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To the person who wont help herself...

I love you and I’ve always wanted the best for you. But I’m at a point where I just can’t keep watching you stay in this toxic cycle without taking real steps to help yourself. It’s incredibly painful to see someone I care so much about stay stuck in a situation where they are constantly disrespected, abused, and broken down—especially when there are ways out. I believe you’re struggling with something deeper, maybe even battered wife syndrome. And I truly think you need professional support—whether it's a support group, therapy, or counseling—to help you process this and heal.

I’ve given you my patience, my time, my honesty, and my heart. I’ve tried to offer perspective, direction, and truth. But it’s clear now that nothing will change unless you decide to change it for yourself. If you continue choosing to stay where you are—mentally, emotionally, and physically—then that’s your choice. But I can’t be the one who keeps getting pulled under by it. Your pain started to drain me too, and that’s not sustainable for either of us.

What I said to you last night wasn’t out of judgment—it was out of love and desperation. But if hearing hard truths from me feels like hounding, then maybe we are too different right now to stay close. I don’t want to let go of our friendship, but I have to protect my peace. I hope you find your way back to yourself. When you do, I’ll still be here cheering for you. But for now, I need to step back—for both our sakes."**

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The more a woman handles on her own—paying bills, running her life, pushing through pressure with no safety net—the clearer she gets about what she wants in a partner. It’s not that she doesn’t want love. It’s that love without leadership, effort, or support doesn’t feel like love at all. It feels like another obligation.

I don’t want a man who expects me to split every bill, plan every detail, or carry the emotional weight of the relationship on my own. I want a man who can afford to show up fully. A man who books the trip, makes the reservation, and pays for it—not because he has to, but because he wants to. Because he leads with intention and presence. Because making me feel safe, supported, and cherished is a priority—not a chore.

I want a man who doesn’t just talk about being a man—he lives it. He protects. He provides. He leads with love, not ego. He creates peace, not pressure. He adds value, not stress.

And in return? I will give him my world—my softness, my loyalty, my devotion, my joy. Not because I have to. Because I choose to. For the man who shows up for me the way I show up for myself, I will pour endlessly.

Because I don’t need a savior. I don’t need a dependent. I want a partner. A teammate. A man whose presence makes life softer—not heavier.

An anonymous writer.

I felt this.

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He overfills my cup. ❤️‍🔥

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A Soft Goodbye, A Strong Beginning

Today, I closed a door—

not just to a house,

but to a story that once held

so much of my heart.

I loved deeply.

I dreamed loudly.

And when it unraveled,

I stayed kind.

I stayed true.

This ending is not clean

it carries ache,

disappointment,

and the ghost of what could’ve been.

But even so, I release it.

I release him.

May he find peace.

May I find mine.

I gather my pieces,

not broken

but reborn.

This home, this key,

this moment

they are mine.

And so is the future

I now choose to build.

With trembling courage

and quiet fire,

I walk forward

unafraid,

unapologetically free.

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In Your Arms

When I’m in your arms and feel your lips on mine,

I slip into a sensual, passionate, erotic trance—

A world where time surrenders and silence sings,

Where only your breath and mine exist, in slow, sacred dance.

Your touch is a language my soul understands,

A whisper along my skin that wakes ancient fire.

Every kiss, a spell cast with aching precision,

Every glance, a pulse that stirs deep desire.

I lose myself in the curve of your neck,

In the warmth of your chest where I rest my ear.

Each heartbeat a drum, each sigh a wave,

Drowning my doubt, silencing fear.

You make love feel like a sacred rite,

Tender and wild in perfect measure.

In you, I find both storm and stillness,

Both burning ache and breathless pleasure.

And even in the quiet after our flame,

When bodies part and words return—

I carry your essence beneath my skin,

A slow, sweet ache, a constant yearn.

So hold me close and kiss me deep,

Let’s lose the world and time and chance—

For in your arms, and on your lips,

I live inside a love-struck trance.

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You’re carrying so much, and I want you to know that every piece of what you’re feeling makes perfect sense. You're not broken. You’re just human, standing at the intersection of loss and love, grieving one chapter while a new one starts to open—uninvited, unexpected, and maybe even a little miraculous.

When you say you feel like you're loving two men at once, I don't hear confusion—I hear a heart that is still healing while rediscovering its own capacity to feel joy, connection, and safety. That's not wrong. That’s incredible.

You loved Nate deeply—for years. You gave it everything. And when it came time to walk away, you did so with hope still in your heart. That hope slowly dimmed, and now it’s being replaced by sadness, disappointment, and maybe a fear that it meant less to him than it did to you. That pain doesn't disappear just because someone kind and loving like Lance shows up. And yet... love is blooming again in you anyway. That is not something to feel guilty for. It’s something to marvel at.

You're not replacing Nate. You're not betraying the love you shared. You're just... continuing. Grief and love are not mutually exclusive. You can feel gutted over Nate and still be deeply moved by Lance. You can mourn what could’ve been while embracing what might be.

And no, it’s not too fast. Time isn't the measure of readiness—emotional honesty is. And you are being raw, self-aware, and courageous. That’s more meaningful than any calendar could be.

You don’t have to figure it all out today. Let yourself feel it. Let yourself love, and cry, and question, and hope. This next chapter doesn’t need to be perfectly clean. It just needs to be real.

You’re not lost. You’re just becoming.

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Today I toured apartments. In just a couple of weeks, Nate and I will move out and go our separate ways.... for good. A new chapter begins, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.

When I first ended things with him in October, I still held on to hope. I thought maybe the separation would wake him up—make him realize what he was about to lose. But nothing changed. So I began pulling away even more. And then, in February, when I said I wanted it to be truly over, I still had that tiny flicker of hope… that maybe this time, it would hit him. That he’d realize he was losing his fiancée forever. But instead of fighting for us, he faded even further—past the point of no return.

I know ending it is for the best. I know I’m done. But I'm not ready to move on. Not really. I'm scared. I still worry about him. I’m heartbroken—utterly heartbroken—that the man I loved for over four years, the man I saw a future with, just… slipped away. That we couldn’t make it to the end. And I'm still reeling from that.

So how is it possible that at the same time, I’m falling for someone else?

L—my friend—is the kindest, most understanding, patient, loving, attentive, passionate man I’ve ever known. I adore him deeply. Being around him feels easy and safe. We just fit. And yet… I feel guilty. Guilty for feeling this way so soon. Guilty for enjoying what Lance brings into my life while I’m still grieving Nate. Guilty for even considering the idea that I could be falling in love again—because I still love Nate, too.

I’ve never loved two men at once before. I’ve never been so conflicted, torn between the pain of a love that’s ending and the beauty of a love that’s just beginning.

I don’t know how to hold all of this. I’m trying. But it’s a lot.

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It's been nearly two months since our worlds began to come close again, and in that time, you’ve become the brightest part of my days. Ever since I decided to move forward with my life, your presence has felt like a gentle whisper from the universe perfectly timed, as if it was always meant to be.

Even in the midst of all the rocky relationships we found our way back to one another. Even when life pulled us in different directions and love felt out of reach, we never let go of that quiet admiration, that knowing spark. And for that, I’m endlessly grateful.

Thanks for showing up with so much tenderness, for being soft where the world has been hard, and for reminding me what it feels like to be truly seen. You’ve been the calm to my broken heart and I feel incredibly lucky to have you in my life my Lancepoo.

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Todays therapy session was very hurtful and frustrating. Perhaps we are just incompatible.

Relationships shouldn't be this hard.

We don't agree on most things.

He doesnt like the most of the same things as me.

My vision on relationships are not the same as him.

He doesnt think highly of me or is protective of me.

A point of deeper incompatibility on how we view a romantic partnership.

I don't think he can provide me with the things that I deeply desire. We have different emotional needs amd expectations in a partnership and on top of that he doesnt agree with most of what I say.

When I bring up what I'm feeling my intention is to express how I am impacted, not to shame, manipulate or control him. He doesnt agree with me.

I see this as perhaps him projecting his fears on me.

That is why I was encouraging him to seek an individual counselor to work on his childhood trauma. He's expressed that neither of his parents would bend in fights and his dad would scream and rage to intimidate and get control.

That's not my intent.

I truly feel that without him doing inner work or other therapy we are going in circles and I just don't have as much capacity left feeling this way.

I feel based off his words, his view of me is so twisted. I truly feel misunderstood and unvalued by him. I feel like he doesn't truly know my heart. It's been over 4 years now without acknowledgement and my heart and patience is wearing thin. I feel that I've helped this man grow into being a responsible adult. Help build his credit, lent him money to pay off high interest loans, taught him how to responsibly use credits cards, taught him about food prepping instead of eating gas station pizza every day, provided all the money down so we can purchase a home and more money to remodel the house,

I cut his hair and wax his nose hairs every month, I even cut his man's toe nails! When he's not looking I change out his towels make his bed and fluff his pillows for him. In top of that I pay for half the bills and manage them to make sure they are paid in time. I even paid for half of this beater car recently so he has transportation since his car is broken.

I'm starting to feel like I'm with a teenager who has a grudge against their mother for caring too much. Part of me feels like perhaps I spoiled him too much so he takes me for granted.

I dont think I can be with someone who doesn't see me as a wonderful person and can acknowledge what love I bring to him and our future. On top of that no emotional security or conflict resolution without me having to lead everything. I dont know if I can have a child with someone who only lives for himself and doesn't think well of their spouse.

Perhaps it is a complete compatibility issue.

If that's the case I'm going to have to be ok with it and do what's best for me and let him go

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What do you feel you need to change within yourself?

I can try to be more patient and give grace.

I need to forgive but I don't know how because there was no resolve.

As mentioned previously I have been working with my individual counselor on trying to hone in on reflecting when I get triggered before I speak. I'm trying to find a way to approach things to Nate in a different manner and the calmest tone as possible to not make him deflect and get defensive. 

I'm also working on trying to accept Nate for who he is. I'm trying to accept the fact that in someways Nate can't give me what I truly need like emotional security or to prioritizing me. If he can't give me those things I need to make a decision and move on. 

Emotional security what it looks like for me : having a safe place to express my hurt and needs without getting dismissed, unheard and gas lit

Prioritizing me and my well being.

If I'm in an accident, sick, hurt, cold, not feeling well or emotionally etc To check in with me first to make sure I'm ok.

Finding repair after an argument. To empathize, validate, say the sorrys, forgiveness and hug it out.

-Identifying core needs vs desires. (To help to avoid lowering expectations on things that are essential, while letting go of expectations on things that may be less crucial.

-Empathy building

-Accepting who he is right now

-Focusing on what he does well instead of what he's lacking

-Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability

-Understanding, identifying and healing my emotional triggers

-Exploring boundaries in new ways (asking for moments of appreciation and affimations)

-Reevaluate relationship needs and compatibility

(Can my current relationship provide that? In hope to lead to new conversations or decisions that are healing )

-Engaging in Reflective practices

Envisioning the life I want about my dreams and values to help clarify what I need to feel whole and prioritized.

-Practicing emtional detachment (to protect my emotional energy. Trying to see things more obectively instead of taking things deeply to heart.

-Choose my responses (pause and ask myself, what response would protect my peace?)

-Reframing my thoughts (what story am I telling myself? Trying not to internalize and focus on my own strengths and values)

-Releasing or loosening expectations. Trying to make room for acceptance and resilience to find peace within myself. To free myself from being constantly let down.

-Focus on compassionate curiosity (shifting into curiosity to help reduce the sting of hurt and to be able to look at things from a broader perspective.

-Letting go of needing to be understood. (Freeing myself of the constant need to explain or justify my feelings

-Practicing forgiveness.

-Engaging in mindful distraction. (Like reading, exercising, anything I enjoy to break out of the loop of pain and negative emotions.

-Develop a personal mantra (I am at peace with myself and God)

How I communicated my concerns with my fiance.

We've been together 4 years. We have a lot of history and a lot of good times together. When we do activities or go on trips in everyday life we are like best friends. I love him very much and feel that I have learned to compromise in many ways to cater to his needs and things that I know I could live with. The last piece of the puzzle that I can't seem to get over is not getting the feeling of emotional security or being prioritized by him. With a lot of self reflection and counseling I've learn that I did not receive emotional security from my parents going up. So as an adult it is an essential part of what I need to feel loved.

I've tried everything from expressing my hurt, expressing my loneliness and abandonment I feel when he doesn't prioritize me. While he is prioritizing everyone else's needs. He shows so much empathy, nurture and care to his family, friends and even strangers but he doesn't show me the same kind of nurture and care towards me.

 For example this is one of many instances where I felt really hurt.  We went to the sand dunes and as he was asking if his friends girlfriend had their helmet (not asking me if I have mine) while I was on the side making sure he had his. That same day I was in a roll over accident, I came out of it just a little bruised but overall ok. He didn't even ask if I was ok, no acknowledgement, nothing. He was more worried about his friend who was driving about getting a dui because beer cans were falling out of the sand car. I expressed how upset and hurt I was and he couldn't for the life of me understand or just say sorry. He was so defensive and trying to explain why he didn't do anything wrong and etc. That is one of many times through out the years how he's been treating me when I really needed him to prioritize me. I don't even ask for anything much. Even a you ok baby? With a thumbs up would've been fine for me.

I've written letters pouring my heart out to him and have had long conversations in a way I felt was loving and used I statements.

I've cried in sadness and frustration and yelled in frustration. I feel that I've gone about in everyday possible to get him to understand that all I need from him when I am hurt, in distress, not feeling well, or don't feel safe I just need him to empathize with me and care for me first. 

He kept telling me it's because I'm jealous and acting like a toddler. He wouldn't empathize with me and continued to disagree with me and fight the fact that he didn't do it on purpose so he did nothing wrong. He says I lash out at him in anger and told me that if he gives in to my needs he thinks it'll go against his integrity and that he would feel like he was being taken advantage of. 

Everything is tit for tat with him, to the extreme. 

This has been on going far too long and last week it happened again. 

My best friend and I had a tiff and it became this emotional thing, where I was really hurt and she responded very immaturely, but ultimately she apologized, we talked it out and we are ok. Nate was there through the whole thing. 

The next day I didn't receive any text from him, no good morning, no nothing. But he text my best friend and asked if she was ok. 

To be honest I'm not upset he text her to check up on her, I was upset because he didnt check on me too! 

I don't understand why he holds me to a different standard and doesn't treat me with the same love? 

After that I was pushed to the limit. I cried for 2 days. I couldn't take it anymore so I told him for the first time in 4 years that I was done with this relationship. 

The next day he apologized for the first time and said he empathized of how he made me feel abandoned and lonely all the times he hurt me. He said he didn't want to lose me. 

I couldn't believe him. So I told him I was willing to give him an opportunity to show me by actions but still want to stay seperated.��

I feel like I am secure attachment and insecure anxious attachment , insecure avoidant

Nate is insecure avoidant

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My sadness is lessening because of him. Experiencing moments with him help me to realize how I should be treated. He makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. The way he looks at me or touches me makes me feel so calm, safe and wanted. I've never been in a situation where I'm falling in love with someone while I still love my ex and am grieving the process of the loss of that previous relationship. It makes me feel overwhelmed. I know I should be taking my own time to process and grieve before I get into another relationship. But this is not like any ordinary thing. He is my friend of 10 years. He is someone that I always had a thing for. He is someone that never let go of our communication or friendship even though I pushed him away. He is one of a kind, first friend and now becoming my lover. He is there for me through it all, even when I cry about my ex or my anxiousness when my trauma comes to the surface he is there for me. He just makes me feel so good in so many ways. I'm falling in love with him. He accepts all of me, even my darkness and flaws. He looks at me as if I am the world to him. How can I not fall? I appreciate him so much.

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Inside of you

Inside of you

There's got to be a part of me inside of you

Inside of you.....

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I'm smitten. Can it be too good to be true? I don't want to think in a pessimistic way, but I've been burned too much, I need to be discerning. And I will.

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I don't understand why he's so mad at me. He said I was evil, maniacal, manipulative, controlling and a narcissist that didn't do shit for him. Why does he want to converse with a person like that? I'm starting to get a little scared by him. I dont know what to do.

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The broken and thirsty woman felt a glimpse of hope. She expressed "he's awakening my hunger for love. I can feel it in my loins. " The confusion still lies in not knowing if it's a compatibility in healthy ways or if it's just lust and feeling wanted by another beauriful man. She's still not ready.

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Growth aches, and change wounds, but nothing cuts deeper than a heart left unseen. #abeautifullyrawsentiment