98failures-blog

[98failures-blog]

this is the tea

im a twenty one year old failure. and the reality of it is that i have to acknowledge what i am so i can work on -not- being this way anymore.

i’ve had failed suicide attempts. i’ve failed uni subjects several times. i’ve failed countless job interviews.

i’ve failed at romantic relationships, friendships, goals.

at the very root of it all im a failure.

im not happy with my life, im really not. the truth is that it’s not a bad life - it’s just not what i wanted for myself. and you see i have trouble with making my expectations meet my reality, and so im always stuck in a space where i am malcontent and unhappy. 

i have a job - pays great - but im not happy with it. it’s not what i want to do and its not something i see myself doing moving forward - but its what i have and i have to live with it; at least for the near foreseeable future. i have friends, but maybe its the adult life seeping in? i just don’t see them enough. i don’t have the time, or i don’t have the energy, or i dont have the drive - one of these things are always in the way. i don’t have a romantic life. not much to say there i just don’t. which is kinda sad cause im bi and am open to everyone but. it is what it is.

the fact of the matter is im not happy with my life, and ive made this blog to vent about it until such time where i feel as though im at a point where i dont need to exhale my negative feelings anymore because i wouldnt have any (or at least a large amount) in my system.

id like to chalk a lot of this to my depression - and maybe i can, but i feel as though its not as bad as it used to be now that im on my new medication. which is why i chalk this up to just being an inherently malcontent and unhappy person who, despite being better at coping with depression, will always want something more than my shitty life gives me.

i dont know what else to say right now really, i think thats it for now. but this’ll be like my diary because who the fuck still keeps a physical diary that basically anyone u know can read when u can be an anonymous vent blogger online where there’s less chance of anyone actually finding out your real thoughts?

anyway, thats it for now. i do feel better having written (typed) a lot of my feelings down. goddamn this shit is therapeutic. so ill be back for sure lmfao

peace