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The Shade of What I Gave

It started bright

a promise dressed in gold and glass,

ten years of showing up,

of giving more than I was asked.

I bled my heart into the cracks,

built something out of nothing,

while they sat back

and let me burn for it.

They said I was too much,

too loud, too sure,

so I learned to soften,

to fold myself smaller,

until I disappeared behind

their dull, green shirts

and the sound of their names

being called before mine.

It didn’t happen all at once.

It was death by a thousand cuts

But I stayed.

God, I stayed.

Through the cuts and the silence,

the smiles I had to fake

while drowning in expectation.

They never saw the way I ached

or worse, they did,

and they liked it.

It wasn’t a resignation,

it was a survival.

Because staying meant dying

in the smallest, slowest way.

And leaving

leaving meant claiming my breath again,

even if my hands shook

as I reached for the door.

Now when I think of it,

it’s crimson

not just red,

but dark with memory,

with grief and fire and all I gave

that they never deserved.

The hallway echoes. The silence stays.

And all that’s left

is me still standing,

still here,

but not untouched.

Never untouched.

here,

but not untouched.

Never untouched.

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❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

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It’s Happening !! So excited and proud of you @azrielgreen - you deserve all the hype and recogniztion for the amazing art you produce and create.

Holy fuck I'm actually shaking with excitement to finally announce the adapted and expanded Scorpio Skies trilogy set for worldwide release!!! I can't WAIT to introduce you to Shane, Dante and Professor Keane! This story is messy, explicit and gritty, held together by friendship, love and the desire to do better... while fucking up spectacularly. I'll be doing a Q&A this evening so if you have a question drop it into anon or below and I'll answer it!

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What a movie 🖤💔

GIA (1998) DIR. MICHAEL CRISTOFER

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Let’s travel back in time for a bit 🥹

A nostalgic 90s/ early 2000s Halloween inspired 🎃👻

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It’s exhausting to feel like no matter what you do, you’re always walking on a tightrope, waiting for something to go wrong or for someone to remind you that you’ve messed up again. Like you could be trying your absolute hardest being thoughtful, careful, doing everything right but it never really matters. There’s always this lingering sense that you’re not enough, or worse, that you’re just an afterthought. And when your thoughts, your feelings, your opinions don’t seem to hold any weight to the people around you, it starts to feel like you’re invisible. Like you could disappear, and the world would just keep moving without missing a beat.

And that’s the part that really sinks in , the isolation of it. The way it feels like you’re screaming into a void, trying so hard to connect, to be heard, to be seen, but all you get back is silence. You try to be there for people, to show up, to offer support and kindness, but the more you do, the more you start to notice how little it’s returned. How you’re always the one reaching out first, checking in, making sure everyone else is okay. But who’s checking in on you? Who’s thinking about you without needing a reminder? The silence answers that question pretty clearly.

And after a while, you start to accept it, not in a way that makes it hurt any less, but in a way that makes you stop expecting anything different. You exist in this space where you’re never the first choice, never the person anyone thinks of first. It’s like living on the outskirts of everyone else’s world, watching them form connections, be wanted, be chosen while you just float, untethered, somewhere on your own. And no matter how much you tell yourself it’s okay, that you don’t need to be anyone’s priority, it still stings. Because deep down, everyone just wants to feel like they matter to someone. Like they belong. Like they’re not just existing in a world that would carry on just fine without them.

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power dynamics play out in the world. There’s no denying that throughout history, men have often held disproportionate power, and that has led to countless injustices—violence, oppression, systemic inequality, and an overall failure to prioritize the well-being of people, especially women. From war and environmental destruction to corruption and abuse, much of the suffering in the world has been caused by unchecked male dominance.

If women had more power, more support, and more say in shaping the world, things could be radically different. Studies have shown that when women lead—whether in politics, business, or communities—there is often more emphasis on collaboration, social welfare, and long-term solutions rather than short-term, ego-driven decisions. Countries with strong female leadership tend to have better healthcare, education, and economic stability. Women-led governments and organizations often prioritize compassion, diplomacy, and policies that uplift families, children, and marginalized groups.

Beyond that, if the world were structured to truly empower women, we wouldn’t just see better leadership—we’d see a cultural shift. Women wouldn’t have to fight so hard to be heard or to prove their worth. Society would no longer be designed around male priorities, and we could finally break free from systems that keep women overworked, underpaid, and unsafe. Instead of power being defined by dominance and aggression, it could be based on empathy, intelligence, and collective well-being.

Of course, this isn’t to say that all men are inherently bad or that women are perfect—but when power is balanced and when women’s voices and experiences are centered, the world simply functions better. We’ve seen glimpses of it in the progress made when women gain rights and leadership roles, but there’s still a long way to go. Real change will come when women no longer have to fight for a seat at the table but instead are the ones designing the table in the first place.

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God bless the sickos over at the AO3 for providing the absolute most conceptually bizarre yet extremely compelling fiction for free.

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Thank you @azrielgreen and @thorniest-rose 🖤. What a wonderful gift you gave the world

Happy Valentines to the fic idea created in the beautiful mind of @thorniest-rose and on this day, I wrote a very rough 1k of it and sent it to her. From there, joint obsession and schemes spiralled into what is now well over 500k, so happy birthday Prism, very fitting to have such a dramatic birthday.

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The phrase “run like a girl” has long been used as an insult, implying weakness, lack of athleticism, or inefficiency. However, when examined through the lens of literature and film, it takes on a far more harrowing and profound meaning. In countless narratives, when women run, they are not running for sport or leisure, they are running for their lives. “Running like a girl” in this context means running with terror, desperation, and survival instincts fully engaged because they are often pursued, hunted, or threatened, most often by men.

The Evolution of “Run Like a Girl” in Literature and Film

1. Horror Films: The Final Girl and the Chase

In horror films, one of the most well-known tropes is the Final Girl, a term coined by Carol J. Clover in Men, Women, and Chainsaws. The Final Girl is the last surviving woman in a slasher film, and one of her defining characteristics is that she runs.. from masked killers, from monstrous creatures, from relentless pursuers who seem to embody the very essence of violence against women. Laurie Strode (Halloween), Sidney Prescott (Scream), and Sally Hardesty (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) all spend the climax of their films running, bloodied and breathless, for their survival.

In these films, “run like a girl” is not a joke ; it is a necessity. Women in horror run because they must, because slowing down means death. They run with the knowledge that their bodies are seen as prey, that hesitation could mean violence.

2. Classic and Modern Literature: Female Protagonists on the Run

Women fleeing male violence is not exclusive to horror; it is a defining theme in literature across genres. In Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred flees an oppressive patriarchal regime where women’s bodies are state-controlled. In Jane Eyre, the titular character runs from Mr. Rochester’s hidden wife and the entrapment of an unequal relationship. In Room by Emma Donoghue, a mother and her child flee from captivity, mirroring real-world cases of women escaping abusive men.

When women run in literature, they run because they are escaping something much larger than themselves. Systems of oppression, abusive relationships, or literal threats to their bodies. “Running like a girl” means running toward agency, toward survival, toward freedom.

3. Action and Thriller Films: The Woman on the Run

Even in action films, where men and women alike are often in pursuit or being pursued, there is a clear difference in how their running is framed. Male protagonists run into battle, toward confrontation. Female protagonists, more often than not, run away , whether it’s Clarice Starling (The Silence of the Lambs) navigating a serial killer’s lair or Lisbeth Salander (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) escaping male violence.

In these films, women run because their autonomy, their lives, or their sanity are at stake. The camera often focuses on their fear, their physical vulnerability, the knowledge that if they are caught, they will be overpowered.

The Real World Parallels: Running for Survival

The depiction of women running in film and literature is not just a storytelling device. It reflects the real world. Women are taught from a young age to fear being chased, to avoid walking alone at night, to carry their keys between their fingers. They know that if they are running, it is often not for sport, it is to escape.

Studies show that women adjust their behavior daily to avoid situations where they might have to run. In contrast, men are rarely taught to fear being pursued. This societal reality reinforces the idea that “run like a girl” is less about physical ability and more about a lifetime of being conditioned to run when threatened.

Reclaiming the Phrase: Strength in Survival

To “run like a girl” is to run with everything at stake. It is to run knowing that hesitation could mean harm. But in reclaiming the phrase, there is also power—power in survival, in endurance, in outpacing the dangers that seek to consume. Whether in fiction or reality, running like a girl means fighting to live.

And that is not weakness .. that is resilience.

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Dissociation vs Overstimulation

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Accurate - always team #makeithurt

It's so funny how when most people love fictional characters they want to protect them at all costs while I'm here like "hurt him destroy him cut his angel wings off his back"

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“My skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel.” NOSFERATU (2024) l dir. Robert Eggers

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No breakdown yet .. just pure astonishment and wonder 🤷🏻‍♀️🖤🤣

crying, credit to jillian

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the holy grail types of fanfic

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