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this is one of the best posts ever

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Total solar eclipse in Norway

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At a bar in the lower east side reading my book while they played Ethel Cain for two hours straight. I love Ethel Cain but that kind of immersion starts to feel like a religious experience. In my book the character has become obsessed with death because her sister died and I’ve felt similarly ever since my grandma died two weeks ago. In both cases it’s because of the suddenness. When people hear your grandma died they assume many things but actually she caught on fire. I feel prohibited from even telling anyone that because it’s so immediately dark and morbid. Sudden freak deaths are already grievously painful but to happen to an old lady otherwise in good health feels like a special kind of punishment. She used to always joke about how her last wish was to see me get married to Anish. She liked him, every time he came over she’d be happy and talk about our wedding. Anyway, back to the bar… the character in my book begins talking about all the worst ways to die and of course she brings up dying by fire. Ever since this happened I feel triggered by the entire concept of fire and I wonder if it will always be that way. The people sitting next to me start talking about the visceral feeling this Ethel Cain music is imbuing into the vibes and strangely, the man says “it feels like someone could die tomorrow.” The girl is like what? And he just repeats it like that’s a normal way to describe the vibe of this bar right now, but on some level I kind of get it, because of the aforementioned religious experience energy. But now I start to feel shrouded in death, and then finally they come to the end of Ethel’s discography and then they begin king krule, of all people. And again I love king krule but soon after that I had to go outside and stand in the drizzling rain for a while because it was all too much

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I miss listening to music being nine years old and the words bearing so little relevance to me that they were like ritual chants or something they just existed to evoke mysterious utterly immaterial emotions by alluding to an inaccessible realm

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Jessica Alba & Hugh Dancy in ‘The Sleeping Dictionary (2003)

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Masahiko Fujii, 1986

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Information desk at John F. Kennedy Airport, (1956).

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whoops lost myself for about eight years there

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I just have this feeling like I’m not going to be at peace until I get revenge somehow

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Cassini Spacecraft, Mimas Moon, Dione Moon, Saturn Planet

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American Poetry by Brendon Burton

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Spirited Away, Hayao Miyazaki, 2001

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Ippolito Caffi, The Eclipse Of The Sun In Venice, 1842

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Samantha Cavet (@samanthacavet)

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