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ab-mans-13 · 7 years ago

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37 Secrets Only Successful People Know

The business of business isn’t really all that complicated. While there is, of course, specific knowledge required for specific industries, this post encapsulates everything that you’ll need to know to survive and thrive in the business world.

The lists below are adapted and condensed from my recently published book,Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS

1. How to Become More Optimistic

EXPECT something wonderful to happen every day.

TREAT people as you’d want to be treated.

DON’T waste breath fighting about things you can’t change.

CONCENTRATE on the job at hand, not the results you seek.

ASSUME other people mean well.

AVOID depressing people and conversations.

EAT something delicious every day.

TURN OFF the background television.

ADOPT an attitude of gratitude.

REMEMBER that the best is yet to come.

2. How to Eliminate Stress

CULTIVATE the patience and perspective to let go of your results.

FOCUS on what you’re doing now rather than the results.

IF you’re overworked, negotiate a more reasonable workload.

CUT your hours to the “sweet spot,” which is about 40 hours a week.

AVOID people who won’t or can’t control their own stress.

FIND a place where you can work quietly away from distractions.

TURN OFF news programming that’s designed to rile you up.

TURN DOWN projects that you can’t do well.

STOP arguing with fools and strangers online.

ARRANGE tasks consecutively rather than trying to multitask.

3. How to Overcome Fear

CONFRONT your fears head on to reduce their power.

IMAGINE dealing with the fear to make it less daunting.

REMEMBER that fear is just excitement in disguise.

USE fear to spawn the energy you need to perform well.

4. How to Cope With Rejection

REALIZE that rejection is just a difference of opinion.

UNDERSTAND that rejection only hurts because you let it.

REMEMBER that every rejection moves you closer to your goal.

KEEP other opportunities in reserve so you can quickly move on.

5. How to Rise Above Failure

CREATE goals that motivate you to achieve something possible.

ALWAYS write goals down; display them where you’ll see them.

DECIDE by saying “I must…” or “I will…” rather than “I’ll try….”

BREAK your big goals into smaller, measurable milestones.

CHECK whether you’re moving toward or away from your goals.

WELCOME setbacks because they’ll hone your plan.

REMEMBER that the only true failure is failing to take action.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR CAREER

6. How to Achieve Your Dream Job

KNOW what would constitute your dream job.

FIND role models and incorporate their way of thinking.

HAVE the courage to sacrifice your security.

LEARN to sell your ideas and yourself.

CREATE a plan and start executing it today.

ADJUST your goal as you learn more about yourself.

7. How to Attain Career Security

LIVE below your means until you’ve got six months of income saved.

DEVELOP expertise that makes it less likely you’ll be fired.

CULTIVATE new opportunities and record them in an escape plan.

8. How to Get More Done Each Day

DON’T take calls from people you don’t know, unless you’re working in telesales or product support.

USE email instead of time-consuming voice mail

LIMIT your chitchat with co-workers.

TURN OFF “alerts” that interrupt your thinking.

KEEP TRACK of how you spend time; that’s half the battle.

REMEMBER that 20 percent of your actions produce 80 percent of your results.

ONLY DO the 20 percent that produces the 80 percent of your results.

PRIORITIZE based on what accomplishes the most with the least effort.

9. How to Use LinkedIn Effectively

YOUR personal brand will define how people see you.

GET a professional portrait and expunge unprofessional ones.

CUSTOMIZE your résumé to match your career goals.

SOLICIT recommendations that are realistic and relevant.

AVOID blogging, unless you’re being paid to do so.

KEEP your irrelevant opinions off the internet.

10. How to Land a Job Interview

CREATE and sell your own job description, if possible.

GET a current employee to recommend you, if possible.

CUSTOMIZE your résumé to match the job description.

EXPLAIN “who I am” in terms of the specific job.

DESCRIBE specifically how you helped former employers, not what you did.

INCLUDE benefits that echo phrases from the job description.

11. How to Ace a Job Interview

DON’T put all your eggs in this one basket.

FIND out all you can about the hiring firm.

DEVISE questions that show you’ve done your research.

REHEARSE answers to the standard questions.

WEAR what you’d wear if you worked there; don’t be late.

GET the offer, then decide whether you really want the job.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR EMPLOYEES

12. What Great Bosses Believe About Their Jobs

BUSINESS is an ecosystem, so cooperate, don’t fight.

COMPANIES are communities, so treat people as individuals.

MANAGEMENT is service, so make others successful first.

EMPLOYEES are your peers, so treat them like adults.

MOTIVATE with vision, because fear only paralyzes.

CHANGE is growth, so welcome rather than shun it.

TECHNOLOGY eliminates busywork and frees creativity.

WORK is fun, so don’t turn it into a chore.

13. How to Create Loyal, Effective Employees

MANAGE individuals, not numbers.

ADAPT your style to each person.

MEASURE what’s truly relevant.

ONLY one priority per person.

STAY even-tempered.

TAKE responsibility for your low performers.

SHARE your thoughts and ideas.

ASK questions rather than providing answers.

TREAT everyone as equally as possible.

DON’T expect more than you’re willing to give.

EXPLAIN the reasoning behind your decisions.

DON’T prevaricate, decide now!

14. How to Hire a Top Performer

KNOW exactly whom you’re looking for.

CONSTANTLY seek viable candidates.

LOOK for character, not experience.

RESILIENCE is the mark of potential greatness.

SEEK out the self-motivated.

ATTITUDE is all-important.

DON’T settle for canned references.

15. How to Hold a Productive Meeting

HAVE an agenda before you meet.

PROVIDE background information.

DON’T let the meeting meander.

DOCUMENT what decisions were made.

16. How to Offer Constructive Criticism

ADDRESS undesirable behaviors when they happen.

OFFER praise, then identify the behavior you want changed.

ASK questions to understand the “why” behind the behavior.

AGREE upon a plan to change the behavior.

MONITOR and reinforce the changed behavior.

17. How to Redirect a Complainer

SCHEDULE a conversation when they try to start one.

SET the agenda for the conversation as a “problem-solving” session.

LISTEN respectfully to the entire complaint.

ASK what the complainer plans to do.

CONFIRM that your advice is truly wanted.

PROVIDE your best advice (if it’s wanted).

END the conversation at the first “Yeah, but….”

18. How to Fire Somebody

TELL it like it is without the biz-blab.

SHOW empathy for your co-workers.

EXPLAIN why it’s happening, as far as you legally can.

CUT quickly, heal, and move on.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR CO-WORKERS

19. The Ten Types of Annoying Co-Workers

WAFFLERS can’t decide, so force the issue.

CONQUERORS must win, so make them team leaders.

DRAMATISTS crave attention, so ignore them.

ICONOCLASTS break rules needlessly, so avoid them.

DRONERS are boring, so find something else to do.

FRENEMIES sabotage, so keep them at arm’s length.

TOADIES are irrelevant; be polite but ignore them.

VAMPIRES leach energy, unless you stay upbeat.

PARASITES steal credit, so track who’s contributed.

GENIUSES are all talk, so pester them until they deliver.

20. How to Earn the Respect of Your Peers

BE yourself rather than your role.

SHOW interest in other people.

SHARE the limelight.

DRESS and groom to match your ambitions.

PAUSE before speaking to mentally frame your thoughts.

SPEAK from your chest without verbal tics or an end of sentence rise in pitch.

21. How to Play Clean Office Politics

FIND OUT what other people need and want.

BUILD mutually useful alliances with those you can trust.

KEEP TRACK of the favors you owe and the ones owed you.

USE your alliances at key points to help achieve your goals.

22. How to Recruit a Mentor

MENTORS crave to teach people what they’ve learned.

SEEK OUT mentors who have experience and skills you lack.

ASK for advice and let the relationship develop.

BE KIND when you outgrow the relationship.

23. How to Shine in a Meeting

TREAT meetings as a possible way to advance your agenda.

AVOID meetings that don’t serve your own agenda.

DECIDE whether each meeting will be useful or useless.

EITHER decline to attend or prepare well; no in between.

TAKE notes, so you can speak coherently when it’s your turn.

SPEAK confidently, and, if appropriate, segue into your agenda.

PUBLISH your own “minutes” of the meeting.

24. How to Cope with an Office Bully

DON’T try to calm the bully down or apologize.

INSIST on respectful, professional behavior.

IF the unprofessional behavior continues, leave the immediate area.

COPE with your own emotions privately.

REVISIT the issue at a later date.

DECIDE whether the relationship is worth it.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS

25. The Five Rules of Business Communications

KNOW your reason for communicating.

PICK a medium that’s appropriate for the other person.

SIMPLIFY your message for easy mental consumption.

EDIT out all buzzwords and corporate-speak.

AVOID jargon, unless dealing with fellow experts.

26. How to Have a Productive Conversation

KNOW the reason you’re having a conversation.

IGNORE your internal dialog.

LISTEN carefully to the other person.

CONSIDER what was said and echo it back.

RESPOND with something that adds to the conversation.

27. How to Write a Compelling Email

KNOW what decision you want made.

EXPRESS that decision as a conclusion at the beginning.

SUPPORT that conclusion with simple arguments.

PROVIDE evidence to bolster each argument.

REPEAT your conclusion as an action item.

WRITE the subject last and include a benefit.

28. How to Create a Great Presentation

PLAN OUT an emotional journey for the audience.

FLAG the places where the audience will feel emotions.

BUILD a story that creates the emotions in that order.

ARRANGE everything into a simple structure.

MAKE slides relevant, short, simple, and readable.

CUSTOMIZE your presentation and rehearse it.

29. How to Deliver a Great Presentation

STAND UP rather than remain seated when you speak.

CHECK your equipment in advance.

HAVE somebody else introduce you.

SET AND RESPECT a time limit.

AVOID “warm-up” jokes, unless you’re a comedian.

ADJUST your presentation to the “feel” of the room.

LESSEN stage fright by speaking to individuals, not the entire audience

SPEAK directly to audience members.

DON’T meander and skip.

MAKE eye contact with multiple people.

30. How to Work a Room

BE CURIOUS about people and what they do.

WHEN ASKED, describe yourself in terms of the value you provide.

IF the other person seems uninterested, move on.

EXPLAIN how you’re different from the competition.

IF the other person seems uninterested, move on.

OPEN a conversation to assess mutual needs.

IF interest continues, ask for a real meeting.

31. How to Negotiate a Deal

DEFINE what’s on the table in the deal.

DECIDE what’s important to you and what’s not.

HAVE reasons why those things are important to you.

RESERVE a plan B, so your hand isn’t forced.

LET the other person open the negotiation.

WORK together rather than digging your heels in.

CREATE a deal that reflects what you both value.

STOP negotiating when the bulk of the deal is defined.

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR BOSS

32. The Twelve Types of Bosses

VISIONARIES are inspiring but can act like jerks.

CLIMBERS want to get ahead, so expect no loyalty.

BUREAUCRATS hate change, so document everything.

PROPELLERHEADS love gadgets, so become an expert.

FOGEYS want respect, so recruit them as mentors.

WHIPPERSNAPPERS are insecure, so don’t make suggestions.

SOCIAL DIRECTORS love consensus but may suddenly explode.

DICTATORS make fast decisions but cause disasters.

SALES STARS would rather be selling, so let them do so.

HATCHET MEN execute layoffs, so get another job pronto.

LOST LAMBS need your help but may get dependent on you.

HEROES are rare, so enjoy them while it lasts.

33. How to Keep Any Boss Happy

DO what you say you’ll do.

KEEP your boss in the loop.

CARE about your quality of work.

ACCEPT decisions when they’re made.

SOLVE problems without whining.

BE concise and clear.

MAKE your boss successful.

34. How to Get the Best from Your Boss

COMMUNICATE what you need in order to do your best.

KEEP your manager informed of your progress.

MAKE a case for keeping you in your job.

ENSURE that everyone knows how much you contribute.

UNDERSTAND your boss’s goals and desires.

CULTIVATE a common interest.

35. How to Ace Your Performance Review

FIND OUT what you must accomplish and document the conversation.

TRACK and report on your accomplishments against your metrics.

WRITE your performance review draft or provide “inputs” to same.

IF the boss attempts to renege, insist on some other reward.

36. How to Handle an Unreasonable Request

BE flexible about what’s unreasonable.

IF you accept the task, negotiate something in return.

CULTIVATE the courage to say no.

REMEMBER that once you do it, it’s part of your job.

37. How to Ask for a Raise

DON’T bother discussing what you need, want, or expect to be paid.

BASE your proposed raise on your financial contribution.

LET your boss know how much it would cost to replace you.

GATHER information to buttress your case.

ESTABLISH a discrepancy between your value and your pay.

FIELD objections, so they reinforce your case.

PUSH until you’ve gotten a commitment with a number.

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ab-mans-13 · 7 years ago

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could you give any examples as to how low emotional intelligence manifests in a Fi-user versus a Fe-user? i'm fairly sure i'm an INXP (always questioning though lol), but i just have a generally poor EQ, and i'm not sure how you can tell which feeling function is affecting the way you process emotion. are there any distinctions? is one more likely to appear in high-EQ people than the other? xoxo

(Gif: Margaery Tyrell, Game of Thrones. ESFJ.)

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills:

emotional awareness

the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving

the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.

The important thing to remember is where the feeling functions draw their energy; Fe is focused outward, on eliciting emotions from others and bringing them to a sense of unity in shared feelings; Fi is focused inward and has a delayed reaction or needs time to internalize before it responds.

Let’s say you have lunch in a group, and a Fe-dom makes a strong remark that inflames the passions of someone else at the table. Fe-dom and Te-user have an intense argument about it, much to the distress of everyone else at the table. Fe-dom takes no notice of everyone’s distress – to her, this is “fun” and she had a “good time” despite the general signs of anxiety from other feelers. Both she and the Te continue to argue passionately even when others ask them to stop and/or try to lighten the situation with jokes.

What do you do? What you do, how you handle it, indicates your own Fe or Fi.

The healthy and emotionally intelligent Fe will engage and try to “take charge” by bringing everyone to a place of agreement and diffusing the tension (”I know we can’t agree on this, but we can agree on THAT, right?”); the Fi might read how others are uncomfortable, and feel uncomfortable themselves, and withdraw from the situation (be quiet) or just get up and leave. The Fi might not realize how angry they are at Fe and Te for awhile, until they have had time to emotionally process what just happened. Fi’s are often blindsided by other’s visible emotions and unsure what to do about it.

Emotional intelligence in a Fi can make them superficially seem Fe, because they are tuned in to other people, aware of the feelings that come from certain situations, and invested in them having a pleasant time; that does not change the fact that their own feelings are impressionistic and hard to articulate (speak out loud; this is why Fi’s often express themselves through art or writing).

Emotional awareness:

Healthy Fi: I am focused on other people’s body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, so I get a sense of their overall mood; I am tuned in to whether I am boring them or talking about something they do not care about.

Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I am oblivious to everyone but myself, and neither notice nor care whether I offend others with my dress, speech, language, or conversational points. I talk about what I want, when I want.

Healthy Fe: I am tuned in to other’s feelings at all times, both through their obvious and non-obvious social cues, and try to steer the conversation to points of interest which will establish a relationship between us of trust.

Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I am open in expressing my feelings on a constant basis and never think about whether it is appropriate to share with this person or in a mixed group; I become frustrated when I encounter someone who is not as emotionally demonstrative as I am. What’s wrong with them?

Ability to harness / control emotions and use them in problem-solving

Healthy Fi: I let my strong feelings guide my decisions, which I make based on the emotional impact for everyone involved (is this what is emotionally best for the person I am with?). I am good at helping others direct their passions in positive ways and reminding others to focus on emotional health.

Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I let my emotions make all my decisions, irregardless of how it hurts others; I do not factor them into my life choices. They can just deal with me as I am. If I do not care, that is unimportant.

Healthy Fe: I have learned to control my intense emotions and choose which situations are appropriate for sharing my feelings. I am good with staying on topic with others, reassuring them, and helping them decide what to do, because I can detach from my personal judgments to be objective for them. I am an excellent motivator when my friends need me, and intend to follow through on my promise that they do not have to do this alone.

Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I have not learned to control my feelings; they direct every decision I make, and I lash out at others who do not understand or support my choices. I do not back off from my feelings, or think about them objectively, but instead try and manipulate others to support me, and become defensive when people challenge my beliefs. My emotional outbursts are frequent and sometimes I bait people just to get a reaction.

Regulate your own feelings

Healthy Fi: I recognize my emotions are normal. I’m allowed to have them. I take time to reflect on my outbursts, hurt feelings, or melodramatic responses and decide whether I took offense too easily or overreacted.

Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I overreact but never apologize for it. This is how I feel. Get over it. I have the same knee-jerk reactions and play the same emotional games that I did when I was six years old.

Healthy Fe: I know the entire world does not need my instant emotional responses or to agree with me, and instead choose to share them with people I trust. I no longer allow my first emotional response to something to be the ONLY response I have, since I have learned to step back and discuss my feelings.

Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I have frequent emotional outbursts, sometimes in inappropriate ways in the wrong places, but refuse to take responsibility for them or change to suit other people’s needs. I talk constantly about how I feel and try to elicit others to empathize with me or offer me support; when they do not, I lash out at them.

Cheering up or calming down other people

Healthy Fi: I have learned to step outside myself (what I would want or need in this situation) and help them in a way that is meaningful to them. I ask other Fe’s questions to help them talk through their feelings. I can sit in silence with another Fi, or propose something fun to do to help get them out of their funk. I have learned to manage my own feelings when an argument between others escalates so I can remain level-headed and talk them down.

Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): What do other people have to do with me? If they want to blow up and act like a fool, that’s not my problem. They can call me when they’re fun again.

Healthy Fe: I encourage others to talk through their problems. I listen intently, give them frequent indications that I am hearing what they are saying and there for them. I then reassure them they are not alone, that they are strong, and that they can do this. When people get upset and need calmed down, I step into the situation and assert control by reminding others what we have in common, or telling them they don’t have to solve everything all on their own.

Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I maintain a peppy attitude and get annoyed when others insist on being Debbie downers. I resort to shame tactics instead of encouragement. I sometimes get just as mad as they do, instead of calming them down.

- ENFP Mod

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