abyssower - Tumblr blog

[abyssower]

I'm not afraid to die. I am afraid to forget how to walk, speak, eat by myself. And forget how looking my family's faces. And the scariest thing is that you can live like that onfor more than one day. You can live by this way for years.

Please, if wishes can become reality in this world, let people die quickly and painlessly.

Let no one else experience this. Never.

[abyssower]

Have you ever become so attached to a book that you cried if something happened to it? Аnd not to the book as a work of art. To the book as a subject. Directly to this book, which came to you as a child and survived all your moves, all rented apartments and dormitories.

How I wish people would learn to appreciate other people’s things and not touch them without permission.

Give me back my book т-т

[abyssower]

Thanks for the follow!

Scrolling through your blog - you have a good sense for words in prose. Specifically, when you add emphasis through repetition and adding a few more words to the same sentence in order to keep the same form but change the emotion contained in it. Idk what that last part is called, I know there's a name for it but I'm not sure what

Hope this doesn't jumpscare you lol

Take care! Make sure to drink some water!

I hope that the road you travel on, though it may be a twisting, shadowed thing, will find you a place to be happy, and someone at the door to greet you when you return.

Thanks for appreciating my posts!

It’s funny that you noticed my repetitions of words with different emotional connotations. Because i do it first of all I'm just learning English and I have a small vocabulary. Maybe. I don't sure how i would write if english is my first language. Perhaps i would still use repetitions because when i write on my language i sometimes use they too.

Take care too! Get rest and sleep enough! Sorry for possible mistakes.

Wish you only happiness and success. I hope your life  is full of good people, things and memories. And if it's not then let it be like this!

[abyssower]

In former times people lived by other way.

They were so different, but i can't tell they were okay.

Once upon a time the world looked so big, unknown,

But now there isn't even piece of unheard zone.

The world is open. You can not be explorer.

You should accept one little thing — everything is over.

It's not so bad. Our lifes are great and splendid.

But i to feel a blood in veins intended

When i would see new horizonts and views.

I don't wanna take it. I refuse.

[abyssower]

I just want to say thanks all the people who were in my life. Even if we will never meet again, even if you hurt me, even i didn't like you. I remember every moment when we were together. And i thanks to experience you gave me.

And i don't only say thanks to people who i know or knew. I love every person in this world. You may be anyone i believe that there is something good in you. Maybe others and even you still didn't notice that. You may thing that you alone and nobody love you and believe in you but you should know that there is at least one person who do. And i believe that it more than one, it's just not time to you meet them

[abyssower]

Can i say i'm happy?

You know (who are you? Who i'm telling this to?), there are a lot of things in my life i don't like. Things i regret. Things i want to change but i can't. But when i'm walking the streets at night, when i see the sunrise and sunset i feel i live. When I take a deep breath of fresh frosty air, when i listen to my favorite music in earphones, when i just look around and see this whole big world i can say it's not so bad. There are so many things i love and i will never give them up. I'm still not happy but i love life and i'm going to live it the way i want

[abyssower]

Grasping his large palm with her own, so small in comparison to his, she raised his hand to her lips and, gently blowing on it, kissed it softly. The warm breath warmed his skin as cold as snow.

- I'm not dying here. A common cold - you don't have to sit with me all day, - Einar's voice felt tired and exhausted.

- You worked all day, but I didn’t notice that you felt bad, - Helga soaked a towel in water and put it on Einar’s noticeably hot forehead, - how can I leave you alone now? - he intercepted her hand, not allowing to remove it from the towel.

Helga felt that all of Einar's muscles were tense, which required great effort in his painful weakness.

- Sit down, - she said affectionately, after which the patient obediently followed her words.

Helga sat down on the bed, leaning her back against the wall, and stretching out her legs, she placed Einar's head in her lap. Running her fingers through his shaggy hair, she began to massage his scalp. His body relaxed slightly, gradually surrendering itself completely to this feeling. Gentle pressing in the head area - all that Einar wanted to feel now.

- These are horses galloping through green meadows across a sea of ​​tall grass, - she began quietly, almost in a whisper, - they frolic like little foals who only try to run such distances without a mother, their playful neighing makes birds fly up and rabbits run away. It announces their approach much earlier than the clatter of hooves - she made several stronger pressures in the temple area. - They run across the river like they don't even know the word "obstacle". Cold water washes their bodies, cooling them down on a hot summer day. - She turned the bandage on his head, warmer side up, so that Einar could feel a pleasant chill over his eyes for a few more minutes. - The wind will quickly dry their fur. He will urge them on and on, embarking on a grand new journey, the first of their lives. - She blew lightly on his hair, which made Einar, who had been lying with his eyes closed all this time, smile with a tingling feeling. - The sun will illuminate them even in the darkest forest. It will give shine to their already graceful manes. It will notify them of the beginning of a new day and that it is time to return home. If they get sick, it will cure them with its bright, warm rays, which they will feel with every part of their bodies, - she removed the towel and slowly touched her lips to the forehead of Einar, who was already sleeping.

[abyssower]

Talk to someone - everything i want. I called my parents, but dad immediately raised an unpleasant topic for conversation.

I would like to write to one person, but i have already gone from his life. He doesn't need me anymore. Only i still live in the past. Only i still love him.

I would like to write my best friend, but she is already sleeping. And i can't wait until the morning.

I'm afraid that i won't be able to. I'm afraid that i will stay with nothing when all my classmates will be successful in their job, improving and improving.

I'm so tired of this endless running to achievements and progress. I just wanna visit my parents, drink hot tea and watch a film together. I wanna sit in the yard, listen to the crickets chirping, look at the dark dense forest visible in the distance and breath fresh cold evening air. Let this moment freeze and be imprinted in my memory. I will write a myriad of poems about this wonderful feeling if only this moment never ends

[abyssower]

It's so hard. I can't take it anymore.

I must find s place where i will practice. But somebody doesn't want to take a stranger. Somebody even doesn't answer my call. I have only a week to find a place and enter into a contract. I don't know what i should do.

I only hope that i find something. Anything. Please people answer the phone

[abyssower]

A tiny leaf fell at feet, completing his last pirouette. It was hard to even imagine how long it took him to touch the ground.

One hundred meters? Two hundred? All the laws of physics said that such a giant couldn't grow. But now, raising a head up and looking over the trunk going to the very firmament, how could one doubt the greatness of the ancient giant? Its age-old bark, overgrown with moss and lichen, as if having a whole small world on itself, has long lost its smoothness. Its roots went hundreds of meters underground and along it, breaking out in some places - and only by coming closer to them, one could see the insignificance of any creature.

Branching bark, turning into roots right above the ground, could wrap up, protect, hide from prying eyes. It was terrible to imagine how many departed lives this titan hid underneath. It was as if he were part of another world - ancient, long forgotten, which should no longer exist. But only one rebellious spirit continues to push through its leaves, continues to reach for the sun, covering all nearby trees with its crown, drawing all the water from the earth, which, despite this, doesn't want to lose its paint. It continues to be a haven for hundreds of birds and thousands of bugs. Each of its myriad leaves continues to create oxygen, which is so necessary for us. It is the last of his gigantic family. Although once such forests covered every piece of land on this planet. On their planet.

Written under the impression of sequoias. I really like them. They so wonderful, so impressive, so majestic. Seriously, I'm sad that there are so few them left.

[abyssower]

Blurred before my tired eyes.

Can't breathe without chest pain.

Lump in the throat keeps me from cry.

I want only to rest from the feign.

And second version

Blurred before my tired eyes.

Can't breathe without chest pain.

Lump in the throat keeps me from cry.

Let me rest. Give me a cane.

I know about mistakes... One day I can write without them. I still learn English

[abyssower]

OMG, this was the first time my post was liked. Thank you, Itusebastian!!!

[abyssower]

At the table sat a man in hunting clothes. He looked kindly and affectionately at the girl who had just entered. Noticing him, Helga covered her mouth with her hands so as not to cry out in surprise. The eyes filled with tears. The man with quick steps approached Helga and, being only a couple of tens of centimeters away from her, tightly hugged the girl, who still did not remove her hands from her face.

- I thought you were dead, Sigurd.

“You made a little mistake,” he said with a smile on his face, “you always jumped to conclusions too quickly.

The last words sounded muffled - Sigurd pressed himself against the girl's shoulder.  He inhaled the scent of her silky hair, felt the warmth of her body, tightly hugged her thin but strong back - he could not believe that he had finally found her.  It seemed that if he let her go now, she would disappear, dissolve into the air like a ghost. He hugged her, but she seemed to slip away again. This connection seems to be about to break, like the string of a bow that is too tight. His younger sister was finally found - the whole family that he had left. All that's left of that family he couldn't protect.

He simply could not let go of Helga now, to remove his hands from her small fragile body, which at the same time he was afraid to harm if he made too rough or abrupt movement.

Something in her chest tightened. It was as if a long-forgotten and lost feeling had returned to her, which even now she could not fully remember and describe. It was as if a part of her soul that had once froze in dead calmness, which, it seemed, irrevocably and unconsciously ceased to exist, leaving no memories after the disappearance, finally thawed. So many feelings came flooding in at once: the joy of meeting with what seemed to be a long-dead brother, and the relief that now his broad back will shelter from all problems and hardships, and the feeling of warmth that came from his hugs and quickening breathing, slightly shaky neck. And the feeling of guilt that she did not even suspect that he was alive, did not look for him, did not stay at home, did not wait, did not believe in him.

Tears continued to rise to the eyes, and the body began to tremble barely noticeable. Helga clutched at Sigurd's waistcoat, afraid to let him go. She buried her nose in his chest, the clothes on which were already visibly damp.

She felt the light touch of his dry lips on her forehead. He stroked her hair, pressing his cheek to her head, whispering softly that everything would be fine now, that he would no longer let her be left alone. Never.

[abyssower]

Here's a little poem about my best friend (I still don't sure exactly how i love her).

I really love her -

She's for me like nagels.

In my head she's settler.

Hear me, little angel.

[abyssower]

So, a little about characters. Names will remain secret for now.

Hunter's daughter. She grew up in the forest and spent most part of her life there. She really love her family, especially father. But middle ages isn't place for happy family life.

Smith's son. A master of his craft who learns quickly. He grew up in the small village and would have stayed there if not for the war.

And many more human who try to find their own path to life. Not happy. Not careless. At least normal.

And now when they have no one and nothing their story is only beginning.

[abyssower]

Thoughts about my story keep tearing at my head. I would like to tell so much. I wanna tell so much. I really love my characters and i wanna give them the best story. But now i can't write that story i want. My skills aren't good enough.

Some day I may be able to putt all my thoughts on paper. I hope so

[abyssower]

I fell a aching pain every time you forget me. You never sit down with me at lessons. You hardly tell me about your plans and thoughts. But then you message me and everything seems to be ok. We can chat online all day but in the college you hardly talk to me. What's with me?