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“human-passing”

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( for @tediouscorrections from here ) They continue to watch him for another few seconds, almost like they’re trying to figure him out. It isn’t often they run across humans who so easily accept the existence of things like ghouls, after all.  “I punched it,” they say, a bit matter-of-factly. Their jeans are smeared with nearly black blood, evidence of where they’d wiped their hand on them to avoid getting blood on their work phone (can’t have it damaged and acting up when they’re trying to Solve A Problem), but as they shut it and drop it haphazardly back into their hip pouch one could see where even the cheap silver plastic of the device has been dirtied with the substance despite their efforts. They zip their bag shut, squinting at Dipper again. “What’s your story?”

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❛  i really want that to be a lie.  ❜ (uwu)

( x )They squint at him, their hands pausing in the middle of typing a curt text on their work flip-phone. It’s a moment before they say anything, but finally they give a little snort. “Which part?,” they say flatly, glancing down at the mangled corpse on the ground and nudging it with the toe of their boot. It’s humanoid, and wearing clothes, but if it was once human it has been twisted far beyong recognition, its limbs elongated and thin, its hair falling out, its mouth gaping open to reveal bloody, needle-point teeth. There’s a hole in its chest. “The part where this is a ghoul, or the part where I think there will be more ghouls?”

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Send “#b” and I’ll shuffle my music player, and use my favorite line from the next song as a starter!

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john mulaney starters. ( from various interviews & clips )

❛  it was the best time. it was an innocent time.  ❜

❛  are we doing it correctly  ?  ❜

❛  who am i talking about  ?  you  ?  ❜

❛  my neighbour was arrested by the fbi for being a cannibal.  ❜

❛  the fbi was swarming our lobby and arrested this guy at a six am raid.  ❜

❛  no, he never said to me in the elevator  ‘ guess what : i might be a cannibal. ’  ❜

❛  he was quiet but he was so hungry.  ❜

❛  we’ve all been there.  ❜

❛  i really want that to be a lie.  ❜

❛  florida is the costco of upsetting people.  ❜

❛  it was like comic con but alcoholic.  ❜

❛  so, i put it in the refrigerator. i took the hat and i put it in the fridge.  ❜

❛  that is an interesting way to look at it.  ❜

❛  this guy touched my car and i’m gonna nail him.  ❜

❛  the mud on the carpet  ?  oh, that’s mine  ?  alright.  ❜

❛  we’re a little different as people.  ❜

❛  there’s always like five of his friends that he calls ‘ the homies ’ sleeping on the floor.  ❜

❛  these are like XXXL shirt and jacket with spongebob squarepants pajama bottoms.  ❜

❛  i must be the best person you know.  ❜

❛  you’re amongst weird company.  ❜

❛  at best, prom is like a wedding.  ❜

❛  i’ve never met anyone who had a good prom.  ❜

❛  you bought a limo  ?  ❜

❛  i’ve been nervous for 35 years.  ❜

❛  they have a room for giraffes.  ❜

❛  no  !  camels, not giraffes  !  ❜

❛  i’m just gonna sit here and eat popcorn.  ❜

❛  this is your day to stroke each other off  !  ❜

❛  warren, warren, warren. that’s a weird name.  ❜

❛  we got high in my room.  ❜

❛  i would much rather eat potato chips on the sidewalk.  ❜

❛  i get scared at outdoor concerts.  ❜

❛  i eat the mushrooms. i eat them all and i start hallucinating, as one does.  ❜

❛  i watched a woman eat a hot dog over a garbage can and i stared at her like she was the mona lisa.  ❜

❛  why don’t you have a seat  ?  everything’s gonna be fine.  ❜

❛  i discard people when i don’t need them.  ❜

❛  much like tantric sex, it’s the same mess at the end.  ❜

❛  give me a vial of your urin and i’ll do it.  ❜

❛  oh, look. we actually did it.  ❜

❛  the penis is triangle shaped.  ❜

❛  do not do that. because you could get hurt or worse.  ❜

❛  it’s called ‘ violins against violence. ’  ❜

❛  but didn’t you listen to our whole philosophy thing  ?  ❜

❛  i know but it’s bullshit.  ❜

❛  oh, no. that was so long ago. who knows what happened in that dark tunnel.  ❜

❛  nope, there is no right way to say this.  ❜

❛  if you’re an adult male who sees no flaws in his father you are an insane person.  ❜

❛  listen to me. we’re going to win. this is going to be fantastic.  ❜

❛  is it me  ?  ❜

❛  i’m not mad at you about the marker. i’m not mad about the marker.  ❜

❛  if i’m mad at anyone, it’s the dog.  ❜

❛  oh, that spider is so turned on.  ❜

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haters will see  you teleport and be like ok lets teleport to where that guy went and kill him

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what’s in my pants? well a knife, first of all, so shut the fuck up

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Go on anon and leave my muse notes from a secret admirer to see if they can guess who it is

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im permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, I’m chill

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comment s’appelle un chien qui vend des médicaments?

un pharmachien

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hey guys remember to drink plenty of water today or else :)

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just once i wanna put the blade of my sword under a pretty boy’s chin and tilt their head up so i can see both fear and arousal in their eyes is that too much to ask

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I’m what the kids call ‘an atrocity to god’.

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demon man, take me by the hand, take me to the hellish land!

“the last thing you want is to go anywhere with me.”

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brashir:

      ❝ right this way. ❞

he gives them a friendly smile before taking off, leading them through the endless corridors to a door where he stops, waiting for the turbolift. taking a moment, julian glances over his padd, typing away as it makes various little chimes. once finished? the blissful moment of silence is over. 

and unfortunately for them, the turbolift arrives just then, and julian hops in and waits for them.

     ❝ i don’t believe i caught your name, what is it? ❞ 

they follow along behind him, glancing around at everything and everyone they pass along their way. they’re still trying to make sense of it all-- thankfully the good doctor is being quiet enough to let them sort themself out. for now. they can’t help but tilt their head curiously at the device in his hands when it begins to make noise, but they don’t ask about it, instead joining him in the turbolift, hands anxiously fussing with their hair again.          “...i’m called bel,” they answer simply, shifting their weight from one foot to the other. should they tell him what planet they’re from? they decide to hold off on that information for now, until they better understand the situation they’ve landed themself in. 

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are you there god? it’s me. what the actual fuck