absolutelynotanidiot

[absolutelynotanidiot]

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

[absolutelynotanidiot]

got a phonecall from my dad and he said "hey. you gotta come out here. i want you to see something" in a very serious tone so i went outside and

Bnnuy

[absolutelynotanidiot]

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

[absolutelynotanidiot]

she's sooo fucking mad that we stop her from running into the garage to huff sawdust and poisons

[absolutelynotanidiot]

[absolutelynotanidiot]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[absolutelynotanidiot]

Uni.

[absolutelynotanidiot]

these are KILLING me

[absolutelynotanidiot]

It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

[absolutelynotanidiot]

Tribbles have picked the wrong man to mess with

[absolutelynotanidiot]

[absolutelynotanidiot]

Okay you guys.

IF YOU PRIMARILY DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH reply with what you mentally call it, if you have a nickname for it or something

[absolutelynotanidiot]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[absolutelynotanidiot]

[absolutelynotanidiot]

the person who realised you could rearrange the letters in gossip girl to read “go piss girl” truly one of the great minds of our generation, madam your legacy

[absolutelynotanidiot]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family and how I was treated as a child, and honestly, my father has never seemed more amazing in my eyes.

I used to love Luigi(Mario's brother) when I was little. Like, he was my favorite character ever, and I had multiple plushies of him. Didn't give a fuck about Mario, vaguely tolerated Peach, but I loved Luigi.

On my first day of kindergarten, my dad gave me the number for his work phone and said it was Luigi's phone number. "If anything happens at school, call Luigi."And not even twenty minutes into my first day, I was having a panic attack. So I went down to the principal's office and called "Luigi."

Now, at the time, my father was in a meeting with his manager and his supervisor, along with most of his coworkers. And when I called, he picked up before he even left the room.

And he put on a very awful Italian accent and said, "Itsa me, Luigi! Whatsa the matter?"In front of his boss and coworkers. Without telling them what was going on. So they were absolutely bewildered, and he carried on like they didn't even exist. He only explained what was happening after I had calmed down and hung up, to which most of them responded with "Aww, cute."

I continued to call him whenever I got upset at school, and eventually his coworkers got in on it. I distinctly remember one of them impersonating Toad. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just thought it might make you smile :)

this is so delightful I love your Luigi dad