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I'm so fucking stupid
It hurts so much to be honest with someone about how u feel, be understanding n do everything u can to help & despite all of it, I'm just still never enough - I'm scared ill never be good enough for anything or anyone like ill never achieve anything good and nobody will love me for who I am . It hurts to know that despite me giving someone a second chance - believing they'd gotten better and could be healthy in your life and they just let u down again. The same selfish attitude n belief that ur feelings always come before everything else
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I'm rah just disappointed in everyone, I feel like I'm just too focused on making everyone else happy and nobody thinks to do it for me and I can't be fucked anymore
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I get upset when I remember I have those sad eyes most of the time I'm not around people
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it's so weird to feel like this you're entire life and then meet someone who unpacks all these emotions so beautifully and unknowingly. His love flows through everything he does for me, the littlest things that make me question why I ever thought I had known and met love before. It's funny how you can feel all these emotions alone for such a long time and then suddenly want to dismantle them for the love of someone else. I no longer need these walls I built for myself anymore and it is scary to accept that it is time to let go of these fears and embrace love in its truest form.
I don't believe I had ever known a love like this one before, it is easy and free flowing - my love for him never feels like a decision I have to make, it feels like the easiest thing I have ever done, loving Josh will never be hard and I never want him to ever feel like it is, I hope he knows forever how easy he is to love, how the people in his life who can't see him for who he really is are missing this warm and sweet feeling that I experience all the time. I want him to know that he will always find love, patience and compassion in me, no matter what day it is, however difficult things may be - I will always have it in me to spare more empathy for him. I hope he understands that I see him for who he is, for how he makes me feel and the way he understands me wholly, if you look for it, you'll realise that love actually, is everywhere for us.
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I just don't feel myself at the minute, I just wanna be locked away and asleep because I don't wanna talk. But I feel better when I talk but I don't want to, it's a painful cycle that ends in me sad again.
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