a-smilethat-explodes

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 41-2

"I guess I have explaining to do," she said softly, stuffing her hands into her sweatshirt pockets.

"You don't have to explain anything." I told her quietly.

She looked up at me and then I saw her face crumple. I thought I'd see pigs fly before I saw Alexandra Grayson cry. "My life is such a mess," she began to bitterly sob.

"Hey-" I made a move to hold her.

"No wait," she pushed me away, trying to control herself. "I keep myself so guarded, so unattached… you were just trying to be a nice guy and every time I said too much, I…" she shook her head and sobbed a few times.

I gently grabbed her shoulders and, when she didn't push me away again, pulled her to my chest. She wrapped her arms around me, sobs muffled by my sweatshirt. When she was finally quiet after a long time of tears, I pulled her back quietly, and smiled, wiping away her tears. "You're going tomorrow?" I asked her softly.

She nodded slowly, sniffing as she wiped her tears away quickly. "My dad is making me go."

"You should go because you want to go… trust me, being forced to go doesn't always work." I replied grimly.

"No, no, I need to go. I need to go for Caitlyn," she answered softly. "But I just came to thank you."

"Thank me?" I asked.

"For being such a nice guy," she told me.

I paused for a moment and then told her with a little smile, "You know, I used to hate being called that. I don't think it's so bad anymore."

"It could be worse," she told me, stepping back. "You could be called an asshole all the time."

"That's true." I smiled back.

"Well I have to get home…" she said softly.

"Good luck." I told her.

"Thanks," she smiled faintly, got into her car, and drove away.

That was the last time I ever heard from her.

I drove across town, lost in thought, not really thinking about where I was going. I finally ended up in front of an apartment complex. I parked and climbed out, walking through the apartments.

I knocked on the door. There was a pause, then soft footsteps, and then the door opened. Christine smiled at the sight of me, surprised. "Hey!" she smiled. "This is a surprise!"

"I was going to call…" I half smiled back and then trailed off.

"What's wrong?" she asked after a few minutes pause.

"Come here." I said softly, holding out my arms. She shut the door and put her arms around me. I pulled her close and held her for a few minutes and then pulled back. She looked worried. "Don't worry, I'm fine… it's just been an interesting day."

"What do you mean?" she asked. "Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked.

"Sure." I agreed.

We sat down on the porch step and I began telling her everything about the encounter with Alexandra. She remained surprised and quiet through the whole thing before finally saying, "Wow."

"Wow is right." I nodded in agreement.

She looked at me, tilting her head, and then smiled. "You really are a nice guy."

"Thanks." I smiled back faintly.

She slid her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and smoothed her hair. "I don't deserve you," her whisper carried with the wind.

"Hey." I said softly, lifting her chin up to meet my eyes. "There shouldn't be a question about deserving each other."

She smiled back after a few minutes pause and then kissed me. "So is it true, what they say?" she asked.

"What who says?" I asked.

"Which do nice guys finish, last or first?" she asked me.

I snorted at the cliché. "I just like to say that nice guys finish, who cares what place it is. At least we make it."

"You're right," she leaned up and kissed me.

Somehow I knew, in that kiss, that we would make it.

THE END

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 41- Explainations

The following day, I sat at the counter at work, studying for a test coming up. The door to Paul's office opened and Laura came out, hustling her kids with her. "I'm engaged!" she exclaimed, holding out her hand with a ring on it.

Wow that was fast. "Wow." I blurted out and then quickly added, "Congratulations."

"Thanks," she beamed back at me and then herded her kids out the door.

Paul came out a few minutes later, clearing his throat, smile on his face. I forced myself not to make a face. "I popped the question," he "confided" in me.

"Yeah, Laura just told me." I answered, forcing myself to smile.

"I know it's soon…" he leaned against the counter. "But I really like her… I mean, we're going to be taking it slow, long engagement, but I'm crazy about her," he told me seriously.

"That's great." I nodded diligently.

"Well I guess you wouldn't really know how it feels, to be really crazy about someone," he announced grandly.

I read between the lines of that remark and couldn't help but ask, "Excuse me?"

He looked at me sharply and then smiled an almost sympathetic smile. "I mean, I know that you don't have a girlfriend right now…"

"Actually I do." I replied, somehow managing to keep the bite out of my voice. Pompous, assuming, rude, son of a bitch…

"Oh really?" he asked, looking surprised. "Oh I thought…" he began and then trailed off, looking… disappointed? I suddenly realized that it had probably been a huge ego booster for him to have a girlfriend when I, who was younger and way more attractive then him, didn't.

"Yeah. Have a girlfriend." I answered briskly. "Are you leaving for the day?"

"Yes. Make sure to lock up," he quickly exited the store and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"He's finally gone." Christine surprised me by coming out of one of the aisles.

"Hey!" I smiled at her. "When did you come in?"

"You were talking to Laura," she answered with a shrug. "I figured I'd say something once you were alone."

"Oh. Okay." I smiled back and then leaned across the counter. She smiled back and we kissed.

The door opened so I pulled back quickly. "Am I interrupting?" Jake wiggled his eyebrows at us.

"I thought you were hungover." I answered, surprised to see him. "The last time I saw you, you were dry-heaving over the sink."

He shrugged as he tossed his return down on the counter. "Slept a lot, ate a little, threw up three times-"

"Ew." Christine interjected, looking thoroughly grossed out.

"I'm better now," he shrugged nonchalantly, looking at the new releases. "Got anything new?"

"Maybe." I answered, shaking my head as he wandered off.

"His resilience amazes me." Christine shook her head with a smile.

"I rule at life." Jake answered from the shelves.

The door opened again. Cassie entered with a small smile. "Hey." I smiled at her.

"Hey," she smiled a little more back.

"Cassie?" Jake popped out of the shelves. "Haven't seen your lovely face around lately," he glided over smoothly.

Cassie looked pained. "Jake-" she began with a sigh.

"Leave her alone, Jake." I said patiently.

"Dude, how many times do I have to ask you to hook it up?" Jake complained as Cassie slowly inched away.

"Many more since my answer is still no." I replied sweetly.

"That's the jealousy talking." Jake smirked before retreating back into the shelves.

"I'm just returning a movie." Cassie held up a movie then set it down on the counter.

"Thanks." I answered.

"Hey Christine," she smiled at Christine in a clear effort to make nice.

"Hey." Christine smiled back.

"Well I have some studying to do. See ya." Cassie left.

I sighed and dropped my face into my arms on the counter. I felt a small cool hand touch my arm gently and peeked out. Christine smiled at me and said quietly, "It will get better."

"I hope so." I mumbled back, words muffled by my arms.

The door opened again so I popped back up… only to see Alexandra coming in, holding a little girl in her arms. "Hey." I said, surprised.

"Hey," she answered, pushing her sunglasses on top of her head. She looked thoroughly uncomfortable.

"I'm going to go look for a movie." Christine breezed away.

I waited for Alexandra to speak, not eager to piss her off, knowing that we were on fragile ground already.

"So… how's business been?" Alexandra asked in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. I saw Jake come out of the shelves, clearly about to pose a question, and then stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Alexandra. He blatantly stared at her. I tried to ignore him.

"Good." I nodded a few times. "Who's this?" I asked, smiling at the little girl, who was clearly related to Alexandra. She had the same pale blond hair and green eyes.

"This is my daughter Caitlyn," she answered and then looked down, smiling softly at her daughter. "Caitlyn, this is my friend Erik." Caitlyn smiled back shyly.

"She's cute." I told her softly.

"Yeah she is." Alexandra smoothed her daughter's hair down and then looked up at me. "I just came by to drop this off," she handed me an envelope. "Give it to Paul, please?"

"Sure." I nodded.

"I'll see you around," she smiled one more time and then left the store.

"That was Alexandra Grayson." Christine popped out of the shelves the minute the door shut.

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Dude who was that, she was hot." Jake said faintly.

"She used to work here." I answered.

"She was the hot blond girl?" he demanded. "Wow too bad I didn't catch her when she still worked here," he shook his head and headed back into the shelves.

"Wow… she looked good." Christine muttered, almost to herself, as she came over to the counter.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not used to my girlfriend saying when other girls looked good.

"Last time I saw her, she was a mess… pregnant and just kicked out of her house." Christine mused softly.

"What?" I demanded.

"Yeah, there was something with drugs too," she answered distractedly and then looked at me. "You didn't know?"

"No." I answered, still stunned.

"Yeah, her dad works with mine." I caught the small grimace at the mention of her dad but didn't comment on it. "It was a huge scandal two years ago when Robert Grayson's daughter was knocked up and on drugs. Well at least according to my mom and her stupid country club friends."

"Wow." I mused quietly.

The door flew open and Paul came in, looking annoyed. "Forgot my wallet," he grumbled, pissed off.

"Hey, this is for you." I handed him the envelope from Alexandra.

"What's this for?" he asked, looking at me suspiciously as he ripped open the envelope, even more annoyed at being derailed from his apparently busy schedule.

"Alexandra came by and dropped it off." I answered.

"What, she wants to apologize for walking off her damn shift?" he muttered, mostly to himself, as he pulled out a single folded piece of paper. He frowned and pulled a check in his other hand as he read the letter and then read the check. "Did you know about this?" he demanded, thrusting the letter at me.

I took the letter, read it, and then stared at it in shock. I was in so much shock that I didn't even register Paul snapping at Christine, asking her if she didn't have any place better to be.

The letter read that Alexandra had been the reason why the window had been smashed by that brick a few weeks ago. She had an addiction to drugs, she didn't specify what, but she had gotten in a bunch of trouble with it. She would be entering rehab the following day for her addiction but her father thought that Paul was entitled to getting money for the window that had been smashed because of her. Enclosed was check for 1,000 dollars.

I set the letter and check down on the counter, shocked.

"Did you know about this?" Paul demanded again.

"No, of course not." I answered honestly.

He eyed me for a moment and then snatched them both up. "Whatever. Got money out of the situation," he said, mostly to himself, dropped it off in his office, and then stormed out.

"What is it?" Christine asked once he finally left. I told her. "Wow," her eyes widened. "Well… I'm not really surprised…"

I thought back to the night of the window smashing… I remembered how unusually rattled Alexandra had been about it. "It makes sense now…" I mused quietly to myself out loud.

"What does?" Christine asked curiously.

"The night the window was smashed, she was really upset… like more upset then someone would be." I answered.

"Hmm…" she muttered thoughtfully.

The door opened again. Mrs. Carlson and the clan bustled in. I saw Jake come out of the shelves and then turn right back around. It probably would've been better for him to announce his presence or try to sneak out but… whatever. "Hey Erik." Mrs. C said cheerfully.

"Ewik! Ewik! Ewik!" Aidan yelled, reaching out for me.

"Hey buddy." I smiled back and took him when Mrs. C handed him to me. Christine smiled, clearly touched, as Aidan grinned at me. He jammed three of his fingers in my ear of course but I patiently pulled them out.

"How are you, dear?" Mrs. C asked.

"Good." I answered. "Have you met my girlfriend, Christine?"

"I've met you before but I don't remember her being your girlfriend." Mrs. C answered, turning, and smiling at Christine.

"Yeah we weren't dating then." I replied.

"Well I'm glad that Erik seems to have found him a nice girl." Mrs. C smiled kindly.

"Thank you." Christine smiled back.

The clan had run back into the shelves. "Jake, Jake, Jake!" they shouted ecstatically when they found their big brother.

"Hey guys." I heard Jake mumble.

"Jacob?" Mrs. C whirled around, eyes narrowing. The kids dragged Jake out of the stacks, chattering excitedly to their favorite older brother.

"Just returning a movie, Mom." Jake said with a sigh.

"And you didn't come out and say hi when I came in?" she demanded, indignant.

"Mom-" Jake began, beginning to get annoyed.

"Are you sleeping enough?" she asked him critically.

"Yeah Mom," he answered wearily.

"Because you have dark circles under your eyes, it doesn't look like you've really been sleeping," she answered, sounding concerned.

"I was up late last night," well that was somewhat of the truth.

"Were you drinking last night, Jacob?" Mrs. C asked, voice dangerous.

Wingman time! "We were up late celebrating my birthday, Mrs. C." I jumped in, pulling Aidan's fingers out of my nose.

She turned around and looked at me, eyes narrowed, which gave Jake an opportunity to send me a grateful look. I smiled back sweetly at Mrs. C. "All right…" she said slowly and then turned back around to Jake. "You should come around the house more often, we miss you."

"I can tell." Jake answered dryly.

"You know why I needle you, don't you?" Mrs. C demanded, exasperated. "It's because I miss you!"

"Well I'd miss you more if you weren't ragging on me so much!" he snapped back, picking up one of his little sisters who had been tugging on his t-shirt.

Mrs. C paused and seemed to consider his words. "I only rag on you because I want only the best for you," she finally said softly.

He softened at her quiet words. "Ma… I quit school," he blurted out softly. Way to tell her at a random moment, Jake.

I braced myself for the explosion… that never came. "What?" Mrs. C whispered, stunned. "But… why?"

The kids all went quiet at Mrs. C's quiet words… I suspected that they knew something was wrong when Mrs. C was quiet. Aidan even stopped trying to lodge his fingers into my ear.

"I hated it… I don't know what I want to be," he shrugged, not looking her in the eye.

"What have you been doing all this time?" she demanded, voice still quietly stunned.

"Working," he answered.

She stared at him for a long time before finally saying quietly, "We'll talk about this when you come over for dinner tomorrow night. You'd better be there," she grabbed all the kids and herded them out the door.

Jake sighed and looked defeated. "She had to find out sometime… right?" I asked him softly.

"I thought she was going to blow a gasket," he admitted.

"Me too… she took it… well not good but not bad either." I answered. He looked depressed so I said, "Come on buddy… it'll all work out."

"Sure," he said softly and then changed the subject by asking, "Do you have Terminator 2 in?" as he disappeared back into the Action movie shelf.

He left after renting Terminator 2. Christine hung around a little while longer before heading home herself.

I locked up the store later that night and stood on the little porch outside the store, staring at the bare trees lit up by the moon light.

I'd changed… a lot had changed in the last couple of weeks. Had it been a good change?

I walked over to my car, lost in thought. I was stunned to see Alexandra leaning against her parked car next to mine.

"Hey." I said, surprised.

"Paul called my father a few hours ago and thanked him for the check," she said softly. "He talked to me too and told me that he'd showed you the letter and the check too."

"Yeah." I nodded.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 40- Birthday par-tay

Jake, Adam, Christine, and I stood outside the apartment door as Adam unlocked it. I led Christine inside, following Jake, who followed Adam inside. "I'll be right back." I said softly to Christine, stopping her at the couch, and then followed Jake into our room, half shutting the door for a minute.

Jake looked up in the dresser mirror when he realized I was behind him. He turned around silently and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Christine and Cassie told me what you did." I told him. I paused long enough to make him uncomfortable and begin to open his mouth. "And I just wanted to say thanks." I finished.

He stared at me for a minute and asked, in a voice unlike I'd ever heard him use before, "Really?" I realized it was completely devoid of mocking, teasing, harassing, or joking, it was a serious, honest, questioning one.

"Really." I replied.

"You're welcome," he said quietly, yanking at his tie.

"Thanks for being here for me lately." I looked at the floor for a minute then looked him in the eye. He looked back at me. "It's really meant a lot to me and I don't know what I'd do without you."

For a minute, I saw a smirk rise to his lips, and I thought he'd make some flippant remark. But instead, he smiled a genuine smile, and replied honestly, "Sure, man. Anytime."

"Thanks." I said simply. We awkwardly met for a quick hug and then pulled apart, clearing our throats. "Christine's waiting for me." I mumbled.

"Yeah," he mumbled back. I left the room and shut the door behind me.

Christine was on the couch, checking her phone. She looked up when I shut the door to my room and smiled at me. I sighed as I sat down next to her on the couch. She grabbed me by the tie and smiled playfully at me, eyeing my lips for a minute, and then looking up into my eyes. "I moved out," she told me quietly.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"I'm an adult, after all… my dad shouldn't be able to control every move I make, right?" she asked, studying my tie as she thoughtfully spoke. "I've spent the last couple of days moving into a friend's apartment."

"Really." I stated, looking down at her lips, and then forcing myself to look up and listen.

"Really," she looked up into my eyes and smiled.

"Hmm…" I muttered, reaching up and pushing her hair away from her face. "So… if you're not living at home anymore…"

"Hmm…" she mused softly, pursing her lips in playful thought.

"That means you can date whoever you want… am I right?" I asked her curiously.

She looked up, pretending to consider my words, and then looked me in the eye again. "I think it does," she smiled slowly, which mirrored the one slowly spreading across my own face. She pulled me to her with my tie and kissed me firmly on the mouth. I slid my hand into her hair and pulled her closer into the kiss.

Two Weeks Later

"WE'RE GETTING WASTED TONIGHT!" Jake hollered from the coffee table that he was standing on. I shared a look with Adam and we shook our heads as he danced around in a circle on the coffee table then slapped some blond's ass, who giggled and ran off. That's our boy.

"Is this any way to celebrate my birthday?" I walked over as I asked him, and then pulled him off the table.

"Watching me act like a drunken retard?" he asked of me. "Of course it is! I'm the best when I'm drunk!"

"Just keep on telling yourself that, buddy." I shook my head and clapped him on the back.

"I have a birthday present for you," he told me, leaning in close to talk as lowly as he could with fifty other people in the apartment. "It's just between you and me though."

"What's that?" I asked him patiently.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch tonight," he told me seriously, holding my shoulder to half stare at me honestly and half hold himself upright.

"Oh really?" I asked, smirking at him.

"No," he answered seriously before turning around and shouting, "Adam does!" at Adam across the room.

"Adam does what?" Adam giggled as he stumbled over. He bumped into a cute brunette and said, "Ooh, my bad!" then walked slower as he looked back and smiled slowly as she smiled back at him.

"Focus, man! Focus!" Jake grabbed his shoulder and dragged him over to our little pow-wow.

Adam opened his mouth to complain about being dragged away from a potential girl but I interjected quickly with, "See that big guy over there? The one who would have a bodybuilder shaking in his pants? I believe that's her boyfriend."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"Forget about the girl, you're better without, since your ass is sleeping on the COUCH tonight!" Jake shouted.

"What?" Adam whined, less then pleased with the news. "Why do I have to sleep on the couch?"

"Because it's Erik's birthday!" Jake shot back as though it was obvious. "I can't kick the poor man out of the room on his birthday!"

"But I hate sleeping on the couch!" Adam kept on whining. "I do it all the time!" we all looked in the direction of where Ben was making out with some girl in a semi dark (but not dark enough) corner.

"Well I gotta get laid somehow tonight and I don't want the birthday boy to suffer." Jake answered with a shrug.

"Thanks buddy." I replied dryly. "Always thinking of me." Jake nodded seriously in agreement. I saw Adam's mouth open to do some more whining and decided to take advantage of their drunken state. "Ladies, please, no more bickering tonight." I grabbed them both by the shoulders and held them upright. Jake grabbed onto me for balance. "Let's celebrate the date of my birth like this: you both can sleep on the floor out here, Ben can get laid, and I can get a good night's sleep."

"That makes sense." Jake agreed, too drunk to really understand what I just said.

"It does?" Adam asked, looking confused.

"Oh definitely." Jake agreed. "We… sleep…" he stopped and looked off into space, mouth moving silently as he either tried to remember or figure out what I had said.

"No puking tonight, okay girls?" I advised, pulling away to go grab a water.

"Wait, dude, I got you another birthday present." Jake grabbed me by the arm again.

What now? "What?" I asked patiently.

"Sit your ass down," he pushed me back on the couch. The couples who had been making out on it had miraculously left me just enough space to sit.

"Uh… Jake…" I began, uncomfortable at being sandwiched between two couples who obviously wanted to get busy.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Jake shouted, bringing everyone's attention to him as he stood back on the coffee table. He almost fell but Adam caught him just in time. "Thanks dude," he straightened back up. "Tonight is Erik James Masterson's day of birth!" a rousing roar of cheers went up. I nodded and smiled happily, feeling the love. "So we got him… a lady!" Adam walked up some girl who had her back turned to me.

"Oh no-" I began to stand.

"Relax!" Jake exclaimed, pushing me back. The couples moved over and made more room for me, all four of them curiously watching me. It was kind of like being an exhibit in the zoo and I began to sweat a little at all the attention.

"Here is your birthday present." Adam turned the girl around. Wait, that was-

She leapt on top of me before I really realized what I was seeing and kissed me hard, pulling me up into the kiss. A huge roar from the crowd went up.

Christine pulled back after a long moment and smiled lazily. "Hey birthday boy," she drawled lowly.

"Hey. I've been looking for you." I smiled back.

"Happy birthday baby," she smiled genuinely and then kissed me again.

"Thanks babe." I said slightly breathlessly after she pulled back then reached up and ran the back of my hand down her cheek. She hadn't tasted like any alcohol… "You aren't drinking tonight?"

She shook her head. "Just don't feel like it," she answered.

"You don't have to not drink because of me." I told her quietly. "I don't mind it. I just don't do it myself."

"I know," she replied. "But I really don't… all they have is vodka and since I got sick off of it a few weeks ago…" she trailed off and made a face.

"Yes I remember." I replied dryly. She smacked me lightly with the back of her hand but smiled.

"Give him a lap dance!" I heard Adam hiss not so subtlety behind me.

Christine smirked and I rolled my eyes. She leaned forward and whispered, "Would you like a lap dance?"

I couldn't figure out what the answer to this question… I didn't really think Christine was that kind of girl but who am I to turn down a lap dance? So instead I only smiled.

"Yeah?" she asked, grinding her hips a little on me. I swallowed. She leaned in even closer so that we were exactly eye level and then whispered as much as you can at a party with fifty other people and music blasting, "Well you aren't going to get one."

"Tease!" I accused. She raised an eyebrow as if telling me I was treading on dangerous ground. "I figured as much." I sighed as she pulled back.

"Please, what kind of girl do you think I am?" she scoffed, climbing off me, and taking my hand. "I think it's time we got some water or something, I'm thirsty."

"All right," she could've been leading me off a cliff, I would've barely noticed.

Christine grabbed two bottles of water off the table. "Here ya go," she handed me one and then opened hers. We drank for a while, my arm around her, watching other people act like drunk fools. I finished my water bottle in a few minutes and then tossed it in the already overflowing trash can. "Done?" she asked me.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Let's dance," she grabbed my hand and began pulling me away to where everyone else was dancing to the loud rap music blaring over the speakers.

"I don't dance-!" I began to complain.

"Now you do!" she sang over her shoulder, moving her hips to the music.

An hour later, Christine yelled, "Bathroom!" over the music, and headed over. Of course… when did girls not have to go to the bathroom? I was surprised she hadn't grabbed another girl to go with her; didn't they always travel in packs for that sort of thing?

I looked around the apartment and shook my head but couldn't help smiling. My life was finally back to normal… as normal as it could be with school, two jobs, a girlfriend, and sharing a room with Jake Carlson.

Speaking of, he was making his way slowly over through the crowd. "Hey," he slurred so that it came out like, "Heeeeeeey."

"Hey." I replied. "What's up?"

"Not much," he slurred back. "Just…" he kind of shrugged.

"Looking for someone to hold you up?" I finally asked patiently.

"Yeah," he nodded, grabbing onto my shoulder with a small giggle. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile.

"Hey," Christine announced her presence as she came up next to me. I smiled down at her and put my arm around her. She smiled back up at me.

"You guys are just too cute." Jake giggled to us both.

"Thanks," she answered for us, trying to hold back her laughter.

Jake let go of my arm suddenly and swayed uneasily. "You okay?" I asked him sharply. If he was about to puke, I wanted to be as far away as possible. "You gonna be sick?" I asked him anxiously.

Suddenly his eyes closed and he fell to his knees and then on his face. "Jake?" I let go of Christine and leaned over him, rolling him over. I checked his pulse… still there.

"BITCH PASSED OUT!" Adam shouted, raising a fist victoriously in the air. They always have a competition about who passes out first.

"Jake…" I grumbled, not eager to drag him off our room. I mean it's not that I didn't care that he was passed out, it was just that it was annoying and that he outweighed me by at least ten pounds. "Adam, come here and help me." I sighed.

Adam approached and I saw the permanent marker in hand. "No dude, not tonight." I said sharply, grabbing it out of his hand.

"Erik…!" he began to whine.

"Next time." Christine suggested quickly.

Adam began to nod slowly and then pointed at Christine. "That's a good plan," he told her with a smile, eyes half shut.

"Yeah, come on, help me carry him to our room." I said impatiently.

"All right, dude," he answered dutifully. It was hard work, carrying Jake, especially since it was mostly me since Adam was so drunk, but we got him there.

Christine and I collapsed on my bed later that night, exhausted. It was 4 AM and we had just finished pushing the last non-passed out drunk people out the door then putting Adam to bed. She sighed and wrapped her arms around my middle, pulling me close. "Good birthday?" she muttered.

"Yeah, it was." I agreed, stroking her hair wearily, not even bothering to lower my voice since I knew Jake was out. "It really was… there's nothing quite like spending an evening taking care of Jake and Adam's drunk asses," she laughed. "I can't believe I'm 20."

"I can't believe I'll be 20 too," she mumbled back. "But it's good, being 20?"

"Definitely." I agreed and then felt myself drifting off to sleep.

It had been a good birthday.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 39- Unexpected Surprises

Adam drove Ben, Jake, and me over to the church later. Andrew followed in his Range Rover with Isabella and Ana. Rob followed them in his rental car.

There weren't many people in the pews at the church… some of Mom's old friends from when we were younger and a few people I didn't recognize, probably people from her work. Her suicide had made the news.

People entered the church. Ana and I stood in the back, watching, quietly wondering who the people we didn't recognize were. The pastor finally came out of his office and approached me. "I'm sorry again for your loss," he told me solemnly as we shook hands. "I suppose you're Ellen's daughter?"

"Yes." Ana replied. I put my arm around her as they shook hands.

"Well I'm ready to start when you are," he told us.

"All right, we'll head in now." I answered quietly. I lead the way into the church, Ana following me, and sat in the front pew. Rob touched both mine and Ana's shoulders and then sat back behind us. I was glad he wasn't sitting with us and yet he was close.

The pastor said a few things about Mom. I couldn't really tell you what… I was barely listening; I just stared at the casket lost in thought. I got up with Ana and said a few words I'd written out. I spoke in a monotone, barely registering what I was saying. People seemed to think it was eloquent though because they looked satisfied when I sat down.

A few people from Mom's old job spoke a few words about her. Her old best friend, Mrs. Dylan, said a few words about her too.

We were standing and singing another hymn that Mom had requested we sing for her service when someone else joined me in the pew. I looked over in surprise and stared in shock at Christine, looking quietly beautiful in a black dress. She smiled sadly at me, reached down, and took my hand. "Later," she whispered in my ear.

Ana nudged me and I began to sing again, stuttering to catch up in the song. I saw Ana eye Christine apprehensively but didn't say anything.

After the hymn, I stood and walked to the front of the church, joined by Jake, Adam, Mr. Carlson, and Rob. The five of us lifted Mom's casket, walked it down the aisle, and out the back to the cemetery.

We stood around the grave, listening as the pastor said a few more things about Mom. Christine kept a firm grip on my hand and Ana clutched my elbow as we stood, staring at the casket. The priest lowered the body into the ground and we watched solemnly.

People then came over and offered their condolences to us. Mrs. Carlson gave me a good hug. Even Aidan in Mr. Carlson's arms seemed to detect the air of seriousness because he was actually behaving himself, keeping quiet as he chewed on his fingers, staring at me. I smiled at him and he smiled back, showing me his two teeth.

After most people had gone, Andrew came over, shook hands with me, and held Ana for a long time. Isabella hugged me and then comforted Ana quietly. They walked a little away from us for a moment, which finally left me and Christine alone.

I turned to her at last and looked down at her in wonder. "But… how…?" I asked, scraping for words.

"Jake called me last night," she told me quietly. "He told me what happened."

I looked over at Jake, who was with his family, watching me from a distance. We shared a meaningful look and then I smiled my thanks.

"I'm so sorry, Erik," she told me quietly, hugging me. I held her close to me and breathed in her familiar perfume. "I'm so sorry this had to happen to you," she whispered, rubbing my back a few times.

"Me too." I whispered back, holding her close. I let the tears come to me then and buried my face in her hair for a long time. She held me tightly and whispered, "I'm so sorry," over and over. I sniffed deeply in her hair and tried not to sob out loud.

After a long period, I pulled back. She smiled up at me sadly and wiped away my tears with her hands. "Thanks for being here." I told her, voice rough with my tears.

"I wouldn't miss it," she replied quietly, looking up at me. She slowly lifted herself up to kiss me. I kissed her back, sliding a hand into her hair to pull her up into the kiss. Everything I felt for her that I had bottled up when we had broken up rushed out and filled me. I really cared about her.

We finally pulled back and pulled away slightly. She took my hand again as I looked around to see who was still around. Ana pulled away from Andrew as my eyes fell on her and then caught sight of me. She looked at me, then at Christine, and then came over. "Hi, I'm Ana, Erik's sister," she said politely to Christine, offering her hand.

"I'm Christine," she replied, shaking Ana's hand.

"The Christine?" Ana asked, eyebrows rising.

Christine smiled, looking a little uncomfortable. "Yeah, I guess…" she looked up at me with a question in her eyes.

"Ana and I are pretty close." I explained weakly.

"So you know… everything?" Christine asked Ana.

"Everything." Ana stared her down.

"Wow." Christine whispered, looking down at the ground. "I guess I have a lot to apologize for."

"Yeah I suppose you do." Ana agreed coolly.

"Ana." I interjected sharply.

"Relax; I'm not going to kill the girl." Ana shot back calmly. "She just has a lot to answer to, that's all."

"Not now, Ana." I said quietly. "We'll talk about it later."

"No, Erik, really, it's fine," she said, looking like she actually meant it. "I mean, now I have a pretty face to put with the name-" I bristled, "-but you showed up today and I know that really meant a lot to my brother so…" she trailed off and still stared Christine down, who looked at her and then looked up at me nervously. "We all make mistakes, right?" she asked quietly, eyes still trained on Christine.

"Okay, time to go to my house!" Jake said loudly as he walked over. Mrs. Carlson was holding the reception from the service there. "Come on, let's move along," he put his hand on Ana's shoulder and gently pulled her away. Andrew, who was still holding Ana's hand, followed along, and Isabella followed after them.

"Wow." Christine muttered, staring off into the distance.

"I'm sorry-" I began.

"No, I deserved it," she interrupted me. "I've done some stuff in the past that I'm not proud of and I deserve every minute of her lecture… even if she doesn't get a chance to let me have it," she looked up at me.

"She was right about one thing." I told her quietly. "It really does mean a lot to me that you showed up today."

"No, she was right about everything, but that's not the point now," she looked up at me with a small smile. "Do you want me to drive you over to Jake's house?"

"Sure, that'd be-" I began.

"Erik?" a familiar voice asked.

I turned around to see Cassie standing there, looking pale in her own black dress. "Cassie!" I exclaimed, astonished.

"Jake, he called me, and…" she began, trailed off, and then finished with a shrug.

"No, no, it's okay." I said quickly, letting go of Christine's hand.

"I'll give you guys a moment." Christine said quickly, touching my arm.

"Okay." I agreed. She walked away from us. I stared at Cassie, who looked to be on the verge of tears, for a long beat. "Hey." I finally said quietly.

"Hey." I barely heard her whisper. She pushed her hair back from her face and then said, voice stronger, "Jake called me last night and told me what happened."

"He's been doing a lot of that lately." I muttered, mostly to myself.

"Is it okay that I'm here?" she asked me anxiously.

"Of course." I came closer to her and then slowed when she looked apprehensive at my sudden approach. I stuck my hands in my pockets and looked at her. "Did you just get here?"

She shook her head slowly. "I came in right as the service started and kind of… blended into the crowd," she said softly. "Was that her?" she darted her eyes in the direction Christine had gone.

"Yeah, that was Christine." I answered her, studying her. "Did Jake make you come?" I asked her; curious as to why she was on the brink of tears.

"No, no. I came on my own," she answered quickly. "It's just…" she began quietly and then whispered, "It's just really hard, to see you with her."

I couldn't bring myself to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about. "Cass-" I began, stepping forward.

"You knew?" she demanded, taking a step back, looking aghast at my obviously unsurprised expression.

"Cassie, you're my best friend… I, of all people, should know." I answered quietly.

"I couldn't say it. It would ruin our friendship," she told me quietly, tears spilling over, and then bitterly sobbed, "Much like it is right now."

"Our friendship isn't ruined." I shook my head, wondering if I was being naive by holding onto that idea. "We can still savage it."

"But will it ever go away?" she asked.

I didn't need to ask what she was talking about. "I can't answer that question… I wouldn't know." I replied.

"I want it to go away, I want to be your best friend, but I don't know if it will," she told me quietly.

"Cassie." I said quietly and then did probably either the bravest or the stupidest thing I could've done: I grabbed her by the shoulders, brought her close, and wrapped my arms around her.

She stiffened in my arms for a long minute and then slowly sagged against me, beginning to sob into my jacket. I rubbed her back, trying to comfort her, over her broken heart over… me.

Finally she pulled back and tried to gather herself up. "I'm so sorry," she gasped, brushing away her tears. "This was totally not the time and place to cry over myself, at your mom's funeral, it's so selfish of me."

"Don't even worry about it." I told her quietly. "I want you to be here, I need you to be here. You're my best friend, Cassie."

"What about her?" she asked, gesturing to the right. I glanced over to see Christine watching us silently.

"Well she's my girlfriend but she can never replace you." I answered her quietly.

She rubbed her lips slowly together and seemed to consider my words. "Can we be friends from here?" she asked feebly.

"There's only one way to really find out." I told her quietly. "Because right now, I really can't answer that question, and I think only time could tell."

"I want to be friends with you," she told me seriously.

"I want to be friends with you too, Cass." I replied earnestly. "I want you in my life."

She nodded once and then threw her arms around me. I hugged her back and held her tightly.

Only time could tell what would become of us.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 38- An early morning

Jake drove the three of us to the address from Google. I stared grimly out the window, uneager to see where she lived. For the first time probably in his life, Jake sat quietly as we drove. But I was grateful for the silence… I couldn't even imagine joking around on the way to such a grim thing.

We drove up to, unsurprisingly, a crummy apartment. "Do you want us to wait out here?" Jake asked me.

"No, you guys can come in." I answered tonelessly and then got out of the car. They followed me over to the door.

I unlocked the apartment and gingerly stepped inside. I was amazed at the sight. Empty bottle after empty bottle of vodka was lying on the floor or sitting on the table and chairs. I opened the fridge, almost afraid of what was inside, and found only more vodka and beer. Clearly vodka had been my mother's poison of choice.

I gingerly kicked a bottle out of the way and made my way into the bedroom. The apartment was tiny so it took no less then five seconds and, even then, I was walking slowly.

In the bedroom, her bed was unmade and rumpled. I caught sight of a faint residue of white powder on her nightstand with a credit card lying next to it. Undoubtedly where she had snorted the cocaine. There was a half empty bottle of vodka on the edge of the nightstand… I could picture her entering the room in a drunken haze then doing the drugs. It made me physically sick to my stomach.

I shook my head and slowly sank down on the lumpy mattress.

What had become of my mother?

Adam and Jake leaned against the doorway behind me, watching me carefully.

How could she do this to us?

And suddenly, there was rage. How could she have done this to us? How could she choose to become an alcoholic coke user?

I caught sight of a picture frame on the nightstand. It was my mom and the guy from the hospital. It was probably him who had stared her on the coke.

There were no pictures of me and Ana.

I stood in one fluid movement and hurled the picture at the wall as hard as I could. It shattered loudly as it crashed against the wall. I saw both Jake and Adam jump out of the corner of my eye.

I stood there for a long moment, breathing harshly in the silence of the apartment. The guys both looked cautious at figuring out how to approach me.

Then the front door opened. I yanked both of them into the room and we waited.

"Don't worry about it, she's gone, doing God knows what." I heard a male voice drawl. I stepped out of the room to find the guy from the picture and the hospital making out with a blond woman. He pulled back for a minute to smile- no, sneer, at the woman. He caught sight of me over the girl's shoulder. "Shit!" he exclaimed, looking surprised. "Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my apartment?"

"Don't you remember me?" I asked flatly. "I'm Erik, the son Ellen Chase never told you about."

He squinted at me for a moment and then said, "Oh yeah…" slowly. "Why you here?" he asked me gruffly. "Ellen in trouble again?"

"Ellen's dead." I replied evenly, feeling better about it by calling her by her first name, keeping it impersonal, rather then referring to her as what she really was.

His expression became surprised. "What happened?" he asked gruffly. "Was it the coke or the heroin?"

Well my mother was clearly turning out to be the biggest model citizen this town had ever seen. "It was the self-inflicted gunshot wound to her head." I snapped back.

"She shot herself?" he demanded, looking more surprised.

"Night before last." I answered flatly.

"Well shit…" he combed his fingers through his thinning hair. I noticed he didn't necessarily look upset, just surprised.

"Is the lease for this place in Ellen's name?" I asked coolly.

"Yeah," he answered absent mindedly.

"Then I suggest that you pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here." I said coldly.

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?" he demanded.

"I don't give a shit." I replied bluntly. "Just get out… you don't live here anymore. And take her with you." I gestured to the girl, who had been silent through all of this, and now glared at me angrily.

"You can't just kick me out-" he began.

"Oh yes I can." I answered, voice still cold. "I'm Ellen's son, by blood, and you're just her so called boyfriend, who's cheating on her with another woman as we speak."

"You have a girlfriend?" the woman finally spoke, turning to him, and looking furious. "I'm out of here," she turned and walked out.

"Well you were cheating on her." I corrected myself calmly. "But now you're just plain trespassing on my mother's property. I'd be perfectly happy to call the police and see how they'd like to deal with this situation."

Jason, I think his name was, looked conflicted between punching me and running. "I'm gonna-" he began, raising his fist, clearly choosing the latter.

"You're gonna what?" Jake intervened, both him and Adam stepping up to flank me. The three of us are over six feet tall and muscular, so I'm sure all three of us could've beaten the shit out of him.

He glared at us, eyes darting back and forth between the three of us, and then stepped down with a sigh. "Just let me get my stuff and leave," he muttered quietly.

"Go right ahead." I replied, stepping aside to let him go into the bedroom. "Let's get this place cleaned up." I muttered, glancing around at the mess. We began gathering bottles of vodka together.

Jason left an hour later, glaring at me as he went. He slammed the door behind him. Nothing like an adult taking the mature route out of something.

We cleaned up what we could that night and then decided to come back the day after the funeral. Jake drove us back to the apartment.

The next morning, I awoke early, way before my alarm went off. I stared at the ceiling for a long time, thinking.

Today was the day that I was going to bury my mother.

I couldn't decide how to feel about it. I wasn't happy to do it but I wasn't overly upset about it.

My phone went off on vibrate loudly on my nightstand. I grabbed it, checking the time… 7:13 AM. It was Ana. "Hello?" I answered quietly, which wasn't really necessary since Jake could probably sleep through a nuclear blast.

"Hey," she said quietly back.

"Hey." I answered, running my hand into my hair. "What's up?" I asked quietly after a beat of silence, knowing exactly why she was calling.

"Can't sleep," she responded softly after a pause. "I guess I'm not the only one, you sound pretty awake yourself."

"Yeah, I can't either." I replied, sitting up slowly, and then shuffling into the other room. "I just woke up and couldn't sleep any longer."

"Me too," she replied almost inaudibly.

"Do you think I'm a bad son if I'm not really upset about this?" I asked her suddenly.

"No," she answered almost immediately. "But then again, I'm not really that upset either so… you can't really base anything off my answer."

"True." I said softly, putting my feet up on the coffee table, carefully avoiding a stack of dirty dishes.

"I mean I'm not happily giving people high fives all, "I'm burying my mom today!" but I'm not exactly… broken up about it," she said softly.

"Me neither." I answered in agreement. "We didn't really know Mom…"

"But she's still our mom." Ana whispered back softly.

"What time are you coming over?" I asked after a long pause.

"Andrew's driving Izzy and me over at 10:00," she answered.

"Maybe you should get up and start getting ready." I suggested. "It's probably going to be slower then usual."

"I'm already ready," she answered after a long pause.

"It's 7:20!" I exclaimed, surprised.

"I've been up since six," she replied, matter of fact.

"I've been up since seven." I sighed. "Why don't you just come over right now?" I finally asked. "I'll take a quick shower while you're driving over."

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll tell Andrew and Izzy then I'll be right over."

"Okay, bye," we hung up and then I hopped into the shower.

I heard a soft knock at the door around 8:00. I buttoned the second to last button of my white dress shirt and then answered the door.

Ana stood there in a simple black dress, looking tired. "Hey," she smiled softly.

"Hey," we hugged. "Come on in." I stepped aside and let her enter. "Let me grab my tie." I said, entering my room. Jake rolled over with a giant snort and then went back to snoring as I grabbed my tie then walked back out. "You look nice." I told her with a smile.

"Thanks," she half smiled back and then looked around the apartment, shaking her head. "I still don't understand how you guys can live like this," she smiled a little more.

"It's a gift." I replied with a smile. She smiled back as I tied my tie.

"Let me do it," she finally sighed and came over, pushing my hands away from my tie.

"Thanks." I said softly, looking out the window over her head. She expertly did it in a few seconds. "Damn, that was quick." I commented, surprised, as she backed away.

"I've had some practice," she smirked in reply.

"Andrew?" I asked.

"The boy can not tie his own tie to save his life," she rolled her eyes.

"Figures." I commented. "Sit down; do you want something to drink?" I asked, gesturing to the coffee table.

"Nah, I'm good… you guys probably all drink from the cartons anyway," she replied as I walked into the kitchen.

"This is true." I agreed, pulling out the orange juice carton. I poured myself a glass for her sake and then sat down across from her at the kitchen table.

"Can you believe we're about to do this?" she asked quietly as I took a sip of juice.

"No." I set down my glass deliberately and traced the rim slowly with my finger. "Unbelievable, huh?" I asked, mirroring her quiet voice.

"Hey, how's your lady situation going?" she asked suddenly, looking up, eyes bright again.

"What lady situation?" I asked slightly bitterly. Her expression changed into a sympathetic one. "I haven't heard from either Cassie or Christine in a long time."

"I'm sorry," she said, touching my hand for a second.

I shrugged and then said, "I saw Cassie the other day."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah… she told me to give her more time." I shook my head a few times. "I'm just kidding myself, thinking that things can just go back to normal after what happened between us."

Ana was quiet for a moment after I said that. Finally, she said quietly, "I don't think things can go back to normal from what happened between you guys but I think that you can still salvage what's left of your friendship."

I mulled over what she said for a moment and then said, "I suppose you're right."

"I'm always right," she shot back lightly with a cocky smile.

"Oh sure." I smirked back. "What about the time when-"

"Oh no, we don't need to rehash all the times I've been right. I just know," she teased me.

"Well aren't you two just the picture of domestic bliss?" I heard a sleepy voice drawl behind me. I turned around to see Jake smirking, eyes still half shut, as he stumbled into the kitchen.

"That's a charming look for you, friend." Ana shot back with a smirk.

"It's my "just rolled out of bed" look, how do you like?" Jake asked, striking a mock model pose.

"Impressive," she nodded. I held back a laugh

"I know, I'm gorgeous," he waved us off as he opened the fridge and drank straight from the milk carton.

"I rest my case." Ana said dryly as we watched him.

"Hey, it's polite to offer." I told her seriously.

"Offer what?" Jake asked.

"I offered her something to drink and she said no, claiming that we drink from all of our cartons." I answered as he put the milk back in the fridge.

Jake looked at me for a moment like I was crazy. "Dude. We do drink from all of our cartons," he pointed out.

"I was just being polite!" I exclaimed, putting my hands in the air.

"I understand, darling," he pinched my cheek as he passed. "You're looking particularly fabulous today, by the way."

"Not as stunning as you, sweetie," I replied, voice sugar sweet.

"Honey, you can't say that yet, I haven't put on my face!" he exclaimed dramatically, putting his hands in the air as he headed back to our room.

"Come back soon, sugar plum." I said and then turned back to Ana, who looked at me. "What?"

She only laughed.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 37- For every action

I drove him back to the apartment. We rode in silence, listening to Incubus quietly sing on my stereo. I parked and we walked upstairs.

"This is it." I mumbled as I unlocked the front door. "It's nothing much…" I said softly as I opened the door…

…and found Jake, clad in his boxers only, standing on the coffee table victoriously shouting, "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!" with Adam slumped over, head in his arms on the coffee table, the picture of defeat. "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH?" Jake demanded of Adam's slumped over form.

"Jake?" I asked weakly.

Jake turned, saw me, saw Rob behind me, and jumped off the coffee table. "Whoops..." he mumbled, looking embarrassed. Adam's head popped up from the coffee table, took us in, and then smiled sheepishly.

"Rob, these are my roommates… my best friend Jake and my friend Adam." I said softly, gesturing to them.

"I'm Erik's father Rob." Rob announced, stepping forward to shake their hands.

"Oh wow…" they both murmured, shaking hands with him. Jake shot a look at me when Rob was distracted with Adam. "Nice to meet you, sir." Jake said earnestly. Kiss ass.

"He called me earlier today and we met for some food… Ana's going to come over soon." I said, giving them both a look.

"Oh," they both jumped, picking up their dishes. They mumbled something about homework and catching up on sleep then exited the room.

"They seem like nice guys." Rob commented, glancing around.

"Yeah, when they're not playing X Box at volume 300 while you're trying to sleep or throwing wild keggers." I agreed dryly.

"Sounds like college life to me." Rob smiled faintly.

"Yeah…" I agreed softly then pulled out my phone. "Let me call Ana."

"All right," he sat down on the couch as I turned away.

"Hey," she said when she picked up.

"Hey." I answered and then asked, "Could you stop by the apartment?"

"When?" she asked, sounding curious.

"Now, if possible." I answered, pulling absent mindedly at my t-shirt collar.

"Yeah, sure… what's going on?" she sounded nervous, no surprise there.

"Nothing bad, really… I just need you to come over." I answered honestly.

"Ookay…" she drew out slowly, sounding reluctant.

"Nothing bad but not something I'm going to tell you on the phone." I told her shortly. "Could you come over?"

"Okay I'll be right over," she agreed.

"Thanks." I replied.

"Bye," we hung up.

"You close with your sister?" Rob asked, meandering a little around the apartment.

"Yeah, really close… ever since Mom…" I trailed off.

"She passed?" he turned and asked.

"Since she took off." I replied instead. "Well we became close after she got out but now-"

"Out?" he interrupted. "Out of where?"

"Rehab." I looked down at my feet, not happy to be telling him Ana's business.

"Rehab?" he demanded. "For what?"

"Alcohol… she met this bad guy and… it was just a bad deal all around." I mumbled.

"I see," he said softly. We went quiet again so, to occupy my time until Ana arrived, I went into the kitchen, and began washing dishes (now you know I was really scraping for something to do if I was cleaning).

Rob sat down on the couch and picked up the paper that Adam gets every morning (he insists something about staying up on current events or some shit like that). I glanced at him occasionally, still expecting him to just walk out the door right now.

Finally there was a knock at the door. I dried my hands and crossed the room. Rob stood as I did so.

"Hey." I said as I opened the door a little, blocking her view of Rob with my body. "Do you mind if I step outside with her for a minute?" I asked over my shoulder.

He shook his head. "It's fine," he slowly sat back down.

"Thanks." I pushed Ana back so she couldn't see he was inside and then stepped outside.

"Okay, Mr. Secretive…" Ana said, surprised.

"An, I need you to listen to me right now." I said patiently. "Listen until I've gotten through everything." I saw her open her mouth so I quickly pressed on. "This morning I got a call from…" I couldn't bring myself to call him Dad, as you've probably noticed. "I got a call from Rob, our dad."

Her eyes widened in shock. "What-?" she began.

"He wanted to meet… so I met and had some food with him. He wanted to see you; he's here for the service." I pressed on quietly.

"Oh sure, now he's here-" she began cynically.

"Look, I know what you think, and don't worry; he knows he's made a huge mistake. But he really wants to be here now, when we probably need him more then ever." I told her quickly.

"Damn right he's made a huge mistake-" she began angrily.

"An, would you just try not to think of it as such a bad thing and try to think of it as a good thing?" I asked her quietly. Huh, I was using the words he'd used with me earlier on Ana. "He screwed up, yes, but he's here to try to right the mistakes."

"And what?" she finally cut in. "Walk back into our lives after ten years of being gone? He left us, Erik, how can you just forget that?" she demanded.

"I didn't forget it, Anastasia; I just realized that he made a mistake!" I shot back. "He told me that he didn't leave because of us, he left because, and you'll agree with him on this one, Mom was a crazy bitch!"

She stared at me, wide eyed, and then slowly shook her head. "I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this, Erik," she told me quietly.

"Just come in and talk to him." I pleaded with her quietly.

"About what?" she demanded. "About how he didn't speak to us for ten years?"

"He made a mistake, An, but he's here now, and that should count for something… right?" I asked. "It's not like Mom was rolling in money and he's here for that, he's just… here."

She stared up at me and then looked down at her feet, sniffing. "I don't know how to handle this, Erik," she whispered quietly.

"Come here." I took her by the shoulders gently and brought her to my chest. She wrapped her arms around me tightly and sobbed a few times into my sweatshirt.

She finally pulled back and quickly wiped away her tears. "I'm just a fucking basket case lately," she muttered.

"It's understandable." I said softly with a little smile back at her. "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," she muttered back.

"I'll be right here for you, An." I reminded her quietly. "Come on." I opened the door and waited as she walked in then shut the door quietly behind her.

Rob had stood when I opened the door. Ana took a few steps forward and then stopped, clearly at a loss as to what she was supposed to do. "Hey," he finally said softly.

"Hey," she answered quietly, shoulders tense.

"Why don't we sit down?" I asked finally, trying to break the awkward silence. They both nodded silently. The three of us sat down at the kitchen table.

For the next hour, I watched Rob and Ana tentatively talk. Ana kept a firm grip on the crook in my elbow but kept her eyes on our father. I think it was her way of making sure that I was still there with her.

It was her way of making sure she wasn't alone.

Rob's point of view

I studied my two children, wondering if there was any way to make up being absent from their lives for so long.

Anastasia kept a firm grip on Erik's elbow the entire time through the conversation. He calmly sat there, studying me, making sure that his sister knew that he was there. I knew the reason they had gotten close was because they had only each other to rely on… it was amazing, for two siblings so close in age and yet barely adults, to be so close.

It was also amazing, how much they looked like me and their mother. Ana had Ellen's features and eyes except they were softer… then again, Ellen had never looked at me with nothing but contempt the last year we were married. Erik looked a lot like me in the features and the eyes.

I could only hope that somehow they'd get through this.

Rob finally had to leave and get back to the hotel to do some work he'd brought with him. We said goodbye and then Ana went into my arms for a hug. I held her silently. She pulled back with a little sniff, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, after a long moment. "I should probably get home… catch up on some homework," she said softly.

"Okay." I agreed and then remembered Mom's jewelry. "Hey, I have some stuff to give you."

"Okay," we walked into my room.

"Hey." Jake grunted from the bed where he was reading a Sports Illustrated.

"Hey." I grunted back as I crossed the room to grab the envelope off the dresser. "We're done out there."

"Oh you guys…" Ana said from the doorway, sounding appalled. "How do you live like this?"

"Easy." Jake piped up. "We leave everything where it drops. Hi, by the way."

"Hi," she said faintly, staring in horror at the mess. "I thought you were cleaning the other night!" she said to me.

"I did." I answered with a wry smile. "That was then… this is now."

"Good to see you, Ana." Jake said as he passed her in the doorway, stopping for a moment to give her a hug. She hugged him back and then turned to me. "COME OUT HERE AND PLAY SOME X BOX WITH ME, BITCH!" Jake bellowed as he sat down on the couch. I rolled my eyes.

"Here's Mom's jewelry." I offered her the envelope. Her smile faded as she took the envelope. "I'm sure she'd want you to have it." I told her softly as she reached in the bag and pulled out the watch and ring.

"Grandma's ring," she mused softly to herself. "Thanks," she said softly.

"Sure." I replied. She reached in again and pulled out the key with the address. She looked up at me quizzically. "I guess that's Mom's house or apartment… I was going to go there later."

"I can only imagine what that place looks like," she muttered. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's okay… go home and study, I'll take care of it." I answered, taking the address out of her hand.

"All right," she replied. "Bye, Erik," she gave me another hug and then I let her out.

I went and map-quested the address on the note and then grabbed my car keys.

"Hey." Jake, in a stunning move, paused the game Adam and he were playing when he saw me. "Where are you going?" he asked me, voice sounding curious yet cautious.

"I'm going to my mom's apartment or house or whatever." I answered as I stepped over their X Box cords.

"I'll come with you," he said, standing.

"Me too." Adam jumped up too.

"Okay." I glanced at them and then shrugged. The three of us left the apartment together.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 36- Blast from tge past

I sat at the kitchen table the following afternoon, cell phone in one hand, head in the other, trying to close my eyes, and relax my headache away. The church was ready, her casket was ready, the pastor was ready, they were printing out the bulletins, they had just told me on the phone…

Adam was in his room and Jake was asleep on the couch. I had turned off the (naturally) blaring TV once I had walked by and found Jake asleep. The apartment was quiet, for once.

I heard a key turn in the lock and then Ben entered, backpack on his back. Our eyes met for a minute, he nodded, I nodded back, and then we looked away. He was finally over what had happened between me and Christine.

Christine.

I sighed and buried my face in my arms, papers softly crunching under my weight. The girl just wouldn't get out of my head. I had tried not to think about her but couldn't stop… she was everywhere I turned, smiling at me, kissing me, laughing…

My phone began to vibrate as it went off in my hand. I sat up and found an unknown number… "Hello?" I answered curiously.

"Erik?" a male voice asked.

"Yeah, this is him." I replied, pushing my notes, grabbing my pen, ready to take another message about my mom's service.

"It's Rob Masterson… you know, your… father," the man said quietly, sounding uncomfortable.

I felt myself jump when he said that. My father? I stared out the window. "Oh." I heard myself say quietly.

"Your mother's lawyer contacted me yesterday… said she was gone," he told me, voice straining with awkwardness. I remembered the voice from the few bedtime stories he had told me when I was a kid.

"Yeah, a few days ago." I answered quietly. Why was he calling?

"How are you and your sister holding up?" he asked.

"Okay." I answered shortly; preoccupied with wondering why he was calling. "We weren't really close to Mom anyway so…" I trailed off.

"Well I'm in town and I want to come to the service," he told me. "Do you want to meet, grab a bite to eat?" he asked me.

Oh sure… walk back into my life and pretend you hadn't been gone for more then ten years. "Okay…" I agreed slowly.

"How about in an hour, at Jonny Rockets?" he asked, mentioning a restaurant that pretended it was a 1950's diner.

"Sure." I agreed.

"See you then," we hung up.

I held the phone in my hand and stared out the window at the tree branches slowly dancing in the wind. First my mother dies and then my father decides to walk back into my life. This was shaping up to be a shitty year.

I walked into Jonny Rockets an hour later and glanced around, hands in my pockets. I recognized Rob vaguely… he looked like I did when I was younger only with more gray hair. He also bore a strong resemblance to me; he had my nose and my jaw. He saw me and smiled, standing from the booth as I walked over. "Hey," he said awkwardly.

"Hey." I replied, studying him. He studied me as well for a moment and then leaned in as he opened his arms. We hugged for a brief second.

"You look good, kid," he told me softly. "Want to sit?"

"Sure." I agreed. We sat down at the booth.

"Can I get you something to drink?" the waitress asked me, handing me a menu.

"Just water." I replied.

"Sure thing," she walked away.

"So Ellen… she killed herself?" he asked after I had decided on my food.

"Yeah." I replied softly, playing with my silverware rather then look him in the eye. "Shot herself in the head. I didn't even know she owned a gun. Her alcohol blood count was three times the legal limit and she had cocaine in her blood."

"Wow…" he muttered softly.

"What can I get you two?" the waitress was back. We both ordered some food and then he asked, "So was the alcohol a usual thing or was it a one time thing or…?"

"She was an alcoholic." I answered unemotionally. "She kept it a secret up until a few weeks ago… she took off and left me to fend for Ana and myself. We sold the house and the furniture and I moved into an apartment while Ana's staying with a friend."

"Who's Anastasia staying with?" he asked.

"Her best friend Isabella Walters." I answered then smiled and thanked the waitress quietly as she set down my water in front of me.

"Anastasia still hangs out with little Izzy?" Rob smiled faintly.

I smiled a little too, remembering the younger Isabella. "Yeah… they're still best friends."

"That's nice," he muttered, playing with his own silverware.

I nodded quietly, watching his hands. We sat in silence and then I realized that he was wearing a ring on his wedding ring finger. "You're married?" I asked.

"Yeah," he looked up with a smile. "Almost ten years."

"Does she know about Ana and me?" I asked quietly before taking a sip of water.

"Yeah," he nodded. "So do the kids."

"Kids?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah… Justin's eight and Sammy's six," he answered. "My wife's ten years younger then me, in case you're trying to do the math," he smiled faintly.

I nodded without meeting his eyes. We went quiet again until I finally asked, "So where have you been for the past ten plus years, Rob? And why are you here now?" I wasn't angry; I was just interested in finding out why he was back.

He only mildly surprised at my semi outburst. "Seattle. I didn't leave you guys because of you and Ana, I left because of your mother," he told me quietly after a long lapse of silence. "We couldn't stand each other in the end."

"Yeah, I remember." I muttered, thinking back to the shouting I'd heard before he'd left.

"I wanted joint custody but your mother threatened to bury me under legal work and…" he trailed off and shrugged. "I figured you guys were better off without me."

"Better off without our dad?" I asked quietly but with feeling. "Come on, Rob. Little Justin and Sammy get a chance to have a father but you didn't want to waste your time with paperwork for us?"

"I never said I made a good choice, Erik," he replied quietly.

"Whatever." I mumbled, not angry but just… over it. "So what now, Rob? Are you back to rectify the past, to be a father to me and Ana? Or are you just gonna walk out like you did last time?"

"Erik-" he began, pushing the air down with both hands in a gesture for me to calm down.

"Because I hardly have the patience for my other parent to walk out on us and Ana lacks it too." I told him sharply.

Our food came then. I wasn't really that hungry so I opted to just pick a little at my burger and fries.

He was quiet for a long moment after I was finished, long enough for me to wonder if he was just going to get up and leave right now. Finally, he said, "I can't stay here, I have another family now." I opened my mouth but he held up his hand. "But I figured being here for you guys is better then never ever seeing you again… maybe you could think of it as gaining a parent rather then having none?"

"Gaining a parent who is just going to walk away again?" I asked quietly, shaking my head. "I'd rather have none then have one who is kinda there."

"What do you want me to do, Erik?" he asked me, voice quiet and weary. "Leave my other family to come back and be here for the family that's almost grown? I assume Ana's going away to college next year and you're grown too."

"I'm not asking you to stay and raise us, Rob-," I practically spat his name out, "-I'm asking if you're just going to disappear for another ten years." I finished coldly.

"You have every right to be angry with me, Erik," he said quietly. "And all I can say is that I'm sorry and that we can hopefully move on from here."

"You're just here to support us through this and then leave?" I asked quietly.

"Don't look at it so bitterly; look at it as you have support from your father."

"I think you and I both know that I hardly consider you my father." I answered coolly.

He flinched a little… I knew that one stung. "Like it or not, Erik, I contributed to you, and I really want to be in your and your sister's life."

"Leave Ana out of this; don't play her like a sympathy card." I ordered, voice deathly quiet, hands clenched in fists.

"Look, I know you're upset… your mother just died and you think I've just waltzed back into your life just because she's gone. But Erik, you…" I saw him about to add, "And your sister," then opted against it. "You're my son, you're my first born… it's not like I just forgot about you all those years I was gone. So can't you try to make something out of what we have now instead of brooding over it for the rest of your life and regretting not having a relationship with your father when the opportunity presented itself to you?"

"Like you regret not having a relationship with me when I was growing up?" I asked, looking up and fixing him with a stare.

"Of course I regret not having a relationship with you, Erik, you're my son-"

"Yeah, so you've said." I said flatly, stuffing a fry into my mouth. "You didn't even say goodbye the day you walked out."

"I wrote you a letter," he told me quietly. "I explained everything that was going on and gave it to your mother… you know her, she was quite a piece of work; I doubt she let you read that letter."

"Yeah, she really was…" I mused softly, taking in this new information.

"I didn't walk out without taking another look back, all I've done since that day is look back. When I met Heather, my wife, she was so good to me… and when we had Justin and Sam, I knew that I couldn't lose them. It wasn't you that I left; it was your mother… I'd had enough trying to deal with that cold fish of a woman."

"She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy." I agreed quietly, slowly coming around.

"How's your sister doing?" he asked softly. And that's when I knew we had some semblance of a truce between us.

"She'll be 18 soon." I answered and then added, "She has a boyfriend."

"Oh really?" Rob smiled faintly.

"Yeah… his name is Andrew, he's Isabella's twin brother." I replied.

"Is he a good guy?" he asked.

"It's been quite the relationship but now he is." I replied with a sigh.

Rob nodded as he chewed and then asked softly, "Is he good to her?"

"Yeah, he is." I agreed, thinking back to the times I'd seen Andrew comfort Ana.

"I guess Ana's at school right now," he said softly.

"She'll be out soon." I answered, checking my watch.

"I'd like to see her," he told me softly.

"We can go back to my apartment and she can probably come over." I suggested.

"Sounds like a good idea," he nodded.

I watched my dad for a long moment, wondering if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I guess we would find out over the course of the next couple of days.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 35- The Good and the Bad

Ana's face slowly drained. She stumbled back a few steps, staring at me in shock. "She… what?" she whispered uncomprehendingly. I could see she was in shock, what I had been only a few minutes ago. I knew that she knew that it was true since I was crying.

"They found her car this morning. Her body was in it. She shot herself in the head." I whispered, tears blurring my vision.

Ana slowly sank into my arms, feeling stiff. I could feel the shock as I tried not to cry. She slowly wrapped her arms around me and I held me tight. I could feel her shaking but she remained silent. Finally she whispered to the silent room, "Why?"

I tried to gather myself as I pulled back, wiping the tears with the back of my hand. "I don't know, An." I replied quietly, looking down at her. "There was no note."

Her shock wore off and her face quickly crumpled into tears. She buried her face into my sweatshirt and began to wail, which was muffled. I wept with her, for the mother that we had both lost.

Slowly my tears dried up. I held Ana and vowed to stop crying. I had to be strong for Ana… she needed me to be strong. It wasn't like my mother and I were close… so I dealt with my emotions by pushing it away. I'd deal with them later, when I was alone.

Ana and I sat on the couch alone an hour later, staring into the fire. "I don't know how to react to this," she whispered hollowly.

"What?" I asked, looking down at her, pulling her a little closer with the arm around her shoulder.

"The last time we saw each other-" she began.

"An, you can't live in the past. We shouldn't pretend tat Mom was a perfect, amazing mother, but we shouldn't pretend we were perfect and right either." I told her solemnly.

"You're right," she said after a moment, looking up at me sadly. I smiled faintly and squeezed her shoulder. "What do you want to do about the funeral?" she asked, staring back into the fire.

I sighed and waited a long moment before answering. "Closed casket. I don't want her cremated."

"Yeah, there's no place I'd want to spread her ashes." Ana agreed and then smiled bitterly. "Listen to us… 17 and 19, planning what to do with our mother's body."

"It's… morbid." I replied, making a face.

"Definitely," she agreed flatly and then looked up with a little smile. "Your birthday's coming up," she said softly.

"Yeah, in two weeks." I nodded. We were quiet for a few more minutes. "Should we call…" I couldn't even bring the word to my tongue. Finally I found it and asked, "Should we call Dad?"

She looked up sharply. "You have his number?" she demanded, looking surprised.

"No." I realized. "I think I have to call Mom's lawyer." I rubbed my temples with my free hand and shut my eyes, thinking of the headaches to come.

"We're going to be in therapy for a long time," she muttered under her breath. Unable to laugh, I smiled weakly. "You still have her paperwork?" she asked me.

"I stored it way when the house sold." I replied. "We couldn't sell it so…" I trailed off and then shrugged.

There was a knock on the door. We both turned back to see Isabella slowly poke her head in. Andrew peered in behind her. "Hey… you guys still need to be alone or are you ready for some company?" she asked, looking sympathetic.

"Come in," we both answered, scooting away from each other, sibling bonding moment over.

"I'm sorry, baby." I heard Andrew say softly to Ana as he sat down next to her. She scooted into his arms and he held her. She rested her chin in the crook of his arm.

"You better?" Isabella asked me as she sat down on the other side of me.

"Yeah… for the most part." I answered softly. She reached out and squeezed my shoulder then released with another sympathetic smile.

The next day, I called Mom's lawyer and met with him. We sat down and discussed Mom's will and assets. I hadn't even known she'd had a will. She had left little money left… a lot of her bank account had been drained in the last two months. The alcohol and the drugs had undoubtedly become expensive. We made funeral arrangements together and then I went back to the apartment.

"Hey." I heard the sympathy and the uncertainty in Adam's voice as I entered the apartment. I mumbled a hey back and shuffled back into my room.

I picked up the envelope of my mom's stuff and sat down heavily on my bed. I opened it up.

I pulled out her watch and silver ring. I had been my grandmother's… it was Ana's now. I pulled out her wallet and flipped it open. Driver's license… credit cards. I made a mental note to cancel them. I felt my eyebrows rise in surprise at the sight of my senior picture. Behind it was Ana's. I'd figured she would've thrown them out once she had taken off and gotten a new boyfriend who hadn't even known about us.

I flipped to the last picture and found an ancient picture of me, Ana, Mom, and Dad. Ana looked to be about six or so. My mom had clammed up whenever we brought up our father after he had left so I was surprised to see that she still had the old picture. My mother was, at best, a complex woman.

Ana was beaming in the picture, two upper and two lower teeth missing. I felt a faint smile rise fleetingly to my lips.

I reached into the envelope and pulled out an address and a key. Must have been for Mom's apartment or wherever she had been living since she'd returned. I knew that I'd have to go clean it out… sell that furniture… sell that place… I shook my head… the things that woman left me to do. It was hard to tell who the parent was and who the supposed child was.

I flopped back on the bed, playing with the simple silver ring. I remembered back to watching my mom get ready for work when I was younger… I recalled her looking in the mirror, putting on her earrings, then slipping on the ring on her wedding ring finger. She had pawned her real wedding ring off after Dad had left.

I shut my eyes and drifted in and out of sleep for a little bit, remembering my mother. Remembering the few good memories I had with her…

Her taking me to the park… pushing me gently on the swings.

Her taking care of my scraped up knees, patiently holding a squirming Ana in her arms. I must've been three at the time if Ana was that young.

She had once been a good mother… what had happened?

My mind settled on a scene that I had long put into the archives of my memory. I felt my memory try to resist replaying this memory but I was powerless to stop it.

"Erik?" I heard Mom shout from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I bellowed back from my room, distracted, in the middle of typing a report.

"Come down here please!" she called. I sighed, stopped, and got up, walking downstairs into the kitchen. I looked at her expectantly. "Would you set the table and get your sister please?" she asked me coolly. She had probably found out that I had helped Ana with her slave labor earlier.

"Yeah." I answered, equally coolly. Yeah, Ana had been in that accident with that loser, but making her work her ass off wasn't really a great punishment for the whole thing. But then again, better then letting Ana lounge around all day. I finished setting the table and began to go back upstairs.

"You know what?" she asked behind me. I stopped and turned back, watching her wipe her hands on a dish towel. "The three of us are going to have a family meeting," she told me coolly. "Let's go," she said, leading the way up the stairs.

Ana's door was shut, loud music blasting inside. "Ana?" Mom knocked but obviously Ana couldn't hear us over the din. Mom opened the door.

Ana was sitting on the other side of her bed, most of the bed blocking our view of her so that we could only see the top of her shoulders and head. She was nodding her head along with the beat of the music.

Mom shut off the stereo sharply. "Young lady, we're going to have a family meeting before dinner," she announced.

Ana jumped in surprise, bringing into the light… what? My stomach clenched at the sight of the bottle of Smirnoff vodka in her hand.

The silence in the house was deafening.

Ana stood with the assistance of the bed, teetering unsteadily, smirk on her face, bottle in hand. "Family meeting?" she slurred. "I'm loving it already," which came out as, "Um lovinnnn it… alllllllllready."

I stared in horror at my little sister. Back at this point, we had been cordial to each other but, at the time, she had still been my annoying sister the year behind me in school. Plus she hadn't been around that often, she was always out with that asshole…

I looked at Mom to see her reaction, expecting anger, and instead found fear. At the time, I thought it was because Mom had realized that her daughter, who was all of 16, was an alcoholic. But now I realized the fact that she wasn't an alcoholic wasn't a problem, the problem was Mom saw herself in Ana.

"You're going away to rehab." Mom finally said faintly then half walked half stumbled out of the room.

"Can't wait!" Ana's eyes were glassy as she scowled after Mom. "Shut the door on the way out, would you?" she asked me before turning to her stereo.

I snapped and grabbed the bottle out of her hand. "Erik!" she shouted in protest. Well somebody had to be her father and if my mom wasn't going to stand up to her… I marched out of the room and into the bathroom.

"ERIK!" Ana shouted after me, trailing me. "Give it!" she shouted, not unlike when I used to steal her toys when we were younger.

I poured the contents of the bottle down the drain and pushed her back as she tried to fight me for her bottle, cursing and screaming at me.

"Don't you see what you've become?" I shouted at her, exploding. She stopped in the middle of telling me to go to hell. "Don't you get it? You're a fucking alcoholic, Anastasia!"

She stared at me, swaying uneasily, then covered her mouth, pushing me aside, as she ran for the toilet. She began emptying her stomach into the porcelain bowl. I reached down, pulled her hair back, sat down on the other side of her edge of the bathtub, and waited as she heaved repeatedly. She looked up between heaves and sobbed, "I'm so sorry, Erik," over and over again.

I grabbed a tissue out of the box and wiped away her tears between heaves.

Mom appeared in the doorway about 10 minutes after Ana began throwing up. She stared at me silently, watching her oldest child take care of her youngest.

"Erik." Jake shook me.

I gasped in surprise and sat up halfway in bed.

"You okay, man?" he asked, sounding worried. I couldn't see him in the dark. Suddenly the dresser light turned on and we both squinted in the light. I was back in the apartment. "You okay?" he repeated again, eyeing me cautiously.

I gasped a few times and then nodded slowly.

"Hey, my mom's here… she wants to see you," he told me softly. "If you're feeling up to it." I must have looked less then excited because he told me, "I think you should see her."

I sighed and slowly got out of bed. I pushed open the door into the other room.

Mrs. Carlson looked up from where she was washing a few dishes and then dried her hands. "Hi sweetie," she said quietly, coming over. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. Surprised for only a minute, I slowly hugged her back… it felt good, to get some comfort. She pulled back and looked up at me. "How are you doing?"

"Okay." I replied softly. I felt Adam watching me from where he sat at the kitchen table. "You're alone?" I asked her, looking around for the clan.

"The kids are with their dad at home," she replied softly. "I didn't want them to bother you."

"Thanks," I replied softly with a trace of a smile.

"I brought over some food for you," she told me softly, gesturing to the Tupperware on the counter. "I already told Jake not to eat it," she smiled a little.

"Thanks, Mrs. C." I said genuinely.

"You look exhausted…" she said softly, studying me for a second. "Why don't you go get some sleep?"

"Okay. Thanks for stopping by." I told her softly.

"Sure," she replied, giving me another hug.

"Oh, Mrs. C?" I said, stopping on my way back into my room.

"Yes, sweetie?" she asked, stopping her quiet conversation with Jake.

"My mom's service is the day after tomorrow… do you think you could be there?" I asked.

"Of course," she smiled a motherly smile back.

I smiled back for real this time and then turned back to my room.

As I walked back into my room, I realized that Mrs. C was more my mother then my mom had ever been.

I shut the door quietly behind me, flopped down onto the bed, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 34 Numb

The shock hit me hard and nearly knocked me off my feet. I stared blankly at both officers and stumbled back a few steps, literally reeling with the news. I felt Jake lay a hand on my back. "What?" I heard myself ask faintly. I stumbled back and felt myself crash down on the couch. Or maybe it was Jake's hands on my shoulders that had brought me there.

The silence in the apartment was absolutely deafening. Adam and Ben were still sleeping, obviously… but it was weird, for four people to be completely silent. Finally, I brought myself to blankly say, "But… she's supposed to be in rehab."

"There was a half empty bottle of vodka in the seat next to her and a gun in her hand… she killed herself, I suspect, in an alcohol haze," Officer Kenton answered, sounding matter of fact.

"Did she leave a note?" I asked faintly.

"We haven't found one," he replied. "We should have the autopsy report in a few hours to figure out what was really going on." I nodded slowly, still in shock. "Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"

"No." I whispered, still staring at the wall.

"You asked if she broke out of rehab again… she's been to rehab before?" he prodded.

I nodded slowly, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. "A few weeks ago… she tried… she thought she was better, she wasn't." I shook my head. "She disowned my sister and skipped town for a while… came back, got into another accident, and was supposedly forced to go to rehab, but now she's…" I couldn't bring myself to say that she was… gone.

"You weren't close?" Officer Windsor questioned quietly.

"No, not at all. Especially since she disowned my sister." I replied, feeling like the words were coming out of my mouth on their own.

"You and your sister are close?" one of them asked.

"Yeah." I replied. "She's a senior in high school; she lives with her best friend."

"And she and your mother were not close either?" I'd stopped looking at them so I had no idea who was talking to me.

"No." I answered flatly. Ana and Mom, close… not even before Mom took off the first time would they ever be considered close. Not even before Ana screwed up with Jesse. Mom had always been just cold with us, rarely affectionate. "Mom tried to tell Ana that she was better after she left rehab. Ana knew better, she knew that it didn't take a few days to get over being an alcoholic, they argued, and Mom left. For good."

"How would… Ana, did you say her name was?" I nodded slowly. "How did Ana know about getting over being an alcoholic?"

"Ana is a recovered one herself. She went to rehab last year herself." I replied, still staring at the wall.

A cell phone rang. I finally started, looking up as Officer Kenton answered his phone, and began talking quietly as Officer Windsor looked at me sympathetically, and said, "We'll need you to come down to the morgue and claim the body."

"Claim the body?" I repeated, still trying to digest all of this.

"Yes, you're the oldest of kin and your mother has no husband," he replied. "Therefore it's now only you and your sister."

I remembered the message I'd left for Ana a few weeks earlier… "I'm the only family you got." Now it was really true, more then ever. Ana. I'd have to tell Ana that Mom was dead. I couldn't even begin to think about how I was going to tell her that.

"We just got the autopsy results." Kenton said after hanging up his phone.

"And?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest.

"Her blood alcohol content was 0.25 and there was cocaine in her blood stream," he told me solemnly. "That's a little more then three times the legal limit."

Cocaine? Mom had been doing drugs?

"Do you think you could come down to the station with us now?" Officer Windsor asked gently.

"Okay I'll do it." I heard myself tell the officers, looking at them but not really focusing on them as I stood. "Let's go."

"I'll drive you, dude." Jake offered. Then no one moved for a few minutes.

"Don't you want to put on some other clothes?" Officer Windsor finally asked politely.

"Dude, you're in your boxers." Jake jumped in.

"Oh right." I started. "I'll be right back." I walked back into my room and then stared around blankly for a moment before sitting down on my bed, holding my face in my hands.

"You coming, dude?" Jake finally prompted me. I pulled my face away and looked up at him blankly. I'd been sitting for five minutes without moving. "Here." Jake handed me my pants and I sighed before pulling them on. "Come on, man," he helped me up and then led me out of the room.

Jake drove and followed the officers down to the hospital. I tried to find some sort of sorrow, some kind of pain, that my mom was gone, but I found nothing, only numbness.

"We're here." Jake prompted me. I hadn't even realized we'd gotten to the hospital. I started and we got out of the car then followed the officers into the hospital.

What kind of 19 year old goes and identifies the body of his mother? We headed down the hall to the morgue.

The morgue was very clean and empty in itself… I guess there wasn't any reason to make a morgue comfortable since anyone who didn't work there was coming to deal with a dead body. The smell was sickening and could only be described as the smell of death. The officers flashed their badges at the front desk and then they had Jake and me fill out a sign-in sheet. "Ellen Chase?" the mortician asked professionally, picking up a folder.

"Yes, I'm her son." I replied.

"Can I see some ID please?" she asked. I handed over my license and she took note then walked me into a room where a body was covered with a sheet. She checked her notes then lifted the sheet. "Is this Ellen Chase?" she asked me again.

"It's her." I said after one glance and then stared at the wall in front of me while the mortician made another note. I wasn't eager to memorize the face of my dead mother, though the one glance I'd taken was imprinted on my brain. I was glad Ana hadn't been present.

"We have some paperwork we want you to fill out," the officer told me. I nodded again, voice lost. "And here are her belongings," they handed me a manila envelope. I nodded blankly.

It was almost noon when we got back to the apartment. Jake unlocked the door and then let me walk in first. "Hey." Adam grunted from the couch where he sat, playing X Box with Ben. "Dude, are you okay?" he asked me, sounding surprised. I didn't look at him as I continued to cross the apartment. "Dude-" I shut the door to my room behind me. "What the hell is going on?" I heard him ask Jake.

I flopped down on my bed and stared at the wall as I heard quiet voices in the other room and then silence. I knew they were all there, I didn't hear the front door open or close. The silence pressed in almost unbearably. I stared blankly at the wall and shut my brain off. I didn't fall asleep, only stared.

When I finally moved again, hours had passed. The apartment was still silent… I sat up in bed and checked my cell phone. 4:16. Ana would be out of school by now. I stood slowly and fought the huge blood rush, blinking furious through the haze. I glanced at the mirror and found my eyes empty, stubble covering my face, and my hair un-brushed. Oh well… Ana would just have to deal with it.

I walked out of my room and found all the guys on the couch. "Hey." Jake said as I crossed behind them. I didn't answer. "Hey, where are you going?" he asked me, sounding surprised. "Erik-!" I shut the door behind me and jogged down the stairs to the parking garage.

Isabella sounded surprised when she let me in at the gate. I parked in the huge circular driveway and climbed out of my car. The door to the 11,000 square foot house flew open and Isabella flew out the door, blond hair flying behind her, dressed in a light blue tank top, and a white skirt. "Hey!" she said, almost smiling before getting a good look at me. "Whoa!" she exclaimed, skidding to a stop. "What's wrong?" she demanded, eyes searching my face.

"Is Ana here?" I asked quietly instead.

"She's out with Andrew," she shook her head in reply. It finally occurred to me that I should've called. It honestly hadn't crossed my mind. Damn... how could I find her now? "What's wrong? You look frazzled," she prodded me quietly.

I looked her in the eyes and said with finality, "Our mom is dead." The words felt foreign on my tongue and I wanted to retract them almost the moment they came out. But I knew they were true.

She gasped instantly and clapped a hand over her mouth. "What?" she whispered, muffled by her hand. I shivered in the cool breeze. "Come inside," she ordered, grabbing me by the arm, and dragging me up the stairs to the house.

"Is there anything I can get you, Miss Isabella?" the maid asked her with a smile.

"Yes, we'll be in the library. When Anastasia and Andrew return, tell them to meet me in there," she replied briskly without breaking her stride. She walked me into the library and then shut the doors behind her. "What happened?" she demanded. "Are you okay?" she clapped a hand over her mouth and looked chagrined. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you so many questions, I'm just so… surprised…"

"Yeah well you and me both." I answered flatly, sinking down onto one of the leather couches in front of the roaring fire in the library. "And it's okay, I know you're surprised. I was too."

"When did you find out?" she asked gently.

"This morning. Cops showed up at 5:45." I replied slowly.

"Do you know how she died?" she asked, taking my hand.

"Gunshot to the head. By herself." I replied grimly. Isabella gasped again. "She had cocaine and three times the legal alcohol level in her blood."

"That's horrible!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah. No note." I replied with a sigh. "I guess she figured we wouldn't care about the note anyway."

Isabella paused and studied me as I stared into the fire. "You… you aren't blaming yourself for this, are you?" she asked slowly.

"No." I replied, looking at her. "I mean, I know she had a lot of problems and she drank a lot and…" I trailed off. "I guess it could be the drugs, I mean, I hardly knew her, but then again…" I trailed off once again. "I mean, I feel nothing."

"You're might be in shock," she suggested. "Oh Erik, I'm so sorry," she threw her arms around me. I couldn't bring myself to respond. "You feel so stiff… are you okay?"

"My mother just died. What do you think?" I demanded harshly. She jerked back as though I had slapped her, and stared at me with wide eyes. "No, Isabella, I'm sorry." I said with a sigh, covering my eyes with my hand.

After a moment, she hugged me again and this time, it felt good.

The door opened behind us. We pulled back to see Ana's eyebrows fly up in surprise at the sight of us. Andrew looked in behind her. "Erik!" she exclaimed in surprise.

Isabella and I both stood. "Hey An." I mumbled, stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she approached me and then took a closer look. "What's wrong? You look sick!"

"We're going to go get some food." Isabella announced.

"Isabella-" Ana began, beginning to get angry.

"No, we need to talk." I found my voice. "Alone."

Ana eyed me distrustfully as Isabella and Andrew left the room. "What's going on?" she asked, voice deathly quiet.

"I think it would be better if you sat." I replied calmly, trying to calm her down.

"I'll stand," she replied sharply. "What's going on, Erik?"

And that's when the truth hit me. As I stared at my sister, I realized with alarming clarity that our mother was dead. Emotions flooded me… and that's when I felt, for the first time since I was at least ten, tears fill my eyes.

"Erik?" Ana demanded, rushing over, anger gone, undoubtedly because of the sight of my tears. "Erik, what's wrong?" she asked, grabbing my elbows.

I drew a shaky breath and then whispered, "Mom's dead."

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 33-Time

I got off the phone with Ana and tried to study while keeping Aidan occupied. Jake wandered into the room later. "Hey, what's the deal between you and Cassie?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking up. Aidan took the opportunity to steal one of my pens, who knows what kind of havoc he would've wrecked if he'd succeeded in making off with it, but I caught him, and took the pen back.

"I haven't seen her around lately… usually she's around almost every other day," he shrugged, looking bored as he grabbed a baseball off his desk, and then flopped down on his bed.

"We got into an argument." I replied shortly, not eager to rehash the mess Cassie and I had become.

He began tossing it up in the air and then catching it. Aidan reached for it silently but I figured as long as he wasn't wailing, he'd be fine for now. "Are you over it yet?" he asked absent mindedly as Aidan stood on my bed.

I thought for a long moment and caught Aidan as he tried to leap off my bed. "I guess." I replied. I really was too… like I said before; I'm not really one to hang on to personal shit. I sighed and then looked down, mumbling, "It's complicated."

"Hmm," he mumbled and then threw the ball at me.

"Ow!" I shouted after it hit me in the chest (it was a baseball, not a softball, all right?)

"Bitch," he taunted back.

I tossed my books to the side and tackled him. He laughed as I tried to land a punch on him. Aidan laughed from my bed.

I heard someone knocking on the door in the other room and got off Jake but not before a good knee in the stomach. He grunted hard. "That's probably your mom." I said, picking up Aidan, who had been reaching up to me anyway.

We walked into the other room and found that Ben had opened the door. The full clan and Mrs. C trooped inside. "You don't mind if they watch TV with you for a few minutes, do you, Ben?" she asked breezily.

"I uh… I've got… I have some homework to do." Ben stuttered around before escaping quickly. He has the fear of Mrs. C Adam possesses too.

"Mama!" Aidan cooed, reaching out from me to her.

"Hi baby!" Mrs. C ecstatically greeted him back, taking him from me. "Did you have a good time with Erik today?" Aidan grinned back at her, clearly recognizing only my name from the sentence, but oh well. "Was he good?" she asked me.

"Yeah, sure." I shrugged. "He was only a little bit of a terror."

"Good," she smiled and then turned on Jake. "I like what you've done with the place," she said dryly.

"Mom, don't start." Jake groaned.

"You never pick up this place, Jacob, and I'm tired of bringing your brothers and sisters here to show them what a mess their eldest brother lives in!" she began ragging on him. He tried to walk away from her but she followed him into the kitchen, ranting, "Don't you walk away from me, young man, you really ought to…" she continued ranting about the mess of the house.

"Hey Erik." Julia smiled at me as she picked up the diaper bag.

"Hey Jules." I smiled back and then asked, "How was shopping?"

She gave me the look of death.

"That bad?" I laughed slightly.

"Shopping with my brothers and sisters is like shopping for a wild zoo," she hissed at me, looking beyond weary.

"I can only imagine." I winced at the mental picture.

"Yeah well it was forty times worse then what you're imagining so don't even talk to me," she replied, putting her hand up in an effort to tell me off.

"Awww." I put my arm around her and gave her a brotherly hug. "Cheer up, kid. It's over."

"Right after I get a nap," she mumbled back though she smiled a little.

"How's the boyfriend?" I asked her, letting go and sitting down on one of the bar stools.

"We were just about to do the dishes." Jake told his mom, who snorted in reply, clearly unconvinced.

"He's good… going on a year now," she replied with a happy smile and then frowned a little. "How did you know about him?"

"I heard Jake ranting about him to Adam at one point." I replied with a shrug.

"Really?" Julia asked, looking surprised.

"Something about how the guy is a "huge douche bag." I replied with a wry smile. "And if he so much as touches you in a way you don't want, he'll… well, make sure he doesn't have kids."

"That sounds like Jake," she smiled back with a quick eye roll.

"He's always had quite the way with words." I answered with a small smile.

She smiled back and rolled her eyes again. "You're saying this in reference to the guy who told my mom that the stereo she bought for him last Christmas was, "Totally awesome"?"

"I see your point." I pointed at her thoughtfully.

"Mom, I think it's time we get the kids home." Julia finally interrupted the lecturing Mrs. Carlson. Jake, who looked like he was at the end of his rope, smiled faintly at his sister in relief. "The kids look like they're about to pass out."

"Probably." Mrs. Carlson agreed and then turned back to Jake. With only a sharp sigh of exasperation, she turned away, and started gathering the kids.

I yawned the next morning and shut off my alarm. Jake didn't move from his bed as I slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. It sucked, getting up at 7 AM to get to 8 AM class but it was the only way I could get in class and work in the same day. I usually grabbed another hour of sleep between school and work anyway.

I headed off to school after a shower, chewing on the last apple we had. In fact, Jake had been right; we were running low on food.

I locked my car at school and ambled off to class. Traffic had been light so I still had a good 20 minutes before classes started.

As I ambled along leisurely, I caught sight of a familiar face. I squinted, not believing my eyes. Nope… it was Cassie and she was headed in my direction. She hadn't seen me yet; she was still walking in her usual decaffeinated shuffle.

I found myself scrambling to figure out what to do about her. Should I talk to her? Could she handle talking to me? Should I go in another direction? She still hadn't seen me… no Erik, don't wuss out. But maybe it would be better to wuss-

She looked up and our eyes met. Caught. I felt my stomach drop as her face fell at the sight of me. Her face fell, there was no questions about it… she looked like she was on her way to her own funeral. "Hey." I said once she was in hearing distance, not about to not acknowledge her.

"Hey," she said quietly, not slowing as we approached each other. She smiled a little and then stunned me by passing without stopping.

I stopped and turned around, watching her walk away. She didn't look back, not once. Well she wasn't about to get away with that. "So that's how it's going to be?" I called after her.

She stopped and turned around. I expected anger or an annoyed expression on her face but instead there was the same pained expression I'd seen the last time we'd spoken. The expression that tore me apart inside every time I saw it. "Well what do you want me to say, Erik?" she asked me quietly, voice carrying in the cool morning air to me.

"I thought we were friends." I said quietly, putting my hands into my pockets.

She stared at me for a long moment before answering, "Just give me some time," she turned and walked away without another word or looking back.

"I thought I did." I mumbled crankily to myself.

Oh, who was I kidding? Who was I kidding, thinking that if I gave her "time," our friendship would return to normal? Things had changed, probably irreparably, between us… maybe one day it could be fixed.

I walked into the lecture hall and sat down in the middle. I glanced around leisurely at the 200 other people who were all taking their seats as well. Since it was second semester, people had stopped trying to impress each other, so everyone was dressed in sweats. I sighed and casually watched people, waiting for the professor to come in, and start class.

The three girls in front of me were having a lengthy discussion about the girl in the middle's hair. They picked it up, snapped their gum, and discussed it. I felt myself roll my eyes as I looked away… I thought I had left those kind of girls back in high school.

I glanced to the left and my eyes fell on a couple quietly whispering. His arm was around her shoulders, bringing her close to him, and they shared a private smile after he finished telling her whatever it was that he was talking about. I felt my hands clench into fists with the longing that suddenly swept through me. I forced myself to look away and found my professor coming in, not a minute too late. I had never been more glad to see the man in my life.

Jake punched me awake the next morning. "What?" I grumbled. "Did my alarm not go off?"

"Not yet." Jake replied. "Get up."

"Why?" I whined. "It's early." I knew what was coming… "Get up, you whiny little bitch."

"Get up right now." Jake thrust my sweatshirt in my face.

I suddenly realized that his voice was quiet and serious, a rarity when it came to Jake. I opened my eyes a fraction of an inch more, and squinted at him. "What's going on?" I asked, still half asleep but slowly awakening. I checked my alarm clock… it was 5:45 AM. "What the hell? It's not even 6 AM yet! Why the hell-" I began to grumble.

"Erik, cops are here," he interrupted me seriously. "They want to talk to you."

Now I was awake. "What?" I jumped straight up in bed and shoved my head into my sweatshirt.

"I was up, getting a drink of water, and there was a knock on the door… they asked for you."

"Why the hell…" I began, confused, and then my thoughts went to Ana. "Shit. Is it Ana?" I demanded.

"I don't know, dude, they just asked me if you were here, so I came, and got you," he answered me seriously.

"Shit." I jumped out of bed and ran into the other room.

Two officers in uniform stood there, one talking quietly into the radio on his shoulder. "Erik Masterson?" the one on the left asked me.

"Yeah?" I asked, acutely registering my voice was higher then usual. "What's going on? What is it? Is it my sister?"

"I'm Officer Windsor and this is Officer Kenton," the first cop spoke, gesturing between himself and his partner. "You should probably sit down for this."

"I'll stand. What the hell is going on?" I answered coldly, hands clenching into fists. If they didn't tell me soon, I'd-

"Are you the son of Ellen Chase?" he asked me.

Startled, I stared blankly between the two officers. Mom? They were asking me questions about Mom? "Yeah… she's my mom," oh great, what had she done now?

"When was the last time you spoke with your mother?" Officer Kenton spoke up.

I tried to think back but couldn't really think in my confusion. "I don't know… a week ago or so?"

"When she was hospitalized for her DUI?" Officer Windsor asked.

"Yes. What's going on?" I asked. "Did she leave rehab again?"

"I think you might want to sit down," he repeated himself gravely.

"No. What the fuck is going on?" I snapped back, voice deathly quiet, at the end of my rope.

"Your mother's car was found in the back of a Target parking lot… we found it on our patrol of the premises at midnight. We found your mother inside," he said slowly. I felt my stomach clench. Officer Kenton looked away as Officer Windsor finally said, "She's dead, Erik. She shot herself in the head."

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 32- She Walked out

She finally returned a few minutes later, still looking annoyed and smelling faintly of cigarette smoke. She clocked back in after chucking her purse down on the counter and then repeated in a testy voice, "I said I don't want to talk about it, bring it up, and I'll walk off my shift, I don't give a damn," she turned away and began rearranging movies.

"You shouldn't do that when you have a child to support." I shot back flatly.

"Gee." Aidan added seriously. I almost smiled… the little guy was just trying to put in his two cents.

But my smile didn't happen as I watched her shoulders tense as she suddenly stopped fixing the movies. She turned around; eyes cool, opened her mouth to say something, and then exhaled sharply as she walked back into the stacks to put away some movies. "I know what you're trying to do," she said over her shoulder coldly. "And I'm still not talking. It's my life. You want my sob story? Buy the book."

"Hey, look, you just drop little parts of your life and then retract them when I get curious. I'm tired of it." I shot back.

"Is it my fault that sometimes I say too much?" she snapped back, rearranging movies. "I said drop it," she stalked back over to the counter.

"How is life like that?" I demanded of her cynically. "Living a secret... how does that work?"

"I don't live a secret, I just like my privacy," she snapped back. "The only way you could possibly understand that is if you were me."

"Well why don't you try to explain it?" I shot back.

"Because the only way to really understand my fucked up life is to actually be me," she shot back. "You think I really expected to get pregnant at 18? Do you think I was jumping up and down in excitement?" I let her talk. "Because frankly, it sucked, but I wouldn't give anything in the world not to have my daughter. She just came a lot sooner then I expected," she began counting the cash in the cash register angrily and then stopped, slamming the drawer shut angrily. Aidan whimpered. "Damn it, I've said too much!" she shouted, mostly at herself.

"Could you try not to swear in front of the kid?" I asked her, annoyed. Jake would undoubtedly get blamed for that one too even if it was Alexandra's fault.

"You know what, I'm so over this. I quit," she grabbed her purse and clocked out.

"Wait, come on-" I began, anger slipping, as she stalked to the door.

She stopped, hand on the door, and turned back. "Look, I have a private life that you don't need to know about. You all seem to think that I'll open up if you gently, or not so gently in your case, prod with questions but guess what: I'm not and I'm gone," she stalked out the door.

It occurred to me that the last bit probably hadn't been meant just for me.

I sighed and sat down on the stool, pulling out a pad of paper. I jotted down for Paul that Alexandra had quit and then popped in Finding Nemo for Aidan. It wasn't like he understood what was going on in the movie anyway but I figured he'd keep still for a little bit.

The store remained empty until the door finally opened at 5:15. Jake ambled in, looking tired. "Finally." I grumbled, standing.

Aidan reached out to Jake at the sight of him and Jake took him, mumbling, "Hey buddy," and then dodged the finger that Aidan tried to jam in his eye.

"The diaper bag's at your feet." I told him, shutting off the movie. "You owe me." I growled at him.

"Yeah." Jake grunted, leaning over to grab the back. "So where's the girl?" he asked as he straightened back up.

"What girl?" I asked.

"The blond… Adam told me about her, said she worked here, I've been meaning to ask you about her. He said she was unbelievably hot," he replied, hoisting Aidan up higher on his hip.

"She just quit." I answered flatly.

"Damn," he muttered, looking disappointed. "They always take off right before I get here."

"That's just your luck, huh?" I smirked in reply. He mimicked me back. "But… sweetie, that means we can continue our relationship." I said sweetly.

"I know, honey, I was just teasing you," he sang back as he backed up into the door. "Oh by the way, we're out of groceries, so we're going to need to go out tomorrow."

"We just went!" I shot back, annoyed.

"That was then. This is now," he answered solemnly, pushing open the door. "Later, dude."

"Bye." I replied, popping in a new release to amuse myself since I didn't have my books with me.

I unlocked and then opened the apartment door. Jake was on the couch, asleep, Aidan in his lap, watching TV with rapt attention. He grinned at the sight of me and waved. "Hey buddy." I smiled back.

That woke Jake, who jerked and picked up his head, smacking his lips together sleepily. "Hey dude," he said thickly.

"Working hard, I see." I said sarcastically.

"Up! Up! Up!" Aidan yelled, lifting his arms up to me. I picked him up and he grinned at me.

"Yeah well… I was just taking a quick power nap." Jake shot back with a smirk, eyes on the TV.

"Luckily he didn't get off your lap and go stick his hand in an outlet." I answered dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grunted back and then looked up at me. "Would you watch him?" he whined.

"No, dude, I watched him all day." I replied, setting Aidan back down on his lap.

"He's been terrorizing me." Jake whined.

"He terrorizes everyone, Jake, that isn't news." I replied breezily as I walked into our room. "I need to study." I tossed over my shoulder before shutting the door of our room.

I grabbed my books with a sigh and opened them. For the first time that day, I had a free moment, and my thoughts immediately went to… Christine. I sighed, staring across the room at Jake's Bob Marley poster, and recalled the morning events. I still couldn't believe that it was over before it had started.

I shook my head, pushing away all thoughts of her, and opened my books. I knew that Ana ran from her problems, it was one of her faults, but I just avoided thinking about them. Usually they either got resolved eventually or they just went away.

But I couldn't get Christine out of my head.

My phone went off, jarring me. I dove for it, hoping wildly that it was her. Ana. "Hello." I answered, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Don't sound so excited." Ana shot back, sounding a little surprised. Apparently I hadn't tried hard enough.

"Yeah well…" I began and then trailed off, shrugging even though she obviously couldn't see it.

"What's wrong?" she asked, changing from surprise to concern.

"A lot." I answered vaguely.

"More stuff with Cassie?" she asked sympathetically.

"No. I got dumped." I answered.

"By who? You were dating someone?" she demanded, sounding surprised again.

"Well yeah basically… Christine and I-" I began.

"Wait, Christine? I thought that was Ben's girlfriend." Ana interrupted.

"They broke up." I answered.

"Oh," she answered. "Is she still acting like a crazy bitch?" she asked bluntly.

"Anastasia." I barked.

"No need to use my full name, Erik, I just remember last time we discussed her, she was a crazy bitch." Ana replied testily. She hates being called her full name, which is why I only use it when I'm pissed off at her.

"She's not a crazy bitch." I snapped back.

"All right… chill…" she soothed quietly. "I'm sorry. Yes, Christine, what about her?"

I wasn't one to hang on to personal shit so I just ignored it and moved on. "Well we've been seeing each other a lot lately and we finally decided we were a couple," she muttered something of a okay so I went on with, "But her dad doesn't like me and…" I balked at what I had to tell her but went on anyway, "He kinda found me in her bed this morning and-"

"WHAT?" she shouted. "ERIK!"

"Don't have a hissy fit, nothing happened!" I shot back.

"Yeah, try again, buddy, you were in her freaking bed-" she retorted.

"We fell asleep after…" I squirmed. "After making out-" ugh, I couldn't believe I had just said that to my SISTER.

"Ewwwww!" she yelped, clearly not thrilled with the admission either.

"Look, I didn't nail her, okay? It was relatively innocent!" I shot back at her, getting up with a sudden burst of energy. "Well her dad reacted like you did when he found me in her bed and threw me out of the house… she broke up with me this afternoon." I began absent mindedly cleaning my room.

There was a pause and then she asked kindly, "Are you okay?"

"I'll live." I replied gruffly.

The door flew open. I jumped up, dirty shirt in my hand, feeling like I'd been caught in the act. Jake was standing there, Aidan in his arms. He looked at me and then demanded, "Are you CLEANING?" looking aghast at the concept.

"You're CLEANING?" Ana shouted on the phone.

"I got bored!" I exclaimed.

"Take him." Jake dumped Aidan into my arms and then left the room before I could get out a protest.

"You're cleaning." Ana repeated, sounding like the word was foreign to her.

"Yeah well I had a lot of energy and…" I shrugged again, forgetting again that she still couldn't see me. Aidan squirmed in my arms so I set him down on the floor, crossing the room to shut the door so that he wouldn't get out and the guys wouldn't eavesdrop on my conversation.

"Don't you have anything else to do?" she asked me.

"Well I was studying before you called." I shot back, watching Aidan toddle around my room. I slid off the bed and down on the floor. He grinned at the sight of me so reachable, bounced over, and threw himself down into my lap. I grunted and then said, "Hey buddy."

"Who are you talking to?" Ana asked curiously.

"Aidan." I replied.

"Awww!" she cooed, she thinks Aidan's adorable.

"You're going to be quite the lady killer when you grow up." I told him solemnly. He nodded, even though I'm sure he had no idea what I'd said.

"He definitely will be." Ana cooed.

"How are things with Andrew?" I asked, tired of talking about myself. I grunted as Aidan slid off of me and went back to toddling around the room.

"Fine," she answered, sounding like she meant it. "Izzy continues to be herself…"

"Meaning crazy?" I asked wryly.

"Indeed," she agreed.

"Who's the new boyfriend?" I asked, well aware of the fact that Isabella went through boys like water.

"His name is Kevin," she spat out his name.

"I gather you're less then fond of him?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He's an asshole," she answered, sounding annoyed. "You know Izzy's shitty taste in guys."

"Yeah… though the last one seemed all right." I replied seriously.

"Did you meet him?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"At the mall, randomly." I replied. "You were with Andrew."

"Oh," she replied.

Aidan picked up one of my dirty t-shirts and offered it to me seriously. "Thanks, buddy." I took it from him and tossed it on top of the already overflowing hamper.

"What did he do?" she asked.

"He handed me one of my dirty shirts." I replied.

"Eww, he's in your room?" she demanded, sounding grossed out. "Get him out of there, it's probably not sanitary!"

"You've never been in my room!" I shot back.

"Um hello, I've been in your kitchen and living room with the designated stacks of dirty dishes," she shot back. "I can only imagine what your room looks like."

"Shut up." I grumbled back.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 31-Little Monster

I lay still for a moment and then jolted, blurting out, "What do you mean? It's barely begun, we-"

"My dad hates you," she interrupted, sounding… final. Uh oh.

I felt… annoyance bubble up inside of me. Before I could really think about what I was saying, I snapped back, "Yeah well my dad hates me too. Come on, Christine, you're an adult, your dad can't tell you who you date."

"As long as I live under his roof, he can," she replied quietly, not even getting angry. She knew what I was doing even before I knew.

"Move out." I ordered immediately though I knew it was easier said then done.

"You say it like it's easy," she scoffed bitterly in reply. "I can't afford an apartment by myself and to pay for school on top of that."

What she was saying was true… I was working two jobs just to be able to pay ¼ of the rent and school in my own apartment. "So it's over." I finally stated angrily. "Over practically before it was started."

"I'm sorry," she whispered timidly.

I covered my eyes and rubbed both of my temples with my hand. I realized what she probably already knew: I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at her dad. "I'm sorry too." I said, calmer. "This isn't your fault. It's your dad's, I'm just… I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too," she answered, voice quiet. "It… just… can't happen."

I stared blankly at the ceiling, unable to answer her. "Well…" I finally stated and then grew alarmed at the finality of it. Oh shit. This was really ending.

"I'll call you," she told me. I realized I'd been sitting in silence for a while.

"Yeah." I replied blankly.

"Bye," her voice was small.

Don't go. "Bye." I shut my phone in my hand and stared at the ceiling, unable to do much else.

I heard voices in the other room. "Hang on; let me see if he's here." I heard Adam say before he opened my door. His expression turned to panic as he shut the door and ran over to me. "Jake's mom and the clan are all here!"

"So?" I asked expressionlessly, still in shock. She dumped me.

"So?" Adam practically squeaked in reply. "So you know how much she scares me! Go in there and deal with her!"

It was true, Adam usually hid out in his room when she came. He must have answered the door. "Fine." I threw back the covers, annoyed. "Wuss." I scoffed at him as I passed.

"Quit pulling Valerie's hair, Jared!" Mrs. Carlson scolded one of the clan.

Aidan, who'd been sitting quietly on his mom's hip, sucking on his fingers, lit up at the sight of me. "Ewik!" he squealed, reaching for me.

Mrs. C looked up and then smiled maternally at me. "Hi sweetie. Is Jake here?" she asked as she handed me Aidan.

"Nah, he's at work, Mrs. C." I replied, ducking out of harm's way as Aidan tried to stuff his fingers up my nose.

"You look tired. Are you sleeping enough?" she demanded.

"I got up early this morning," well that was the truth all right.

"What time did you go to bed?" she asked.

I thought back. "One… maybe two?"

She clucked her tongue in disproval. "A little hungover?" she asked knowingly.

"I don't drink, Mrs. C." I answered, as I patiently took Aidan's fingers out of my ear.

"Good boy," she replied then smiled a little at the sight of Aidan grinning up at me. "He really likes you, you know."

"Well I'm practically another brother to him." I replied, smiling back at Aidan.

"He likes Jake but he loves you," she commented.

"Yeah…" I agreed slowly, realizing she was trying to hint at something. "How come you stopped by?" I asked suspiciously.

"I need a favor," she smiled almost apologetically. "I've got to take the ids shopping and get them new clothes, Julia's meeting me there to help, but Aidan would be a bit of a hindrance with the stroller and the squirming and… I was going to leave him with Jake."

"He gets off at 3:30." I replied.

"Can you watch him until then?" she begged. "Please, I can't leave him with a sitter, there's no time."

"Okay, Mrs. C." I relented. I had work at 4:00 so Jake had better be on time.

"Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, hugging me and Aidan both. "Bye sweetie!" she kissed Aidan on the head. He stared at her. "I'll be back soon, come on kids!" she said as she dropped a huge bag on the floor. "That's the diaper bag, I'll leave his car seat next to your car, bye!" they exited quickly.

I watched Aidan, expecting him to start wailing. He looked up at me as if to ask, "Hey, where did she go?"

"She'll be back." I answered him aloud.

He looked at the door and then looked back up at me then jammed his finger up my nose. I winced and removed it then said, "Come on, kid." I walked into my room.

Adam was flipping through my CD case. "She gone?" he asked and then raised an eyebrow at the sight of Aidan.

"Yeah, I got babysitting duty." I answered.

"Sucks to be you," he said as he left my room. I rolled my eyes and then checked my reflection in the mirror… I needed a shave. "Come on, buddy." I said as I walked down the hall into the bathroom. I set him down on the counter and then grabbed my shave gel out of the medicine cabinet. He watched me intently as I smeared shave gel over my face. I began to shave.

Suddenly, he leaned over and slapped his hand into my shave gel. I jumped as he pulled back, giggling, then smeared it all over his own face. "You going to shave too?" I asked him with a smirk, spreading it evenly again. He grinned at me and made another try at getting more but I pulled my face back just in time.

Having Aidan around for a distraction was good. We watched a little ESPN together and he actually sat quietly instead of trying to stuff his fingers in my nose, ear, or eye.

I started getting nervous at 3:50 when Jake still hadn't shown up. "Dude." I said as I knocked on Adam and Ben's door.

"Yeah." Adam answered.

I opened it and found him staring blankly at his computer screen. "When does Jake get off?"

"3:30," he grunted back and then started, turning around, looking apprehensive. "Wait, 5:00… he picked up some extra hours."

"I have work in 10 minutes!" I exclaimed.

"Shit, dude," he replied helpfully.

"Can you watch him?" I asked hopefully.

"Okay…" Adam replied slowly, holding out his hands. I handed Aidan over but, instead of cradling him, Adam just held him at arm's length as though afraid to let the toddler touch him. Aidan gnawed on his fingers as he stared apprehensively back at Adam.

"Okay, well… his diaper bag is in the kitchen." I said, starting to back out the door.

Aidan looked back at me, looked at Adam, and then seemed to realize that he had just been ditched. He opened his mouth and began to howl, face crumpling with his siren wail.

"Just hold him and pat him on the back!" I shouted quickly over the howling at Adam.

"You do it!" Adam shouted back, thrusting Aidan to me. I took the kid back and cradled him, soothing him. When he was quiet, Adam said in a terrified voice, "I can't do this."

"Yeah I gathered that." I shot back. "I guess I'm just going to have to take him with me to work."

"Good luck, dude," he replied, staring at Aidan like he was the devil reincarnated. I rolled my eyes as I left and hurried off to work.

I managed to get to work only 10 minutes late. I walked in, holding Aidan and the diaper bag. "You're…" Alexandra began to flatly tone but then she caught sight of Aidan in my arms. "…not alone," she finished, looking surprised.

"I got stuck with babysitting duty." I replied, sitting Aidan on the counter before dropping the diaper bag to the ground.

"You're lucky Paul went home early," she shook her head.

"He's my best friend's little brother." I told her as I reached over and clocked in.

"How old is your best friend? Four?" she asked dryly.

"19." I replied. "Seven kids."

"Six kids too many," she mumbled, shaking her head. I shot her a look.

Aidan grabbed onto my arm and stood on the counter, becoming eye level with me. He grinned at me and then tried to jab my eye out. "No, Aidan." I said patiently.

"He's a little monster, isn't he?" she asked.

"I'm surprised he hasn't tried to leap off the counter." I replied, picking him up and setting him down on the ground. We watched him leisurely toddle off.

"How old is he?" she asked.

"Two." I replied.

"My Caitlyn would like him," she said absent mindedly.

"Hmm." I grunted back then started. "Your-" I began, stunned.

"Yeah, my Caitlyn. No I don't want to talk about it," she replied in a monotone voice, staring straight ahead as a customer entered the store. "It's no big," she mumbled.

"Hi welcome to Video Warehouse." I automatically turned and smiled. The customer smiled back and then I caught sight of Aidan reaching with his hand toward the lowest shelf. "No Aidan!" I scooped him up.

"You're a little cutie!" the woman cooed at Aidan, who tried to jab his fingers in my ear in retaliation for stopping him from reeking havoc. "Ooh watch out!" she laughed.

"I'm lucky he hasn't taken my eye out yet." I replied dryly and then changed into smiling worker tactics with a friendly, "I'm Erik, go ahead and let me know if you need anything."

"Okay thanks," she disappeared into the stacks as I walked Aidan behind the counter.

I set Aidan on the ground again, baring his escape from out from behind the counter with a chair, and then looked at Alexandra. She was gently tapping her nails on the counter, looking out the window. "I said I don't want to talk about it," she said flatly, not looking at me.

I shrugged to myself, and then quickly grabbed Aidan by the overalls as he started to reach for the stacks, pulling him back. Naturally, being Aidan, he went right back at it, so I picked him up.

"He's so cute," the customer cooed as she walked up to the counter. "How old is he?" she asked Alexandra.

"Oh… he's not mine." Alexandra stuttered. It was one of the rare moments I'd seen her lose her cool.

"He's my best friend's little brother, he was supposed to watch him but he's working over time." I jumped in for her.

"Oh I see," she smiled politely as Alexandra rang her up. "Bye sweetie!" she waved at Aidan before exiting the store.

I looked at Alexandra, who went stiff, then reached below the cash register, and grabbed her purse. "I'm going on break," she mumbled before clocking out then walking out the back without one glance at me.

I sighed and picked up the cordless phone. I dialed Jake's cell phone, got voicemail of course, and then left a message, saying, "Once you get off work, come down here, and get your little monster of a brother. I got dumped with babysitting duty," and then hung up.

I prepared myself for Alexandra's return.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 30-Repercussions

I kissed her back, cupping her face with both hands. She wrapped her arms around my back, kissing me harder. She slowly pulled back then smiled hazily at me before pushing me down on her bed. I caught her as she landed on top of me and kissed her back. After a while, she pulled back and smiled down at me as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Damn, you're beautiful." I whispered softly, running a hand into her hair.

"You aren't bad looking yourself," she replied with a pretend yawn.

"Oh really?" I replied playfully.

"I've had better," she sniffed. My eyes narrowed and suddenly I rolled her over onto her back. "Erik!" she squealed.

I straddled her slightly on the bed and asked with a raised eyebrow, "Better then this?" I lifted up my sweatshirt a little to show my six pack.

It had the desired effect, as usual. She stopped smiling as she looked like she was staring at a chocolate cake, I half expected drool to come out of her mouth, she looked so hungry. "Mmm… no," she purred, running her hand over my chest. She reached up, grabbed me by the neck, and pulled me back down into a kiss.

After a while (okay, a long while), we stopped. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair was a mess, her lips were swollen, and her shirt was crooked. I could only imagine what I looked like. "I'm tired." I whispered.

"Me too," she whispered back. I carefully rolled off of her and flopped against her pillows, looking at her. She moved closer and I took her into my arms, studying her face. She ran her fingers across my jawbone. "What?" she asked softly, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't believe this is happening." I replied, squeezing her a little. She smiled back. "Ever since I first saw you at that party…" I trailed off as I ran my thumb across her jaw.

She smiled, cocking her head. "The night Ben dragged me away from you?" she asked. "I remember that night."

"I was too much of a spineless wuss to go after you." I replied with a sigh.

"And now?" she asked, running her fingers through the hair on the back of my neck.

"And now we're together." I answered her, smiling at her. She smiled back, pulled me into a kiss, and then reached over me. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Turning on the stereo," she replied, pointing a remote at the stereo on her dresser. After a few moments, the familiar sound of Death Cab filled the room. "You aren't the only one who likes Death Cab," she told me with a smile. I smiled back, kissed her, and then held her in my arms, stroking her hair gently.

Her breathing tapered off to slow, even breaths. I shifted slowly and looked down. Sure enough, she was asleep; her lips parted slightly as she silently drew breath. She shifted close, grabbing my sweatshirt with one hand lightly in her sleep, nuzzled her face a little, and then lay still again. I smiled down on her.

I knew I should get up and drive home… but she was warm… and her bed was comfortable…

"CHRISTINE SAMANTHA RIVERA!" a male voice shouted suddenly. I jerked awake to see her dad looming over me, looking furious. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" he grabbed me by the arm, threw me out of Christine's bed, and onto the floor. Talk about a rude awakening.

"Dad!" Christine gasped.

"Please, sir, I can explain-" I begged from my position on the floor, putting my hands up in surrender as I cowered.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY DAUGHTER'S BED?" he shouted at me.

"Dad, wait, let me explain-!" Christine got up but he pushed her back.

"Sir, please, it was totally innocent-" I begged.

"You better be out of this house in five minutes or else, so help me-" he shook with rage.

"Yes sir." I wasn't about to stand around and let him finish that sentence. I scrambled to my feet and bolted out the door.

"Erik!" she shouted tearfully after me as I ran down the stairs.

I ran out the front door and out to my car then stopped, looking back at the house. I could hear them shouting at each other but couldn't make out the words. Christine's father appeared in the window and began shouting something at me though the glass muffled it. I ran to my car, got in, and sped away.

I tried to calm myself down as I sped away, breathless with the adrenaline and close call I'd had.

Well if the man hadn't hated me before, he definitely hated me now.

Great.

I entered the apartment a little while later and came face to face with… Jake, of all people. He looked up, blurry eyed, from the fridge he was scrounging in, and then asked thickly, "Are you just getting in?" I nodded. He stared at me for a long moment before finally hissing, "You slut!" with a mock horrified look.

"Shut up." I grumbled, walking over and pulling out the orange juice.

"What crawled up your ass and died this morning?" he demanded.

"Christine's dad threw me out of the house this morning… it wasn't exactly the awakening I'd planned on." I replied flatly after taking a long gulp of orange juice straight from the carton.

Jake drank out of the milk carton and then looked at me with disdain. "Dude, use a glass," he said as he put the carton back in the fridge.

"Oh you're one to talk." I shot back.

"So you finally nailed her?" he asked, pushing aside beer and Dr. Pepper in search of food.

"No we just fell asleep in her bed." I replied, putting the orange juice back in the fridge.

"After hot wild sex?" he grinned wickedly at me.

"We made out a little." I admitted with a shrug, grabbing an apple, and going over to the sink to wash it. The more I admitted and the more vague I was, the sooner Jake would let it go.

"Did you get into her pants?" he asked.

"No." I replied absentmindedly, drying my hands with a paper towel.

"Wait, let me get this straight: you made out with Christine. You were in her room, alone in the house, am I right, since her dad doesn't like you?" I nodded, crunching into my apple. "You made out on her bed and you didn't score?"

"Wasn't on my mind really." I replied honestly with a shrug then munched away on my apple.

Jake stared at me, horrified for real. "What's wrong with you?" he finally demanded.

"Maybe I have something on my mind besides sex?" I shot back dryly.

"Or maybe you don't possess a dick!" he retorted.

"Of course I do, dumb ass." I shot back.

"What do you want then?" he asked me. "A relationship of hand holding and cuddling?" he sang derisively.

"It's what we have, sweetie, and you seem fine with it." I shot back sweetly.

Jake looked like he was about to be sick to his stomach. "Gross, dude, it's too early in the morning for that," he clutched his stomach, looking a little green.

"What the hell are you doing up this early anyway?" I asked, tossing my apple core in the trash.

"Couldn't sleep and I have work in an hour, they wanted me to come in early to work early," he replied. "I need the money anyway."

"Why, to buy more beer?" I inquired dryly.

"Yes. Don't judge," he sniffed in reply.

"I'm going back to bed." I shook my head with a smile.

"All right," he answered as I took off my sweatshirt and shut the door. I took off my t-shirt and jeans, set my alarm on my alarm clock, and crawled into bed. I sighed happily as my head hit the pillow and then lay still.

A deafening explosion came from the TV in the other room. My eyes didn't open as I rolled over on my side to bellow, "JAKE!"

"TURN THAT SHIT DOWN!" I heard Adam shout from the other room.

"JAKE!" Ben shouted.

"HANG ON; I'M ALMOST TO LEVEL FIVE!" Jake shouted back. "SHIT!" he shouted, presumably because he'd died. I heard the door in the other room open and tried to ignore the X Box as I heard Adam say something and then suddenly it was silent. "BRING THAT BACK!" I heard Jake shout.

"Go to work!" Adam shouted back, slamming the door to his room.

After a moment, the door into our room opened. "Adam took away the X Box!" Jake whined, jumping on my bed.

"JAKE." I snarled, squeezing my eyes shut in annoyance. Apparently terrorizing Erik while he tried to sleep was not something just one Carlson enjoyed.

"I don't have to be at work for another hour, what am I supposed to do?" he whined at me.

"Take a shower. Watch TV quietly. Get on the internet and have cyber sex for all I care, just GO. AWAY. For the love of GOD." I groaned back.

"Cyber sex. Not a bad idea," he said in a thoughtful voice as he got off my bed. I winced. Whatever he did next, he was quiet, and that was all that mattered to me.

My phone went off later, jerking me awake. I fumbled for it on my nightstand and then mumbled, "Hello?"

"Hey." Christine whispered back. "Did I wake you?"

"Yeah." I grunted back, face mashed into my pillow, voice muffled.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry about my dad, I'm sorry about this morning, I'm sorry about you having to run out… he flies off the handle like that a lot."

Semi awake now, I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. "He seemed pretty pissed." I agreed quietly, thinking back to the enraged Mr. Rivera.

"I didn't expect us to fall asleep but… I just…" she said helplessly. I could hear the tears in her voice and instantly went into Nice Guy comforting mode.

"It's okay, Christine." I assured her softly and it really was… although being rudely awoken and thrown to the floor wasn't on my list of favorite pastimes, it really wasn't that big of a deal to me. "I'm not hurt and your dad already hates me anyway so it's not that big of a deal." I rolled over on my side and stared over at Jake's poster of Bob Marley on the wall. "When can I see you again?"

There was a long pause. "I… I don't know," she finally whispered back.

"Are you grounded again?" I asked, disappointed. That man needed to realize that his daughter was an adult-

"I don't think this is going to work," she finally whispered back after another long pause

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 29- Date at the Beach

I shut off the car when we reached the beach. We got out and met in front of my car. "Ready?" I asked, grabbing her hand.

"Yeah- wait, hang on," she let go of my hand and grabbed my shoulder as she untied her Converse. She leaned precariously to one side as she pulled off both shoes and socks then let out a squeak as she lost her balance.

"Whoa!" I laughed and caught her.

"Sorry," she smiled back, looking up. I almost jumped when our noses almost touched, we were so close. Instead of backing away though, I felt my smile fade as I looked into her eyes. I could hear the waves in the distance, felt her warm body in my arms.

After a long moment, her expression changed to… understanding. She kissed me on the cheek and then pulled away, tying her shoelaces together and stuffing her socks inside. The moment was over. I sighed, which was lost in the wind, but smiled when she looked back up at me. "Come on." I took her hand as I kicked off my flip-flops, picked them up with my free hand, and then we stepped into the sand.

The sand was cool under my toes as we crossed the beach to the waves. The moonlight was dim but there was a blue tinted light lighting up the beach off of the lifeguard tower to the right. I could see the waves lit up in the light and smiled.

"Are you going in?" she asked, stopping me to roll up one side of her pants.

"You're going in?" I demanded.

She shrugged, rolling up the other side. "We're at the beach, aren't we?"

"The water's freezing cold!" I exclaimed.

She laughed, grabbing my hands. "Live a little," she told me, giving me huge puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." I consented, reaching down, and rolling up my pants.

"Come on," she pulled me down the beach to the water. She stopped and waited as a wave crashed, then let go of my hand, and lifted both hands in the air as the wave hit her. I jumped as the cold water washed over my toes and then watched as her hips slowly swayed with a little dance. "I love the ocean!" she turned and exclaimed, looking like a little kid again.

I smiled back as another wave rushed to us. Bigger then the last, there was more water… and her back was turned. "Look out!" I exclaimed, pointing, and then jumping back.

She screamed, putting her hands up, as the water hit her, splashing up her body. I made it just in time for it to just get my feet. When it pulled back, she turned around. But, instead of looking upset or angry like most girls, she grinned and laughed, shaking out her soaking wet hair. "You're crazy!" I laughed, grabbing her, and pulling her back from the water.

"I'm drenched too!" she added, wringing out her wavy hair. The wind picked up then and she shivered in her wet clothes. "And… freezing!" she wailed, looking a little put out, lower lip jutting forward, as she wrapped her arms around herself.

I laughed, shaking my head at her expression, and then unbuttoned my blue and white striped button down shirt. "Here." I took it off, shivering a little in my thin white t-shirt, and wrapped it around her, pulling her close. She placed a small, warm hand on my chest and looked up at me as I rubbed her arms briskly up and down, trying to get her warm. "Better?" I asked her after a moment.

She stared up at me, grabbed my shirt in one hand, and pulled it closer to her. "Yeah," she said softly, still looking up at me, hand still on my chest. "Are you cold?" she asked me in the same quiet voice.

I looked back down at her and took her hand she'd laid on my chest in mine. "Not really." I replied, voice equally quiet. I slid my hand up her arm into her hair, brushing the wet hair away from her neck, and softly rubbed her ear with my thumb. I felt a shiver run through her body as she smiled back up at me and knew it wasn't from the cool breeze.

My eyes slowly drifted down to her smooth lips. I wanted, needed, this kiss like my life depended on it. The wind stilled, no, the world stilled as I slowly lowered my head. Her soft green eyes fluttered shut as I came near and I felt my own do the same.

There were no distractions… no cell phones, no fathers, it was just us.

Our lips finally touched lightly. I ran my hand back into her hair to the back of her neck, pulling her into the kiss. She kissed me back hard yet soft as though she was trying to tell me that she wanted it just as much as I wanted her. She let go of my hand and ran it up my chest to the back of my neck, pulling me down into the kiss. I slid my hand around her waist to the small of her back and pulled her to me so that our bodies were flush against each other.

I don't know how long we stood there, kissing each other, but I'm not complaining. When we finally pulled back, I kept my eyes shut for a moment, revealing in the kiss, and then opened my eyes to find her opening her own as well. I rested my forehead against hers and then smiled at her.

Now that was worth agonizing over.

"Wow," she finally whispered.

I searched for a word of my own but only came up with, "Wow," myself (hey, you try to think of a word after that kiss and let me know, okay?).

I felt the wind pick up again. She shivered and this time, I knew it wasn't from me. "I think I have a sweatshirt in the back of my car." I told her softly. "Do you want to go back?"

She nodded silently, eyes filled with what one could only call wonder. I pulled back and put my arm around her, holding her close to me. She slid her arm around my back and held my hand on her shoulder with her other hand as we walked back to the car.

We got into my car and I turned on the radio. "Let me grab that sweatshirt for you." I said softly, leaning back into the backseat.

"Here's your shirt," she said as I dug around (I've been busy, okay, and my car got out of control).

"Thanks." I said as I finally pulled my red USC sweatshirt out from under my books and other random crap.

I heard the familiar guitar chords of, "You and Me," by Lifehouse start up on the radio as I straightened back up. I smiled and she laughed a little as she took the sweatshirt. "Just you and me, huh?" she asked as she smiled at me, sliding her arms into the sweatshirt.

"All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right." I sang as she disappeared into the sweatshirt. "I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning, I don't know where to go from here."

Her head popped through the head hole and she smiled softly at me. "Cause it's you and me…" she sang softly.

"And all other people with nothing to do, nothing to lose…" I sang back.

She smiled, looking touched, then leaned in, sliding her hand around my neck, and pulled me into another kiss, silencing me. I kissed her back, sliding my hand back into her hair.

When we finally pulled back again, You and Me was no longer playing. "Do you want to go back to my house?" she asked. "Since my parents aren't home…" she said softly. "We could just watch a movie or something."

"Okay." I agreed with a smile. I turned forward and then laughed. "We fogged up the windows." I pointed out.

She laughed too. "I can't say I've ever done that before," she giggled.

"Me neither." I said as I started my car. I pulled out of the parking spot as she radio surfed.

"Nothing good is on… do you have any CDs?" she asked me.

"I think the only one I have is in." I replied.

There was a pause and then she turned on my CD player. The familiar beginning of "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie started playing.

"This is a good song." I said softly, grabbing her hand.

"Okay," she sat back and looked out the window, occasionally trailing her fingers over the back of my hand.

We rode in silence, but not awkward silence, down the road together, the slow, quiet piano relaxing both of us. At the end of the song, she kissed my hand, and then said softly, "You're right, that was a good song."

"Yeah." I agreed as I got off the freeway. We went back to silence as we drove to her house.

I pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. We got out of the car, shutting the doors, and then I smiled at the sight of her in my baggy USC sweatshirt, digging around in her purse for her house key. I couldn't help but pull her close again. "Oh I see what you're doing…" she teased softly with a smile, stopping her search for her keys.

"What am I doing?" I asked innocently.

"Distracting me," she shot back, going back to her purse (I'm still amazed at the crap girls stuff in there).

"Let me distract you this way." I took the purse out of her hand and held it high over her head.

"Erik!" she exclaimed, feebly jumping for it. "We're never going to get inside!" she pouted slightly.

"We'll get there eventually." I shrugged in reply, shaking her purse above my head. She pursed her lips then slowly smiled, looking up at me. "What?" I asked.

She slowly stood on her tiptoes and hovered right below my lips. I felt my breathing become short as I felt her lips lightly brush mine. She slid her hand to the back of my head and then pulled me down into a hot kiss. I kissed her back, wrapping both arms around her waist as I pulled her into me. I felt her nails run down my spine and squeezed her as a rush went through my body.

And then suddenly she grabbed her purse out of my hand and pulled back, looking half drunk half triumphant. "Oh no fair!" I exclaimed as she put distance between us while she dug through her purse.

She pulled out her key and then came close again, laying a hand over my lips. "Good things come to those who wait," she whispered lightly with a small smile. I could only nod as she pulled back. "Come on," she grabbed my hand and pulled me up the porch steps. I waited patiently as she fiddled with the lock. She sighed as it didn't work and pulled her hair over to one shoulder, revealing part of her bare neck.

I smiled a little to myself and then closed the distance between us, softly kissing the back of her neck. She tensed up and then whimpered weakly, "Erik!"

I turned her around and took the key out of her hand, then pressed her up against the door, leaned over her, supporting myself with one hand, and began kissing her as I tried to find the lock with the other hand. I felt her smile against me but she didn't push me away. I finally somehow found the lock and unlocked the door (call it my skillz). We almost fell into the house and then pulled apart, laughing.

"Let's go upstairs to my room so I can change my clothes," she told me, grabbing my hand.

"Okay." I agreed. She led me upstairs, down the hall, and into her room. "Nice." I said appreciatively as I looked around at the pale yellow walls decorated with many picture frames, all with black and white pictures in them. "You like taking pictures?" I asked, looking around as she dug around in her dresser.

"Yep, it's a hobby," she replied distractedly.

I was glad to see only a few guys present and they were all formal dances from high school pictures. "Who are these girls?" I asked, pointing to a picture of two girls probably around five years old.

She came over for a second and looked then answered, "My sister and I," before taking off my sweatshirt.

"You have a sister?" I asked, grabbing my sweatshirt and putting it on since I was still wearing only my t-shirt.

"Yeah, she's older… she goes to UCLA," she replied, voice muffled by my sweatshirt.

"What's her name?" I asked after pushing my head out the hole.

"Lindsey," she answered shortly then ordered, "Turn around, I'm changing."

"Okay." I agreed, turning around. "Is she cool?"

"She's perfect," she answered flatly.

"I take that as a no?" I asked.

"My dad thinks she's the model child… perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect internships, perfect friends, perfect valedictorian, the whole enchilada," she replied, voice muffled but irritated. "And my grades, they weren't great, my attitude hasn't been that great, I've never had an internship, my friends are average, I wasn't valedictorian… therefore I will never be good enough. You can turn around again." I turned around to see her shake out her hair then put her hands on her hips, staring at the wall. "Damn, listen to me," she mumbled, shaking her head.

"Christine." I said softly, moving closer.

"I'm bitching but I'm happy," she looked up at me, looking less then happy. Clearly I appeared unconvinced because she said, "I'm happy! I am!"

"You don't seem happy." I told her softly, brushing her hair back from her face.

"Yeah well…" she trailed off before finally shrugging. "I've had a lot to not live up to."

"Christine." I said softly, cupping her chin. "Forget about Lindsey. To me, you're perfect."

A touched smile spread across her face slowly. "Thanks," she whispered before kissing me again.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 28- Saturday Night at the Red Rooster

I walked into work and found Taylor and Abby talking seriously. It took me a second to realize that Abby was near tears. "Hey." I said quietly as I shut the door, eyes darting between the two of them.

They looked at me, shared a look, and then Abby finally spoke, voice high pitched. "Patrick broke up with me." Abby finally whispered after a long pause, her tears spilling over. Taylor put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

"What?" I asked, stunned. "Why? He was so into you!"

"He was more into my best friend Sarah, apparently, then me." Abby replied flatly, angrily brushing her tears away.

"Is Sarah…?" I began but one look at Abby's face said it all. "Abby…" I said softly. "I'm so sorry," it was lame but I really was sorry for her.

She sniffed and came over, throwing her arms around me. My Nice Guy kicked in as I hugged her back, trying to quietly murmur soft sympathetic noises as she cried into my t-shirt. Taylor looked on sympathetically.

"Hey." I said quietly, pulling her back but then stopped. "Geeze." I muttered at the sight of her thick black mascara trailing down her cheeks. "Taylor, can you go grab a towel?" I asked her.

"I know, I'm a mess." Abby sniffed, looking down at my shirt. "Oh damn, your shirt."

I looked down and found it wet, with two black streaks of mascara on it. I wasn't mad, it was just a shirt. "It's okay, we have others." I brushed it aside as I lifted her chin up to meet my eyes. "Abby, if he has to go creeping behind your back to your best friend who's probably not as gorgeous as you are, he's not worth your time."

She stared back up at me, eyes filled with tears. "You're the best, Erik!" she wailed, throwing herself back into my arms.

I caught her, surprised, and then held her as she cried again. I glanced over her head at Taylor, who was back with a towel, smiling a little. I gently pulled Abby back again. "Let's get you cleaned up." I motioned for Taylor to come over with the towel.

"Your shirt!" Taylor exclaimed as she handed Abby the towel.

"It's okay; I'll just grab another one." I replied, grabbing another from the small booth we had next to the door.

"I'll put in my employee number and pay for it." Abby hurried over, makeup cleaned up.

"Thanks." I replied, scanning the shirt for her, and then set it down on the counter before taking off the dirty one.

Taylor froze at the sight of my chest, looking startled. "Erik, you-" Abby began, glancing up, and then stopped too.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"Do you work out?" Taylor asked in a funny voice. I felt myself blush as they openly stared at my chest.

"Be on your toes tonight, it's a Saturday night!" I heard Maria shout as she left the kitchen. She took one glance at me and then demanded, "What's going on?"

"I just got something on my shirt." I jumped in quickly as I put on my new shirt.

"Did you pay for that?" she demanded.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Hey Maria, everything's ready at the bar, can I grab a cigarette?" Abby spoke up.

Maria didn't look happy at the prospect but allowed it anyway. "Make it quick," she relented. "You two," she pointed to me and Taylor. "Get to work."

"Yeah." I mumbled, going over to clock in before grabbing my apron. I saw Abby grab her purse and figured she was probably going outside to fix her makeup while she smoked. I began wiping down tables.

Later, I quickly wiped a little sweat off my forehead and then hurried to the next table. I'd been working my ass off the whole night but it was still crazy busy. And, to make matters worse, the man waiting at the next table with his family didn't look happy… great. "Hi, welcome to Red Robin." I said quickly with a smile that I pulled out of my ass as I pulled out my pad out of my apron pocket. "Can I get you guys started with some drinks tonight?"

"We've been waiting for service for ten minutes now," he snapped back rudely. The mother sent him a look and then tried to deal with their squirming children.

"I'm very sorry, sir, as you can see, we're really busy here." I replied in my most professional tone, feeling an urge to grandly gesture around the restaurant since obviously he'd missed the fact that we were BUSY. It was a Saturday night. What had he been expecting, the place to be empty?

"Well you could have at least sent someone over to get our drinks!" the man huffed.

I held back a retort, knowing that he was just annoyed about the service. I swallowed hard and then answered politely, "I'm so sorry about your wait, sir. Is there anything I can get you to drink?"

"We'll have waters, the children will have lemonade, and we're ready to order," he snapped back before adding pointedly, "We've been ready."

"Once again, I'm sorry about the wait, sir." I repeated with a polite smile, ready to strangle the asshole. "What can I get you all?" I asked, looking around the table.

"WE HAVE A BIRTHDAY IN THE HOUSE!" one of the other waiters shouted. Oh great.

"I'd like the hamburger…" the man consulted his menu leisurely, unaware that I had to get over to the birthday. "No cheese."

"Henry here is nine!" the server sent me a pointed look so I held up one finger.

The man studied the picture of the burger closely and then announced, "No pickles."

"Daddy, I'm hungry!" his little girl whined.

"Hush," her father barked back. The little girl sank back into the booth, clearly reprimanded. I felt bad for her. I could also feel the rest of the servers' eyes on the back of my head.

"Anything else, sir?" I asked, trying not to sound impatient.

"Wow, nine years old, what grade are you in?" I heard the server ask to stall for time. I glanced over at her as the man consulted his menu and she shot another look over at me. I widened my eyes at her to tell her just a second and turned back to the man.

After another VERY long pause, he jumped in with, "Oh, no cheese."

"Yes, that doesn't come on a hamburger." I managed to keep the bite out of my voice. "Sir." I added quickly.

"Oh yes," he luckily hadn't caught what I'd said.

"Fries or slaw?" I asked.

"No French fries, they're for children," he sniffed.

"Yes sir." I agreed dutifully.

"Would you folks mind if we borrowed Erik for a moment?" Maria grabbed both of my elbows and leaned around me with her customer smile firmly in place.

"We've been sitting here for ten minutes-" the man began to huff.

"I'm the manager of this restaurant, you can talk to me while Erik's been distracted," she practically pushed me over to the birthday boy.

The server jumped into the happy birthday song and then, after the kid sat down, hissed at me, "Way to take forever," and then swept away without letting me try to explain. I sighed and walked back over to the table.

"We don't want to eat here anyway!" the man shouted loudly, getting up from the table.

"Please try not to raise your voice, sir." Maria said politely, clearly trying to calm him down.

"You just lost yourselves some customers!" he snapped back, grabbing his little boy's hand. "And I'm telling my friends too!" he stomped out of the restaurant.

Maria exhaled sharply then very quickly and quietly said, "That wasn't your fault, don't worry about it, get back to work," then hurried off. I got back to work, glad that I was going to school so that I didn't have to work in this hell hole forever.

I got in my car at 10:05, exhausted and still a little sweaty. The night hadn't gotten less busy or better from the angry man. I pulled out my phone and dialed Christine.

"Hey," she said after she picked up.

"Hey." I replied. "Can I pick you up at 10:30?" I gingerly sniffed my shirt, winced, and then added, "I really need a shower."

"Please do shower," she laughed in reply.

"I'll call you when I'm close." I replied as I pulled into traffic.

"Okay," she agreed. "Bye," we hung up.

I went back to the apartment, showered, and shaved. Jake came in as I grabbed my cologne off the nightstand. He raised an eyebrow and then asked dryly, "Hot date?"

"The hottest." I smirked in reply, spraying on my cologne.

"Sweetie, you didn't have to do all of this for me!" he cooed with a smirk. "I like you in your tightie whities and a pink t-shirt over all of this any day!"

"Gross, dude." I groaned as I grabbed my car keys and wallet. "And you know I only wear boxers."

"I know, sweetie, I was just kidding," he broke down into laughter as he followed me out of our room.

"Where you going?" Adam grunted from the couch as I stepped over his X-Box controller cord.

"Out." I replied shortly.

"He's cheating on me!" Jake proclaimed dramatically.

"Oh honey." Adam said kindheartedly, patting him on the shoulder, and then hid his smirk.

"One day, Erik James Masterson, you'll wake up and realize that I'm THE ONE!" Jake shouted and then collapsed into laughter. Adam fell into a hysterical heap next to him.

"You guys are jerks." I whined though I laughed as I left the apartment.

I got into my car and called Christine. "Hey." I said after she picked up.

"Hey," she replied and then asked, "You on your way?"

"Yeah, right now." I replied.

"Okay, I'll see you soon," we hung up.

She didn't come right out the door when I pulled up, which was unusual. I turned off my car and waited a moment before getting out then walked up to the door.

I knocked, since it was late and I didn't want to use the bell, and then waited. The door opened and Christine appeared, looking beautiful in a soft green sweater and jeans. "Hi," she beamed at me.

"Hey." I couldn't help but beam back. And who could, at that beautiful sight? "You ready?"

"Yeah," she replied, stepping outside. She locked the door and I stared at the gentle curve of her bare neck, since her hair was back, as she locked the door. I felt the hormones stir inside and tried to ignore them. I smiled when she turned back around and then took her hand. We walked down her front walk. "My parents aren't home tonight, for once, so I figured I'd make you come up and knock on the door," she told me as we walked down the walk.

"I was wondering." I laughed and then opened the door of my car for her. She got in with a smile and thanks. I shut the door, took a deep breath, and then walked around to the other side of the car.

I was nervous, I realized. I tried to push aside my nerves as I got behind the wheel. "Ready?" I asked her as I started the car.

"Yep," she smiled back.

As we drove, I smelled something different. Something floral… "Are you wearing perfume?" I asked, turning right.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked, holding her wrist out.

I sniffed it. Like it, I loved it. I swallowed hard and then answered, "Yeah."

"You okay?" she asked me, reaching up and tracing my ear with her cool finger.

I swallowed harder. "Yep."

"You seem… rattled," she told me seriously.

"Just stressed." I replied, merging onto the freeway to drive down to the beach.

"Oh, work, school, and family?" she asked sympathetically.

"Yeah." I lied.

"It'll be okay," she told me quietly, kissing my hand. I smiled back distractedly as I drove.

"Our first real date…" she said out loud as though the words were foreign to her. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I agreed, signaling into the left lane.

"Thank you, Monosyllabic Man," she teased in reply.

I smiled at her teasing and tried to relax myself. "Yeah, it does feel good… to be dating you." I glanced at her quickly. When she was quiet, I glanced at her again to see a small smile on her face, and mirrored one myself.

We drove on in companionable silence

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 27- Night Drive

The moment I pulled into the driveway, she was, as usual, out the door. But instead of coming around to the passenger side though, she came around to my side. I rolled down the window. "I'll drive," she offered with a smile.

"Okay." I agreed, not about to turn down an opportunity to save on gas. I parked my car and then got into her Civic.

I was glad to see that she wasn't a crazy driver. I slouched down a little in the seat to relax myself and then heaved a long sigh. "You okay?" she asked me quietly.

"Tired." I grunted back, thinking of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

"Good tired?" she asked.

"No." I replied honestly. "We'll talk about it when we stop. I'll be okay; I've just had a lot going on lately."

I saw her frown a little in concern. I glanced down at her hand on the gearshift and, since the car was an automatic, then gently touched her hand. She let go and offered to me. I kissed it softly and then brought it to my heart. She relaxed a little and smiled without taking her eyes off the road.

She drove up a back road. We drove out of the valley, into the hills, and I stared down at the lights, rubbing my thumb lightly across the back of her hand as we drove.

She pulled off onto a small overlook and we stared down at the valley in front of us as she turned off the car. The radio was left on, playing music quietly in the background. She turned toward me, still holding my hand, and looked at me. "What happened?" she prodded quietly.

The whole story poured out. Everything… Cassie drunk, her crying this morning, the movie store, everything. Christine listened attentively, nodding once in a while and making sympathetic noises and faces every now and then. I fell back into silence once I was done and she let me be for a few minutes.

"I'm so sorry," she told me finally.

"Me too." I said softly.

"I hope it gets better," she told me softly. "I know you and Cassie are close."

"Yeah." I agreed. "I don't really know how either of us can come out of this unscathed and go back to normal though."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, squeezing my hand. We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"Why did you stay with Ben for so long?" someone asked. I suddenly realized that it had come out of my own mouth.

She looked at me, startled. I instantly wished that I could take the words back but they were already said. "Why did I stay with Ben for so long?" she repeated, clearly still startled. After a long pause, she finally smiled dryly and then asked, "Don't you know it's in bad taste to talk about ex-girlfriends?"

I wasn't about to let her avoid the question though. "He treated you like crap."

She looked away and shrugged. "We treated each other like crap," she said softly, a faraway look in her pretty eyes. She looked at me as she added, "And I forgive easily." I must have looked unconvinced because she laughed slightly and then said, "All right, I usually forgive easily. You have to understand, I stayed mad at you after that whole night with Ben because I was blaming myself for believing secondhand word of mouth about my boyfriend when I should've just asked him myself."

I felt my eyebrows rise. "Wow," I said softly, surprised at her long admission.

She sighed and grabbed both my hands, leaning forward so that we were closer. "He was an asshole and I was a bitch… it was a bad relationship on both of our parts. I screwed up, I admit that, and if you were affected by that, I'm so sorry… you deserve better then that crap."

I stared at her blankly; still surprised at everything she was telling me. "Christine-" I began.

"I promise you that it's in the past now," she told me softly, smiling slightly apologetically at me. She finished off simply with, "You make me act like a better person."

It was true; the old Christine would've exploded after me asking her what happened with Ben. She was a different person now.

It made me want to kiss her badly at that moment.

Not to say that I hadn't been thinking about it before she had apologized and admitted being wrong. I just wanted to do it more then ever at that moment.

It wasn't that Christine was just a pretty face; she was really someone I considered her someone I could talk to, I considered her a friend. Sure, she had made mistakes in the past, and I acknowledged them, but everyone was human… right?

I let go of one of her hands and cupped her chin, intention written all over my face. I saw her catch my expression and then her eyes darted down to my lips. I looked down at hers too and then looked into her eyes. They slowly fluttered shut as I came close.

And, of course, her cell phone rang in the back. She began to pull back but I whispered, "Leave it."

She dodged my kiss as she replied with a sigh, "It's probably my dad. I'm in deep shit as it is," she said as I sat back in my seat and she reached into the back for her purse. She pulled out her phone and then answered, "Hey, Dad," of course, the man probably had a sixth sense for when we were about to kiss. She talked to him for a few seconds and then got off the phone, turning to me apologetically. "I'm really sorry… I have to get home," she told me quietly.

"It's okay." I sighed in reply as she started the car.

"My dad, he's really been on my case since the whole staying out until morning and-" she began, still sounding apologetic as she turned around.

"Yeah, I know. It's okay." I took her hand. We drove home quietly. About a block from her house, I spoke up again. "I want to take you out."

"What do you mean?" she asked, though a faint smile played across her lips.

"On a date. We've never really been out before." I replied, whatever slight tension had been in the car lifting.

"Are you asking me out?" she asked, smile slowly growing into a grin.

It was the first time that we had actually said anything in that direction. But I knew I was ready for the next step. "Yeah… I am." I replied simply.

She stopped her car in front of her house and then grinned at me. "I'd love to go out with you."

"Cool." I smiled back. "You want to go out to dinner?" she nodded. "See a movie?" she nodded again. "Go to the beach?" she nodded once more. "I don't know, you pick." I laughed.

"Let's go to the beach," she replied. "What time do you get off work?"

I grimaced as the reality set in. "10."

Her eyebrows rose but she didn't lose her smile. "It'll be an evening stroll."

"Yeah." I agreed with a smile again.

"Shit, there's my dad," she suddenly blanched as she looked over my shoulder at the house. I turned around to see her dad in the window (of course). We jumped out of the car like two high schoolers caught making out. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," she told me awkwardly.

"Yeah, bye." I replied as she hurried up the front walk. I jumped into my car and watched as her dad held the door open while he glared over her shoulder at me. I sighed as he shut the door and then backed out of the driveway, driving back to the apartment.

I stepped over Jake and Adam's X-Box controller cords amidst their bitching and then went into our room, collapsing onto my bed, exhausted. I was almost asleep when my phone rang. "Hello." I answered sleepily.

"Hey." Ana replied. "Did I wake you?"

"Kind of." I replied, sitting up, and wearily taking off my sweatshirt.

"I'm just checking on you… what's up?" she asked me.

"About to go to sleep." I grunted back after taking off my shirt.

"It's 10:45," she replied dryly as I unbuckled my belt.

Annoyed, I yanked off my jeans then shot back, "Yeah well some of us work," with a little too much bite.

She was quiet for a long moment. "I'm worried about you," she finally told me faintly.

I was worried about myself. But I brushed it to the side anyway, annoyed, as I replied gruffly, "Why?"

"You haven't been yourself lately," she replied. "Not since we got into that fight."

"An-" I began with a hard sigh.

"You didn't speak to me for a while. You walked out on Mom in the hospital. You got into a fight with Cassie. Erik…" she sighed for a long moment before repeating, "You aren't acting like yourself," she told me, worry in her voice.

"Well my life's been pretty chaotic lately, hasn't it?" I pointed out wearily.

"Yeah I guess so," she agreed reluctantly.

"I'm sure once it settles down; I'll be back to normal." I reassured her.

"I hope so," she replied in a small voice.

"Don't worry, An." I reassured her softly. "It'll be okay."

"Okay," she agreed, her voice sounding stronger. "You need to get some sleep… don't want to be sleeping on the job tomorrow."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Night," she said softly.

"It'll be fine." I assured her one more time. "Night An."

"Bye," we hung up. I flopped back down on my bed with a sigh and then fell asleep.

The next day, Jake punched me awake as usual. "My mom and the kids are on their way over," he told me as he left our room. I mumbled something back and rolled out of bed, deciding to grab a shower.

I soaped up, waking up slowly, thinking of my life lately. I thought about my phone conversation with Ana the previous night. I really had become a different person of late… I had never snapped the way I snapped the night dealing with Cassie before. I washed my hair and the rest of my body then ran my face under the shower head and shut my eyes, feeling the water pulse. When I came up for air, I-

"Ewik!" I heard Aidan squeal behind me.

I jumped, whirling around to see him, holding the shower curtain with one hand, beaming up at me with the other. "Aidan!" I exclaimed, stunned. Didn't I shut the door, how had the little monster…?

"Me! Me! Me!" he exclaimed, climbing up on the bathtub.

"No-!" I began to yell as he jumped into the shower, fully clothed. He squealed as he jumped around in the water, his little shoes splashing in the shower. "Aidan!" I exclaimed as he danced around.

I quickly shut off the shower, grateful that I'd been done with my shower anyway, and then grabbed a towel. I wrapped it around my waist and then knelt down on my knees to be eye level with the little dripping wet monster. "Aidan, no more showering with me, okay?" I said seriously.

He giggled, shaking his little body, spraying me a little with water. He babbled, pointing at me, then at himself, and then grinned up at me. I sighed, shaking my head. It was hard to stay mad at him. I put my boxers and t-shirt back on then toweled off Aidan as much as I could, which was hard since he was squirming around like crazy, being his typical squirmy self.

"WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER?" I heard Mrs. Carlson roar from the kitchen once I was done. I sighed, picked up Aidan, who (what else?) tried to jam his fingers into my ear, and then left the bathroom.

"Here he is." I said as I entered the room.

"Why is he all wet?" she demanded, looking surprised as she took him from me.

"He somehow got into the bathroom while I was showering. I tried to stop him but he got into the shower with me." I shook my head at Aidan, who grinned back at me.

"WHY WEREN'T YOU WATCHING YOUR BROTHER?" she wheeled around on Jake.

"I was too busy listening to you rag on me," he shot back then added sarcastically, "Sorry, I don't multitask well."

I could almost see the smoke pouring out of Mrs. C's ears and decided to make a quick exit. As I reached our room, I heard her explode with, "YOUR BROTHER WAS MISSING AND-" I shut the door quickly and then changed into my uniform for work.

[a-smilethat-explodes]

Chapter 26- The Death of a Dream

I don't know how long I sat there but it was a long time. Thoughts ran through my head, jumbled together. It finally occurred to me that my hand hurt. I lifted my hand to look at it in the dim light and found it bruised and bleeding from hitting Jon. I grimaced at the sight.

I heard voices in the other room and then the TV turned off. I heard more quiet voices and then the front door opening and shutting. I got up, grabbing my pillow and the extra blanket off the end of my bed, and then walked out to the couch. Jake probably wouldn't be getting laid tonight since he was passed out and that irritated me that I still had to sleep on the couch.

Ben was standing at the door, checking something on his phone. He looked up and our eyes met for a long, heated moment.

Then my phone went off, thankfully. I threw the pillow and blanket down on the couch as I pulled it out. Adam. "Hello?" I answered.

"Hey dude, Jake's too heavy to carry up three flights of stairs." I heard him there; I'd had trouble with Cassie. "Could you get Ben and get come down here and help me?" he asked.

"Yeah sure." I replied, glancing at Ben, who was steadfastly ignoring me. "We'll be right there," he looked up. "Bye." I hung up. "Adam and Jake went to some party, Jake's passed out in Adam's car downstairs, and needs help getting him upstairs." I said shortly. Ben kept his mouth shut and followed me downstairs.

Adam was standing next to his car, waiting for us. Jake was sprawled in the front seat, totally out. Adam looked surprised at the sight of both Ben and I coinciding amicably but wisely kept his mouth shut. The three of us stood around the passenger door, looking in at Jake. "Why don't you try to wake him one last time?" I asked gloomily.

Adam punched Jake hard on the shoulder. No response. He grabbed him by the arm and I leaned in too, grabbing his other arm. We pulled him out and slung his arm around each of our necks. Ben shut the door and then locked the Mustang as we stumbled awkwardly under Jake's weight into the stairwell.

We looked up at the three flights of stairs and groaned simultaneously.

Halfway upstairs, Adam and I took a break, panting furiously. Jake was 6'3 and weighed 10 pounds more then both Adam and I so he was quite a load. Ben supported him as Adam and I both sat down on the stairs to try to catch our breath. No words were exchanged between us. Adam caught his breath first, went over, and supported the other side. I trailed them up the rest of the stairs and too over for Adam at almost the top. He unlocked the apartment door for us. Then we walked him across the apartment and deposited him in his bed.

For a few minutes, we stood over his passed out form, catching our breaths, looking down at him. Finally, Ben left the room, Adam followed, and then I followed him out.

"Night." Adam grunted wearily as he and Ben, who remained silent, walked down the hall to their nice comfy beds.

Jerks.

I sullenly lay down on the sofa, kicking off my shoes, and then turned off the light.

The next day I awoke to shuffling around in the kitchen. I slowly sat up on the couch and watched as Adam groggily shuffle around the kitchen. I checked my watch… 1:10 PM. I thought of work at 3:00 and grumbled under my breath as I stood.

Adam noticed me then. "Hey," he grunted.

"Hey." I grunted back, voice still thick with sleep. I glanced at my room and found the door shut. "Are they still asleep?" I asked.

"Yeah I haven't seen them," he replied with a shrug.

Suddenly the door opened and Jake stumbled out. His eyes fell on me. "I feel like fucking shit," he croaked at me.

"That'll teach you not to drink so damn much." Adam snapped back.

Jake smirked, eyes still 80 shut. "You're just jealous," he squinted as he stumbled into the kitchen.

"Cassie still asleep?" I asked Jake.

Jake looked up from the glass of water he was pouring for himself and then asked, surprised, "She's in there?"

I frowned and then walked into my room.

There was a body burrowed under the covers. I smirked faintly, which melted into a gloomy expression, as I sat down next to her on the bed. "Cassie." I shook her gently.

The thing within the blanket twitched, grunted, and then mumbled, "Leave me alone," before rolling over.

"Cassie." I said louder, shaking her slightly. She groaned loudly. I pulled the blanket off her head and she blinked in the bright light of my room. "Hey." I said quietly.

"Hey," she grunted back.

"Did you black out?" I asked quietly.

"Unfortunately no," she grumbled back, throwing her arm over her eyes with a wince. "Well technically I don't remember anything after I threw up."

"I just took you back here." I replied. She nodded, staring up at the ceiling. I waited for a few moments and finally asked quietly, "What the hell happened last night, Cassie?"

"Drank too much," she tried to shrug it off.

"That's not all." I wouldn't let her out of it that easily.

She took a deep breath and did the most unlikely thing: she owned up to her mistake. "I drank too much, Jon almost took advantage of me, and you saved me," her eyes met mine. "Thanks," she added simply.

I was quiet for a surprised moment. I wasn't about to hang on to shit so I let it go. "Cassie, just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean that you don't mean any less to me." I told her quietly. "You're my best friend… I took that call from Christine because she was grounded and had stolen her cell phone from her parents. You'll always come before her."

She looked up at me and then I saw the tears gather in her eyes. This time I knew it was no drunken mood swing, though last night probably hadn't been one either. "Yeah right," she said bitterly. "That's what everyone says. But there comes a time in every relationship where the girlfriend becomes the best friend."

I looked down at her for a moment and finally sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say, Cassie. I'm telling you right now that you'll come first and you're telling me that it's not true… what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," she began to cry. "I just want everything to stay the same but suddenly everything has changed."

I couldn't stand to see her cry. I hated when girls cried, especially this time since I knew she was crying because of me. "Cass-" I touched her arm but she jerked away, rolling over, and giving me her back, which shook silently with her sobs. "What do you want me to say?" I whispered.

"Something you can never say," she whispered back.

I love you Cassie. I knew that was what she wanted, what I could never say, and what was making her cry.

She was mourning the death of a dream.

I sat quietly on the edge of the bed, hoping our friendship wasn't going to end because of this. I bitterly thought to myself that girls and guys couldn't be friends… someone always ended up liking someone else more.

So I did the only thing I could: I sat with her while she cried and waited until she was quiet. "Do you want me to drive you home?" I asked her finally.

"Yes," she whispered back.

I got off the bed and walked into the other room, grabbing my wallet, keys, and cell phone off the coffee table. She sniffed as she joined me.

"Leaving?" Adam asked.

"Yeah." Cassie replied, clearing her throat. "Sorry about last night."

"It's cool," he replied, relaxed. "Sometimes we all drink too much," he glared at Jake, who was sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal. He looked up and smirked back at Adam before returning to his Cheerios. I knew he'd eventually apologize, most likely once he wasn't so hungover.

"I'll be back." I said gruffly.

"Bye." Adam replied as she followed me out.

The ride to her house seemed to last forever. When we got close, I finally spoke. "I called Alana last night and told her to cover for you so your mom shouldn't be upset, I don't think." I told her as I turned down the street she lived on.

There was a pause for a moment and then she said quietly, "Oh… thanks."

"Yeah." I mumbled back, rolling to a stop in front of her house. I didn't have to worry about what would happen after that because she was out of the car like a bullet fired from a gun. She didn't look back as she hurried up the front steps. I waited until she was inside to heave a sigh and drive away.

I walked into work later, books under my arm, stubble and a drained expression on my face. Alexandra looked up from behind the counter, clearly back to being the girl she was before the brick had gone through the window. "What happened to you?" was how she greeted me.

"Nice to see you too." I mumbled back as I set my books down on the counter.

"Well clearly something bad happened… did Cassie profess her love for you?" she asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Something like that." I mumbled.

"Well? What happened?" she prompted.

"She is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me." I replied miserably.

"Death Cab for Cutie lyrics," her eyes widened in surprise. "Impressive."

"Whatever." I muttered quietly as I clocked in.

"Did you tell her you loved her but you didn't mean it?" she asked me.

"No." I replied.

"Then you fared better then the guy in the song," she replied. "You know… "This is the moment that you know / That you told her that you loved her but you don't." I shrugged. I knew the words to the song but I didn't feel like singing or thinking about it at that moment. "Well it could be a lot worse."

I looked up at her hollowly. "I've just basically lost my best friend and it could be worse?" I asked flatly.

"I'm always optimistic," she shrugged. I saw her eyes dart to the window and turned around, looking at the new glass. I turned back to see a quick flicker in her eyes… worry. "You all right?" I asked and immediately regretted it.

Sure enough, she snorted and answered, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"The way you push people away is amazing." I told her, shaking my head.

"It's a gift," she replied quietly, blinking back at me, and then grabbed the movies that were left on the counter that needed to be returned to the shelves. I shook my head and opened my books.

Alexandra and I walked to our separate cars later that night without speaking. Well that was how the rest of our shift after that conversation had gone… she didn't talk to me, popped in some movie instead, and I read my book for class. I sighed as I got behind the wheel of my car and then took out my phone, which had gone off on vibrate halfway through my shift. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Christine on my missed calls list. I called her back.

"Hey," she said when she picked up.

"Hey. Sorry, I was working." I replied.

"I figured," she responded. "Do you want to do something?"

"Sure." I replied.

"Come on over," she replied.

"I'll be there soon." I promised. We hung up and then I drove over to her house.