the bottle without too much pushback from baby, and they have tons of different ones. I’ll link the ones I am currently using that I love but really anything from that brand is great.  https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Silicone-Breast-Like-Resistant/dp/B0BCRZV7LL/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=12OAYH0ZQ8IGO&keywords=tommee%2Btippee%2Bsilicone&qid=1674258348&sprefix=silicone%2Btomme%2B%2Caps%2C867&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUE0U1JVNVBZVUdTS0smZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA4MjQ4MjYzODBGU0JQUkk2M0FOJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1ODg4MjkySUMwQjcxS05UMExUJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ&th=1

3. Onesies, bibs, and socks

No explanation needed, you can NEVER have too many of any of these. Even if baby may not need bibs too often in their early stages of life outside the womb, once that teething starts you are going to be RUNNING through them. Onesies are quick and easy to change them in and out of and socks... well even as an adult those tend to go missing so rack up.

4. Receiving blanket, burp cloths, wash cloths

For the first couple weeks of baby’s life outside of the womb you’ll be giving them sponge baths only. Once you can move onto the tub you may or may not give them a bath everyday (no judgements trust me), but regardless of you giving them baths or just washing them up while they lay on their towel, you can never have too many wash cloths. Receiving blankets and burp cloths will go with you everywhere and you’ll always wanna put a couple in the diaper bag so rack up on those too.

5. A crib or Bassinet

Even if you decide to co-sleep with baby (Doctor’s don’t recommend it but do whatever makes you and your baby feel safe), you’re going to have those moments during nap time throughout the day or even if you have something to do where you want to lay the baby somewhere other than your bed. a small bassinet is a great way to keep baby in the room with you until you’re comfortable enough to put them in their own room. I have a double bassinet that slides onto my bed for the twins because I never wanted to co-sleep but I always wanted to be close enough to them, I’ll link that here too.   https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Bassinet-Portable-Friendly/dp/B0977QSLVR/ref=sr_1_6?crid=AE1GJGW9CGNA&keywords=dream+on+me+bed+bassinet&qid=1674258792&sprefix=dream+on+me+bed+bassine%2Caps%2C1174&sr=8-6&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0

6. A Swing

Just trust me on this one. Most babies like motion and it helps them sleep. Yes you have the few that aren’t too fond of it but when you have to clean or cook or even take a shower and baby needs comfort, that swing is going to be a LIFE SAVER.

These are just my mommy essentials, of course add in blankets and ABSOLUTELY ADD IN SWADDLES PLEASE DON’T FORGET THE SWADDLES! Play gyms or belly mats are great for tummy time and baby can start that as soon as they’re 2 months, sometimes even earlier. Boppy pillows are WONDERFUL if you’re going to breast feed and if not, they’re great for baby to sit up in and also have tummy time in. Add in anything else you feel you may need but don’t skip any of these, you’ll thank me later.

Luxury & Possibly a waste of space

1. Diaper genies

Let me just express that I was told this was a necessity and i swear the first time I had to empty it out I said HELL NAH. I’m black, I have an array of plastic bags in a cabinet and trust that those work fine LOL. get a plastic bag and hang it on the door for night time changes that you may be too tired to walk to the kitchen for. They have smell proof diaper bags that I also keep in my little utility drawer for those poopy diapers (I’ll link those) but girrrrllll between the price of the genie, the price of the refills, and having to empty them out, SKIP IT YOU DON’T NEED IT. Now if you want it, by all means go for it, but it definitely isn’t necessary. https://www.amazon.com/Ubbi-Disposable-Lavender-Recycled-Material/dp/B07K2TKK26/ref=sr_1_4?crid=21075SA5U4BVA&keywords=smell+proof+diaper+bag&qid=1674259322&sprefix=smell+proof+diaper%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-4

2. Wipe Warmers

I know what you’re thinking; “Why wouldn’t a warm wipe to baby’s bottom be a necessity?” it isn’t. They do not have wipe warmers in the NICUs and nurseries because it’s a luxury. 9 times out of 10 it isn’t necessarily the coldness of the wipe that may bother baby, it’s the wet feeling. Truthfully, none of my babies had any issue with the temperature of the wipes, and being as though I keep my home warm in the winter time, the wipes were never ice cold anyway. Definitely not a necessity, but shoot go for it if you want to!

3. A Rocking Chair

Listen I’m not going to sit here and tell you this is a necessity, but remember that thing I said about babies liking motion? yeah this is exactly where this comes in handy. When you get up late to feed baby, sitting hunched over in your bed probably won’t be the most comfortable thing to do. Having your bed up against a wall, or having a headboard will probably help, BUT trust me, the motion is super helpful.

Like I said, everything I listed is just preferences and what I’ve found to be helpful. There are plenty of other things you’re going to see and want for your baby so add them to your list and enjoyyyyy parenthood !

mama loves you,

Mama Zo

[4sacrowd]

“I hate being pregnant, but I can’t wait to meet my baby”

Yeah this is more normal than you think it is. A lot of people even feel the opposite way where they enjoy being pregnant but are terrified of having a new baby, especially as a first time mom. Our friends and family can help and prepare us for a lot of different things, but the one thing they can’t prepare us for is postpartum depression. It sometimes has a slow and creepy pace, we can feel it coming through slightly throughout the pregnancy, you may feel high highs and low lows. Some days you may wake up and feel like you don’t want to get out of bed, go outside, or do anything for that matter. Other times it may hit you like a ton of bricks, you feel amazing right after you give birth and then when you get home, that first night, you can’t sleep. You find yourself restless, tossing and turning, and what once was insomnia turns into sadness. You find yourself crying throughout the day without any real reason why, you may even find yourself disconnected from your new baby. I’m here to tell you that all of this is perfectly NORMAL.

My first pregnancy was the absolute worst. I was sick all the time, I was swollen in way more places than just my feet, and when I finally had her, I was depressed beyond anything I had every experienced. I had a constant fear of dropping her, hurting her, losing her, or even leaving her somewhere by accident. I wasn’t sleeping, I stayed awake most nights making sure she was okay, other nights I’d sleep 40 minutes to an hour max. I loved her with all my heart, but I hated what being a mother was doing to me mentally. The one thing I will forever be grateful was that I had an amazing OB. Dr. Mark Molnar.. I’ll always remember his name. He took care of me throughout my pregnancy, did an amazing c-section (all 3 of them actually AND i barely have a scar !), and even more importantly took care of me afterwards. He noticed how I looked at my 6 week checkup and pushed to get me to talk to him. He was able to refer me to a good friend of his who was a psychologist who specialized in maternity health and my life changed from that moment on. The help she gave me helped me become the best mother I could be to my baby girl, and I took all of that with me throughout the time of having my son and my twin girls.

Do not ever let anyone tell you or make you feel guilty about not embracing motherhood any certain way, or feeling disassociated or depressed. Your body is going through and will be going through SOOO many changes both physically and mentally. The chemical imbalance that goes on when a woman is pregnant is insane and no one, not even us, can comprehend it at all. Don’t go through anything alone. Lean on your partner at all times, and when he cannot understand what you’re going through, find likeminded mamas who can. Speak up, get help, and rest your head on the shoulders of those who love and care for you most, even if it may be a complete stranger on a mommy blog.

Mama Loves You,

Mama Zo 

[4sacrowd]

The only mama in the circle..

It’s Friday night, your best friend calls you and asks if you wanna go out to eat or get dessert. You’re so excited because you haven’t been out in days but when you look over at your S/O, they’re passed out from working all day. You lean over to the bassinet and see your little bundle bright-eyed and bushy tailed with no evidence of her going to sleep anytime soon. There it is... that feeling in your gut that tends to travel up your spine, through your heart, and tells your brain “No”. It’s a familiar feeling, you tend to feel it every time someone asks you to come out with them. Sometimes you’re strong enough to fight it, other times you let it consume you enough to where you’re, again, stuck in the house for days to a week at a time. Mom/Dad guilt is a bitch.

It’s weird because you want your friends to understand that you’re a parent and therefore may not be able to always come out, but the second they stop inviting you out you feel isolated. Some of your friends get it, they invite you out and try to provide alternatives if you can’t make it, other friends may not get it and it’s not insensitive, it’s just very easy to be ignorant to the responsibility of someone else. What do you do? what do you do when you’re the “mom of the group” and deemed the one that makes smarter decisions, can’t stay out as late, and makes sure everyone else is safe? You want more mom friends but it’s hard to step out of your comfort zone enough to make new friends. It’s hard out there, but it’s a matter of how important adult social interaction is to other adults, especially those who spend their days cooped up with a tiny human all day.

As a new mom, you may find it difficult to balance friendships and parenthood, however it may also come easy to you depending on the type of friends you have. There will be plenty of times you withdraw yourself from burnout and rely on your friends to understand it has nothing to do with them. There will be plenty of “I can’t make it tonight”s and “I’m way too tired”s and so you’ll have friends that might offer to come over and help clean or play with the kids so you can get some rest, and you have friends that might just take it and leave you alone. Neither option is wrong, but a lot of where your friendships go are based on communication starting from you, and the rest is how they respond. Choose your friends carefully. These friends will not just be the backbone of your sanity into parenthood, but they will also be an influence in your child’s life. Take your time, communicate when space is necessary, TAKE space when necessary, and don’t let the guilt of leaving your little one at home stop you from doing what you love. Surround yourself with people who will be understanding of your time and this great new responsibility you’ve been bestowed with and you’ll never feel alone.

[4sacrowd]

The Pregnancy Bubble

It’s finally happened! you’re officially carrying a tiny nugget that will soon be the bundle of joy your S.O and you will love so unconditionally. You’re most likely faced with a whirlwind of emotions that may include fear, happiness, excitement and... probably nausea. Whether you were trying to conceive or it kind of just happened, there is this different realm you’re about to enter that I like to call “the pregnancy bubble”. Why call it that? because everything that happens from here on out is going to be different and will ultimately be enhanced x10. Using the bathroom, eating, not eating, sleeping, it’s all going to feel like something new even though you may have done these things 50 million times before. 

If you’re on of the lucky few who didn’t have any morning sickness well...lucky you. I was happy enough to only have it for a couple of weeks with my son but with all my daughters it was HELL. Every thrown up and peed on yourself at the same time? I don’t think that was something I thought I’d ever experience BUT I did and I wish someone would’ve warned me so consider this you’re official warning. Between acid reflux and morning sickness that seemed to be every other time of day except the morning, here are a few things that helped me:

Plain Greek yogurt with Honey - This worked wonders for my acid reflux and I had it BAD. Yes tums helped a little too but this was a much tastier remedy, minus that chalky taste tums leaves in your mouth.

Saltine Crackers & Room temp ginger ale - This old trick works for the stomach bug and works even better with the nausea that comes with carrying your little bundle of joy. Some people prefer the ginger ale being cold, but I realized it helped a lot more being at room temp.

Lays original potato chips - So not only were these a little craving of mine, but the salt helped with my nausea and the airiness helped put something in my stomach when I needed it but couldn’t stomach a meal. 

Headaches are another common thing that amplifies during pregnancy. Sometimes those headaches can feel like they’re stopping you and the entire world around you. Meds are super limited during pregnancy but luckily for us we can take Tylenol. If you’re like me, meds during pregnancy doesn’t sound ideal and you may opt for a different remedy. For that I used some of the following on and off:

Green and chamomile tea with lemon and honey - The green tea gives just enough caffeine to help with headaches and the chamomile is used as a relaxing agent. It helped keep me calm and relax enough to be able to lay down and get some sleep which also helps with headaches

Essential oil - Oddly enough, rubbing some peppermint, eucalyptus, or lavender oil on the temples of your head helps SO much. Have your partner put some on their fingers and massage it into your temples while you lay on his lap. It’s both a bonding and intimate experience which is soothing, and the oils do wonders for the pain.

You’re about to experience something unlike anything you ever have and ever will. Keep in mind everyone’s experience may be different, but lean on other mamas for support. Our community is one of the most accepting and loving around and we find solace in each other. Take the advice you like, leave the parts you don’t, and always reach out when you’re feeling uncertain. Nothing is silly or dumb, you’re never overreacting, always feel comfortable coming to us. 

Mama Loves You,

Mama Zo

[4sacrowd]

Daddy Dearest

I know what you're thinking, "isn't this a mommy blog?" or "what could she possibly know about fatherhood?". Well buckle up, we're about to explore the ins and outs of this complicated experience that is being a dad.

Now you may have been that little boy that always wanted children, always wanted to be a dad, you most likely wanted to have a son first so he could follow in your footsteps of playing football or whatever sport you played in you glory days of high school. You may never have wanted kids because you thought they were too much responsibility or too expensive. Regardless of what you as a boy thought about children, a part of you will grow up to realize you need a legacy. I know "no I doubt that, I'm fine without it", believe me when I tell you, you won't be. Once you get the girl, get the career, get the house, you're going to still feel like there's this strange hole in your chest that only a child of your own can fill.

One thing about society that will always put a bad taste in my mouth is that they don't care for dads enough. People see single mothers and feel for them, but rarely acknowledge the single fathers. We have mommy support groups, mommy and me classes, but rarely do we carry that same support for dads. Let me paint a picture for you because you know I love to paint a visual:

You're 26 years old. You're married, maybe just got married and are so in love with your wife and your new life that it feels like "wow.. I feel complete". You move into your own apartment or house together, you're decorating the living room, kitchen, bedroom, and then you pass the second bedroom. You talk about making it a guest room but that never happens so it becomes an office space or maybe a gym and you feel content. a couple of years go by and that room starts to feel boring, the home starts to feel quiet, something is missing. Your wife agrees and so you start trying for a baby. You guys become pregnant and you're so happy and so excited to go on this journey with the love of your life, however, you know you need to find a better paying job. You start looking at cribs, bassinets, walkers, swings, diapers, wipes and think to yourself "damn... this stuff is gonna add up". Your email pings and oh, look at that, you just got offered a much higher paying job in which you 3 will live very comfortably. The catch is, it's overnight. Your wife is still working herself during the day so as weeks go on, you don't actually see much of each other. You haven't had sex in weeks, you're both frustrated all the time and angry when either of you spend what little time you have together sleeping, so you ask her to stop working because you can carry the responsibilities on you're own. She's ecstatic! you start spending the afternoons together, she has your lunch packed, you're able to cuddle and stay in bed together when you get home, things are great. Then it happens, her water breaks and you rush to the hospital. you watch with the most loving eyes the love of your life bring your son into the world and you couldn't be more in love with this woman and your new baby. However, you have to go back to work right? So now overnights, when she needs you most, you're working. you don't come home until 5am and she is exhausted from being up all night, you're exhausted from working all night, you're arguing, you're frustrated and yet again, you aren't seeing much of each other, nor are you spending time with the baby. So, you get a new job, new hours, working during the day and all is well and good, but you see you're wife slowly stop taking care of herself. She's cleaning, cooking, caring for the baby all day, there's even been days you caught her half asleep on the couch with a broom in her hands. This eats at you, it eats at you because you want to help her, you wish she didn't have to do it all, but you're doing one of the most important things for the family; keeping a roof over their heads.

Dad guilt is very different than mom guilt because dads usually have the guilt of wanting to help out more around the house, or spend more time with the kids but ultimately have to sacrifice extra quality time to provide for the family. It's a hard sacrifice, but this requires a strong spouse as well. Dads need to be reminded of their importance in their child's life, and that should happen every time your baby runs to you when they see you. We sometimes get lost in the depths of motherhood and the sacrifices we had to make so much so that we forget daddy made some too, and continues to make them.

So to my dads, dads-to-be, want to be dads one day, I see you. I see the work you put in everyday. I see you coming home and sweeping or doing whatever the mother of your child didn't get to. I see you using your free time to plan a date night, or watching a movie with your kids. Don't be afraid to lean on other dads out of fear of looking weak. Don't let that ego get so big, it won't even allow you to ask for help. I see you doing the best you can, and I need you to give yourself some credit. You are amazing, and us mamas could never do what you do.

Mama loves you,

Zo

[4sacrowd]

Gentle Parenting: Fact of Fiction?

Did you have a favorite parent growing up? You may not have wanted to admit it but subconsciously there was always one parent you were drawn to telling everything to a little more than the other. Maybe you only had one parent growing up and maybe that one parent wasn't even your favorite, it was your aunt or uncle or that neighbor down the street who mentally adopted you. Regardless of who it was there was always a reason why you were more drawn to that person. Usually it was the one that let you get away with things the other didn't, or maybe they were just easier to talk to. This parent had a different parenting style than the other, even if they were trying to portray a "united front". My husband and I have an unspoken pact that we would always try and be on the same page with things pertaining to the children, but it's definitely hard at times, especially because we definitely were raised differently. Tik Tok loves to tell us about gentle parenting and how easy it is to do, but if we're being real with ourselves, it's hard as FUCK. There's only so much kicking and screaming you can actually take and we don't all have the luxury of being able to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes. My husband's patience is SLIGHTLY better than mine, but that could also be because he isn't home with 4 kids all day. We don't ever want to be the "mean" parent, but sometimes that little "stop doing that" or "put that down" gives us that title.

The one thing I'm trying to work on is balancing the infants and the toddlers without losing my patience. Let me paint the picture so you can get a better understanding of what I'm working with:

You change two diapers, make two bottles, you sit one baby in her swing with the bottle propped up by a blanket, and sit on the floor next to her with the other one in your arms while you feed her. You hear a loud *BANG* come from upstairs and run to see what it is. Surprise surprise, your toddler dumped out the toy box for the 4th time today and is now tossing the toys down the stairs because he's fascinated by the sound they make as they roll down each step. You're already a little overstimulated so the constant *bang bang bang* of the toys rolling down the stairs pushes you over the edge.

Now any parent in this situation could easily yell to stop it, or maybe just let out a brief yelp of frustration. Some of us might just let it go and continue to fight the urge to scream, some of us might think as long as he's quiet it's fine. Me? I put the baby down, go upstairs, shut the door for exactly 2 minutes, then I come back and find something else to occupy my toddler's interest. Is it always that easy? Hell no. See, what they don't tell you is that gentle parenting usually comes from taking a minute to yourself to actually gather yourself and your thoughts and not something you can just do off whim. Some of us can and if you're reading this and you're one of them, I aspire to be like you when I grow up. However, most of the time you have to actually think about the best way to gentle parent and that includes taking a moment to YOURSELF. You are NOT a bad parent if you have to leave those kids in the room for 2-5 minutes while you gather yourself. In fact, you're a great parent because you're taking the time to think about what is in your child's best interest and it usually isn't yelling. Sometimes you lose and you yell and even on those days, it's 110% OKAY. We're human and unfortunately our brains can only take so much overload before we explode, so don't beat yourself up if you have a short tempered day, those children will still turn around and think you're the best thing since they discovered candy for the first time.

Parenting is NOT "one-size fits all", it's person-centered. What works for me, may not work for you and vice versa but the important thing is at the end of the day, we're showing our babies how much we love and care for them so that they know and they can register "mommy or daddy loves me". So if you have a bad day, grab your child and hug them and let them know, you annoyed mommy today, but I'm sorry for yelling and I love you. Gentle parenting isn't so much fact or fiction, rather it's tempered to you so do YOU and do you're absolute best because no one knows your babies like you do.

Mama loves you,

Zo

[4sacrowd]

Miracles & Tragedies

When we were little girls we dreamt about a lot of different things; Some of us dreamed about what our weddings would look like, while others dreamed about being doctors and vets. There are those choice few that dreamt about being bus drivers or scientists, but the one thing every little girl has in common, is that we all had or desperately wanted a baby doll. Our motherly instincts kick in at such a young age, we don't even realize that our dolls, our wanting to play house, wanting to take our dolls to the doctor and care for them, was all preparing us for the greater act of becoming mothers. Some of us may not want children right after marriage, some of us want to start as soon as the rings are slipped on, and some of us may not want them at all. Whether you're a mama or an auntie, those instincts take over at some point and cultivate how we make certain decisions.

At 17 I wanted 10 children.. I know, a little crazy right? But the idea of a bunch of little versions of me and the person I loved running around was just so soothing. However, marriage didn't sound like the most appealing thing in the world to me. If you see my husband and I now, you would've never guessed that he had to put up a fight to get me to marry him. He was a boy who always dreamed of being a husband, trying to get the girl who thought marriage was too controlling and too much work being as though I now had to worry about someone else and THEIR feelings and emotions when I could barely handle my own. Somewhere along the lines of running from building to building to get to my next college class, I lost that idea of 10 kids and soon it became "I don't need any". My husband, just a young 19 year old boy, somehow was able to convince me that marriage could be a beautiful thing and me, who had just turned 20 the month before, was so infatuated with this new adventure, it became something I wanted to hold onto.. just the 2 of us. I knew he wanted children, I thought maybe I could do 1.. but I was so unsure of that.

A year into our marriage we became pregnant. He was so excited and surprisingly, so was I. It was the idea of my body being able to create and hold life that snapped me back into the reality of wanting my own little family. And then it happened.. at my very first ultrasound, I went in excited to see what my little peanut looked like. As the technician squeezed the ultrasound gel on my belly and moved the wand around, I could look at her face an tell something was wrong. She walked out of the room, trying hard to keep her poker face on, and when the doctor came in she told me my baby had no heartbeat. I remember my heart sinking all the way into my stomach and melting into nothing. My body felt like it sunk into the deepest hole and I don't think I could hear anything else that was said to me that day. It was during this time I realized what marriage came with... it came with a best friend. He stayed by my side, we leaned on each other, and as badly as I know he wanted to break down himself, he stayed strong for me. A year later, we got pregnant again, this time .. it was TWINS. We felt like God was giving us our baby back, and giving us a new one right along with it and again, we were excited. Then again we were faced with that horrible sentence: "Your baby has no heartbeat". My head started spinning, I felt myself falling back into the hole I just clawed my way out of, until I heard "Your other baby looks healthy". It was the most bitter-sweet appointment I have ever had in my life. We lost another one, but were blessed with one, our baby girl Jazmina. Before we could blink, a little less than 2 years later we became pregnant with our son Jibreel, and a little less than 2 years after that, another twin pregnancy; our baby girls who are both healthy.

Miracles happen everyday, you just don't realize that sometimes you have to go through a few tragedies that will ultimately prepare you for your beautiful outcome.

[4sacrowd]

Welcome to the looking glass peering into the life of a mama of 4. I want to share this miraculous adventure with you because I feel like we may be able to learn from each other. With each pregnancy, each birth, each postpartum experience, I was knocked out of the throne that was "knowing it all". I found solace in mamas all over the world who shared similar experiences in each stage of my children's development and knew I would be able to provide that for someone else. So come in, grab a drink, and take a seat .. let's explore the ups and downs of parenthood together.