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[aamacdonald-blog]

And at last, me.

After all this stories it is finally time for me to talk about how this affects me.

So, as you may guess, I’ve seen a couple of psychologist and a psychiatrist. I’ve been diagnosed with depression twice and social anxiety. I did not take the treatment I was supposed to because my mother thought that I was going to develop a dependence on it and refused to buy it. My follow ups with the specialists weren’t done as they are supposed to because my mom stopped taking me to my sessions, so I never got discharged from this diagnosis.

I had never talked about this with anyone, and the reason I’m writing this is for me to release everything, and maybe someone out there has the answer for me, but maybe not.

All I want to do is find a way to escape and get out of this bottle, and help them get out too.

[aamacdonald-blog]

My sister.

I think that talking about my sister is one of the hardest things for me to do. That beautiful, sweet girl who was my role model, being destroyed by a couple of cocaine doses and a whole bottle of vodka.

I remember the first time my sister got drunk, she left school early, but told us she was staying at school to have basketball practice. She left with some friends and went to one of their houses, and my sister started drinking as if there was no tomorrow, or as if that was going to solve her problems.

When it was 5 o’clock, which is when her practice finishes, the coach told us that she did not attend, and then, we got no response from her. We spent 3 hours looking for her until I got to track her phone and found where she was.

After that, she got drunk almost everyday, and some months later, she arrived home high.

I remember her just slamming herself into the walls trying to get into the shower. I’m surprised that my mom has never catched her.

I have to admit, she told me to try things with her, but I refused. I mean, she is my role model, but not all role models take good actions.

[aamacdonald-blog]

My grandpa.

He used to be my hero, until I found out all about his addiction.

My father revealed all of this to my, he told me tons of stories about my grandfather. And I am about to tell them to you.

One time, my mom took my sister and me to a restaurant where we met my dad’s now ex-girlfriend and we stayed with her and had lunch, and then we went to her house and played some games with her, sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Well, from my view it is, but from my parents side everything turns a little darker.

My parents had to go to the road to Toluca because my grandfather left in his car, being drunk, and took the road, he had an accident but fortunately, no one was harmed. They had to go and pick him up. They arrived and reported the accident, my mother said that she was the one driving, so that my grandfather could stay out of trouble.

As a kid, you never imagine that this kind of things happen, but when you discover how things actually are, your heroes sometimes become your biggest fears.

[aamacdonald-blog]

My grandpa.

He used to be my hero, until I found out all about his addiction.

My father revealed all of this to my, he told me tons of stories about my grandfather. And I am about to tell them to you.

One time, my mom took my sister and me to a restaurant where we met my dad’s now ex-girlfriend and we stayed with her and had lunch, and then we went to her house and played some games with her, sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Well, from my view it is, but from my parents side everything turns a little darker.

My parents had to go to the road to Toluca because my grandfather left in his car, being drunk, and took the road, he had an accident but fortunately, no one was harmed. They had to go and pick him up. They arrived and reported the accident, my mother said that she was the one driving, so that my grandfather could stay out of trouble.

As a kid, you never imagine that this kind of things happen, but when you discover how things actually are, your heroes sometimes become your biggest fears.

[aamacdonald-blog]

So, this is it.

I live with my mother, my sister, and my grandfather. We live all together in a small apartment, and someone would think that it is a normal and peaceful life, but actually, it is quite complicated. See, all of them have quite a close relation with alcohol, my grandpa, works in a company that imports and exports alcohol, and he has had several problems because of this.

My mother started drinking when I was approximately 8 years old, and since then, I have quite few memories of a weekend with my mother being sober.

My sister is now 20, she started drinking when she was 11, my that time I was 7, so that means that she started developing her addiction before my mom did, she has also tried some drugs and, as far as I know, she has had no overdoses.

And me, well, I have learned to stay far away from those things, I have tried alcohol before, but never with them, which actually is weird if we think about it.

Throughout the years, I’ve learned to deal with my family and to take care of them when they are drunk, but this is not something a 15 year old should be doing, at least not with her family.

How have I dealt with this? Actually, it’s pretty complicated, but still, I’ve managed it…

[aamacdonald-blog]

What can I do? I can’t just drown my sorrow in a wine glass, or just let it go through like a tequila shot. That would turn me into what they are, and that is not the way to get out, I can’t fall, I can’t break, I need to go on, find the solution, or maybe a way out…