575-days-to-30

[575-days-to-30]

Here we go.

So i decided to start this thing 575 days before my 30th birthday.  For the past month or so I have felt...different.  Even more different than I have felt over the past year-and-nine-months (see the significance below).  I think that I have felt this way for a while, or maybe it was just slowly building but now I am aware of it and others can feel it.  The most tell-tale sign was at one of my best friend’s bachelorette party in San Diego, CA this past weekend.  I went out, I drank, I danced, I did not go home early...and she still made a comment that she could tell I was “off.”  (Sorry Lex.)  Her wedding is in 47-days and that is my first mile-marker on whatever road this is.  I do not expect to be totally cured by then but when I step off of that plane in Aspen, CO, I want to exude good energy.  She deserves that.  

True life: I used to be a serial dater.  I had a boyfriend from middle school (if you even count that) until I was 26 years-old, two to three months before I turned 27.  Since I have turned 27, life has been, well to be honest it has kind of sucked.  I went from being a multi-sport athlete my entire life, to a single-sport collegiate athlete, to a long-distance runner, to getting a new hip (complete reconstruction) and not being able to do  a n y t h i n g since 11 days before my 28th birthday.  Talk about an ocean of anxiety.  

Surgery itself was successful yet I still have all of the same symptoms I did previously.  Still in rehab and now they are throwing out words like hernias and ultrasounds and more MRIs and holy hell I just want to go for a run down the fucking block.  

So that is kind of what *this* whole thing is kind of about.  Who is Jill Roloff when she turns 30?  

With regards to a relationship, given my track record I never thought I would be this single at 28-years-old but I have also never been able to envision my own wedding.  I have NEVER seriously thought about that level of the future with anyone.  I always liked who i liked and dated who I wanted to at that time with zero thoughts about “where this was going” more than say where we were spending the next holiday.  

A lot of the people I dated were long-distance relationships.  So I spent a lot of time visiting places to see them.  And all of the cities/towns/villages seemed cool but that is also because I was there, with them.  Where does 28-year-old Jill want to live?  She has no idea.  Where does 30-year-old Jill want to live?  We’re hoping to figure that out in the next 575 days.  

With regards to my health, I have always “burned both ends of the candle.”  I would run 8 miles, not really eat, and then go out for the night and consume 14 cocktails probably shots too, eat late night, and then get up and run another 8 to 10 miles because of all the crap I ate and drank the night before.  I think they call this “Drunkorexia” now “when not eating meets binge drinking” and yes, I was the epitome.  I also did not stretch, strength train, do pilates, do yoga, nothing.  I just pounded pavement.  

As my hip worsened and I could not run as much, I started to use other forms of cardio i.e. the elliptical, etc., which did not give me the same workout, the same calorie deficit, or the same high.  I also started going out and drinking more too because hey, now I am single.  Fast forward and I have gained weight and now I have to undergo hip surgery a.k.a zero mobility for several weeks.  Bye cute skinny clothes.  

Yeah, the weight is a thing and I am not going to pretend it is not but it is not the only issue.  There are so many people that are in shape that DO NOT run.  I know that I am one of those people that got the “runner’s high” but I have yet to get myself to really try and commit to other forms of exercise.  For example, I do not consider yoga a workout yet I am sore and yawning after some practices.  Logical thinking, Jill. 

I’m going to end the first post here tonight.  That is just a brief glimpse into the 12038390483094823042309482039482340830249 thoughts that consistently run through my mind.  

happy blogging tumblr.  I think i might actually like you. 

<3 Jill  

[575-days-to-30]

"She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys that, she calls friends"

The Eagles