abuckyproblem

[abuckyproblem]

What’s His Name?

Summary: Bucky helps you out. But then you discover he has paying too much atention on you.

Pairing: Bucky x fem!reader

Warnings: mention of sexual abuse (nothing graphic), mention of financial problems, a mom and daughter family, reader being awful (for a little), fluff, angst, self loathing and Bucky calling the reader doll (that is a warning to me).

A/N: I just had this on my mind. English is not my first language so I’m pretty sure mistakes were made. Sorry in advance.

Words: 4,4k.

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"C'mon Rogers, pick up!" You think as the telephone rings by the 10th time. It isn't your style to look for help, but this time you really need it. And even if you two aren't the best of friends, you know you can count on him. Well, everybody knows they can count on Captain America. - "Hello?" A voice you don't recognise answers. - "Who is this?" Tonight really isn't your luck night, you can't catch a break. - "Barnes. You?" Really can't catch a fucking break. You don't need a man that doesn't even look in your eyes, you need someone that you can trust. - "Oh, hi Barnes. It's (y/n). Can I speak with Rogers, please? It's important." - "Steve isn't here. He went off to some vacation time with Sharon and left his phone with me. He won't be back until tomorrow night." - "Fuck." With all the chaos that had happened you forgot about this. - "What you need, (y/l/n)?" No way you are going to tell Bucky Barnes what just happened. You know eachothers for months now and never shared a word. Not gonna happen.

- "Nothing. Thanks, bye." While you are putting the payphone back on the hook you hear him saying something but that doesn't stop you. So you just nod to the police officer besides you and follow her back to the cell on the precinc. You consider calling some other friend of yours, but you know that this would open a lot of scars to a lot of people if it gets out. So no. You got this. Looks like a night behind bars is coming your way. Definitely not your luckiest night.

--------- You are lie down on the metal bench of the cell trying to calm yourself down when an officer calls your name and yells that your bail has been paid. - "What? Who paid my bail? Nobody knows I'm here." You asked. - "He is waiting for you, go see for yourself."

Right after you cross the door you see him. Pure beauty and indifference. Bucky Barnes. Him and his usual look, jacket and gloves, so not a peak of his vibranium arms shows. In a sec your mind understands what he did. You don't even stop, just keeps walking, needing to get ouf of this place. When you feel the wind in your face and the smell of Manhattan you are able to stop and take a deep breathe for the first time in hours. So you just stand there, eyes closed, trying to take the entire city within your breath. Most people hate the smell of big citties, but you love it. It remembers you of all your teenage dreams. Bucky just stop by your side. The man really like his silence. - "Traced the number?" Is the first thing you say. - "Hmm." Is all he answers. - "How much I owe you for the bail?" - "Wanna tell me what the hell were you thinking knocking out three guys in a bar?" Well, looks like the man can form a sentence if he wants to. You look at him, right in those blue gorgeous eyes of his. You have so much anger in yours that not even the champion of stares can hold your glance. - Look man, I know you did a nice thing and all, but I did not ask you to do that. So thank you, I really appreciate it, but that does not mean I owe you an explanation or anything. And yeah, you probably don't deserve me being a bitch to you, but, right now, that is all can I can give. So I'm sorry, but excuse me. And you go off, walking without direction in the middle of the night. If you had looked back you would have seen only concern in those ocean eyes.

--------- While you enter the room in the next mornig you know you are fucked. The voice message that Tony left you telling you to come to the tower first thing made it very clear that he wasn't happy. So all you can do now is trying to keep your head straight and keep your patience. Tony, Bucky, Nat and Hill are in the conference room waiting for you. Your eyes crosses paths with Bucky's and he says "I didn't told him", shrugging his shoulders. You just nodded in response. - "And we are gonna talk about that latter, James. But firsts things first:" Tony said, turning to you "explain this" doing that thing he does with his phone and putting up a video in the middle of the room. There it is. What had pissed you off so much last night. The surveillance camera got the whole thing. You, on the bar, having a pint on your own when a guy sits by next to you. Trying to get to close. You avoiding him the best way you can. He putting a hand in your knee. You calmly taking his hand and putting on the balcony, and then you trying to get up. He putting the same hand on your thight as you were standing up and trying to pull you to his lap. You taking his hand and breaking every finger on it. He falling from the pain. Another guy trying to hit you. You kicking him in the balls with your ankle boots, and then he was in the floor, clearly screaming. The bartender trying to grab you from behind the bar. You punching him so hard in the face that he passed out at the spot. Every other costumer of that shit hole running for the exit. You trying again to leave. The first guy recovering, grabbing a beer bottle and trying to hit you from behind with it. You showing that all that training every day for years realy payed off being able to, not only, escape from his attack but taking the bottle from his hand and breaking it in his face. Then the cops getting there. You putting both your hands up and letting them arrest you. That was it. Tony just looks back at you. "So?" - "So what? I think it's clear as water what happened. The only thing missing is the audio so you could hear me saying to thar creep that if he touched me again I would break every finger of his hand. I'm a woman of my word." Nat lefts escape a small laugh. - "Nothing funny about this!" Tony is really angry "You are an avenger, (y/n)! You can not use your powers on civillians." - "I didn't use my powers!" You cut him off, because if there is one person entitle to feel angry, that person is you. "I just used my fight abilities. Anyone with a little bit of training could have done that." - "That doesn't matter! You are not responsible for just you know, everything you do can splash on the team!" - "Nobody knows I'm an avenger, Tony! That is the point of me wearing a mask. So I'm just suppose to let the man put his hand on me for the good of the fucking team?" - "That is not what I'm saying, (y/l/n)." - "What the fuck are you saying then, Tony? Because it sounds that you are pissed at me for defending myself from a criminal. That man should be behind bars, not me! Yeah, we are the avengers, we fight aliens and big guns, but a woman in distress? Whatever! You know what? I'm not having this. Have you thought that I'm probably not the first woman that this man does that? I would bet my money that he does that shit every week. And most of the girls out there can't defende themselfs. So good chances that he made a lot of woman go home crying. Why am I the only one that cares about that?" You can feel your tears coming. "Fuck you, Tony. Fuck all of this." You need to leave this place, so that is what you do. So much for keeping your patience.

----- Two blocks away from the tower and you notice that he has been following you. The angry in you is making your bad at your job. If this was a normal day you would've noticed him in two seconds. Well, maybe not him, Bucky isn't a world renowned spy/soldier for nothing. Not one word before yesterday and now it seems that the man can't leave you be. So you just stop and turns around, letting him know you made him. He doesn't stop walking your way, just slows down a little. When he gets to a hearing range you ask "Tony put you up to this? Made you follow me? I'm not going to ruin the team's name, you can be sure of that" - "You think that Stark can boss me around?" No, you don't. He stops a few feet away from you. - "So what the hell are you doing? He look at you, straight in your eyes. What's that expression on his face? Is it sadness? After a few moments he asks you, shifting his feet. - "What's the name of the guy that hurted you?" Your heart freezes. - "He didn't hurt me, Barnes. He tried to, just that. You saw the video. And I don't know his name". - "I'm not talking about last night. I'm asking about the one that actually succed in hurting you". Impossible. He doesn't know about this. Only two people know, yours oldest friends, and they would never tell nobody. - "I don't know what you are talking about it". He sighs. Yes, that is sadness you are seeing. - "I notice that you cringe when I get close to you. If it was only with me I would get it, but then I saw you having the exact same reaction when Sam, Tony.. any man that comes close to you. Even Steve, and Steve doesn't scare anyone, he is the best man on the land. That and what you did last night, the things you just said in the conference room.... It doesn't take a genius to know that one plus one equals two." You are on the edge of a full collapse. You don't even know what shocks you the most right now: that Bucky Barnes has been paying this much attention to you or that he cares enough to confront you about it. Or the fact that your trauma is so exposed. You thought that it was behind you. Obviously it isn't. - His name doesn't matter. He is in the past. You feel like screaming your lungs out and crying, but Bucky is right there looking at you, so you don't do that. Instead you kick the trash can that is besides you. And kick. And kick. And you imagine is the face of that horrible man. The face you would never forget. So you punch it. But without releasing your powers. You don't want Tony to be mad. The trash is all on the street now. You hear Bucky telling the people on the street to just keep walking, that there isn't nothing to see in there. And you keep on punching the trash, the street, anything. You just keep punching until your pain takes you out completely and you fell on your knees, in the middle of the garbage, tears falling out. And you just cry. You feel someone picking you up from that chaos and you hear bucky's voice "c'mon doll, you don't deserve to be in the trash. lets take you out of here". He puts you up, but support you with his arm. He begins to walk and your legs start to copy his move. You lost track of time, but one moment you regain control of yourself. Bucky realises that and stops, letting you to try to stand on your own. - "You okay, doll?" You never imagined that you would like being called a doll. You are not a doll, you are a person, with her own mind. But the way Bucky says it makes you feel warm and safe. Falling from his lips you like it. - "Am I smelling like trash?" Is the first thing that came in your mind and the moment the words were out you regreted. Who says things like that? Who says things like that in front of the sexiest man alive? You should go home, take a shower and stay in bed for the rest of your life. But that question makes Bucky give out a little laugh, and that helps you feel okay. - "No, you smell great as you always do. I didn't let you be around the trash for that long. But again, are you okay, doll?" - "Yeah. Twice in two days that someone rescue me. That is not normal for me. Thank you, Barnes. With all my heart, thank you". - "Twice in two days and you still don't call me by my name." He scoffs. And that makes you smile. - "Thank you, Bucky!" He sees your little smile, and that make him let go of the tension he had been carrying around since you called Steve's phone last night. - "You're welcome." You start to look around and discover that you are in the corner of 54st and 5th. You don't remember how you got there, but it's not that far from the tower, so he didn't had to carry you for long. An ideia pass your mind. Doing something that always cheers you up. And the super soldier is still looking at you, trying to understand what to do next. - "Look, I thought of something that will help me now. So, again, thank you Bucky! Really! For everything. I will never forget this. If you can please just keep my secret between us, I would appreciate it." - "Of course, doll. I will never tell anyone. You good? I know you aren't, but.... are you?" -"I will be. Don't worry." -"Do you want some company? On the thing that will help you?" You smile. That would've been fun. -"No need, Bucky. You have done enough." -"I didn't ask if there was need, I asked if you want it." Man, nothings passes the Winter Soldier, does it? -"Only if you promess you won't judge". -"I would never". The truth is you judge yourself a little" -"Let's see" and you start to walk down 5th avenue.

---- When you get to the corner of 50st and 5th you stop turns to him, because you need to explain. Hell, the man already knows your biggest secret and stood by you, what is this in comparison? -"Okay, so let me just tell you something" You are feeling better already, the four blocks with Bucky on your side, without saying a word helped you to find yourlsef again. "I grew up on a town that had nothing to do. Nothing. My family is just my mom and me, and she worked from 8 to 8, monday to friday. But in the weekends we always went to the mall in the next town. It was our thing We used to go the movies, ate at McDonalds, and eye shopping since we didn't had money to buy anything. All those beautifull things we couldn't had. And that stuck with me. I know it sounds kinda sad, but it isn't. So now when I feel down and homesick I go eye shopping too, but with better options. Now I don't see small town stores, now I see clothes that are almos art, so incredible they belong in a museum." Bucky had listening to every word you said like his life deppend on it, but when you were over he starts to look around until he understands. He left an "Oh no" escape. Of course he knows where he is, growing up in New York. This place has been out here even before he was born, and that is a lot. - "Oh yeeeees" you start to laugh at his face. "But for real now, you don't have to do this. I'm okay. Espeacilly here. I know this place better than my own house, and I would never lost my temper in front of high luxury brands." You are actually wishin real bad tha he stays, but you can't ask him that. He had done way too much already, and he doesn't owe you anything. - "Will you believe me if I tell you I never put a foot on this place, babydoll?" Babydoll now? What is this? And why you get butterflies hearing Bucky say it? - "Ok, I can't let this goes on. Lets go inside!" And you star to make these stupid little jumps you do when you are happy as you move towards the Saks, without realising. And again you don't look back, but if you did you would see the most mesmerizing smile on the most handsome man. He follows you and meets you by the entrance. Saks is like Disney for you. All the wonder, the magic. And that shows in your face. Bucky notices it. The way you are happy in here. He wishes you could be happy like this with him, but you would never guessed that. - "So now I know where you spend all your money" Bucky says, whitout even realising it. He just wanted to be a part of this. Be a part of one happy memory of yours, not only police stations and trash. - "Nah, like I said, it's eye shopping. I'm pretty basic when comes to clothes. There is a difference between what you think it looks good on others and what fits you. You know? But I admit, the shoes are tempting." Bucky didn't know. He thinks that everything fits you. You two just kept walking in the store in a comfortable silence, just looking it. You looking at everything and Bucky looking at you. You are completely on your space, just being. Until you start to miss something. His presence. Where is Bucky? You start to look for him, retracing your steps, and find him looking at a killer McQueen leather jacket. -"You should go for it. It would look perfect on you" You say, unable to resist. You weren't lying. That combination would leave all the women in the the state of New York staring at Bucky. Like that doesn't happen already. -"Did you see the price on this thing? This is absurd" You sighed. Sometimes he does shows his age. - "It's a McQueen. If you treat her well, your kids could inherited her. That is the thing with these types of clothes, they can outlive you, and they never losw their vallue, and their are never out of style". - "I'm 106, doll. I don't think a jacket can outlive me". That makes you burst untill full laugh, Bucky following along. Not because he thinks he's funny, but because if you laugh, he laughs. And in this moment he starts to understand that. A noise from your phone takes both of you out off your the laughing transe. You take it off your pocket and sees a message from your therapist saying a spot just opened up and asking if you could meet her in 30 minutes. You had forgotten that you asked her if you two could meet when you left the conference room. It seems like days ago. You were loving your time with Bucky, but you know you need this, so you texted her back saying that you would be there. - "Sorry Bucky, I have to go. I can't thank you enough for what you did." -"Everything okay?" Now you can see the look of concern in his face, and you don't know how to react to that. - "Yeah, yeah. My therapist just texted me to say that she can see me in half an hour. But it's all the way back in Brooklyn, so I should be going. I'm really sorry to leave you here with her, the perfect jacket, but I know I need this now". - "No problem, you should do whats best for you" - "Thanks, Bucky" you say, laying a sweet kiss on his cheek. Where this came from? You have no idea, but you are too tired too care. So you go, leaving the greatest man you have ever meet, in one of your favorite places. You are almost at the escalator when hear him saying something. - "It's working for you?" Bucky asks, but you don't really understand. -"Sorry?" - "Therapy. Does it work for you?" - "Oh yeah. I mean, I know I've been awful since yesterday but, believe me, if I didn't go to therapy I would have done something way worst than destroying a trash can and crying on top of garbage. Why are you asking this, Bucky?" - "Oh, nothing". You aren't as good as him when it comes to reading people, but even you could spot that lie. - "So now you know two of my secrets, but you won't tell me the truth? Really, Barnes?" He sighed, looking to the floor. Did you say something wrong? You were almost apologising when he gave you his honest answer. - "I've been doing some mandatory therapy, but I don't see a lot of results". You didn't know him very well, but you knew enough to feel important when he spoke this truth to you. Bucky Barnes is not a man that tell his hearth truths to anyone. That makes you bring in your A game. He helped you so much in those last hours, you want to do the same to him. - "Have you talked to your therapist about it? Because the way I see it, everybody needs a therapist. You, me, everybody in this store, in this block, in the fucking planet. Everybody. But, you see, everybody is different. Which means everybody have different responses to different therapies. That's why that are so many of styles. Because what may work for me, may not work for you. So, be honest with your therapist and with yourself. Maybe he/she can change some things and you get a better response. Just don't give up. You deserve to be happy, Bucky. You deserve to let go of your past and start a future you can be really proud off." As you were saying the words you saw Bucky getting uncomfortable, and when you told him he deserves to be happy you saw as he rooled his eyes so much that all the blue got lost to the white. - "You are giving me too much credit, doll." -"Why?" - "I don't think happiness is stored for me" - "Well, I'm sure off it. Do you wanna know why?" - "Why?" - "You were on the carnival on Coney Island last month, weren't you?" He wasn't expecting that. - "What?" - " Yes or no?" - "Yeah, I was, but what that has to do with anything?" - "I saw you, Bucky. I saw you winning the biggest stuffed bear for that little kid that was trying for so long but wasn't able to hit all the marks. I saw you just going there, winning and then giving your prize to the kid with a wink. I saw that. I also saw you helping people with their aim at the shooting range at the tower. I also saw you filling up the groceries list with everyones favorites so it never ran out. and I also saw you following a girl that had been so rude to you the day before because you wanted to know if she was alright. And you did that thinking nobody was noticing. Without expecting any kind of rewards. You just did it because you are good. And people like you are rare. And people like you deserve to be happy." He had the biggest shocked look at his face when you finished talking. Yeah, Bucky, you weren't the only one paying attention. You were gonna loose your appointment if you didn't leave soon, but there was just one more thing you needed to say. - "Still on earth, Bucky?" - "I'm listening, doll." - "Before, you told me that you thought it was okay if I cringe by your approximation. I would never. And nobody thinks about you this way anymore. Only yourself Stop thinking these things of yourself. Please." And with that, you were gone, leaving Bucky without words, planted in the middle of Saks. It took him quite some time to move.

_____ Waking up the next morning Bucky could not stopping thinking about you. Were you okay? Did the encounter with your therapist help you? When he was gonna see you again? What was the name of the guy? He was gonna kill him. Yesterday night Stark called a meeting with everyone. Steve had already arrived from his off days, so everybody was present. Something had changed since that morning because now Stark were deffending you and was asking for a manhunt to find that guy from the bar. Bucky hadn't told anything to anyone. And in the same meeting Stark also told the whole team that you where taking some weeks off. So all that Bucky could do was hope that you are okay. While he takes a shower and gets ready for the day he replays all the amazing things you told him, and that lights up a little spark on his heart, but then he remembers all the terrible deeds he made in the past and all you had to suffer in your life. You deserves to be the happiest person on earth, and he knows he isn't the one that was going to help you achieve that. But a man is allow to dream. So he left his mind go wandering about you, your smile and the things he would do to make you happy. He gets to the kitchen still daydreaming when Steve's voice wakes him up. - "Crazy what happened to (y/n)." - "Hmm" - "There is a package to you. There" Steve points out to the other side of the giant kitchen island. "No sender, but the guys downstairs checked up. It's not a bomb" - "And why would someone send me a bomb?" - "I don't know. My guess is that it wouldn't be the first time someone tries to kill you this way" He wasn't wrong about that. Bucky opens up the package and the first thing he sees is a hadwritten note. I really do think that the world needs Bucky Barnes in these. There is always room for more beauty out there. Can you do me a favor? Every time you wear it remember the great man you are and how happy you deserve to be. Hope to see you when I get back. But in case you need someone to bail you ot of jail, some company while eye shopping or anything else just give me a call. Behind the note, involved in silk, it was the leather jacket from yesterday. Steve was wrong. This was a type of bomb.