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If my jokes offend you:

I’m sorry

It won’t happen again

1 & 2 are lies 

You’re a pussy

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I wish I could articulate my hate for tumblr the way this guy can. all I can say is: fuck all y'all. peace out bitches.

Okay, listen up because I’m about to learn you a thing or two about why Tumblr has become complete and utter shit. What used to be a place where ideas, creativity, interest, intelligent conversation, and basically enlightening fun thrived, has now turned into a warzone of hormonal teenagers vomiting and menstruating all over each other. This has all come from different groups of people waging war on others. These can come back to Feminists, MRAs, LGBTs, Genderfluids, Special Little Snowflakes, fat-bloggers, fandoms, high/drunk bloggers, emo-fags, spam pages, SJWs, mentally disordered, and trigger warners. None of these groups were around even remotely to the extent that they are now, and none of them ruled over the site the way they do today. So I’m going to go through each group and tell you what’s wrong with each and every one of them. Feminists- oh god, they’re some of the worst on this site. Seriously, some of these people are deranged psychopaths that shouldn’t be allowed outside without a leash or within 300 feet of an elementary school. I mean, look at some of the big names that head front feminists these days, Misandrymolly and Hurtingmalefeelings. They’re basically walking shitfests that spew any hateful rhetoric that comes to mind as long as men, whites, cisgenders, women, and basically anybody but radical feminists are at the end of it. Where some feminists in India are fighting to end real social issues surrounding females like gendercide and female dowry violence, feminists in first world countries are fighting to make sure all your male protagonists in video games have an equal female counterpart. It’s just disheartening to see that something as important as equality among genders has turned into people shitty on facts and supporting false causes. I’ve heard multiple feminists try to make the argument that a male touching a female’s skin, even if he’s simply tapping her shoulder to get attention, is equivalent to rape. I mean, really? Get over yourself, lady. You’re only minimal using the experiences of those that have encountered real sexual abuse, assault, and trauma. Also, if you tried to look at those scary things called facts, you’ll see that there’s actually almost no difference in rates that males and females get raped and abused, and that the wage gap is a myth created to rally dicksacks like you to their cause. There is no patriarchy in America or the UK, and really, it’s just better for everyone if you could learn to keep your mouth shut if you’re not educated on the matter. MRAs- UGH, they’re almost as bad as feminists. They just sound like fedora-wielding ass-sticks that will find just about anything to whine about. While I’ll give them the credit that they do make a few good points and their arguments are based around fact, not propaganda, and I’ve seen them more times than not cite their sources, they still go about their message horribly. They sound like they don’t have an actual platform, but instead like to just shit all over the feminists (and while they may deserve it at times, it doesn’t make them the bigger man by any means). I mean, haven’t you heard “don’t fight fire with fire”? They make the same emotion-fueled shit-headed arguments that they rip on feminists for making. YOUR PARENTS CHOOSING TO CIRCUMSIZE YOU AS A CHILD IS NOT THE GREATEST INJUSTICE IN HUMAN HISTORY. It’s nowhere even remotely comparable to forced genital mutilation practiced on afghan women. Seriously, there’s a few good points you guys make, but stick to those, don’t bother being twat-storms for the sake of “getting back” at feminists; it simply makes you look incredibly immature. LGBTs- Okay, before I start on this issue, just because it can be touchy, I’d like to point out that I am a transgendered black woman with many gay friends that agree on these points, so shut up before you send any “check your privilege” or “die white cishet male scum”. While there’s nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, trans, whatever, there is a problem when you take it overboard. Why can’t you just chill out? Just because you’re gay or trans doesn’t mean that your entire life has to revolve around it. You can be whatever you want to be without being sure to mention it every other sentence. You don’t see no hetero people walking around parading their sexual orientation, talking about how much they love being straight. Even though a heteros are anti-LGBT, that don’t give you the right to do the same to them. Some of you people disgust me with the way you treat others, like they’re below you for being a different sexuality. You’re no better than they are at that point. Sometimes I’m afraid to even mention that I’m trans online, because I know some people are gonna be all offput because of the way some trans people treat them. Seriously, just learn to respect them and hopefully they’ll do the same to you. Genderfluids- Seriously now? Are you really gonna complain that somebody isn’t gonna respect your gender if you say you’re some “non-binary, two-spirited, intergendered, gender-queer on Wednesdays, heterotransic 11.345% maletrans octosexual otherkin”. I mean, are you really in the right to get upset if somebody calls you “he” or “dude” and not your pretentious nineteen-word gender title? I was born a man and felt like I should be female, and although I haven’t gotten an operation yet due to lack of money, I’ve undergone hormone therapies. And you know, I identify as a trans woman, and that’s where it ends. You can be gay, lesbian, trans, asexual, whatever you want, but if it starts going further than that, you can’t be upset if others don’t respect it. I can say that I’m a 1998 Subaru Outback, and I can full-heartedly believe it too, but that don’t mean I can demand others to refer to me as that or to have to be wary of all car models in case they run into someone that identifies that way. You don’t have to be a special little snowflake with a sexuality or gender that you and three other people in the world share. You can simply be just Britney or Shane or whoever the fuck you may be. Special Little Snowflakes- You’re not a unique little delicate snowflake that needs to be pampered and recognized at every second. You’re not some otherworldly being sent down from the heavens to grace us with your sublime uniqueness and weirdly-shaped schlong. You’re simply another person in this world of seven billion+ people. You may be one in a million, but that means there’s still 7,000 others just like you. You don’t need to CONSTANTLY shove it in people’s faces how fucking special you are and how everybody should be so marvelously entranced by how fucking unique you can be. If you’re a girl that likes girls, your a lesbian, not some “omnisexual homoqueer that prefers women” (see above). You don’t need to have a title for every last thing that describes you, and you sure as hell don’t need no fucking people to notice how introverted and deep you think you are. You’re actually no different than anyone else and that’s just something you’re gonna have to come to terms with. Those bitches and jocks that you like to call stupid because their way of life is different than yours, they’re not any better or worse than you are. There ain’t nothing wrong with conforming to the way society does something if it’s not harmful. You’re not a sheep for liking sports, the same way you’re not a geek for liking video games or a diva for liking fashion. They’re all just interests and if you and your hipster scum think you’re better than everyone for being different, then you and all them rectal-swabs can go fuck yourselves. Fat-Bloggers- Now, I ain’t against fat people and I don’t hate anybody because of their weight, but what I do hate is people that have “fat pride”. The whole notion that everybody is beautiful and that people have “thin-privilege” is absurd and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Some people have trouble losing weight due to illness, thyroid disorders, genetics, whatever, and I get that, but that don’t mean that fat is beautiful. You’re still less appealing than a person at a healthy weight, and that may suck, but you can either do something about it or deal with it. It’s perfectly okay to shame somebody because of their weight if they are in fact obese and unhealthy. You may have a great personality and be a good person, but your body suggests only one thing, and that’s that you’re unhealthy. It’s not shallow to say that you aren’t beautiful because you’re fat, it’s simply evolution. Even animals will choose mates that appear healthier than those that appear unhealthy. That’s largely determined by body shape to humans. It’s not an injustice for American Eagle to not carry shirts in XXXXXL, it’s marketing. If you have a problem with the way people see you, then do something about it. Don’t sit on the couch eating Cheetos and complaining on tumblr that people have “thin-privilege” or that nobody finds you attractive or try to demand that people find your gross obese body beautiful. Do something to fix yourself and maybe things will start looking a bit brighter for you. Fandoms- You fuckers realize you’re the most annoying little shits to happen to this website, right? Superwholock? Are you fucking kidding me? Just the fact that this is a commonplace word on the site is disgusting. Is it actually impossible to just simply like something without going overboard with it? I like Zelda and fashion, but do you see me never shutting up about either and making sure to bomb each thread with gifs of OoT or Victoria’s Secret Fashion Shows? No, because there a thing called self-control. If you say that you’re addicted to Sherlock or Doctor Who or Supernatural or Homestuck or MLP or whatever the fuck you like, then that’s unhealthy. That’s not something to be proud of. And most of all, that’s not something others outside of your fandom want to be exposed constantly to. Why the fuck do you need a 23-gif set of Sherlock licking his lips? Why do you feel that others want to see that shit? I’ll give you a heads-up, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR SHITTY FANDOM. At the end of the day, it’s simply a TV show or a movie or a book or whatever. It’s nothing that your life needs to revolve around and it certainly isn’t anything that others need to hear about. And it’s even more disgusting with your “shipping” and drawing the two characters fucking and shit. A lot of these actors are married men and women that you’re drawing or photoshopping with other people. That shit ain’t right. You even take the most ridiculous shit and ship them, like fucking John Malkovich and the lamp from A Christmas Story or some shit like that. And then you get upset when the producers of the movie/show/whatever don’t fan-pander to your shitty canons? It’s just ridiculous. I’ve seen Sherlock and Dr. Watson is a heterosexual male that is married to a woman. Big deal, fucking deal with it. They don’t go off secretly in the night to fuck, they’re not gay lovers because he “looked at him a certain way” and if you contribute to that mentality you’re part of what’s brought this website to shit. High/Drunk bloggers- Nobody thinks that you’re cool for being drunk/high. Nobody thinks that you’re hilarious when you are. Nobody gives a shit what you’re smoking/drinking. Seriously, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. Emos- I’ve never seen such a large group of attention-hungry, self-pitying, bunch of hormonal teens than when I joined tumblr, and I used to volunteer at a behavioral health center. We’d get people that would come in with dozens of stitches running down the length of their arm because they’d had a gang coming after them or their parents had both died or their spouses of ten years were cheating on them. And you’re going to constantly talk about slitting your wrists and killing yourselves because your crush likes somebody else? Get the fuck over yourself. There’s people with real problems out there and you’re going to kill yourself because your parents yelled at you for being a little shit? If you’re thinking of killing yourself, don’t go around constantly telling others how miserable you are or trying to get pity or attention from them. Go and talk to a professional, a hotline, whatever. Talk to those that can make things better for you, not those that you know will shower you in compliments if you tell them you’re planning on ending your life. And if you’re so stubborn that you REFUSE to get help, then you may as well go through with it. But you know that you won’t, because that’s not what any of this has been about, has it? As much as you may not want to admit it, you want to live, you want things to be okay. And there’s people equipped to help you get there. Maybe your crush won’t ever like you back, but you can’t have everything you want, now can you? That doesn’t mean that just because things didn’t go 100% in your favor you have to end your life. But that’s all a personal decision. All I ask is that I don’t have to hear about it every ten minutes. Spam pages- Tumblr had always been an anti-corporate, anti-capitalist place where creativity thrived. But now it’s overrun with sponsored ads and links to websites likeilikeit.com and shit that gets cash for each visit. I get why tumblr needs sponsored ads and why anal-rag pages like to spam links to shitty websites, it’s just kind of annoying. SJWs- It’s pretty well known that these bruised bananas are the shit that makes tumblr as terrible as it is. They’re like the package that all these other groups arrive in, and they try to justify every last action committed by these groups. They’re so fucking obsessed with political correctness that they can’t be bothered to think for themselves, and literally anytime somebody opens their mouth, they take offense to it. They try to speak on behalf of every minority and majority out there, and their rule is law. If you try to go against a SJW or try to point out a flaw in a single one of their arguments, they’ll swarm your ask box with death threats and call you everything from “misogynist” to “homophobic” to “cishet scum”, even if you’re not by any means. As far as they’re concerned, they are always right and anybody that opposes them is literally Hitler with a jetpack. While also encompassing nearly all the traits of these other groups, they will act as a shield to these groups, justifying the actions of the minority regardless of the case, and shunning the majority any chance they get. They also live in a warped reality in which everything is oppressive yet they are the most powerful beings to ever exist. Anything that CAN be turned into a problem, WILL be turned into a problem, even if they have to twist your words or make shit up to create one. Mentally Disordered- Here’s the thing, there’s people that have actual debilitating mental conditions that prevent them from functioning in day-to-day situations, and then there’s the fucking schlong-hatted shits on tumblr that will self-diagnose themselves with a condition and make it seem like their life is ending as a result. If you’re feeling a bit down on this website, you have crippling clinical depression. If you can’t fall asleep without brushing your teeth or you like to count the number of Oreos left in a container after you eat some, you have crippling OCD. If you get nervous during big tests, you have life-threatening anxiety. Any emotion that somebody feels on this website is now automatically converted into a lifelong history of mental illness. At the behavioral health center I used to volunteer at, we once had a soldier come in with severe PTSD. But he had come in because while he was out on the battlefield he had gotten shot in the shoulder. But his OCD was so strong that when he’d gotten home he couldn’t bear the asymmetry of the scar, so he used a handgun and blew a hole in his other shoulder as well. Let me tell you, kids, that’s real mental illness. There’s people who actually can’t function due to their mental illnesses, and you shit-wands have the nerve to call yourselves “depressed” or “OCD” over menial everyday worries? Y’all make me sick. Trigger Warners- There’s people out there that have made it almost “trendy” or even habitual to tag every post with trigger warnings. I’ve seen somebody trigger warn the word “dogs”. Are you fucking serious? The world isn’t a place that’s made to be completely cozy and comfortable for you. The world will have triggers for you. You’ll see men and women that will look like your rapist, you’ll see alcohol and drugs at parties, you’ll find people screaming at each other. It fucking happens. And if you think that Tumblr is your safe place, you’re sadly mistaken. There’s not going to be warnings in real life, and if you feel the need to mark each post in case somebody gets “triggered”, then you’re doing them more harm than good. You’re creating a mindset that those problems need not be dealt with, that they can be ignored and repressed and everything will be okay. That as long as you never have to think about that traumatic experience and as long as you never make any connections to it, you’re going to live completely happy and free of worry. But that just won’t happen. There will always be those things that you’ll have to deal with. If somebody is to be led to believe that every time they’re going to be triggered, there’s going to be a warning beforehand, what will they do if they unexpectedly see a gun in a movie, a sex scene, drugs, whatever it may be. While you may think you’re being the “good guy”, you’re only inhibiting their ability to recover. Also, if you’re one that demands trigger warnings or you get “triggered” easily, it’s also partially on you to actually work to recover and try to get better. You’re not going to be able to live forever sheltered in your mind, and as hard as it may be, you will have to endure it for quite some time. Well that’s everything. These are the groups that, along with some people just being genuine assholes, have turned tumblr from a playground of creativity, intelligence, and artful ingenious, into a hateful breeding ground of simultaneous victim and superiority complexes. And if you don’t believe me or you have any reason to doubt anything I’ve said, I urge you to just look through the notes on this.

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I am not an MRA. I just am interested in social justice and make a point of reading all sides of the issue.

They don’t even hide the fact

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You're over generalizing MRAs in the same way to many people overgeneralize feminists by associating all feminists with the radical ones. most MRA groups come from men who feel the feminism often leaves out or simply never gets around to addressing the gender problems that men face. I know that /r/mensrights has a healthy and mutually respectful relationship with /r/feminism, and that they both participate, very cordially, in debates hosted on /r/FeMRADebates. both sides have good points and both sides have bad ones, just as they both have some stupid radical members. but to generalize either one as "man hating" or "woman hating" is close minded and can only lead to animosity on both sides.

They don’t even hide the fact

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r/mensrights is a great community, and are not at all like how you are portraying them. I remember this post. It was about, if you actually read it, a guy who had, because of various unfortunate events in his life, developed a general disliking of women. HE POSTED ASKING FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO CHANGE THAT. and the comments, subsequently, were mostly along the lines of

"I know it can seem like all women are awful because of your situation, but trust me- 95% of women would look at that situation and feel insulted that such a miserable cunt could even call herself a woman. Feeling that all women are awful because of 1 bad experience is like thinking all Muslims are bad because of 9-11. I know that seems like a huge comparison, but you're going to find extremely fucking shitty people in all demographics, not just women. My suggestion is try making some female FRIENDS. Not lovers, just friends. Get to know them in a casual environment and start building a great friendship. She sucks? No biggy, stop hanging out with her. But you'll slowly start to realize women can be fantastic and start to see past gender."

that was the top voted comment. please re-evaluate your opinion on the subreddit, or at least actually read what you've screenshoted before condemning the contents within as hateful towards women.

They don’t even hide the fact

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For this visualization, I’ve used the same data as in the previous post, but here I’ve broken the data down by composer. The values are displayed as a heat map, which I’ve made into the shape of a piano keyboard. For the non-pianists, I’ve put a key (pun intended) at the top so that you can see what the notes represent. The top half of each note represents percentage of minor compositions in that key, and the bottom half of each note corresponds to major compositions in that key. The highest percentage for each composer is labeled. Each composer’s heat map is scaled the same (0 to 20%), so you can compare one composer to another. The N-values next to the names show the number of compositions I was able to include in my database for that composer - these are not comprehensive lists! However, the samples sizes are large enough that the probability distributions should be at least reasonably accurate (to within a couple percent).  

A few noteworthy (yeah, pun intended again) trends pop out. Beethoven, Haydn, and Mozart all show strong preferences for a specific key. Other composers, particularly Dvorak, Brahms, and Mendelssohn, show less favoritism; these three had no keys associated with >10% of their compositions, with Brahms having the smallest standard deviation (2.14%). All three composers whose most-used key was minor were from the Romantic era (perhaps they were sad about the Industrial Revolution). The least used key across the board was g# minor, with Brahms using it most (in only 1.5% of his compositions).  Rachmaninoff was the only composer to produce more pieces in minor keys than major keys; Haydn and Mozart most frequently wrote in major keys. Finally (I’ll spare you the details of my Friedman test), Tchaikovsky is the closest to the notion of an average composer; in other words, his probability distribution most closely resembles the distribution created by averaging all ten composers together.

Data source: http://imslp.org/wiki/

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So my friend josh for some reason or another relishes in being called gay and getting picked in for being flamboyantly homosexual despite the fact he’s het like seriously one time I passed up the opportunity and he was like “what? No no, make a gay joke, call me gay” I don’t understand this kid at all but he’s unfortunately one of the only friends Ive made at college

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oh how ive missed this website

finish this sentence: m

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instead of taking birth control you can have sex at night bc the sperm are asleep + you won’t get pregnant

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Limits of the Human Body by Soda Pop Avenue

Credit goes to SPA, but I wanted this here for a writer’s reference. This way we know exactly how far we can push our characters ;)

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order a fucking pizza with me and watch a fucking shitty film with me and play with my fucking hair and wear my fucking tees to bed and fall asleep in my fucking arms you fucking fuck