5k1nny9117ch - Tumblr blog

[5k1nny9117ch]

PSA

I think i speak for every ED blog when i say that even though i hate myself and my body - i do not think the same about any of my followers.

you could weigh 200lbs more than me and i still would not think you’re ugly, MY body dysmorphia and MY ED does not extend to you

[5k1nny9117ch]

Can my eating disorder either go away completely or be bad enough that I’m actually skinny

[5k1nny9117ch]

just did a little follow spree and i didn’t check bios so i am 20!!! if you’re a minor and i followed you and you don’t like that feel absolutely free to block me!!!

[5k1nny9117ch]

adhd gothic

you want to watch a movie. you put it on. two hours have passed. you haven’t watched the movie. there are five new tasks in front of you. you want to watch a different movie.

there is an object in your hand. it is extremely important you don’t lose it. you look down. there is nothing in your hand.

you don’t know your friend’s name. you’ve been friends for months. they just told you their name. you do not know their name.

your friend doesn’t laugh at your joke. why didn’t they laugh? do they hate you? they assure you otherwise. you know they are lying. did they ever like you?

someone asks you what you just said. did you say something? you said so many things. you said nothing. you said everything.

there is something you’re forgetting. you check. you check again. there is nothing you’re forgetting. there is something you’re forgetting.

you had something to say. you can’t remember. it was important. wasn’t it? you can’t remember. 

there is a task that needs to be done. it should take ten minutes. you check the clock. it’s been five minutes. you check the clock. it’s been two days.

[5k1nny9117ch]

Did anyone else go through a random recovery where your mental health just improved in general which allowed you to kick your ED mentality to the curb and see through body dysmorphia but then gained a decent amount of weight making you unhappy with your body and reverting back to ED habits even though you don’t have the same obsession anymore and now feel like you don’t really have an ED anymore because it’s not that bad you just have disordered eating and also kinda wish your mental health would just fuck up so you could at least go back to being a real Anorexic/bulimic ect. Because boy this feels shit and confusing and I really do feel like I’m faking it now.

[5k1nny9117ch]

I can’t believe I’m expected to do things.. I am full time busy being mentally ill

[5k1nny9117ch]

Do you beat yourself up for not being able to restrict "as well" as you used to? Or because in the past you were able to force yourself to work out obsessively and now you just can't? Or because you used to be the best liar ever and now you suck at it? Do you consider yourself a failure because right now you're struggling with intrusive thoughts but cannot bring yourself to perform the disordered behaviors that used to do the trick to keep your mind at some sort of ease? Do you sometimes feel like you were faking your ED all along because you don't look nor consistently act like you do struggle with an ED anymore? Do you consider yourself too big, too lazy, too indulgent, too weak to have an ED? Do you feel like you don't get to feel scared of food or gaining weight or losing control now that everyone assumes you're "fixed" and "healthy"?

Because I do.

[5k1nny9117ch]

What my blog (and most other ed blogs) is NOT for:

promoting/glorifying eating disorders

What my blog is for:

having a safe place

using it as some kind of a diary

knowing that I‘m not alone

dealing with my emotions & struggles

[5k1nny9117ch]

Eating disorders are weird because one day you are afraid to eat a carrot and the next you eat an entire pint of ice cream

[5k1nny9117ch]

i make food bc i haven’t eaten at all in the past 24 or so hours

go to eat it and immediately lose my appetite

kinda glad but also kind of annoyed bc that’s a waste of food that others could eat or that i could eat later over a longer period of time if i restrict a certain way

it’s w/e

[5k1nny9117ch]

Reblog if you genuinely feel fat. Not just once in a while "oh I look fat today" but a deep hatred for your body image every day.

[5k1nny9117ch]

[5k1nny9117ch]

active trans/malespo blogs?

my dash is so dead, so I want to find blogs with things in common to follow!

please reblog (or like) if you fit 4+ of the following:

🌈trans, nonbinary, gnc, or queer

🥀post malespo or transmasc thinspo

❄️active January 2021

🦋18 or older

🌱nobody knows about your ed

☕️your behaviors fluctuate & change a lot

⚖️cw or sw 140lb+

💗pro-recovery & anti-fatphobia

😬you have a lot of guilt about the ethics of being here, but you stay anyway

(trying to actively follow back, & my inbox is always open!)

[5k1nny9117ch]

Me irl

[5k1nny9117ch]

hey if a post starts with a big “DNR” in the title AND “do not reblog” in the tags?

that means DO NOT REBLOG THIS POST.

i am going to block you.

[5k1nny9117ch]

[5k1nny9117ch]

REBLOG IF:

- you are 21 or over

- you have an ED/thinspo/weight loss blog

- that’s basically it