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My Two Months as a Model

I wouldn’t consider myself to be someone that’s pretty by conventional standards. Guess it was something I thought of doing while bored over Christmas break.

A little background, I would be much more comfortable behind the camera, taking photos of sports and events. Being in the front for a change made me a hell of a lot more self-conscious, but at the same time, a little more confident. It was as if I didn’t have to be me for a little while.

During these couple of minds, I felt like I was almost toeing the line with sex work at times. The majority of shoots were professional, and it was a good learning experience for someone like me who was just starting out. This series of photos were from one of the best photoshoots that I had during my time, chosen also because it doesn’t show my face.

The poses that ‘worked’ on camera were uncomfortable to say the least. It gave me a newfound respect for models, no matter the genre.

I would work about four ‘jobs’ a week, and in the UK, I was paid between £20 to £35 an hour. It gave me opportunities to travel around the UK a little, to visit small towns that I otherwise would never have come across.

The few shots that were subpar had to do with the quality of the photographer who did not know what they were doing. I’d gone on a shoot with someone who knew less about his camera than I did. It was clear at that point that he had little concern for the art but just wanted suggestive photos for himself.

The few bad experiences, unfortunately, outweighed the fun and the good parts of modelling for me. I’ve had issues with valuing myself and my body and being objectified in those instances were not great for my headspace. In a professional environment, I had control over many more things and was made to feel comfortable before doing any sort of nudity. There, I knew my body was an art piece rather than a sex object.

Overall, I think I’ll stick to being behind the camera for now. Maybe trade places with another model on occasion, but modelling completely would not be for me for the time being.

[a-viewfromhere]

Why Me? 

You first gave me a choice, then you asked me why. As if falling in love with me could be such a terrible idea. Or maybe you were afraid. Perhaps you wanted to make sure that I wasn’t rushing into anything.

So, why you?

We’ve been through just about everything together. Fell in love once, almost. But it got cut short with distance and time.

Seven relationships were started between then and now. Three years and seven thousand miles between us.

I guess all I’m saying is I hope that you still being here means something more than just friends. I guess all I’m saying is I hope you still see me as being something more. I guess all I’m saying is I hope you can give us a shot.

I can’t promise that you’re my forever. But I know that you’ve put a smile on my face in the darkest of times. You’ve put the spark in me when I needed it most. And most of all, you’ve made me want to be a better me.

It’s about four years since we first met. And we’ve both grown so much since then.

You still claim to be impossibly guarded. Heart locked in a safe, tucked away in the depths of your soul. But once in a while, I see a little of that heart peek through. I see you light up every room that you walk through, you’re the life of the party, whether you know it or not. I see you hide the pain when you think no one’s looking – I know the stories of your pain.

I can’t promise that we’ll live happily ever after, we’re both still finding our place in the world. But I know that I want that place to be right next to you. We’ve both got our dreams, I want to chase mine, running right by you.

So, why you?

Because even if I can’t promise that we’ll be forever, I know I want to try. Because I know that I’ll hate myself if I let you go without a second try. Because I want to know how our story ends.

[a-viewfromhere]

HunterxHunter 

My First Anime Experience

I’ve never been one for watching anime, but after repeated recommendations, I decided to watch HunterxHunter, and it’s safe to say that I’ve really enjoyed the series. The structure of the show took a little getting used to – all six ‘arcs’ were of different lengths. Personally, watching this series came right after finishing a binge of Avatar: The Last Airbender as well as The Legend of Korra, and perhaps that’s why I’m making quite a few comparisons here.

Across the six arcs, the characters took on different challenges that represented larger, more serious themes. Unlike ATLA though, it most probably isn’t as family friendly, openly confronting the idea of death and hunting other humans, etc. Plus, some of the animation and character design, especially with regards to the Chimera Ants is just straight up terrifying.

One aspect of the show that really troubled me was the relationship that Gon and Ging have. Gon spends the six arcs chasing the idea of his father, Ging. He has been told that his father is a legend in the world of Hunters, and therefore wants to be just like him. Throughout the story, he sets challenges for Gon, requiring him to pass the Hunter exam and beat the Greed Island game before being able to have the chance to meet him.

Perhaps Ging feels a little too relatable. He is notorious for working alone, and also has strong and often controversial opinions. He stops Gon from being able to meet him after the Greed Island arc because he thought that having friends was a sign of weakness. Hopefully by the end of everything in the 13th Hunter Chairman Election arc, Ging has somewhat changed his opinions about the power of friends.

Gon is just almost sickeningly positive. He’s the light in the room, and the spark in him is something that I aspire to find in my everyday life. The amount of innocence in one little boy is almost too much to bear. Just watching him go through the spiral after losing Kite and wanting to seek revenge against Neferpitou was one of the most heart-wrenching things ever.

Then, we see his complete opposite, Killua. His character is easily one of the most precious that I’ve come across on any form of media. Child has been through hell and back during his training as part of the assassin family, and he has the pressure of being basically royalty (of sorts) – people see fear when they find out that he’s from the infamous Zoldyck family.

Nevertheless, he still maintains his innocence somewhat and perhaps was saved by the pure goodness of Gon early in the series. Ultimately, Killua, to me, was a young boy that just wanted to protect the people he loved no matter what he had to sacrifice. I would definitely appreciate a prequel series of Killua, or just a dedicated sequel series about his adventures with Alluka.

Another character that I would have loved to see more of was Hisoka. Maybe it’s the bad boy aesthetic, but he just functions on a whole different level that can be difficult to comprehend. He starts off being the gang’s most feared enemy, then saved Gon in the fourth phase of the Hunter exam. Later in the series, it becomes more apparent that he is just someone who’s bored of life in general, wanting only to find the next challenge. Definitely would have wanted to see the Hisoka vs Chrollo showdown, especially as it seems that storyline was quite unfinished.  

Finally, a moment that really stuck with me long after finishing the series was the idea of the Poor Man’s Rose. It is quite easy to see the relation to the modern-day nuclear bomb with the unthinkable levels of mass destruction that follows its detonation. It also leaves victims who manage to survive with a level of poison which they will pass on to people who are in contact with them afterwards, further increasing the bomb’s fatality rate.

This Poor Man’s Rose probably stuck to me more because of Japan’s history with the nuclear bomb in World War II where both Hiroshima and Nagasaki were completely destroyed by American powers. It is also a reminder of the destructive potential that the nuclear weapons that global powers now have, especially since they have been improved upon since 1945.

Now that I’ve finished the series, I wouldn’t say that I’m a complete convert to the anime genre, but am definitely open to trying out new titles.