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A really lovely commission by Ver (twitter) of Yvonne and Eve

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Nova kept her hair in a sleek bob till she was in her mid-20s; she and her family felt pressure to keep up a certain image because of their social status and class. Later on, in her late 20s and 30s, she came to embrace her natural hair and grew out her curls.

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analysis of wendie’s personality & mbti

Wendie is a character who is quite opaque and she is still developing. We haven’t really seen all of her personality, beyond her unhealthy and also her vulnerable side. Based on what we knew, I had previously typed her as ISFP here but I am retyping her as an INTJ. Specifically, a looping INTJ who overindulges Te. 

Summary of previous typing changes:

I originally thought she was ISTP because she showed unhealthy Se (opportunistic, impetuous), and she seemed like a Thinker (critical, competent). I later thought she was ISFP because she shows a lot of unhealthy Fi (trapped in own emotional subjectivity, volatile) and unhealthy Te (aggressive with others, uses Te force to quash Fi feelings of inadequacy). I’m retyping again with a new understanding of her.

Wendie as a kid:

She has a mean streak. She doesn’t always see what is wrong with things that hurt others. She doesn’t care about others’ feelings and experiences, other than how she can use it to benefit herself. She internalized a dog-eat-dog view of the world quite young. She understands people and the world in terms of power. If someone gets hurt, she has no sympathy because she thinks the person is stupid for ending up like that. 

Her mindset is a result of her personality and what she values. She is naturally drawn to power and control, and she is self-centered. She wants things her way, and she wants the power to be able to get her way. She is also observant. Since she was a very small kid, she watched what happened around her and drew her own conclusions about how the world worked: people who were tough and assertive got what they wanted (Ni-Te). She quickly learned the best ways to manipulate people. E.g., if she cries or acts injured, it works on Matthias and she gets the treat, present or behavior she was angling for.

Power is a key theme in her arc. She had begun a sort of one-sided power struggle with her mother since she was small. Her mother was the disciplinarian and authority figure of the parental unit. So, her mom was the one often coming down on her, disallowing her from doing certain things, stricter with her and critical of her for things she doesn’t give a shit about, like the fact that her actions were hurtful. (Why should she care when it doesn’t affect her?) Her mom’s attempt to correct the selfish and mean streak in her backfired because it alienated Wendie and Wendie then projected her issues onto Heather, seeing her as the enemy and as a threat to herself. In other words, the more her mom tried to correct her, the more she rebelled and went the other way. She would rebel because she wants to show that her mom doesn’t have power over her. She’s trying to establish power and dominance.

Auxiliary Te:

Aux Te means that one values power because of wanting to fix problems and make things smoother and more efficient. At their best, TJ types value responsibility to self and others; they are very competent because of being able to work with the facts of people and the situation, and they are good role models and leaders. When unhealthy, they tend to go the opposite way: wanting power to be able to get one’s way, believing the weak get what they deserve (her unhealthy mindset as discussed above), controlling, blaming others for everything.

She has an ‘ends justifies the means’ mindset; she values only the results and outcomes of her actions and doesn’t care how she gets there, which is why she does illegal or immoral stuff. E.g. in the Pokemon AU she taught her Pokemon to hide other moves within the registered 4 so she can win; she has no qualms about scamming someone of their life savings and doesn’t care about the devastation that might cause.

Overindulging Te: 

She approaches people and relationships with Te instead of Fi, leading to her exploitative attitude towards people, only interested in what they can give her, uncaring of other’s individuality or feelings, or a mutual relationship. It allows her to manipulate and use people. 

She also chases accomplishments and success to fill the emptiness within her. In the canon world, she has done quite well financially and materially -- she got a nice place for herself in the city, she’s well-off enough to enjoy sensory (bourgie lol) pleasures like spas, resorts, fine dining etc -- but when she stops to look at her all achievements, she feels as empty as ever. She has defined happiness and success in a very shallow way, thinking that it means external achievements, hence she keeps chasing it when deep down, she wants to be loved. Despite the emptiness in her heart, she never stops to reflect more deeply. 

Part of her arc is developing Fi/Se, learning to value individuality and emotional authenticity and connection, as well as learning to have gratitude and trust to become truly competent.

Pride:

Unhealthy Te leads one to be overconfident, judgmental, and too proud to admit to weakness/failure.

A big part of her issues are self-generated. She wants love and connection but she doesn’t want to be vulnerable and in fact stomps on others’ vulnerability. She wants to feel less lonely and empty but she doesn’t want to treat others with care or to accept her own vulnerabilities (she has built her entire life around being in control, and so being vulnerable feels like losing herself). 

She impatiently takes shortcuts that self-sabotages because of the desire to win at all costs. She rationalizes bad decisions away, e.g. she rationalizes that wanting older men’s attention is because she is valuable/special and so she deserves that attention because it confirms her specialness. 

Her pride is her downfall; she can’t admit her own failings and mistakes so she never really learns. When things go wrong, she blames others. She has a victim mindset: she thinks that she does so much and nobody understands her or makes things easier for her or are fair to her. She only listens or cares about people she respects or likes, but she rarely respects or likes anyone. Even then, she isn’t truly kind. E.g. she likes her father, so when he chastised her, she would listen, but not because she saw anything wrong with her actions. It was more because she liked him and didn’t want him to be unhappy with her.

Unhealthy Te is also very sensitive to failure and is unable to handle it because of having very black-and-white thinking. This leads to her having very low frustration tolerance and being unethical to win. Inability to deal with failure also partly leads to her tendency to blame others and her inability to admit mistakes. 

Dominant Ni:

She needs to understand the big picture before she feels secure enough to know what actions to take and what her actions mean, whether it is about her learning method or her general approach in situations. She makes unconscious connections and intuitions easily, easily ‘gets’ things and situations, completely trusts and lives off of her instincts and takes them as ‘truth’.

She’s very distrustful and sees shadows in everything. Before she left, she often assumed the worst of others. After she left, her life on the streets hardened her and made her even more suspicious and guarded. Even if no one had any intention of hurting her, she would want to hurt them first so they can’t do anything to her.

She consciously or subconsciously thinks fairly often about her direction in life: where she's going, what she's doing, where that leads her and plans for the future instead of living each day as it is. After she left the Sheep family, her general direction in life was to survive and, more than that, to be at the top of the food chain. That guides her actions, hence her immorality.

Unhealthy dom Ni means she often has an (unconscious) idea or image in her head about how she wants situations to go or how she wants people to behave, even though her beliefs are unrealistic or even impossible. It makes her rigid and unable to accept things because life or people aren't the way she wants them to be. She in essence wants to control life and tries hard to do so. She is thus demanding and hard to please, presumptuous, and believes she knows what's going on with people, completely trusts her read and intuitions of things even if it is excessively negative -- finding fault and dissatisfaction in everything.

Ni-dom cynics have an air of having seen through everything, seen through all the bullshit to discover people and situations are lacking, and thinking they know everything there is to know, when actually, the problem is that their vision is too narrow. They’re unable to see the full truth of things and to hold onto something real and lasting. Part of Wendie's arc would be resolving her chronic dissatisfaction and cynicism.

She swings quite extremely between idealism and cynicism. There is an idealist and romantic part of herself, the more vulnerable part of her, that she usually expresses more with her father and he encourages that in her as well. It’s also seen in her relationship with Luna in the Pokemon AU. She became very cynical during her teen years and she repressed the part of herself completely after her life on the streets. With Fi being a lower function, it also means that her sensitive and tender side is very private, only expressed or let out occasionally, and is easily repressed.

Young Ni-doms also have the issue of having very messy inner worlds: a deluge of impressions, intuitions, perceptions... They assume that their perception of the world is the reality of the world, hence the messiness of their minds and lives because they are unaware of how subjective the way they see the world is.

Tertiary Fi:

She is Ni-Fi looping. She uses her feelings as justifications to support her beliefs and behavior -- to avoid responsibility and to avoid holding herself accountable. She dislikes her mom so whatever her mom says is bullshit and she doesn’t need to reflect on it. She is proud of her own way of doing things (’I know what’s best’) so she doesn’t take any feedback or criticism. She feels like the victim of the world and others, so she doesn’t care about treating others fairly. She hates being vulnerable, so she doesn’t consider an alternative approach to things. 

She is trapped in her own negative emotions and experiences, unable to see beyond herself. She has never really thought about her mom’s side of the situation, or the perspective of others whom she easily dismisses or judges. Unhealthy Fi also tends to lead to a mindset of persecution or victimhood (she thinks everyone is out to get her), and self-pity. She also has double standards when it comes to how she treats herself vs others. She’s indulgent and has self-serving bias when it comes to herself, but is critical and harsh with others. 

Her lower and unhealthy Fi is also why she lacks a healthy moral compass and it is easy for her to rationalize away doing the right thing as something that is a stupid move to make or something that is too difficult. In general, she is indifferent to most people, and only has a small ‘umbrella’ of people she really cares about.

Fi being a lower function also explains her difficulty accessing empathy and respect of others’ experiences. It becomes something she needs to learn to value, to learn to be more principled, empathetic, loyal, and accepting. She is already good at dealing with systems and impersonal, technical things. Valuing the human perspective would provide a balance to her harsh and categorical judgments and allow her to have much needed nuance and perspective on people and relationship problems. 

Her understanding of her own psyche is poor. She has a position of moral superiority (on a high horse judging everyone else as less worthy, dumb) and thinks everyone but her is part of the problem of the shallow and lacking world around her, not realizing she is a part of the problem. She sees herself as special, different, insightful, someone who knows better than everyone else, but does not see that her own life is unfulfilling and her own actions contribute to the lack in the world.

Her strengths -- Ni+Te:

She is very good at understanding systems and exploiting loopholes or flaws in them. She’s ambitious and likes to compete. She has a tough personality and thrives in competitive situations. She works smart, not hard. She has good instincts and is very good at coming up with (illegal/unethical) ways to win. She look for ways to improve her skills and excels at mastering technical skills, e.g. training her team in the Pokemon AU or learning to fight in the warriors AU. She see connections that might not be obvious to others and is able to turn them into solutions and actions. She’s strategic. 

She is also good at problem-solving on the fly (which I initially thought was Se). In the warriors AU, she learns how to fight by observing others, using her observations to break it down for herself and having it come together as she attempts it herself (Ni-Te). In general, she is able to come out the winner if situations turn to shit because of her strong problem-solving abilities.

She has a good bullshit detector, she is skilled at learning complex and abstract theories and information because she is able to parse through the jargon and grasp the gist of it easily. She pursues knowledge she deems useful and has a fountain of (questionable) knowledge and skills. She is also very independent.

When she is older and more chill, she would be good at mentoring or advising others -- a detached but still caring role. She would show her care by giving her time and attention, advice, perspective, and solutions to someone’s problems.

Inferior Se & personality clashes:

Clash with Nolan:

Wendie sees implications and consequences quickly and naturally, allowing her to exploit people or situations. She has a tendency to overthink. Nolan on the other hand, is a simple person with simple needs and wants out of life. He takes things as it is, doesn't read too deeply into it. His easygoing approach allows him to be very chill and relaxed and thus enjoys life, but it's Wendie's blind-spot and she doesn't value his 'go with the flow and enjoy life as it comes' attitude, which is why she sees him as stupid.

He's emotionally driven, makes decisions based on how he feels and may ignore the consequences. He is a 'jump first, think later' type of person. She is the complete opposite, a 'think first, jump later' person. So she sees him as simple and dumb, because what he is blind to and doesn’t value is what she values and excels at. Nolan (Se): 'jump first, look at where I land after, figure it out from there' and 'Things will work out'. Wendie (Ni): 'Plan and think about a good place to land first before jumping', and, 'If I really have to land without thinking, I'll figure it out by problem-solving because I trust myself' (Ni-Te). Her wing-it behavior is a lot more calculated than Nolan's.

Inferior Se and dominant Ni means that Wendie's personality tends to be over-serious, negative, and sees only the lack in things. She basically doesn't know how to have fun. Her arc or personality growth should end in a place where she is genuinely more relaxed, able to see and appreciate the good, able to stop and smell the roses, more open to not planning everything and not everything going her way (Se).

Her inferior Se is expressed in a very controlled way -- bourgie pleasures as listed above -- and it's only one aspect of Se (indulging in specific sensory pleasures). It is also seen in her extreme and desperate attempt to regain control of the world after she realized she had daddy issues where she left the family and town without even a note.

Clash with Emily:

Emily leads with dominant Se. As a teen, she was shallow and superficial, likes the thrill of the unexpected, spontaneous, adventurous and free-spirited, very okay with changing plans suddenly. She was also tactless and insensitive without realizing. 

This led to a lot of Wendie and Emily’s conflicts. Emily thought Wendie was: rigid and uptight, missing the fun and point of life, very hard to understand (opaque) and out of touch with things. Meanwhile, Wendie saw Emily as: shallow and superficial, disorganized and messy, noncommittal, impulsive, critical and harsh. 

As immature Thinkers, they both struggled with being mindful of their words and both would be dismissive or harsh in their judgments of each other. So, fights often worsened into judgment- and accusation-hurling and days of giving each other the cold shoulder. To handle misunderstandings and conflicts better, Wendie needed to be more expressive and better at showing her private side, and Emily needed to slow down and put more effort into understanding Wendie.

[a-friendinthedark]

wendie & sheep family dynamics

Wendie left the family in her teens and was away for at least a decade and nobody knew where she was or whether she was alive or not. The issues leading to it had been brewing for a long time.

Wendie & Heather: she has a difficult and antagonistic relationship with her mom. She sees her mom as trying to control and manage her, which she dislikes and resents. Heather is always telling her not to do this or do that, and Wendie sees Heather as being very critical of her, which alienates her from her mother.

On Heather’s side, she loves her daughter but she is very concerned about her. She comes down harder on Wendie compared to Nolan because she saw that Wendie had a mean streak since young; Wendie was not sympathetic or empathetic by nature, didn’t value these things when corrected, and, in fact, her parents constantly telling her to consider others’ feelings or to not do something coz it’s wrong just made her more impatient and indifferent because she doesn’t see why she should care. Wendie as a kid is discussed more here.

Heather & Matthias as parents: As a parental unit, Heather tends to enforce discipline and structure, and Matthias tends to be loving and indulging -- with Wendie that is. With Nolan, Matthias plays out toxic masculinity and treats him like he should be tough, a man, although he is still encouraging and supportive.  This is also where it fed into Nolan’s struggles with himself. He went through a lot emotionally around his sexuality when he first got together with Day coz he had internalized homophobia and did not want to disappoint his father at all, whom he looks up to as a role model. His father’s opinion and approval were very important to him. As a side note, Day also challenged a lot of Nolan’s beliefs about what being a man means (Nolan even sees himself as a playboy/Casanova); Day is secure in his masculinity, but he is not macho, aggressive or tough, and this modelled a very different kind of masculinity for him. 

Wendie & Nolan: she thinks Nolan is dumb and simple, she looks down on him, doesn’t have much common ground with him. Wendie’s perception of Nolan is discussed more here. Nolan, on the other hand, is mostly indifferent to Wendie until after she left. His indifference then turned to resentment because of the heartbreak her actions caused to the family. 

Wendie is both the black sheep of the family and the prodigal son. She doesn’t feel like she fits in, she has to leave to find her own way. She often gets the focus of Heather and Matthias’ attention, because she tends to conflict more with Heather, while Matthias dotes more on her (he sees her as his baby girl/princess). Nolan, on the other hand, faded into the background in comparison because he didn’t bring Heather as much grief and she wasn’t as worried about him. Matthias also treated him less overtly affectionately and nurturing coz he’s a guy. 

As a result, Nolan is unintentionally neglected in the family. This was further worsened when Wendie left and everyone had to deal with the fallout of her disappearing without even a note or word. There was no space for Nolan to be heard and for his needs to be supported, even though he needed it. He was overshadowed by both her presence and her absence. After Wendie left, Nolan had to be a good son and he bore the burden of holding the family together. His feelings for his sister turned into resentment/bitterness because of how the parents prioritized him lower compared to her all the time. 

After his relationship with Day broke up, he did manage to open up and talk to Heather and came out to her. She realized they had been neglecting him and his relationship with his parents improved where he was more heard. When she returns, she is treated as the prodigal son, welcomed back with open arms as it were because her parents just wanted her to be back. 

Wendie’s reasons for leaving: daddy issues. 

Wendie didn’t have many friends, didn’t have many strong emotional connections. The only person who truly understood her and provided for her needs emotionally was her father. When she was younger, her favorite times were her one-on-one times spent with him and she didn’t like when others (her mother, brother) intruded on it. With her peers, she struggled to fit in because she was guarded and socially awkward, exacerbated by the fact that her childhood best friend, Emily, was effortlessly popular and the life of the party.

She had also started to see her mother as an enemy. Wendie likes power and likes to be in control. She wants to be the top dog and dislikes that her mother constantly tries to assert authority over her and manage her. She rejected her mom in various ways and sees her mom as a threat -- in family fights, she accuses Matthias of always siding with Heather instead of her. She wants her father’s nurturance and love all for herself. She has an obsessive and possessive nature when it came to relationships because she wants control and power and also she is self-centered (more discussion of her personality here). She’s also emotionally very needy and basically overdependent on Matthias because he’s the only emotional support she has.

This led to her to idealize her father and fixate upon him as the only person there for her, even feeling possessive about wanting his attention all for herself, leading to intrusive and inappropriate thoughts about her father. She couldn’t take the horror, guilt and shame and ended up leaving the family without even a note. Her disappearance wrecked the family, leaving her parents devastated and her brother further overshadowed.

If she had had a strong bond with a guy her age, she would likely have ended up fixating on him instead of her father. She is also possessive in relationships because she seeks someone to make her feel complete. Her various issues also meant that she would be very susceptible to grooming and relationships with older, handsome and ‘successful’ men who gave her inappropriate attention. These men are seen as powerful, and their attention is flattering. She idealizes these older, powerful men and their approval validates her worth, makes her feel ‘seen’. She feels special and desired, even empowered. 

She would eventually return and reconcile with her family, although this was at least a decade later.

[a-friendinthedark]

lin family names

Eve is 林怡缘, Yvonne is 林怡岑, and Jacob is 林乐芳 (dead name) -> 林怿宁. 

怡缘 Yi2 Yuan2. Yi means ‘harmony, joy’ and Yuan means ‘fate, destiny, karma’. 怡岑 Yi2 Cen2. Cen refers to cliff, mountain.

Yvonne came up with his new Chinese name and Eve came up with his old one. Eve and Yvonne share the same character in their name, 怡, which means happiness. Eve had this in mind when she chose his dead name, 乐芳 Le4 Fang1. 乐 means joy/happiness. It is also a very feminine name, which is very like Eve. Yvonne chose his name later on - 怿宁 Yi4 Ning2. 怿 is also referring to happiness and it also is a homophone of Yvonne/Eve’s 怡 . 宁 refers to quiet, peace. Eve’s pet name for Jacob is 乐 乐 Le Le.

[a-friendinthedark]

hayashi takehiro

Pan Takehiro --> Hayashi Takehiro 林  竹大（たけひろ）

Pan’s name is changed. His family name is 林 Hayashi, which is a common Japanese surname that means ’forest’. His first name is 竹大 Takehiro, which means ’broad or widespread bamboo’. Takehiro is a common name but there are different meanings depending on the kanji used. I chose Takehiro (with Rei’s help), a very uncommon reading, as a reference to his origins from the Pokemon game when he was a Pancham/Pangoro.

[a-friendinthedark]

eve’s influence on jacob

Sadly for Eve, Yvonne naturally gets the kid more than her lol. Eve is a very involved parent. I think she might ask Jacob to call her by her first name, 'Eve' (like those white people lol). Yvonne frowns on this ('what are you teaching him?'). She is always 'Aunt Yvonne / 姨姨' to Jacob. Eve never had a mother so she doesn't know what that looks like. She tries to be one, but she only knows how to relate to him like an older sister or an aunt or a friend. She's that type of mom. Always bringing him to adventures, new places, pointing things out to him, always wanting to play with him. This is how she bonds with people and how she wants to connect to him.   Stranger situation with Yvonne: when she's in the room, he goes towards her. He's calm, curious, peers at the stranger from behind her legs and might slowly play in the stranger's vicinity when Yvonne is there. When she's not there, he's a bit anxious, but he's not panicking or frozen, the way he used to be. Stranger situation with Eve: she'll encourage him to approach the stranger. He'll move closer, a bit afraid but also curious. He's calm.

He'll actually want her to hug or hold him when he sees her. She's more tactile (Yvonne rarely touches Jacob) and he really liked being held when he was a kid. He feels very safe in her embrace, watching the world from her arms and feeling her chest move under him as she talks (the Mimi/Jacob experience). This is the only time when the two of them really click properly lol. She likes to hold him because it's like quality time and touch. She and Yvonne never hid from him that his father is alive but isn't around. Yvonne definitely researched how to bring this up. Eve asked around. Bottom line is, they were very open about it. Eve will say it isn't important because she loves him enough for both of them and Yvonne loves him too. Yvonne will say it doesn't matter because he has her and Eve. Eve will also talk about how she grew up without both parents around. Yvonne reads Jacob better, but Eve's touch love language and the hugs actually built quite a strong foundation for their relationship. She always encourages him towards novelty, to try new things, to be brave. When he's older, she's still wanting to go to new places and try new things with him. This might not be his passion, but he’s open and doesn't mind. Jacob is much more well-adjusted than in the other path. He smiles a lot more. He's calm. He's quiet but he's not withdrawn. He has more of a gently teasing and gently playful side. His personality is a lot more open. He occasionally suggests to try new places he heard, he won't say no to novelty and he's okay with changing his routines. Omg I think he might unconsciously like Ayla or find her comforting because she reminds him a little bit of his mom. He has a very different relationship with Eve than with Yvonne. With Yvonne, it's a safe harbor in the night. She gets him and they’re in tune. With Eve, the two of them seem like they won’t be close, or that she’s much ‘louder’ than him in the dynamic, but they are closer than they look. He loves her. If the part-time job situation came up again, Eve might disagree, wanting Jacob to enjoy himself more. Jacob would speak up and say he doesn't mind and he wants to contribute to the family (he values it now). With him being trans, in the other path, Yvonne picked up on it and asked him. In this one, at night when Eve is doing a bedtime story to him (she likes to do these 'motherly' bonding things), he'll whisper, "Eve, 妈妈, I'm not a - a girl" and then he'll fall silent because he wants to say more but doesn't know how. He usually calls her Eve but he calls her 妈妈 or 妈 (older) when he wants comfort, feels vulnerable, or is affectionate. She's confused af and asks him questions but he looks very frustrated, like he wants to speak but doesn't know how. She'll tell him that she loves him and he can say anything. In this family, only Eve says 'I love you'. You hear it from Yvonne if you're going to move out of the country and never see her again. Jacob writes it in his birthday cards to Eve or Yvonne. On very rare occasions, he actually says it, lol. Anyway, he'll just repeat, with visible frustration, that he's not a girl. Eve obviously talks to Yvonne, who does some googling. Eve herself also spoke to people or maybe she saw something around about trans identities that made her understand what was happening. For Yvonne, it's simple, like, if Jacob will be happy, she'll do it. For Eve, she can't wrap her head around it - she can't understand. She definitely tried to find out more information on her own -- library, people she knew, groups she joined, internet, etc.

Anyway, Eve and Yvonne try to talk to him and ask him if he's a boy. He's silent for a bit, then he nods. Yvonne accepts it quite calmly and in a matter-of-fact way and asks what name he wants them to call him. He's silent (he didn't think of it). Yvonne can see he's thinking and leaves it. Jacob will also keep glancing at Eve to see her reaction. She's not reacting very well, lol. She's very cis, very feminine, and ever since she saw that girl with her mother (and with her own history with her mother), she thought Jacob and her would be a new start. This is totally out of anything she could have expected or known about. They asked the question, but I don't think she really expected or was prepared to hear Jacob's answer. She talked to Yvonne about it. To Eve, gender is an essential part of your identity and you're born with it (this is her first exposure to ideas like that). Yvonne is very calm about it. Eve is trying to be calm but she doesn't really know how to say what she's thinking. She basically: doesn't understand how this can be, and this is also not what she wanted. She asks Yvonne how she can just be so calm and accepting. Yvonne shrugs. She doesn't understand, it doesn't matter that she doesn't understand, all she needs to know is that Jacob will be happy if she does this. It's that simple to her: if Jacob is happy, she'll do it. Eve talked to Jacob and asked him to help her understand. Eve has a pet nickname for Jacob, based off his Chinese name - 乐乐 - that she still calls him with now.

Anyway, Jacob doesn't have the words and just says he's not a girl and he's a boy. He then looks carefully at Eve and asks her if she's angry at him, if she wants him to be a girl. After that, he falls silent but he looks scared and he's looking anxiously at Eve. She hurriedly reassures him by reaching out to touch or hug him and he clings back. She says she doesn't really understand. She thought they were mother and daughter, but she loves him and his happiness is more important, so she's trying to understand. He's a bit comforted, but not a lot. He's anxiously looking at her and saying that he's still her child (妈妈别伤心，乐 乐 还是你的乐乐, Mama, don’t be sad, Le Le is still your Le Le). She squeezes him tightly for a long moment and says, "...是啊" then she lets go of him a bit and starts combing his hair. Her face has lightened and she's her usual self again and Jacob relaxes. She is is grooming him as she says sorry and says that when she was young, her mother and her weren't very close like she and Jacob now, so she wants to be a good mother. She said that when he was just born, she met a girl and her mother who were very happy and loving and she thought that would be her and Jacob.

Then she smiles and cuddles and tickles Jacob and says that but that's the best thing about him, he always surprises her and bringing her joy, just like his name. She's calling him by his pet name through the whole thing, and it's how he refers to himself when he was trying to comfort her. He's giggling under her tickling. Her physical affection, playfulness and affection comfort him and makes him feel safe. She still calls him 乐乐 to this day, and though his Chinese name has changed, he likes the name because it’s a sign of affection. Eve is a roamer at heart and she starts traveling and spending time away when he's a teenager and spends most of his time in school. I don’t know what she does or work at, but definitely something unconventional. She is usually away a few weeks, fairly frequently. She's always bringing back presents and stories. She used to run away from home but now home is her base that she leaves and comes back to and leaves and comes back to. She hasn't had a romantic thing in quite a while - her family and her home give her the emotional connections she has always wanted and she doesn't feel the urge to escape or search. She always wants to bring Jacob and Yvonne with her on her trips, but Yvonne always shakes her head and thinks it’s a frivolous use of money. Jacob is a bit hesitant (doesn’t want to leave Yvonne), but during his school holidays, every now and then, he'll spend it with Eve. Eve and Jacob are a bit different when he's older. When he was younger, he wanted and needed the hugs and affection, but he is a bit more reserved (or it’s not as appropriate to be wanting affection) when he's older. He shows his love in quieter ways (acts of service). E.g., when she comes back, he makes a hot drink for her, or he comes a little hesitantly to her room to hear her stories before he sleeps (reversal of the bedtime story routine).

Eve is still the same with him. She ruffles his hair or rubs his cheeks between her hands and says, ‘ahh you're so big, I can't pick you up anymore’. When they're younger, touch connected them, but when they're older, they have very different lifestyles and basically no common interests, although the affection for each other is still there. He loves her a lot, although it's a very different connection than his connection with Yvonne. She is a gift giver and constantly gives him things she bought for him when she was away, or overseas. He keeps everything very well-kept and pristine in a shelf in his room. She also buys things for Yvonne, but Yvonne always tells her not to waste money. Yvonne is the glue and backbone of the house and Eve is really the light and the warmth. Whenever she isn't around, the house is quieter but also a little darker. Eve has also led to Jacob being much more emotionally open. If she isn't around and he was going through something, he would talk to Yvonne. He didn't used to - he was so emotionally stunted that you had to treat him with kid gloves and be very encouraging and attuned to him. Even then, he would still withdraw and clam up. Now though, he's a lot more comfortable. Even though Yvonne isn't very outwardly affectionate or comforting, he is still comforted. Yvonne herself is lighter. She's less tense. Eve teases both her and Jacob a lot. Eve would be watching her sister cook and she'd say, "You're so good at everything! Is there anything you can't do? I'm just joking, I'm just joking!" "姐，你好厉害啊，什么都行！姐，别生气，只是开个玩笑！" Yvonne is happy (although you can't tell by looking at her). This is what she's always wanted - her sister and nephew well, happy and safe, she herself secure and comfortable. 

Their house also has a lot of Eve’s touches - something whimsical she bought, some souvenir she bought back...

[a-friendinthedark]

eve’s growth (2/2)

After Yvonne came over, things became simpler but also harder. Simpler on account of there being another pair of hands and she at least managed to get a bit more sleep. Harder in that she was reminded of how good her sister was at everything. She seemed to understand what the baby wanted naturally, instinctively, in a way Eve didn't. Eve also started feeling antsy. This was the longest she had ever devoted herself to something and it felt uncomfortable being so tied down. She longed to go away again, but she knew this was important. Online websites she read always talked about how important the first few years were for the baby. This child was the hardest that Eve had ever tried. "How do you do it?" Eve blurted out one day. Yvonne looked up, a faint frown on her face. "Do what?" Eve gestured and waved at everything. "Be so good at everything." Yvonne stared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about." "I mean, you're just so good at everything. You know when he's hungry, when he needs a nap, when he needs the diaper changed. It's always been like that. You've always known what to do." This was a conversation they've had countless times. Yvonne looked exasperated. "Eve, you're exaggerating. I just do what needs to be done." Eve stared back, frustrated. She didn't know how to say what was in her heart. "But how do I become like that? How do I know what to do? I don't know anything. And I want to try. This time, it's different." she gestured towards Jacob, inarticulate. Faint surprise passed through Yvonne's eyes. She put down the clothes she was folding. "Eve, nobody is asking you to be like me. I've never wanted you to do that. You're the only one forcing yourself. You learn and get better at things. It's not about being like me or not. I do what needs to be done to make sure we won't starve, because nobody else will." She paused. This was the most Yvonne had ever said about this subject. In fact, this was the most Yvonne had ever said about anything. Yvonne spoke again. "We've always had this same conversation. Eve," she said very seriously, "I don't know why you think life was much easier for me than it was for you. It was my duty to be responsible for our security and for you because nobody else would. I don't resent it. I worked hard for you and I don't mind that. I don't mind responsibility. It made me who I am. But it also meant that I had to give up a lot of things. I didn't finish school, Eve. I've envied you when we were younger. You do what you want. You always have. I don't approve and I've said it before, but being irresponsible isn’t always a bad thing." Yvonne didn't say it, but what she envied was Eve's freedom to be herself. Eve's mouth was open by the end of this speech. She felt like she was meeting a stranger when she had thought she knew who was before her. She struggled to say something, and the only thing she could come up with, was, "But - but I’m not irresponsible." Yvonne sighed. "We don't see eye to eye on this, and that's fine. You are irresponsible. But sometimes doing something for yourself isn't a bad thing." Eve mulled over this conversation for days after that. She didn't like to think of her past, but she barely ever thought of what things were like for Yvonne. She couldn't imagine what it was like for Yvonne. The thought of living that kind of life was like a kind of death - working the minute she was of age, never finishing school, never making friends, never doing anything she wanted to. Eve thought that she would resent herself if she was in Yvonne's shoes. "Do you resent me?" she asked Yvonne. Yvonne looked exasperated. "No, and I don't know where you get all your ideas from." "Why not? You never had a childhood because of me. I - I resented you for being better than me at everything," confessed Eve. Yvonne looked very tired. This topic and constantly going at it exhausted her. "I don't resent you because you didn't make my choices. I did. And I know you resent me," was all she said, quite bluntly and in a matter-of-fact tone. She had that look that meant she was done with talking about this. Eve was once again shaken. Nothing was what she thought it was. She thought she had hidden her resentment and bitterness, but Yvonne had always known. She suddenly realized how much Yvonne had done for her, and she had never really thanked her for it, but had always focused only on how resentful it made her. Did Yvonne hate her? "Do you hate me?" she asked, the next opportunity she got. Yvonne stopped what she was doing and looked at her. "Eve," she said with warning and finality in her tone. "I've said everything I wanted to say about this topic and I don't want to go into it again. I'm going to say it once and for all. I don't hate you or resent you. I really don't know where you get these ideas from. You're my sister. Of course I care about you." "But I just don't understand!" Eve blurted out. Yvonne stared at her. Seeing as she was not about to say anything, Eve said, "How can you be so... so calm about everything? Why don't you hate me or resent me?" "Eve, will you let it rest? Would you rather I have outbursts every day?" Yvonne was exasperated. "You're making it more complicated than it has to be. The facts are very simple. You're important to me. Jacob is important to me. That's all there is. I won't be here if I didn't care about you. The past is the past. Let it rest." "But - but," protested Eve, not knowing what to say, but unable to accept Yvonne's words either. She fell silent and watched Yvonne contemplatively as Yvonne shook her head and went back to folding the baby clothes. The equation in her head did not make sense. All she remembered of their past was unhappiness. She never had anything she wanted and could only watch enviously while her friends went to prom, exchange trips, took art and music classes, bought the latest trends... Meanwhile she was hiding the fact that she wore hand-me-downs, she couldn't try out anything, and she had to ask Yvonne for money for everything. She could never try or explore anything. Even worse were the earlier years where she never knew when her parents would be home and the fear and loneliness of wondering whether they would come back. She would be crying and clinging on to Yvonne, who was only a little older than her, asking her what to do. Yvonne was always very calm and always knew what to do. She had looked at Yvonne like an adult. The past had always been a deep source of unhappiness. The moment she became an adult, she had wanted to give herself everything she had never had - the freedom she craved, the things she wanted, the desire to know that life was more than these ugly, unhappy things.   But somewhere along the way, she had started to blame Yvonne for it. Her sister had actually given her a lot. No, more than that. She won't be alive if it wasn't for Yvonne. Her sister was such a constant in her life, such a person who was so calm and could contain everything, that she had, in a way, taken it for granted that Yvonne would always be there, always taking everything Eve threw at her, from outbursts to tantrums, always indulging in her requests for help or for money because she loved Eve. She was shaken to realize that she had always had the unconditional love she craved, but she had never seen it for what it was. She had sought for it in the numerous guys she had dated and thought she loved, seeing them through rose-tinted glasses, when they had only mutually used each other. She tried to find happiness in her friends, who introduced her to drinking and drugs and dating, when none of that lasted. She had always thought Yvonne didn't understand, but maybe she had got it all wrong. She was the one who didn't understand. She had fought with Yvonne, but it was really her own fears that she was fighting. She started looking at Yvonne with the same contemplative gaze that she looked at Jacob with as she mulled things over. She was starting to see the bigger picture of her actions, and how it all connected. She had always only cared about what she wanted out of life, what she felt about everything. Either something made her feel good, or it didn't. Yvonne made her feel bad, so she avoided her when she could, except when she needed help. Her friends made her feel good, so she did whatever they said she should. But she had never stopped to think, 'what kind of person do I want to be?'. It was a lot easier to just want, and to take. It came to her very slowly, but she thought that she wanted to be like Dawn from the mother's group. She wanted to be good. She wanted to do good. She wanted to inspire others just by being herself. She wanted to be someone she could be proud of. Now that she saw the bigger picture of her actions and her treatment of others, especially her sister, she was ashamed to realize she wasn't as blameless as she had thought. She wanted to be more like Yvonne - not to become her, but to learn from her. She wanted to try harder at things. She thought of Yvonne's words, that she had stepped up because nobody else would. She wanted to be as admirable as that, to act when it was difficult and hard. This realization carried Eve through the next few weeks. In many ways, it was as though she had a guiding compass - to be someone good, to be someone she could be proud of, to be someone she could admire. This was important, very important. More important than anything else. So, even when she felt the urge to escape from her responsibilities of caring for Jacob, even when she felt like going back to her old ways, even when she felt the urge to lash out at Yvonne, there was a voice within her that said she didn't truly want this. What she wanted was the goodness that lasted, and the pride that came from doing good. She knew now that she had a chance to start anew with Jacob. And she wanted what she saw of the girl and her mother. She didn't want Jacob and her to turn out like Eve and Eve's mother. Yvonne noticed this change in Eve. She seemed to (finally) have her priorities figured out and to take seriously her responsibilities. Even more strange was that Eve seemed a lot more attentive to her and would try to share the load of housework and caring for the baby as much as she could. Eve had never said it, but she had decided to, in some ways, atone, or make up to Yvonne for her unfairness. It's not natural for Eve and Yvonne to understand each other. The two of them are extremely different in everything, from the way they approach the world, the things they value, and their priorities. Yvonne rarely shares what she feels and shows her emotions. Eve struggles to be more measured when they're talking because Yvonne finds emotional talks extremely exhausting. But still, when it comes to Jacob, they're at least united. To Yvonne, this is her sister's child, her flesh and blood. To Eve, this is her child, the family she wanted. Eve, playful: 姐，他跟你这么像，外人一看就觉得你是他妈/you're so like Jacob, people will think you're the mom and I'm the aunt Yvonne: sighs Eve, grabbing Yvonne's arm: 姐，别生气！开玩笑罢了！/I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Don't get mad --- Eve has a cat. She often cuddles with the cat, stroking it and cooing to it. The cat's eyes are always closed and purring. She loves her cat.

[a-friendinthedark]

eve’s growth (1/2)

Eve did try to get things together for Jacob. She joined a local club about motherhood or some kind of support group. One of the organizers was younger than her. She was surprised and struck up a conversation with her since the girl didn't look like a mother (she wasn't). The girl, Dawn, said that she was organizing this group because it was something meaningful to do and her own mother had needed this when she was younger. She was here now because of the support her mother got and she wanted to pay the kindness forward. It's something cliche and simple, but for some reason this really stuck with Eve. She had never met someone like that before, someone good and kind and open. People around her had always been hardened and looking out for themselves. She looked down at the baby Jacob in her arms and suddenly felt the urge to cry. She came back to the support group but mainly because Dawn so intrigued her. After starting a few more conversations with her, she found out that Dawn had always wanted to make things better for those around her. She was involved in various committees and organisations over the years, always passionate about some social cause or the other. She was warm and effusive and very kind. She loved speaking with others. She was always checking on everyone, taking time to ask everyone individually how they were doing. She was so expressive and open about her emotions. When Eve confessed that she didn't think she could raise this child or be a good mother, Dawn said, you already are because you're here, and that first part really stayed with Eve. She also found out that what she thought were the more unconventional parts of the group - urging the women to bring their husbands because fathers were part of parenting too, the focus on mothers' own needs and well-being, that they were equally important as the babies - were all Dawn’s idea. The thing about Dawn is that she inspired Eve deeply. It started to open up Eve's perspective, made her think more about the meaning behind her actions. She often looked contemplatively at Jacob's sleeping face, starting to realize that this was a whole life depending on her. It also made her realize that she couldn't bring Jacob up alone. She was already struggling. She should ask Yvonne, but she felt ashamed of seeing her sister again. She dealt with it by avoiding the issue entirely, trying not to think about it. But she was really struggling going at this alone. It was physically exhausting balancing his needs and her part-time jobs, and emotionally demanding responding to him when she herself wanted to cry all the time and she felt woefully inadequate. Even worse was when she started feeling angry at him and wanting to blame him, an infant. Her thoughts would then slip to Yvonne or her ex, Jacob's biological father, and she would feel irrational rage and bitterness. She wanted to slip back into seeking feel-good ideas and finding her usual 'friends' and escaping reality, and yet at the same time, there was, for the first time, a tiny part of herself that didn't want to take the easy way out. She felt like she was fighting herself all the time. The worst part was that it frightened her when she was bitter at her own baby.

In the other path, this is the real reason she gave Jacob up to Yvonne. One day, she found herself taking out her bitterness on him, an infant (her infant), and it scared her enough that she decided she shouldn't take care of him anymore. She never told anyone about it and she later tried to forget it - and also bury it with gift-giving. At least he's better off with Yvonne. Yvonne is good at everything. A few days later, she saw Dawn with her parents. Her face was turned to her mother and she was beaming and her mother looked back at her with equal affection. It was clear they loved each other and cared for each other. That image struck Eve like a bolt of lightning. She had never seen that, and she had never had that, and it struck her that she wanted that. She was looking at what she and Jacob could be in twenty years. It hit her again that there was no way she could do this alone, and that it was really just her pride that was stopping her from looking for Yvonne. She didn't want to admit it, but when it came to Jacob, a very hidden part of her wanted to be able to do this by herself, because this would be something she won't need Yvonne's help for. She had always, always needed Yvonne to help her, and she had wanted something she could manage on her own. But Jacob was more important than that.

She swallowed her pride and called her sister. Yvonne was, as usual, very hard to read. "Eve? What's wrong?" Yvonne asked, her tone calm (and rather emotionless, to Eve). It was the way she always greeted Eve, who wished that she was warmer, or maybe they could chitchat a bit (she still wanted to avoid the conversation). But it suddenly occurred to Eve that every time she called Yvonne, it was always for a favor. Eve hesitated. This was the moment. She could still back out now. "I - I need help." She had always asked for a favor, but never truly, vulnerably, asked for help. "What is it?" Yvonne's tone sharpened. She sounded concerned now. "What's wrong?" Eve spilled it all out, that she couldn't manage Jacob by herself. Admitting that she couldn't manage was both kind of liberating and also kind of humbling. Yvonne was quiet for a while before she said that she could come over.

[a-friendinthedark]

relationships doodleface:

first row: icarus and ayla (nerd and jock lol)

second row: theo and nolan (double bs)

third row: aeriel and day

fourth row: wendie and nolan (the sheep siblings)

[a-friendinthedark]

doodleface relationships

first row: jacob and day

second row: nova and emily

third row: morrigan and odette

fourth row: wendie and emily

[a-friendinthedark]

the Lin family

unintentional but i gave jacob eve’s nose lol. i guess in canon he will have eve’s nose. he really looks like a mix of eve and yvonne

[a-friendinthedark]

not me once again using doodleface to create my characters lol

top row: yvonne, eve

second row: hayashi and hannah

[a-friendinthedark]

jacob and day

Jacob actually depends on Day to an unhealthy extent. He cares about Day, he likes Day, but he is also relying on Day to avoid becoming more open to people: his entire social life happens because of Day. Day invites him to things, he goes out and hangs out with people only if Day is there, etc. He even ignores new people because he already has Day. There were many times Icarus tried to strike up a conversation with him when the two of them are waiting for Day and Ayla, but Jacob would not be very interested in the conversation. He thinks that he’s just waiting for Day, he doesn’t want to have to interact and socialize with someone he doesn’t have to. At a very unconscious level, this is his approach to any new person. He has Day. He doesn’t want to socialize if he doesn’t have to. He lets Day do all the talking when they’re together. He goes along with whatever Day wants.

Later on, when Day started dating Nolan, I think he may have felt lonely, or even left behind. It’s the first time the two of them spent so much time apart, and Jacob had never had someone so important come into Day’s life before. Of course, he deals with this the way he usually deals with his emotions, which is to suppress it, lol. But I think this colors his perception of Nolan. He doesn’t like Day’s relationship with Nolan at all. Like, at all.

There would be times when he might want to hang out with Day, but Day ends up choosing to hang out with Nolan. He might feel lonely, or sad, but I don’t think he recognizes it, or knows what to do with it. Either way, he won’t say anything and I don’t think Day noticed. (I’m starting to realize there’s a lot more going on on Jacob’s side in Night & Day than I thought lol)

He had to fill his time up now that Day was spending more time away. He at least would hang out with Icarus, but not if Ayla was there. But I think he’s definitely lonelier because he and Icarus don’t really click (although Icarus tries lol), until Jacob got more ‘used’ to the way things were.

He had a very chaotic early life, with no security or stability. At a very unconscious level, he has always relied on Day’s presence in his life, and it was very comforting to have Day being warm and there. So he deals with this change very badly, like a basic pillar of his existence was shaken. He lacks security.

[a-friendinthedark]

about jacob

Jacob and formative years:

The first few years of Jacob's life were very unstable. He was abandoned or passed around a bunch of shady people while his mom, Eve, effed off and did her own thing, until she finally gave him over to Yvonne. She's very escapist and I wrote about her in another post.

Attachment style:

Yvonne finally took him in, but Jacob took very long to warm up to Yvonne. He's the disorganized attachment style. In the stranger situation used to research attachment theory, he won't approach Eve or Yvonne but he would stay in their approximate vicinity. He ignores them and keeps to himself. He seems not to notice them, but he's actually watching them out of the corner of his eyes.

Later on, with Yvonne, he learned to trust her and he generally feels safe in her presence - physically safe, at least, where he knows nothing would happen to him. He doesn't really feel emotionally safe. This is the general pattern of his approach in relationships. He never opens up to anyone and keeps to himself. He trusts and cares about Yvonne but he isn't aware that he doesn't feel emotionally safe around her. I don't think he knows what emotional safety or connection is because he's just so stunted when it comes to emotions that he doesn't realize how much he suppresses his own emotions or how he has a baseline of fear around people all the time.

Jacob withdrawing into himself to an unhealthy extent, Jacob and gender:

When he was younger, he was very very quiet. If he could get away with not speaking, he wouldn't.

There was a period where he was clearly more and more unhappy, visibly unhappy, that Yvonne noticed and tried to talk to him. He just said very softly, "I'm not a girl", and didn't say anything else. She was very puzzled by his behavior and words. She did some googling and came upon gender identity and all that. It's hard for her to wrap her mind around it, and she came back to Jacob and asked him, "Do you want me to treat you like a boy? Would you be happy?" he was very quiet and didn't look at her for quite a while before he nodded. She asked him what she wanted her to call him. He didn't say anything but she could tell he was thinking. She didn't speak about it again. Jacob came across a bedtime story he liked to read of a boy with a rabbit called Jacob. A few days later, out of nowhere, he just told her 'Jacob' and she understood him. She saw that he seemed to do better after she changed her behavior, so she accepted this because to her, it was just, 'if this makes him happy, then I'll do it'.

She went to the kindergarten and told the teacher about the change and made it very clear that he should be called Jacob and treated as a boy. She ignored the teacher's confusion and questions. She herself didn't know anything more than the simple facts: 1) Jacob said he wasn't a girl, 2) he was doing a lot better after she changed her behavior. She didn't bother with the other things. It didn't matter.

Yvonne and Jacob:

There are times when she unknowingly imposes her decisions on him. Although Yvonne is quite attuned to Jacob, some of his subtler insecurities are not things she understands. When he was a teen, she said that he should find a part-time job. She thought that it was about time for him to take on more adult responsibilities and also, she was worried that he was so introverted. The thought of getting a part time job is a terrifying one to Jacob, and he wouldn't have said anything when Yvonne said that he needed to get a job. He would only quietly say that he didn't want to. This would have puzzled her since she knew he was a very obedient and sensible child. She asked him why, and he didn't say anything. She compromised and said that he could find a short job, just a month or two. But she thinks that earning your own money and having responsibilities is important. It brings you out of your shell and matures you. So, although she could tell he was unhappy about it, she didn’t budge on the topic (this was a formative part of how she grew up). In general, Yvonne is more attuned to Jacob than she seems, but there are times when she unknowingly dominates the conversation and neither she nor Jacob realizes that this is happening.

Jacob and Eve:

Jacob doesn’t like to think about his mother, Eve. He suppresses how he feels about it, avoids the topic entirely, and even manages to sort of forget that he has a mother during the long periods when she’s not visiting. I think he is at least a little frightened of her. He doesn’t know what to make of her, what to expect, and it’s too much.

[a-friendinthedark]

about eve

Eve has fluctuating self-esteem and always envied Yvonne very much for how impervious she seemed to others’ opinions. She always felt like she should be more like Yvonne. Especially because they grew up without much adult guidance or support and without much financial security, so she always felt her inadequacies very acutely - she felt inferior and useless for being really impractical and depending almost solely on Yvonne. She was really grateful to Yvonne, but she always felt bad for how little she could contribute. Whenever she told Yvonne that she felt bad about how much she depended on her, Yvonne would tell her, ‘It’s fine.’ because to her, it was fine. Not a problem. But I think Eve was looking for more reassurance, comfort and acceptance.

Eve never really grew to have solid self-esteem and I think she ended up really struggling in two main ways: 1) anytime she tried to participate in life, it was like a cold, hard reality check for her dreamy and idealistic nature and she can’t really accept that life is so ‘ugly’ and hard and she feels useless, 2) she idealized romance and started seeking love in all the wrong places (she had a lot of boyfriends who didn’t treat her well). This led to her having Jacob. Her then-boyfriend didn’t want the child and broke up with her, and she started panicking because her fears meant that any kind of responsibility was too much for her (she had this recurring struggle throughout her life, where she would try to take on some kind of responsibility, like a job or college, but then it would be too much and she would quit and run off to some new idea she came up with to try to feel good).

She also didn’t want to abort the child because she felt bad about it. I also think maybe she thought Jacob could be a powerful enough motivator for her to get herself together and change, and she really really wanted that (idealizing). Of course, it didn’t work out the way she wanted because she never wanted to change for her own reasons, she was basically hoping she would love Jacob enough to change lol. But the difficulties of taking care of a baby soon slapped her in the face (another reality check). She asked Yvonne to take care of Jacob. Yvonne was, for one of the first times, extremely disappointed in her, and very angry.

The two of them have a difficult relationship. Eve compares herself to Yvonne and feels bad about herself (inferiority complex), Yvonne cares immensely about her, but doesn’t approve of her decisions and tells it straight to Eve, who feels judged. It is always crushing to Eve when Yvonne unintentionally gives her a brutal reality check about what she’s actually doing. Then Eve will try to change things, but it doesn’t last because it comes from shame, guilt or fear. Eve has also lashed out at Yvonne before, accusing Yvonne of judging her as useless and impractical, that things are hard for Eve but things have always been easy for Yvonne.

As they got older, Eve would disappear for months and reappear, often asking to borrow money. Yvonne always disapproves and tells Eve straight, but she does give the money. They’re family after all, and she loves Eve. The only time she really put her foot down was with Jacob.

Eve is a very flawed person. She lives with an escapist mindset because of her inferiority complex and so she never really grows up, even after she had a kid. Like a man-child lol. She is always trying to feel good about herself, so she was a terrible mother. She would abandon Jacob to un-trustworthy people or all on his own for hours or days to do whatever fanciful idea caught her eye at the time.

She does love Jacob, but she is too insecure to ever really love properly. Everything is filtered through her fears and she takes people for granted because she is unintentionally very self-centered. I don’t think it has ever occurred to her to empathize with Yvonne’s struggles with their upbringing. She sees Yvonne as invincible, and the idea that Yvonne could be afraid or feel low is impossible in her head because Yvonne doesn’t often show her emotions, and has always seemed so capable and sure, the epitome of everything she wished she herself was.

She showers Jacob with gifts when she sees him, but it partly stems from guilt and partly from fawning over this boy that’s her kid. She treats him like a pet, basically, from idealizing their connection. She doesn’t know what he really is like, what he likes or dislikes. I think only when she is much, much older, maybe her 40s, lol, would she start to actually mature and actually be more genuine and loving. The damage is already done by then. Although older Jacob is more open to the idea of her, too much time has passed. They’d have more of a distant-aunt-and-nephew type of relationship.

It’s a pity, because she is by nature a very gentle and kind person, and her idealism and dreaminess could have been much better channeled had her upbringing been different. It’s unintended, but her dynamic with Yvonne worsens things for her as well. If she had been better adjusted, Jacob would have grown up VERY differently too. But then again, Jacob won’t even happen because she won’t make the same choices and look for love in all the wrong places. Perhaps if she miraculously landed in a loving and supportive community and found some kind of mentor figure or someone like that when she found herself pregnant, or formed some kind of meaningful connection, or saw someone who truly touched something deep within her to truly inspire her to be a better person...

[a-friendinthedark]

oc name changes

Gal → Gilbert

Gal’s name is changed to Gilbert -- Gilbert, middle name Galahad. He’s pompous and takes it upon to himself to tell others off and make sure everyone is following the rules. He has a younger sister (Renee) whom he dotes on a lot. He is always ready to talk people’s ear off about his sister (she took her first step yesterday) and show off pictures of her.

Hal --> Hannah

Hal’s name is changed to Hannah so her full name is Hannah Lark.