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pakiramdam ko gahol na gahol ako sa lahat ng bagay, napagiiwanan. walang nagrerehistro sa utak, isip ko. hindi ako makahinga.
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long time no post, wawee. kaka-lifestyle ko ‘to the past months e lol anyway, here i am. ‘di naman ako malungkot, i think. disappointed sa sarili, oo. ayoko rin masyado magisip pa ng sobra pero laging sumisingit sa isip ko ay kung gaano ako kaluwag sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sa buhay ko. dami kong ebas na gusto ko ganyan mangyari, marating blah blah pero wala naman akong ginagawa. ang hassle lang, pakiramdam ko sobrang loser ko. which i think totoo naman? okay, fine. self-pity nanaman lol when matatapos pagiging sad girl ko taena
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cowards like me push people away because that’s what we do best. run and hide away their feelings and pretend they don’t hurt and matter because eventually you’ll be fine.
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pushing away someone is an act of saving yourself from a potential terrible misery.
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never thought i’d be this politically active. feels good tbh, because i feel like i’m doing something, even if it’s the smallest thing. gusto ko lang siya manalo. please lang. hirap sikmurain kung mauupo pa rin sa taas ang mga magnanakaw.
feb
mar
apr
feb-apr 2022 -- caravan/rally/h2h
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met up with my other college bestie. ang saya lang bec sobrang spontaneous nitong lakad na ‘to. just hit her up that saturday morning and it just happened.
sum thai chicken place -- pweds na rin, overpowering yung maluya taste sa chicken.
el 26 de marzo de 2022
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today, i feel it again. i feel like i’m not moving. at all. not even an inch. i don’t know when it started to feel like this.
15 march 2022
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so i think i can no longer qualify myself as an occasional smoker. i think i am now a regular. i know i mentioned from my past blog that i would stop after that pack -- but i bought one after another. well, that sucks. for me.
el primero de marzo de 2022
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been going on a few weeks now. i need to get better. i need to be better.

... but after finishing the pack i bought lol
fuck
3 feb 2022
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met up with my friend yesterday to get our first tattoo together!! i remember we used to talk about when we'll be able to do it and it finally happened! also, just to add, haven't seen him since 2019 😱 shockers, amirite? felt like it was only just yesterday!! oh, another thing!! HE JUST PASSED THE ALE 2022 AND HE'S NOW A LICENSED ARCHITECT!!! super proud of what he’s achieved and what he’s about to achieve in the future!


so, i actually got this design from an aboriginal art symbol which originated from localities/natives of Australia -- this design, meant, “Road with Resting Place”; its meaning kind of struck with me because i feel like i’ve been in a “road with resting place” for a really long time and i couldn’t just... leave. the tattoo artist had to ask me if i really wanted it to be “this” way, like, a doodle like form of tattoo in which i couldn’t help but respond, yeah, because it’s not like, life has its perfect circles and lines and shit -- so i guess, this is also my attempt of being poetic. lol, here’s to hoping that this wouldn’t develop into a keloid scar!! (because my skin is keloid prone and i have several keloid scars from my acne/regular wounds ;----( )

here’s jomar’s!! meant -- “God is greater than highs and lows” - actually a celebratory tattoo after passing ALE 2022.

1 feb 2022
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currently sitting on our toilet bowl and typing this shit because i'm so fucking... stressed and sad and jealous and happy (for others). it's pretty complicated and i don't want to let out all of the shit (yes, pun intended) that's been bothering me the past few days, months and years. not really a writer or anything and it's really hard to just come up here and put my thoughts into words and lay all my shit but fuck, i'm so sad... for myself. this is probably the best i can say to what i feel right now. and.... i'm crying. so fucking pathetic.
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some photos i took when i went on a walk last week -- altho, i’ve been walking a lot the past few weeks. siguro dahil malamig. masarap mainitan ang kalamnan.




7:47 pm // 9 jan 2022
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nieve/nyebe - el gato de polly y marx

joyce y marx


las chicas

las chicas parte 2

los amigos

yo

cumpleaños de polly
las fotos tomada el 4 de marzo de 2021
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