50scentsofsoap

[50scentsofsoap]

Pondering ~ 1

I’ve never enjoyed endings.

It’s always either a happy ever after or a bittersweet conclusion. Endings force us to consider that whatever may begin, only matters while it lasts. Cliffhangers are the worst, they make us question and analyse the preceding events to death until we’ve formulated a wild array of conclusions, only to be dissatisfied with the chosen timeline from the many what-if’s planned in our minds.

Whether it be a TV show, a book, friendships, relationships, I despise endings.

It only makes me wonder if I had done enough, been enough, said enough... and it’s always never enough. I find it troubling how life has set its course for me and billions others, and I’m trying to hold on to the present as if I’m grabbing sand. When I begin to appreciate the events around me, the circumstances slip by. When I begin to enjoy my work, it’s finished and I have to search for a new task. When I begin to affirm my love for someone, they suddenly fall out of reach.

Everything can change in one sleep, and I’m learning to appreciate what I have before that too is replaced or lost.

[50scentsofsoap]

Cinema

It’s always a treat being able to go to the movies with your pal Jungkook

word count: 1.9k genre:  fluff

author’s note: A little idea about some platonic friendship, because you can truly love your friend without feeling any romantic attachments to them.

music: Apollo - The Lost Twenties

“That’s 35,450 won please,” the cashier said in her customer voice. Funny how people's voices change so drastically depending on who they're around. I can tell her real voice is a lower pitch than the one she just used. I tap my phone on the machine reader whilst the device scans my fingerprint. God bless contactless payment.

The cashier hands me a large bucket of popcorn, a cup holder with 2 sodas and a packet of kitkats. “Enjoy the movie!” Her voice was a bit too enthusiastic, either she's new or she hates her job. “Thanks,” I reply with half as much gusto. 

I sit on the sofa that's nearest the entrance to the cinema and check my phone. My lock screen shows nothing new, so I turn my data on to check for any online updates. Again, nothing new. I turn my data off and open up my messages, when I feel a chill creep in from the entrance. From my peripheral vision, I can see that this breeze was accompanied by the person I was expecting. Even with his low beanie and black face mask, his posture immediately reveals who he was. 

“I thought you'd stand me up again,” I note, my voice an octave lower than normal. I can see he's cocked his head towards my voice, his eyebrows raised as if he's surprised. His eyes were big and brown, but I could see the faint red veins and drooping eyelids.

“You look like crap, when was the last time you slept?”

“Um… yesterday?”

“Jungkook, you didn't have to come if you were tired. We can watch the Avengers film later when you're feeling up to it.”

“No, I want to watch it today. I won't have any time other than tonight, besides I'd promised to watch a film with you.”

He was right. Jungkook was always so busy, even finding a slot in his schedule to meet up for coffee near impossible. He's here now, and if he says he wants to watch the movie, we'll watch the movie.

“Fine, but if you fall asleep, you're paying me back for your ticket!” I get up and shove the food into his arms.

“So,” Jungkook begins as he stuffs some popcorn into his mouth, “what's the plot so far with this film?”

I'm putting in my reservation code at the online booking kiosk. “Well…” I explain the storyline as I open up my Android Pay app, “so they all hate each other but not really. Why did you ask about the story, haven't you seen Civil War?”

“No.”

My thumb is hovering over my phone's home button, millimeters away from authorizing the payment of 2 adult cinema tickets. I close the app and cancel my reservation. Jungkook is about to ask what I was doing.

“Change of plans,” I say with a strong voice, cutting him off completely, “when do I have to drop you off by?”

“Um… I told Jin Hyung I'd be home for dinner”

I glance at my phone's screen, 16:56. He ate dinner quite late, around 9 o'clock. A sneaky idea started to form in my mind.

“Tell Kim Seokjin-ssi that you're having dinner with me and I'll drop you off by 10pm.” I take the sodas and kitkats from him, and motioned him to follow me. I start walking briskly to my car, in an attempt to somehow warm up in this winter weather. I can hear soft thuds behind me, obviously he's wearing Timberlands. I reach for my keys when I'm close, when another thought strikes me.

“Jungkook-ssi when was the last time you drove a car?” I get my keys out and unlock the car.

“I haven't really driven a car since I got my license,” he looked so shy and adorable. “Jin-hyung let me drive the car to the studio a couple of times but that's only a 5 minute drive.”

“Well,” I start while putting the keys back into my pocket, “then you can definitely drive for 2 minutes using navigation right?”

“Yeah, but why?”

I walk to the passenger side and open the door with my free hand. “Jungkook-ssi you'll be driving to my apartment.” I slide inside and close the door next to me. I put the sodas in the cup holders next to me and open the kitkat packet. “Aren't you going to get in?” I ask with a stern voice. While I'm focused on my kitkat piece, I hear the driver side door open. I take the popcorn from Jungkook while he slides into the seat. The seat is too forward for him, so he moves it backwards and adjusts the rear view mirror to his height. The sat nav on my dash showed the approximate time it would take to get to mine, and calculated the most appropriate route to avoid the heavy parts of traffic. An easy 10 minutes route.

“Are you going to be ok driving?” I ask him. I did pretty much thrust the task of driving onto him out of nowhere. I was never this spontaneous, I always stuck to a plan.

“I'll be just fine.” He took off his mask and beanie, Lord I'd forgotten how good he looked. He presses the engine on button and the car roars into life. He starts slowly peeling away from the parked space and onto the main road.

Looking at him now, I still can’t believe it’s been all these years since we became friends. It’s so weird how we just ended up talking about G Dragon at a random cafe, only because my crappy headphones were bleeding out Niliria. Well, also because I was killing the rap on Missy’s part. Oh, how much we’ve both grown since that fateful event. He’s successful in his idol group and I’m the head at this small, private tech firm. He grew like bamboo while I got stuck at 163cm. Life was good, and I was grateful for every minute of time on this Earth.

“Ah, Y/N-ssi? Where do I park?”

I had gotten so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even realise when he’d driven to my apartment’s underground parking. The ride was so smooth… Jungkook-ssi can really drive well.

“Um… number 78, 3rd floor parking.” I watch him, curious. I pay attention to his hand movements as he turns the steering wheel. His hands. Damn. His fingernails were well trimmed and cuticles groomed. I’m pretty sure he’s been using Jin’s hand cream again. I see my number ahead and point it out to him. The car pulls up to the spot, and Jungkook parks it without a hitch. Hmm, he parks better than me. I take the sodas and popcorn in my hand and exit the car, the remaining pieces of the kitkat are tucked away in my pocket. I walk over to the driver side, where I see Jungkook-ssi come out. I hand him back the popcorn and lock the car.

“We have to take the elevator now to my apartment,” I explain to him. “Your beanie and mask are in my car, remember to take them with you when I drop you off!”

Jungkook just looks at the ground and smiles. “Yes, noona!”

I roll my eyes at his response and head to the elevators. Soft thuds behind me again, goddamn his Timberlands, he sounds like a puppy tapping the floor every time he follows me. “What do you want to eat?” I ask as we step inside.

“You pick.”

“Pizza?”

“I ate pizza for lunch.”

“Fried chicken?”

“I'm trying to avoid deep fried food.”

“Curry?”

“No…”

“Jesus you're so picky!” I exclaim as we exit the elevator, “Will you be ok eating roast lamb?”

“Yes that's fine.”

I walk towards my door and punch in my lock code. I let him enter first, then follow. 

“Wow, your apartment is quite big, and clean!” Jungkook said while looking towards my living room.

Damn, I should’ve cleaned up. My half eaten lunch is still on the breakfast counter, the laundry is drying on the radiator in the corner, and my laptop is still playing YouTube videos on autoplay. Shit. I was watching BTS crack videos before I left for the cinema. I put the sodas on my kitchen counter and sprint to the laptop. Fire had just started to play when I close my laptop lid.

“Wow, I thought you didn't listen to our songs!” 

“Well, I wanted to get myself up to date on your music.”

“Sure thing,” he took his shoes off and made his way to the couch. I walk over to him and airplay Civil War from my tablet.

I get my blanket from the closet and drape it over him, although he's still got his oversized coat on. I can hear him shuffling his coat open when I make my way to the fridge. I take out the marinated lamb leg and put it in the oven to roast, with a timer set for an hour later, that's when I have to put the potatoes on boil. 

As I walk back to the couch, I hear the faint crunching of popcorn. “Jungkook-ssi,” I start. Damn. Both his cheeks are stuffed with popcorn, and he's all wrapped up in my blanket, he looks like ET. Adorable child. “I'm just going to get changed into something more comfortable, if you need anything just knock.”

I swiftly make my way to my bedroom and get out of my winter wear. I slip into my soft pink oversized pyjamas and head back to the living room.

He's glaring at me as if there's a ghost behind me. Not to mention, he's red as a tomato. Jesus, what happened while I was gone for 5 minutes?

Did he break my tv? Did he spoil my lamb? Oh my god, did he open my laptop and look at my search history?

I'm worried so I just blurt out, “Jungkook-ssi did you do something?” He just shakes his head and tries to focus on the film again. I ask again, more stern this time, “Jeon Jungkook, if you have something to say… spit it out.”

“Well… uh,” his tone is shaky “you invited me to your place for dinner, and when you said you're gonna wear something more comfortable… I thought you were trying to seduce me. I know it's a crazy thought…” he rambles on further about how ridiculous he is to even think of that but I just let out a relieved sigh.

Is this boy attentive or just plain stupid? Either way, it was adorable how flustered he got. I joined him on the couch. “Jungkook-ssi you're not my type. Simple as that. Besides, it's way more fun with you being my friend, you're like a little brother to me,” with that I pat his head before snuggling up to the other side of the sofa, where there was more leg room.

“Oh yeah, by the way, are you older than me or not?” He asks.

“Hmmm... I'm not telling you that, but please keep calling me noona, it's quite cute.”

“Ok but it's awkward if you're younger than me.”

“Well then, would you rather I called you oppa?” I raise one eyebrow at him in a questioning manner. 

Silence. He focuses back on the movie again.

Truthfully, I'm younger than him but only by a few days. He hates being called oppa unnecessarily, so I just avoid it. It's quite weird actually, now that I think about it.

We're both invested in the movie right up to the heart wrenching climax. I put on ‘Saw’ straight away, because I'm in the mood for some horror, and I'm curious to see how much gore the boy can take. 

BRRRRRRR

Shit, the lamb!

[50scentsofsoap]

Fifty

Some light reading is always good to put you to sleep, and fortunately Namjoon’s voice is the perfect lullaby...

word count: 733 genre: half smut, half fluff

author’s note: One of my shortest oneshots, this all stemmed from one clip of RM saying ‘Baby’

music: Forget About Tomorrow - Jay Park

You slid into the silky sheets, hair still damp from your evening shower, dressed only in a slip because of the humid July nights. Today was such a beautiful day… but why was it a beautiful day? You tried to search through everything you did today to find what it was that you were particularly pleased with but the answer just wasn’t coming up.

“Baby, you ok?” Namjoon beckoned. Goodness, his voice always sent chills down your spine, but your ear pressed against his chest produced an extra layer to the vibration of his timbre voice.

“Yep, just fine.” That was a lie. You were tired but not enough to fall asleep, and the fact that you didn’t know what you were so pleased about just made you even more awake. At this rate, you’d be awake until 3am.

“Do you want me to read you something?” He asked. Some light bedtime reading would help distract you from your own thinking. Namjoon pulled out his kindle, “what’re you in the mood for? Pride and Prejudice?”

He loved that book. It’s what you bonded over when you met at some vintage bookstore that fateful day. At that time, he did take pride in himself for being knowledgeable about academics, and you were prejudiced against him because of his idol status. You two had grown and learnt so much from one another. “No, you’ve read that to me too many times. Give me some other titles,” you commanded.

“Well… uh… The Emperor’s New Mind, The Art of War, Emma, Fifty Shades of Grey, To Kill a Mocki-”

“Fifty Shades of Grey.”

“Babydoll, it doesn’t even count as a novel. It’s an over glorified, poorly written fanfiction.”

“I don’t care, I choose Fifty Shades of Grey.”

“Whatever you wish,” he replied. “I’ll read from where you left off, Y/N.” You shuffled closer to him until you were practically on top of him. Left leg resting on his belly, left hand across his chest, right hand caressing his earlobe, and your head on his chest. You could see the device clearly but you preferred listening to Namjoon’s velvety voice. "Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant. Holy Fuck.”

Gosh, you loved it when he swore. It felt as if you had taken a hit of heroin but without the risk of Hep C and long term addiction. Well, you could see yourself getting addicted to his bedtime stories. The words he was speaking meant nothing to you, instead you could only concentrate on the variations of pitch and the bass being emitted from his chest. If only you could condense this sensation into a vial or convince him to make an ASMR video.

“Christian is running both his hands through his hair and pacing up and down his study. Two hands – that’s double exasperation.”

Ah, he’s on that bit now. You’ve read that chapter so many times, you almost have it memorised. It was a ridiculous book, but that chapter was the first time you’d ever read a sex scene. 

“I knew you were inexperienced, but a virgin!” Namjoon put in quite some effort to emphasise the characters. He really was getting into this. You slide over him until you’re halfway straddling his torso, he isn’t fazed by any of it though. Joonie just kept on reading.

“It’s late. You’re biting your lip.” He continued on. You planted soft kisses, across his chest.

“Sorry.” You start saying Ana’s bits, while concentrating on his neck now. Taking control felt weird, considering how Namjoon was always the dominant one.

“Don’t apologize. It’s just that I want to bite it too, hard.”

“We’re going to rectify the situation right now.” 

“What do you mean? What situation?” you can hear him put the device down on his bedside table.

“Your situation. I’m going to make love to you, now.” His eyes are on you now.

“I thought you didn’t make love. I thought you fucked hard.” You give him a smirk, letting him know you’re down for whatever you two were going to do. In one swift move he grabbed you and pinned you down. Both your hands were above your head and his knees kept you from wriggling out of his hold.

He growled into your ear, “I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two.”

[50scentsofsoap]

Forever

Jung Hoseok has always been there for you, after all he has been your best friend for years. A lot can change during that time...

word count: 4.2k genre: smut tw: drinking, reckless behaviour

author’s note: I wrote this oneshot instead of writing my university application essays, just uploading all my old material before I move on to fresher ideas.

You’re pinned against the wall, both arms above you and locked tight as if you had handcuffs on your wrists. Your body being attacked at every inch your skin was showing. Face. Neck. Shoulders. You just closed your eyes and took in every sensation. The clenched hand holding your wrists. The sharp drop of oxygen from your lungs. The vibrations of his mouth against yours. The struggle against gravity to keep on standing, when your knees were ready to give way. 

He pulled away, leaving both of you to gasp for air.

“How come you never told me you liked me?” He asked with a puzzled look.

“How come you could never take a hint?” You reply with a cocky attitude.

He pushed his torso onto yours, locking your back onto the wall. “Oh, is that any way to talk to your best friend?”

✎ 10 years ago

“HI! Looks like we’re locker buddies! My name’s Hoseok, what’s yours?” he asked with a smile so bright, its brightness could illuminate any moonless night.

“Um… Y/N.” A blunt reply. You hoped he’d get the hint and wouldn’t talk to you any further.

“Nice to meet you Y/N! Want a cookie? My Mom always packs me two cookies for lunch. I think she puts in molasses instead of brown sugar...”

He continued to ramble on. You figured he wasn’t going to leave you alone anytime soon, so you learned to just ignore him or reply in short phrases. This went on for a couple of months, but your cold attitude didn’t bother him at all. Every morning, he would always find something new to talk about, and it was getting annoying.

Your birthday soon rolled around, and you invited everyone in your homeroom class to come to your 13th birthday party, including Hoseok. Everyone liked him… except you. He was just too happy, and it annoyed you how sickly giddy he could be. Still, he wasn’t a bad person so you had no reason to hate him.

“Hey, Hobi… come on it’s time for cak- Are you ok?” You stepped out of your kitchen to the patio. He was sitting there alone. His eyes glistening, shit the kid’s crying.

He quickly wiped his eyes as soon as he saw you. “Hey Y/N, need a hand with opening your presents?” His smile had returned. Like a light switch, he just… stopped being upset.

“No thanks, but it’s time for cake. You coming in?”

“Ooh cake, yes please!” With that he darted into the house.

From that day onwards, you kept an eye on him, and you knew his secret. No matter how hurt he was, he was always smiling.

✎ ✎

Hoseok picked you up, lips still locked in a deep kiss. You wrapped your legs around his waist and hands around his neck. He held your thighs as he carried you towards your bed. For that moment, it seemed as if there was no-one else in the world but you and him. It was as if this was a novel and you two were the main characters, with everyone else blurring into the background. He placed you on your duvet, your lips never breaking contact. He pulled away first, trying to catch his breath. You sat up, and looked at him with questioning eyes.

“You know,” he began. He leaned against your chest of drawers. “If we do this, we can’t go back to what we were.” He spoke cautiously, as if he were treading on eggshells.

“What do you mean?” You cock an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, if we do this, we can’t go back to being friends. We might be able to, but to me it will be as if we’re pretending to be friends for old time’s sake.”

You stand up, directly in front of him. You have to tilt you head quite high to meet his eyes. “Ok, what did you say half an hour ago?”

He gulped, “I’ve been in love with you since I can remember.”

“Good, and what did I say?” 

“Fuck off?” He grinned. There it was, that smile to hide anything he didn’t want to show.

“No.”

“You’ve loved me since we became best friends.”

“Exactly. Now…” You took off your sweatshirt and shirt at the same time, leaving you only in your lacy balcony bra, “we’ll always be best friends, nothing will change that.”

Hobi stared at your chest then at your gaze. You noticed a hungry look that you’d never seen before. His mouth parted just slightly, in awe, perhaps, of you taking off your clothes without hesitation. “You’ve seen me semi naked before,” you lifted his chin to look into his eyes, “what’s changed?”

He licked his lips. “Maybe the fact you’re taking your clothes off for me?”

“Hmm. I guess so, but that shouldn’t chang-”

He crashed his supple lips onto yours, taking you by surprise. “Are you sure about this?”

You look at him with your endearing eyes, a hand caresses his cheek as a coy smile spreads across your face. “Absolutely.”

✎ 7 years ago

“Hey, are you even listening? What’s the nucleus of an atom made out of?” You exclaimed with annoyance.

“Protons and neutrons. Look, I’m fine on chem, there’s no need to quiz me.” Hobi replied while styling his hair with his mother’s straighteners. 

“You got 95% in the last test, it’s obvious you have to study.” 

“Look Y/N,” he put down the straighteners and sat on his bed “you don’t have to get 100% in everything. It’s only the end of year exams that actually count towards your score.”

“I know that, but I’ve got a reputation to keep up. Plus, people think your scores are slipping because…” 

“Because…?”

You sigh. “Because we’re too busy ‘dating’. I mean, where do these rumours come from?”

“Well, you’re always in my house, that’s one thing”

“Fuck off, it’s only because both my parents are usually out and I want to save on our heating bills.”

“Oh, so you’re mooching off me for warmth?”

“That, and your Mom’s snacks. Since you moved next door, I’ve had her cookies everyday. Are you sure she doesn’t put weed in them?”

“What? No. They just taste really good. I’m surprised your teeth haven’t rotted yet. Come on, no more Chemistry. We have a party to go to.” He put on his jacket and threw you yours.

“I’m only going so I can keep an eye on you, and remember, chugging down a two litre bottle of coke with mentos is not a fun experience.” You slip on your coat and flick your hair out so it hangs over your neck.

“Don’t remind me.” 

Pretty much everyone was around 15 to 16 years old, there were 8 people in total. Pizza boxes stacked on top of the dining room table, fizzy drinks surrounding it. It was a gaming party and an intense game of monopoly was in session. Of course, you and Hobi were the winning team. Board games soon got boring, and so a round of spin the bottle took place. This was the age to pretend to be mature and try ‘adult’ games. Of course, no one wanted to kiss anyone in particular, so it became a hybrid version of truth or dare. 

You stare at the bottle intently as the first round lands on you. 

“Wooh! It’s Y/N’s go. Ok, truth or dare?” asked John. 

“Well I’m not good with dares, so truth.” 

“Are you and Hoseok actually dating?” 

“Have you two kissed?” Another party-goer chimed in. 

“What the fuck, no! We’re not dating.” You yelled in frustration. You could feel the blush creep up on your face, but prayed no one noticed because the bottle had already begun to spin again. Soon after, it landed on Hobi. 

“Truth for me!” He chirped. 

“I have one,” you note. “The day of my 13th birthday party, you looked upset. Why?” 

“What the heck Y/N, that was like 3 years ago no one remembers shit from that long ago!” John proclaimed. 

“No it’s ok,” Hobi continued, “That was the day my goldfish died.” You looked at him with a confused look. 

“Alright, good enough, let’s go.” The bottle landed on more people until is was nearly 10pm, the time to leave. John began to spin the bottle. “For the last round, we’re going to spin it twice. The two people it lands on, they have to kiss. Whether it’s boy-boy or girl-girl, you still have to kiss.”

The bottle spins and lands on you and… fuck… Hobi. You two just look at each other with an expression of concern, but then just go for it, to get it over and done with. It was an awkward lip-touch kiss, neither of you dared to use tongue. Soon enough 5 seconds were up, and it was the time to leave. Of course, everyone would be talking about your kiss with Hoseok at school for the next month, but you couldn’t care less. You had Chemistry on your mind.

“Hey Y/N,” Hobi starts as you two walk the familiar path home. “Sorry about the kiss.”

“It’s fine, fuck what people say, right?” 

“Yeah.” He let out a long sigh. “I lied. My goldfish didn’t die that day.” 

“So why were you sad?” 

“I was feeling lonely.” Your heart sank. “I’ve always been friendly with people, but I’ve never really had friends. I only realised it that day.” 

You stopped in your tracks and turned to him. He paused too. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Listen to me motherfucker, you’re my best friend. If you ever feel lonely, I’ll be right over with ice cream and Twilight. Also, if any bitch breaks your heart, tell me and I will wreck her.” You let him go and continued walking as if nothing had happened.

You felt protective of him, but as a friend right? You surely weren’t falling in love with him.

✎ ✎

You lay on your bed in only your bra and underwear. Hoseok was also stripped down to his boxers, with a little help from you. You saw both your clothes mingle into a messy pile in the corner of your small bedroom. You’d been living in this apartment in the city since you ran an up and coming company. It was tiny, but it was your own place. It was home. Hoseok lived close, his dance studio was next to your office. Everyday, you’d get a perfect view of the zumba ladies in the morning, the little kids learning hip hop in the afternoon and his dance crew in the evenings. After work, you two would usually get dinner together and walk home. Old habits from your high school days. 

Hoseok picked up his jacket and took out a condom from his inside pocket. He took the wrapper and put it down on the bedside table. “Now before all that, I have to make you wet.”

His head disappeared in front of your legs. He bent your knees and propped your hips up with a pillow, then he slid his fingers into your underwear and slowly took them off, past your thighs, knees, calves, until they were at your ankles. He took them off and added it to the pile of clothes. You took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. That’s when he hit the spot. His tongue expertly slid along your folds. You let out a gasp, out of both shock and pleasure. He was now at your core, you were exposed to him. He slid his tongue into you as far as it would go, and back out. He continued this endless assault until you could contain it no longer and moaned his name. 

“Wow, it feels quite hot when you say my name like that.” He returned to his position. “How long has it been since you’ve been laid?” His hot breath hit your entrance like dragon smoke. You were getting wet with every second his tongue lay on your spot. 

“I think… around… 4 years?” You finally manage to get out.

“Wow since Uni? Have you just been touching yourself to satiate your urges?” He presses on.

“Of course. I’ve been busy, I didn’t have time to really screw anyone.”

Without warning, he slid a finger into you. You arched your back in response to the hormones coursing through your veins. “Your fingers have always been so slender, but I’m sure you’ve never felt like this when you did it by yourself.” 

He pumped his fingers in and out of you at a painfully slow pace. Your hips travelled forward, for more of him, but he wouldn’t let you. He curled his finger inside you, touching your delicate walls. You thought you would go crazy if you didn’t climax soon. The teasing was becoming too much for you. 

“Hoseok, if you make me come in the next 5 minutes,” you sat up and looked directly at his dark eyes. You seductively licked your lips and gave him a wink. “You know what I’ll do, now stop playing around.”

He slipped another finger inside you and started pumping at a steady rhythm. He put his thumb on your bundle of nerves and rubbed small circles into it. After ten circles, he would take his thumb off and suck on it for about two seconds. This torturous repetition continued until you felt a familiar presence in your lower abdomen. Soon enough, your mind, body and soul shattered. The high was nothing like you had experienced before, it was more carnal, almost animalistic in nature.

Hoseok removed the pillow from your hips. You were breathing heavily from your orgasm. He removed his boxers and began slowly pumping himself. “So, that took me four minutes and 12 seconds.” You looked up to see him palm his length. You wondered for a second if he would even fit inside you. “It’s time to keep up your end of the bargain.”

Hobi laid on the bed whilst you got onto all fours, still pretty shaken up from your first real orgasm in god knows how long. You had thought of the various positions and things you’d like to try with Hobi; against a wall, in the shower, blindfolded, the lot. You didn’t even know you wanted him in a way that’s more than a friend until you thought of him during one of your ‘relaxation’ sessions. The thought of him touching you everywhere just excited you, something which you’d never felt before. Now here he was, in front of you, naked. With the thought that you had been victorious in your mission in mind, you took his manhood into your mouth and began to move your head up and down.

✎ 4 years ago

“Why did you drive an hour and a half from your house to pick me up? I told you I was fine.” You exclaimed trying to keep your vision clear.

“Fine?! Bullshit Y/N. If I didn’t come when I did… Jesus, who knows what could have happened!” Hoseok was driving his car well above the speed limit, but he didn’t care about breaking the law. He did care about happened to you.

You had gone to a house party with a couple of other people from your University. While you were off pursuing higher education, Hoseok began apprenticing under dancers from ballet to popping, to become a choreographer. You two promised each other to talk everyday, and you did however you could. Calls, Facebook, Twitter and Skype,. He always informed you about his daily life, as did you. You thought this party would be like any other, some booze, weed and messy makeout sessions… but you overdid it on all three. 

You had drunk way past your limit and gotten so faded it was difficult to even stand up. The number of people you kissed whilst inebriated was well over the half century mark, both guys and girls. You were just about to get frisky with another boy when your phone rang. It was Hoseok. You declined the call and continued your with your antics. It was only after you had stripped your underwear and was about to lose your virginity in someone else’s bedroom, when Hobi came bursting through the door. He picked you up and carried you and your belongings to his car.

“I told you I was going to a party! Why did you have to cockblock me?! Gosh you’re such an asshole!” You scream at him.

“Excuse me for being a good friend! You were going to have unprotected sex… while drunk! And… wait are you high as well?! Fuck Y/N, this isn’t like you at all.” Hoseok replied sternly.

“Well what am I like? A straight-A student who��s got her whole life sorted out. Well guess what, I’m not who you think I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is that I’m sick of everyone expecting me to be this perfect embodiment of success. I mean… maybe I do want to smoke weed Mum. Or even fail my classes Dad. Or maybe I do want to get an STD from unprotected sex Hobi!”

“I get that you’re pissed off at me, but you’ll thank me one day. You’re just going through a rebel phase, it’ll pass don’t worry.”

“Thank you?! I was going to lose my virginity to.., whatever his name was!” You throw your hands up in defeat and slump into the passenger seat. You can feel the tears well up in your eyes, “Hobi, is there something wrong with me?”

“What? No. Nothing at all.”

“Then why can’t I get a boyfriend? Don’t give me all the bullshit about not finding the right guy! I mean, I do have guys as friends but they never like me as more than friends.”

“Maybe because they’d rather value their friendship to you than a relationship? Look, if you’re so desperate to get laid, make the first move. Only while you’re sober, understand?”

Your emotions switched from lonely to hopeful, damn you were totally drunk. You looked at Hobi as if he cracked the code to an impenetrable safe. “You’re an actual genius, Hoseok,” with that you passed out.

 After that, you could only remember waking up to find yourself in Hoseok’s bed, with him next to you, accompanied by a killer hangover.

✎ ✎

Hobi grabbed your hair tight and pulled your mouth from his cock to his lips. The kiss was rough, needy, desperate. You could feel his tongue invade your mouth, trying to fight for dominance. Both of you had been warmed up sufficiently by all this foreplay, and now it was time for the real deal. Hobi slipped on the condom with ease. This is it, after all these years.

“Ok, I need you on all fours, but with your chest on the bed. Keep your hips up in the air, ok?” Hoseok guided you.

“Fine, but this feels like an awkward pose to start with.” You chimed, but doing as you were told. 

“I know what I’m doing. Just wait until I’m inside you babe.” You can feel Hobi smirk as he says it.

You can feel the tip of his cock at your entrance, painfully teasing you. Your cheeks are burning red, from the stimulation and the annoyance that he’s making you wait. You just wanted him in you already, and your patience was beginning to wear thin.

Suddenly, Hoseok grabbed both sides of your hips and put his whole length in, hilt-deep. The sensation of being filled so quickly made you draw out a deep guttural moan. A string of curse words soon followed, which made him chuckle.

“You’re so cute when you swear Y/N.”

You kneel upright so your back is flush against Hobi’s chiseled abdomen, and turn your head to plant a small kiss on his lips. “Shut up and make me feel good, sunshine.” You grind against him, while his dick is still deep in you. You didn’t recall sex feeling this good. You felt Hoseok’s small smile drop and he starts nibbling on your neck.

He puts a hand on your nape and pushes you down, so you’re back to the position you started in. He puts a pillow right in front of you and raises your hips higher with his hands. “You see, what I like about this position... “ You feel him kneel forward until he’s right by your ear, “is that I can... Fuck. You. Hard.” He pronounce every syllable in a harsh tone. “Hold on tight, babe. You’ll feel like you’ve never done before.”

You do as instructed and place your hands on your small headrest, mildly excited for Hoseok to get on with it. He pulls out slowly, until he’s only a few inches in, and pounds into you with enough force to jolt you forward.

✎ 1 hour ago

“Ok ok, I have a really juicy secret!” You shout out. “When I was 11 years old, I drew dicks in the girls’ loos and the teachers thought one of the boys would do it. Turns out, my desk partner was caught with going to the girls’ toilets and he got blamed for the dicks.”

There weren’t many people around on the streets at this time of night, but this didn’t faze you. You had pepper spray in your purse and a knife tucked in the hidden compartment of your coat. Usually Friday nights were when you two went to the small Vietnamese place that was quite far away. You had just missed the last bus and now had to walk the 2 miles home, in the freezing cold.

“Shit, that must have taken guts.” Hobi responded to your statement. “Ok, um… you know when I told you I was dating Jennifer Griggs?”

“Yeh?” You answer cautiously.

“Well, turns out she was a lesbian who was only dating me to convince her parents that she was straight.” 

“No way! That’s actually so sad, I feel bad for her. I called her a bitch once because she took my cookie by accident.” 

“Don’t you mean my cookie? You always stole my food.” 

“Not always, if you’re not looking, it doesn’t count as stealing, duh!” 

“You’re such a douche.” 

“Ooh I’ve got one. At Uni, I joined the BDSM society and pretty much attended orgies every week.” 

“Holy hell, seriously? Is this when you would tell me you’re off to go swimming?!” 

“Yes, I’ve never step foot inside the swimming pool there. Although I was actually a weird one, because I would only join in like once a month but I only became a watcher about a year in.” 

“How come?” 

“Because none of them were you.”

Shit. You should not have said that. 

“Ok it’s my turn.” Hoseok began after a long pause. He let out a deep sigh, “I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you.”

You stopped dead in your tracks and stood to face him. You stood on your tiptoes to reach his ear. “My place is closer.”

✎ ✎

You were so close to climaxing, you thought you would pass out if you didn’t reach your orgasm soon. Somehow, Hobi sensed that you were close and began thrusting into you at a faster and harder pace. His hips rolled into yours effortlessly, you expected nothing less of the fantastic dancer. Your heart felt as if it would tire from beating too fast, and your hands balled fistfuls of your bedding. Soon enough, one final body roll was all it took for you to reach your high at an altitude beyond the heavens. You felt as if you had left the astral plane and ascended beyond comprehension and bodily existence. Whilst descending, you realised that Hobi was still pounding into you, using your high to fuel his own when later he too reached his limits. He collapsed on top of your back, using his forearms to stop himself from crushing you underneath his weight. 

You wince at the feeling of him pulling out but you’re so exhausted, only sleep is on your mind. As Hobi goes to clean himself up, you curl up under your duvet, wearing your birthday suit. You’re sweaty and sticky from all the activities and wonder if you ought to shower now, but that thought soon leaves your head when Hobi slips in next to you. His arm snakes around your waist and brings it closer, so your hair tickles his chin. You slip a leg around him and hook your arm over the side of his chest.

“You know,” you begin as you lift your head to face him, “We’re merging with Google next week, I’ll get a raise and y’know… maybe you can live with me? I’ll get a bigger bed and maybe decent sheets and we can move closer to your studio, but I don’t think I can cook dinner every night because I can only boil pasta.” You rattle on faster than your speed of thought.

“Y/N…” Hobi begins with a bright smile. “Are you asking me to be your sugar baby?”

“Well, maybe. Unless you’re not down for that, which is totally cool with me.” You reply with exasperation.

“No, I’m fine to be whatever you need me to be. Sugar baby, husband, boyfriend, one night stand.” He listed.

“Well tonight… will you be my best friend?” You ask inquisitively.

“Forever.” He kisses your forehead as the two of you merge into each other, drifting off into a blissful slumber.

[50scentsofsoap]

Little Things

In a world where you’re trapped by what people expect of you and Jungkook is your boyfriend.

word count: 2k genre: fluff/angst/smut-y tw: depression

It’s the little things you know. It’s him sliding his freshly moisturised hands into yours, just to make sure you’re there next to him. It’s him playing with your hair because he’s bored and wants you to not work either. It’s him looking at your screen whenever you freak out about something new or fresh, to better understand what makes you tick and what you like. It’s him letting you take the last salmon bagel even though he likes them too. It’s him grabbing you by the nape as he wraps his ankles around your calves, to pull you in closer and to kiss you deeper. To get as much of you as he can, because this is the only time he’s allowed to be greedy… only in those stolen minutes.

It’s him looking away from you as you get changed, because he respects your boundaries and absolutely loves whatever you limit him to. It’s him waiting for you to initiate the kiss so he knows when to go as well. It’s him asking “no?” if you pull away from the kiss, to make sure you want to stop or if you’re teasing him. It’s him biting your lip with a tender pull, as to not harm you, although you wouldn’t mind either way. It’s him looking at you with those hungry eyes, with such ferocity and depth that makes you feel so lucky to have him. The glare that tells you loud and clear that he only sees you, only you. The passionate stare that you’ve only read about but know now it’s completely different to how they describe it in the books. It’s so much more raw… vulnerable… pleading… ecstatic, as if he just took a hit of all class A substances in one go. That one look that lets you know you’re loved, wholly and truly.

It’s him giving you a good morning kiss on your forehead, as you startle from your slumber. It’s him pulling you back to bed as you try to get some work done, because you both know alone time is very rare and so you’d rather make the most of whatever time you have. It’s him shuffling closer to you as you’re trying to fall asleep, just to be closer to you, to drink in your scent. It’s kissing him deeply and slowly in the dark as you try not to wake up your roommate. It’s waking up with your arm wrapped around his torso, as your fingers are intertwined as well. It’s him kissing purple galaxies onto your skin, biting the soft flesh as he elicits a soft gasp from you.

It’s him stopping you walking just to pull you to the side of the road to kiss you because “you’re so damn cute when you sing like that.” It’s him pushing you onto the wall in the hallway, whispering a small confession of “I love you” before his lips collide with yours. Tongues trying to dominate one another, grazing each others teeth, lips locked with no room to breathe out. It’s pulling away from the kiss suddenly as you hear the lift doors open, trying to keep your cool. It’s losing your control and giving him a hickey on his neck, a no go zone. It’s him caressing your cheek as he looks deep into your eyes before going in for a soft peck, just to reaffirm your beliefs that he still likes you and knows you still like him.

It’s him asking you to be more forceful with him, as he wants to test his own limits and try to grasp an idea of what it is you like too. It’s scratching his back just hard enough to cause a response but not so hard as for it to hurt. It’s suddenly pulling his hair back to get better access to his neck, as he slowly exhales, lips parted, shallow breaths, a look of shock laced with excitement in his eyes. Lust, that’s what it is. It’s so much more powerful to view it right in front of your own eyes, but also so painful. You want to touch him more, but you’re only allowed to go so far as you’re bound by religion and faith to be true to your beliefs before all else. Guilt washes over you, not because of what you’ve done but because of the things you imagine doing with him. Such pervasive thoughts should never be acted upon, and it is up to you to control your emotions as well as your flesh.

It’s you being difficult and a bit of a mess and him being able to tolerate your presence, even though you’re being an insufferable bitch. It’s him invading your every thought, permeating your walls and slowly breaking them down, one by one, even though he doesn’t even realise it. It’s being able to talk to him about pretty much anything, a task you’ve had much difficulty with your whole life. It’s giving yourself over to him emotionally and physically, one step at a time. It’s crying so easily at the thought of how easily he accepts your flaws and opinions, even if they conflict with his own. It’s being able to feel this precious concoction of hormones and neurotransmitters and know what it’s called, along with the fact that day by day it’s growing. It’s feeling scared that you’ll screw up and lose what you two have over something completely idiotic. It’s feeling your heart get heavier every time you think about the ‘inevitable’ break up, because you can’t help but think of the worst. It’s knowing that how much more you give into this, how much more it’s going to hurt if it ends. If. Not when. If.

It's him asking you to meet up as often as possible, so see each other whenever you can. Meeting in those stolen minutes during summer which you could account to 'train delays’ in order to walk with him to the tube station, hand in hand, step by step, glance after glance. It's messaging him the little 'good morning’s and 'good night's like clockwork, a working system that keeps on going. It's sending him the ugliest pictures of your face, only for him to react with the heart eyes emoji, causing you to wonder how on earth he could even like you looking like that. Then again, he's seen you at your worst behaviour and has begun to get accustomed to your habits. It's using excuses to go on a date with him, so that you can pretend for a few hours to be a normal person on a date with their boyfriend, not this being who is bound by familial duties and house rules.

It's pondering on the time differences during your travels and counting the hours until you have WiFi and can feel connected with him again. It's keeping the snap streak alive by sending selfies of bed-ridden hair juxtaposed with half done makeup, or him sending his face complete with puffy after food cheeks and his bottom lip slightly curled inward. His lips are so plump, you oft feel envious of them, but that soon dissolves away whenever you feel how soft and velvety they are on your skin. The way he absentmindedly grabs your hand, only to rub the back of your hand against his lips, get you as giddy as a teen around her first crush. The way he rests his hand on your thigh, halfway encircling it, makes you feel at ease and a sense of calm washes over your. His cologne reminds you of morning dew, sugary drinks, and butterscotch, quite an intoxicating concoction.

It's getting angry at him for the smallest of mistakes, and yet not telling him he's made you feel this way. Rather, bottling it up and letting your frustration simmer away until you've had enough, so you ignore him, the only way you know to behave if you're angry at someone. It's forgiving him in an instant as soon as he apologizes, because you know you can't stay mad at him for so long, but the anger you felt gets stowed away, ready to erupt. It's working together as an excuse to be around each other more, despite the fact that you're both really stressed out from everything piling on. It's you feeling guilty about not being a good girlfriend, because you can't make time in your schedule for a date, a movie or even a cuddle session. It's the fear of your mother finding out about this too soon that keeps you from being more bold about spending time with him. It's the fear of what you'll do if you're in bed with him again, as you know each time you stay over, both of you go a bit further every time. You want to stay loyal to your faith and your beliefs, and you know giving into your flesh prison requests aligns well with that, yet you feel scared of accidentally betraying your identity if you do so.

It's feeling the weeds of doubt grow in your mind, and your anxiety saying he'll leave you soon enough. It's being tempted to leave him before he can leave you, so that you feel more in control of where your relationship is going. It's messaging him constant “I love you”s and “I appreciate you” to remind him that you care deeply for him, and also to convince yourself of the same, in order to remove those weeds. It's realising that the doubts are a mixture of the manifestations of your own insecurities and an imbalanced brain chemistry. It's convincing yourself that you are not depressed, when you know you are and it's causing you to sabotage your relationship with him. It's about this being a good thing, which may not always have good times, however that is something to work on and build together, not something which stays constant throughout the course of your relationship. Feelings change, but you must put in the effort of making sure your relationship changes with it. It's homeostasis after all, and this relationship is still infantile. You need to see a doctor about you, it's not healthy or normal to be this volatile, still pondering about death or dragging him into your own mess.

It’s about getting intimate under the covers. A sense of familiarity and comfort washes over you when you’re near his body. It’s his scent consuming your senses, drinking him in. It’s about following through all the motions leading to sex, but never actually daring to go any further south with him. It’s about controlling your desire to do more with him. To him. For him. The control is what keeps you in check about your faith. It’s about him also doing the same, not crossing your boundaries, not even an inch. Hair tugging, neck kisses, ear bites, cheek schwomps, bear hugs and so much more. You are drunk on his essence, and you would not have it any other way. It’s the morning alarm snoozes and convincing the other to get dressed. It’s the morning burritos and the morning cuddles. Wrapped up and comfortable, just enjoying the seconds tick by. It’s him wanting to spend minutes just looking at your face, as you enjoy his features too, taking in every detail of his complexion. This level of intimacy is beyond physical pleasure, and what you enjoy building your mutual affection upon. The sensual and the silly, all things you enjoy and bring a warm smile to your face.

Yet, the age old testament proves to hold true once again: All good things must come to an end. In the blink of an eye, it had ended as abruptly as it had started. A blip in the grand scheme of life but a lifetime of bittersweet memories to carry around. You shared a lot of firsts, and you’re grateful for this opportunity. However, you do need all the jealousy, agitation, contempt, disgust, rage and resent in order to overwrite all the good memories. Akin to taping over an old home movie with a twelve season tv show. The If turned into a Did and you turned into something other.