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no amount of counselling could have fixed that sinkhole of a relationship. you asked for everything you needed and THEY refused to give it to you and took it as an excuse to treat you worse. they said it themself.

i just. keep thinking about everything i could have done to prevent this.

i could have just sold the house first thing and we could have bought a place and gone to counceling like we planned

we were GOING to go to couples councelling! we could have done the work to fix all the bad shit!

but now im just. here. mourning what i lost by myself.

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pros and cons of changing blogs

cons: lose basically everything, lose 1k followers

pros: the system that has my rapists in it, along with their headmates who think that i "dont know what real rape is," wouldnt know what my url is.

What do you guys think?

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It really was a weird dream, I think it was just because I was looking at your tumblr before I fell asleep. I'm not sure what your situation is with your ex so I'm sorry if it was out of line. I only brought it up because the idea of anyone breaking up with Luigi was funny to me

oh i had a heart attack starting to read your first message but when i got to the luigi part it was the funniest shit ive ever seen, youre fine

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who the hells dreaming about me talking about my ex. thats a weird dream to have

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Had a dream you were posting about hanging out with your ex and how you still loved them, but when I scrolled down the ex was Luigi

i fucking wish my ex was luigi

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deleted all the drafts i saved with sweet words from those assholes.

not like it matters. most of them are from a dead man now

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TELL ME WHY THE FUCK THEY TOLD ME IT WASNT BRO!!!!

alright so

if your partner says no to sex multiple times and then is too tired to say no anymore, you cant just magically think they actually meant yes. They said no dozens of times and you just raped your partner

If your brain isnt capable of remembering all the nos that came before a coerced Yes then you shouldnt be having sex

Yes, rape is rape even if you didnt "intend" to rape them. They said no. Multiple times.

Am I wrong here? Am I somehow wrong?

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alright so

if your partner says no to sex multiple times and then is too tired to say no anymore, you cant just magically think they actually meant yes. They said no dozens of times and you just raped your partner

If your brain isnt capable of remembering all the nos that came before a coerced Yes then you shouldnt be having sex

Yes, rape is rape even if you didnt "intend" to rape them. They said no. Multiple times.

Am I wrong here? Am I somehow wrong?

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How to know if someone is gaslighting you…

something is “off” about your partner and you can’t quite explain or pinpoint why.

you frequently second-guess your ability to remember the details of past events leaving you psychologically powerless.

You feel confused and disorientated.

You feel threatened and on-edge around this person, but you don’t know why.

You feel the need to apologize all the time for what you do or for who you are.

You never quite feel “good enough” and try to live up to the expectations and demands of others, even if they are unreasonable or harm you in some way.

You feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, e.g. you’re neurotic or are “losing it.”

You feel like you’re constantly overreacting or are “too sensitive.”

You feel isolated, hopeless, misunderstood and depressed.

You find it hard to trust your own judgment, and given a choice, you choose to believe the judgment of the abuser.

You feel scared and as though “something is terribly wrong,” but you don’t know what or why.

You find it hard to make decisions because you distrust yourself.

You feel as though you’re a much weaker version of yourself, and you were much more strong and confident in the past.

You feel guilty for not feeling happy like you used to.

You’ve become afraid of “speaking up” or expressing your emotions, so you stay silent instead.

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You’re entitled to your anger. You’re entitled to your bitterness. It doesn’t make you as bad as the people who hurt you. It doesn’t make you abusive to finally lash out and snap at your abusers. It’s a recognized and common tactic for abusers to accuse their victims of being the perpetrator of the toxicity and abuse. It’s not your fault though. You aren’t as bad as them just because they finally pushed you to the breaking point.

You aren’t a bad person or a “bad victim” for your justified anger. You don’t have to carry any guilt if the final straw ended in you telling someone how they hurt you.  You aren’t the bad guy for resenting the way you were treated. You aren’t deserving of it because you raised your voice or said harsh words.

You get to be upset. You get to be human.

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im feeling suicidal again lads. cant stop thinking about it i cant. everyone says what they did was wrong but They say it wasnt so im doubting it lmao

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theres a specific... pain. of thinking about headmates of a specific system you knew that dont exist anymore

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Yeah I think Folx is intended to be directly focused on making sure people know that the most exculded groups are included

“It signals to the reader that the writer means to include people of color, queer people, and other marginalized groups that tend to be excluded or ignored.” 

isnt Folx mostly used by queer communities of color

Cause im googling Folx right now and the only blogs and shit that use it are like. Mostly queer black people.

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im in galveston and a toy store here had natural branch walking sticks and the sign with the price and shit had a drawing of merle highchurch from TAZ on it going "those are some nice branches" and i immediately sought out a worker to ask which one of them put that there

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ND RIGHT AND WRONG AND LIVE AND DIE- (made my day :D)

bro i fucking LOVE that song its so FUCKING good and it always plays after a quiet song so homedude just always gets my ass with that loudass

LOOOOOOOVE OF THE SUUUUU-

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its sure hard being suicidal st night with no wifi or signal so youre just sobbing in a dark living room alone