a1u3h

[a1u3h]

Tim: I was awake at 2 am last night and-

Dick: patrolling?

Tim: no, in bed, anyways-

Jason: do you need a new mattress or something? That seems like a bad time to be up

Tim: no?? As I was saying, do we get.. like.. a pension?

Dick: uh? I do I’m a police officer?

Tim: no, for being Robin?

Damian: Drake, don’t be ridiculous.

Tim: don’t get me wrong, Bruce did support us when we were all minors but… what about retirement??

Jason: …holy shit

Damian: father probably has money put away

Dick: I mean…

*Alfred walking in*

Alfred: What is this about retirement?

Tim: ARE WE GOING TO GET ANY FORM OF PENSION??

Alfred: master Timothy, you are one of the least likely to need to worry about that

Jason: WHAT ABOUT ME??

Alfred:

Alfred: Im sure Master Bruce has money put aside for university that… none of you have used

Damian: I could use mine

Alfred: Al Ghul, you are a money tree

*Bruce walks in*

Bruce: Whats happening in here?

Dick: Do we get pension? Or anything for being Robin?

Bruce: uh.

Bruce: Maybe, I put stuff aside for you and Jason, but after you inherited your families money, and Jason died… oh

Jason: …

Bruce: I’ll… start investing

Tim: great things happen at 2 am

[a1u3h]

keep thinking about Hal being truly convinced that Bruce is a vampire.

like he's somehow always gone before dawn, he disappears with inhuman swiftness, along with his quick reflexes, what appears to be super strength, and the overall dark and broodiness, surely there's no other explanation.

so at some point Bruce is compromised by some unknown ailment on a mission with Hal, it leaves him weak, sweaty and shaky. And Hal is wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with him and how to help, and then it clicks.

Bats is hungry.

They've been on this mission for a while and not once has Hal seen him eat or drink anything, (in fact he's never seen Bruce do either of those things at all, further feeding into the vampire theory of course...). Hal figures being the stoic altruistic asshat that he is, he won't suck it up and admit he's starving and subject Hal to his blood-sucking needs.

mind made up, Hal tugs at the neckline of his suit so it's more accessible for Bruce,

H: look Bruce, I know this is probably the last thing you want to do, but from the looks of it your body really needs it, so would you drop the selfless act and take it already?

B, enraged: ...Hal, are you seriously propositioning me right now?

H: ?????????

(B: why was your first thought to offer your neck, you realize your arms would've worked just as well, and more importantly they're easier to access-

H: interesting how you know the most convenient way to bite someone...)

[a1u3h]

it’s like half-formed in my head thanks to tiktok but there’s a batlantern bootycall scenario somehow where Jason locks Hal out of the Batcave because “I know our third amendment rights, even if Bruce doesn’t” which amuses Hal for all of ten seconds before he realizes that Jason is 100% serious.

[a1u3h]

bruce staring at hal: sometimes i want to kill him, or maybe lightly maim

clark: i think he’s got intergalactic diplomatic immunity, so you literally cannot

bruce, grumbling: you and your diplomatic immunity’s…

[a1u3h]

Bruce *i can never truly punish my kids cause theyve already been through so much* Wayne x Hal *they're teenagers, either you run them or they run you and my track days are over* Jordan

~

Bruce: -of all the idiotic, dangerous stunts! Over forty injured, five in critical condition, and we almost lost two civilians in the field today! You are hereby banned from patrol for the foreseeable future! From now on it's the manor and school and that's it! I hope the free time will give you some space to reflect-.

Hal: *coughs*

Bruce:...no phone, no tablet, no laptop, no electronics outside of the family computer room-.

Hal:*coughs*

Bruce:-you'll also be helping Alfred around the manor since your nights will be free-.

Hal:*coughs*

Bruce:-you'll be front and center for the galas and fundraisers next month-.

Hal: *coughs*

Bruce:- for the next three months! And you can forget about joining Hal in space this summer!

Hal: *thumbs up*

[a1u3h]

“spooky” as a nickname is so funny to me because it’s literally one letter away from “pookie”

[a1u3h]

A Batlantern meet cute, except it's out of costume. Pre-Identity reveal.

Hal Jordan is visiting Gotham, because he's not allowed to when he's Green Lantern, as a mental 'gotcha!' towards mr-getoutofmycity Batman ( + basic tourism, they have the best pizza places after all)

Then, of course, he's lost. The streets of Gotham are a natural labyrinth where google maps hasn't fully rendered it. And so he had grabbed a physical map, old fashioned, but it did the work.

Until he got to a specific district, rapidly developed and not up to date in the map he got. He winged it, following where people were going, and ended up in some random opening event.

Deciding he does not want to waste his morning there, he approaches the first person he sees, tall dark and elegant features register in Hal's head, but after tapping his shoulder he looks down at his map.

Bruce Wayne turns around, and sees a handsome brunette looking down at a map like it's the 1800's, lost in a city where looking slightly distracted WILL get your wallet stolen, asking him if he knows how to get the hell out of this boring event, not seemingly aware he's talking to both the main attraction of said event and Bruce fucking Wayne.

He's smitten immediately, offering his best advice on how to navigate the city, he takes a pen out of his suit and draws around the "can't miss" spots of the city, proud to show it off. Hal nods and jokes with him a bit, his "so, come here often?" gets a genuine snort out of Bruce.

He glances at the event, and decides he'll probably have a better time with the man, he walks Hal around Gotham that morning, they get coffee, and talk about their lives, all the while trying to not tell the other too much (I'm a pilot instead of a superhero vs I'm a business man instead of The Wayne/vigilante)

They get an alert on their coms, they have an JL meeting in five minutes, so they give eachother their phones and plan on going-

But then, they keep walking towards the same direction.

But it's not awkward! They laugh and just keep making conversation, silently happy they get some extra minutes together.

Then, they get to the same teleporter to get back at the JL base...

Hal freaks out, Does Bruce know? Or Is he just following him unaware of where they were going?

Bruce scans in his brain who Hal could be, if indeed he's here for the same reason, it doesn't take much time, he sighs and just gets in, "Not a word, Lantern, not a word"

Hal is both proud and horrified he's the first to know Batman's identity, especially after searching who Bruce Wayne is. But he really wanted to keep talking to Bruce...

Bruce is mourning his meet cute.

[a1u3h]

i like to think about the duality of the kids about people shipping Bruce with anyone, because the guy has been elected as the most handsome man in the country for years, has this whole playboy Brucie persona and is often seen with someone at his arms (men and women)

on one side, they'll be like "ew god no, i do not want to imagine dad like-" and "oh my god some people actually ship Bantman and Joker wtf ??" and they'll do their best to filter every social media to avoid any thirsty or shipping content about Bruce

when the press ask them about it, they be like:

Tim : "Would you like it if I asked about your thoughts on your dad cheating on your mom with his secretary ? No ? Then mind your own business." when the dad was in fact cheating with his secretary and now everybody knew because Tim was live when he answered

Jason, pulling out a gun : "i swear to god i'll shoot the next person who asks me this and then i'll shoot myself. Ugh, do i look like i fucking care about the old man's sex life ?"

Dick, smiling uncomfortably : "i don't really live at the manor anymore and i barely see him with my job so you know..." when it has been in fact a week he's been sleeping at the manor after patrolling with Batman

Damian, frowning as usual, looking at the guy who asked him as if he did not have a brain : "Father is careful in not mixing his carnal activities with the family life so i do not have any hindsight on his sex life. i do not wish to know regardless." the journalist is taken aback by the explicit answer of this ten year old, while his brothers are trying not to laugh behind him (Jason was not hiding his snickering)

on the other side, you cannot tell me those guys are not the biggest shippers in the world

like Jason would want Batman to date Wonder Woman just so she could be his step mom. i strongly believe the guy has a ao3 and tumblr account and is very much active on both. he definitely reads batman x green lantern fics just to annoy Bruce (even though his dad has no idea, but still gets shivers when Jason is reading one)

Dick and Duke both ship SuperBat although for different reasons. for Dick, that's his uncle there, he was there when they met and saw them as they slowly became best friends. he strongly believes they are made for each other. Duke just think it would be super cool (no pun intended) if the Superman and the Batman were dating.

Stephanie just likes to roll with it, some days she feels like shipping superbat, others she'll be more into batcat, or batlantern. she's pretty volatile and doesn't really have a favourite, but when she gets into one she's all in. she'll be arguing and insulting people online who disagrees, sharing crazy theories...

Cass doesn't really care, she'll listen to any of her siblings ranting about their thoughts (especially Steph) and juts find it adorable (and funny how much they care)

Tim probably ships superbat because they are completely opposed, and he finds the parallels really interesting. he definitely writes fics (Jay reads his fics and they exchange about it without knowing it's each other)

Damian doesn't really see the point. but he has drawn of few fanart (Jason tried to bribe him with money once and Damian had to remind him of his inheritance) when Bruce benched Tim and him and he ended up drawing some batlantern that Tim printed and plastered all over the manor. Bruce had to restrain the access to the printer (Tim hacked into it the next day)

Barbara, although she doesn't really ship, is the one you go to if you search some content, she'll find you the most heart wrenching, 200 thousand words, slow brun, angst/comfort fics you'll ever read (the type of fic that changes you deep into your soul). she still likes debating with the batkid

Regardless, if there's one things they all agree on, it is Bruceman (love those fics were the batkids just go along with it). like it's hilarious but the fans make some pretty good points and they are in fact impressed. it's also the safest ship as it would not happen in any situations so they don't have to worry about their dad being stolen

[a1u3h]

Batman is such a great character NOT JUST because he's technically overpowered as hell but everyone loves that instead of being annoyed by it, but also because this fool is so shippable. He's bitchy enough that he can be coworkers-to-lovers with anyone on the Justice League. He's a control freak. He's a trust fund baby. He's a bit of a slut. He's a dad. He can change his personality at will but at his core he's a troll and a hater. Literally something for everyone.

[a1u3h]

Ollie/Bruce is my favorite genre of crack ship not gonna lie. Or not even crack ship actually. I fully believe they "experimented" in boarding school…and they both swore the other to secrecy. Lmao what if a magic spell shows how many of the people in a group you slept with and the Justice League gets caught in that spell and I’m imagining nobody is surprised by superbat, but Batman’s counter is 2 and it drives Clark crazy trying to figure out who the other person is 😭

Clark desperately trying to figure out who the other person is, meanwhile Bruce won’t make direct eye contact with Ollie, Ollie is grinning wider than he ever has, and somehow no one has put things together yet.

[a1u3h]

There is one fact in Oliver Queens' life that has never changed, from children to middle school to high school and beyond, Oliver has always had the strength to lift Bruce Wayne.

It's not an uncommon sight for Oliver to pick Bruce by the waist during parties and just... walk away with him. It's happened less and less with the more kids Bruce has gotten, B being the responsible adult and the way out for the kids in that situation. But that doesn't mean that it's stopped by any degree of the word.

On the other side of the coin is the fact that the Green Arrow has never tried to lift Batman before. He's a hero with decades under his belt and, most importantly, he's Ollie's coworker. Oliver might act like a dick to his friends at times, but he knows when and how to respect someone's boundaries. Plus a situation has never come up where he's had to bodily pick up Batman before.

All bets are off the table when he finds out the Bruce and Batman are the same person.

Batman about to give his mission brief when he hasn't slept in days and is injured? Nope, he's coming home with Ollie actually.

The kids have been talking about a surprise movie night for weeks and B is now making plans with Clark and Diana for that night? Good like going through with them from Oliver shoulder as he hauls ass to the zeta tubes!

[a1u3h]

Barry: Which way did Arrow go?

Bruce: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess he went left.

Hal: You could really figure it out from that?

Bruce: No, you idiot, he sent me a text. See?

[a1u3h]

Bruce: Don't get mad.

Oliver: :)

Bruce: Don't.

Oliver: Why would I be mad? 

Oliver: :)

[a1u3h]

[a1u3h]

Jason: Go kill them. Problem solved.

Oliver: You can't just go around killing people Jason.

Jason: I know. That's why you should do it.

Oliver: No, no. I can't go around killing people, either. Bruce will be mad with me.

Bruce: *eyes twich*

[a1u3h]

Bruce: *pushing Oliver behind him* He meant no disrespect.

Oliver: *staring directly at a gossip column journalist*  Oh, I absolutely did.

[a1u3h]

Teen!Oliver: *drunk* I’m in love with you.

Teen!Bruce: You’re also shit-faced Ollie.

Teen!Oliver: I CAN BE BOTH!