absolutelynothingbagel

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[Image Description: Tag reading “you can go fuck yourself”]

The Special Edition AO3 Tag of the Day is: Tumblr @ its userbase

[absolutelynothingbagel]

my mitochondria clearly aren’t working because this bitch has NO FUCKING ENERGY

[absolutelynothingbagel]

Today’s Bisexual Character of the Day is: this clothing advert

[absolutelynothingbagel]

My hip new communications theory is actually that millennial/gen z/internet native humor is so weird and abstract because of the sheer amount of words we’re exposed to daily. we’ve heard a lot of words in a lot of different orders so if you wanna get a reaction out of us you usually gotta put words in an order we haven’t seen before

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[absolutelynothingbagel]

Griffin rarely posts to Instagram, so when he does, it’s a spectacle.

And this one? This is pretty fucking spectacular.

[absolutelynothingbagel]

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[absolutelynothingbagel]

My favorite part of reading Les Mis is when Victor Hugo says “we must be brief” and then plunges into a 40 page description of the Battle of Waterloo

[absolutelynothingbagel]

The song choice is 100x more surreal than the video

[absolutelynothingbagel]

i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[absolutelynothingbagel]

[absolutelynothingbagel]

How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?

[absolutelynothingbagel]

teaching children that they are allowed to walk away and cool off if they are feeling overwhelmed might literally save their life as teens/adults