a-fatal-word-jumble

[a-fatal-word-jumble]

Being the guy who never was able to aggressively speak up to get what he wants due to a crippling childhood case of stuttering, i learned to be passive, play it cool. It was the only way growing up that helped me not getting bullied, opening and closing my mouth with only weird grunts, clicks, and hums but no words. As my lips would break apart into words that never formed. This has led to many troubled situations and more stupid decisions, but this one hurt the most.

I tried to follow the line of thinking, "just ignore it and it goes away", well this one didnt. My inability to share my thoughts, relate to his, and convince him to think otherwise, and "his" slick talking, communications degree, mr person reader. He's always looking for an angle, doesnt believe in anything good when it comes to humans because hes not a very good one himself. Something went terribly wrong in that mans childhood. I gave him the angle to work, with the timing, and he skick talked us all into a perversion of the natural timeline. When i came back from my forced solitude i became like that little boy again; unable to speak up, unable to show with my words what needed to be said. I played it cool but thats not what you needed. You never truly believed in anything i felt. I could say im sorry but not in the way that convinces you. i could say i love you but you cant shake the doubt as my voice passes you by. I could speak the truth, but theyd always sound like lies. This unnatural perversion in our timeline was already waivering on the brink of creation when i walked off that train platform, Oct 31,2018, but it was unleashed by the interference of a sad old man with an agenda, highly intelligent with the emotional maturity of a 12 yr old, handsome but dangerously psychotic. He's a man with a dismal world view, beat up by it but never by his own hand. A guy who can say love in a million different convincing ways but nevef actually feel a tiny spec of it in his heart. Whereas it overwhelms me, but sounds so casual and contrived when i say it.

We may be forced to live in this twisted timeline for the rest of our lives, or maybe one day, the one person who has the power to restore it will be ready. Just because your right, righteous, nobel, truthful, positive, or valiant, doesnt mean you dont have to fight for the ears of the ones you love against the wicked snakes who need that voice as they have very little else. Learn to not just say the words, but express them in the best way as it relates to the person. Convince them youre right, be confident. Don't think that just being good is good enough. You got to sell the good, or they wont believe in it.

Stuttering My Regrets,

M

[a-fatal-word-jumble]

hehe

if you ever want to love an idiot you know where to find me

[a-fatal-word-jumble]

Pepin, Wisconsin, photo by dad